This weekend is sooo boring... urgh. I just got home from having coffee with aloy at compass point. We chatted much then he sent me home in his car. hahah. Not bad la, a guy his age quite loaded already. Hms. Yup.


I went to watch the netball super league finals yesterday. It was super exciting la, because one of my senior was in vipers and my coach was umpiring. I saw jodine and grala there too(my seniors too). I was with chew ling, elly and pei wen, by the way. I even saw ms coral lim too, but she didn't saw us however. haah. Vipers lost to the Marlins though. I was kind of supporting vipers since my senior was playing for them. I saw jean ng! ahh. haha.


Last night, I was having a late dinner with pei wen and chew ling and we were gossiping about someone being a lesbian. hahah. Someone. hahah. Then I was like thinking what's wrong with someone being a lesbian, it's alright what. It's not like they can help it right. Besides, I have come acrossed many people who aren't straight. Yup. urgh. I suffered from a bad gastric pain last night that I had to head to the pharmacy to purchase some antacid tablets to ease the damn pain. I think I might get stomach ulcer very soon. AH!


I'm going to be so busy next week. Trainings, sun-tanning and trainings again! And I'm going to fly after that! SHOP, SHOP & MORE SHOPPING! Heh. I'm so looking forward to that. Perhaps I can leave all my damn frustrations there after all the shopping. (:


`i'm so dead. i think i have a thing for you but you are not with me.

Urgh. I'm having my term test next week, it's so frustrating. But I'll get it over and done with soon and fly off! hahah. Things hasn't been proceeding smoothly though. I feel so sick now, yes, I have fallen ill just days before the term test. URGH. I hate this but this isn't the first time. What to do.


I spent some time thinking about some things a few nights ago and I finally bucked up enough courage to tell someone about it. Even though I feel much better now, I still feel bad about scaring someone. hahah. Alright, this scar of mine can never heal itself. At least I hope it will.


Sometimes when things happen, I choose to let it be because I can no longer control the outcome. Some may say that I am uttering nonsense because no matter what, we still have control over what we want to do. But I am telling you, everytime I try to control what I want to do, I have to try very hard when minimum effort needs to be given. This makes me wonder whether I have a mental disability. [:


Alright, I seriously don't know what I am really talking about. I am running a fever now I think. God bless me. [: nights.

I have been attending netball trainings for the past 2 weeks. I think you all know me, I take quite a while before I open up to those around me. And this applies to every aspect of my social life. Yup. So I was at training today and I finally managed to talk abit more than usual. My team-mates all commented that I looked real stern and scary at first, however I think I changed their impression of me today. Hms well ...


I'm so happy and glad that there's still so many people who still cares about me even though doing so was a thing of the past. I love all of you so very much. Thanks for caring and offering advices to me when I was down. I was so touched. [[: love you people.


Alright, I'm so tired now. I haven't got sufficient sleep since tuesday this week. Urgh. Okay. Got to go! God bless you, my loved ones!

I have been so messed up since yesterday. I have been pondering over this since last night and I feel so upset about it that everytime I think about it, I feel like breaking down. This is just so stressful, all the rest are so damn high up there and I'm nowhere there nor here. Now, you must be wondering what I must be trying to talk about. It's my CCA, netball.


Frankly speaking, I have plans to give up my place in the netball team. I feel so stressed up training every night on monday and thursday and it's not like my netball training at punggol sec, it's a far difference from it. At tp, we don't even get to bond nor laugh during training, everything is strict and stern and I can't take it longer. Everything is pressurizing since I am the weakest there when you see the rest soaring on court and I am waddling there. I feel so dumb. Why am I always feeling this way? I have no idea. I asked a girl at training whether she felt stressed during training, and she replied "No, okay what" Perhaps it's my pride. I used to get to play every single game on court in the past but now, I don't think I even stand a chance to play. And this could be the root of my problem. Also, I heard there is going to be another cut in the number of players in the team. This sucks man.


Do you all think I would be able to persevere on better if my pride was placed aside? Do you all think I will be able to survive the test of my pride? And most importantly, will I give up? . . . .

Alright, I had netball training yesterday. It was extremely exhausting, which clearly proves that my stamina has declined drastically. Oh well, can't help it, just have got to train it back up. In fact, it was so tiring that I got hit by the netball several times because I couldn't focus well with my un-paced breathing. yup. The other selected players were all far better than me, felt so inferior seriously. Anyway, I bet all my seniors and team-mates must be thinking I'm a cold person. hahah. I kept keeping my stern face on. URGH. whatever. I'll try to blend in with my team-mates the next training. I want to prove myself worthy of a place in the team.


Sometimes, I wonder whether there are people who aren't afraid of hardwork. Because, I am sometimes so afraid of it that I lose sleep over it.


URGH. my muscles are aching!

alright. yesterday was an utterly bad day. I felt so bad the entire day. Some chicken in the lecture theatre said something which made my fragile heart crack and break into pieces. Urgh. I can't seem to get along very well with the girls in my class. They are nice but weird sometimes. Or perhaps I'm the weird fellow in disguise.


netball trials went rather alright on thursday. I went through about six court games before I got selected. There were many talented players though. My skills were mediocre compared to them. Thankfully, I was one of the last three girls who got selected into the team. The coach was one of a familiar face, I think she umpired the punggol netball team a few times before. Alright, netball trainings start next monday and I'm so not looking forward to it even though I enjoy the game. I prefer to remain ignorant.

okay. this entire week has been really taxing and exhausting even though I had two days off the week. I had canoe polo trials and netball trials yesterday.


all right, this was what happened yesterday evening. Since my lecture was supposed to end at 6 pm but I was released early at 4 pm, I had two whole hours to spend. took my dinner at jupiter cafe, tried out their fish and chips'(so-so) I headed for canoe polo trials at 5.30 pm. We were made to run 8 rounds around the track for just the stupid warm-up. My poor legs.


I headed for netball trials at 6.30 pm. Selections were strict and direct. I trashed it for first try as I was beat and exhausted from the earlier warm-up. However, we were given up to 2 to 3 tries. I was such a disgrace for failing to make it to the second round with the first try. Furthermore, I was wearing the netball shoes. Urgh. Thankfully, i made it to the second round with the second try. (: second trials next thurs near sports complex.

EXASPERATION!! I got tricked by this stupid email sent by an old friend of mine. I actually typed in the guy whom I really liked in this stupid webpage! this is the darn website, http://www.secret-loves.com/index.php?test=654150. Please do not ever access this page and be tricked just like me!


`i won't ever talk to you i guess.

YAY!!! my dragon boat team WON! we came in first, we're the champ! Today was the last day of the orientation and yet it was the most memorable one of my life.


Firstly, we began with the telematch at the sports complex in tp. Applied sci school came in champ as we scored a total of 100 points. Thereafter, we had to rush to bedok resevoir for the the dragon boat competition and ME myself had really wanted to pee somewhere at that point of time to calm my nerves down. hahah. Everything went briskly and finished off with a blink of my eye. I can still recollect the painful aches I had right after everything. My back ached so badly that I had to squat down to lessen the pressure on my back.


STUPID BLISTERS! School is starting next monday! Even though I'm looking forward to lessons in tp, somewhere else in me tells me that a large workload awaits me. It's not the end of the fun because in such a place as tp, you can't get enough of the fun with so many facilities. And making friends!!!

I'M SO SO BLOODY tired! I had to dry my hair so I decided to blog about today's happenings. It was basically an outrageously fun day. hahah, especially the campfire part. hees. I decided to head home instead of staying overnight there because of some personal reasons. (:


went to school early at around 12.30 pm to make it for dragon boat trials, or rather training at 1.30 pm. We were diverted to bedok reservoir and the so-called coach gave us a brief explanation of everything. Soon, we were on the boat! I was seated at the back of the boat la, so the in front people kept splashing all the reservoir water behind. I was totally wet after that. We were under the sun and in the waters for about close to two hours. I got a sun burn. Oh ya. It was so damn tiring especially when one had to use arm strength to row the boat forward. I've got a few blisters in exchange for the fun. hees.


I CAN'T WAIT FOR FRIDAY! I MISS PIXIE AND MY CLASS!

gosh. i'm so beat now. had applied sci school orientation today. it's going to go on for another 3 days. BUT, anyway it's fun. hahah. There were many guys in my class. 4 girls and 15 plus other guys in the class. COOL. hahah. The sad thing was I didn't got into the same class as debbie and jonas. ): urgh.


hahah. gosh. There was this really cute guy in my class called pixie. hahah. His hair's cute somehow. okay. I've got to head off. I'm so going to die soon. Yay. Dragonboat trials for me tomorrow! sun, sun, sun, water, water, water!

School's beginning!!! I'm so excited about it. heh. But I so hate going for the stupid orientations. I hate socialising some how. I prefer to linger around a few people who are close to me and then we'll enjoy our company. hms. HOWEVER, it's good to make more friends isn't it? URGH. I'm so beat and dog-tired that I can drop dead on my bed now. right at this very moment.

BORING day. I read close to half of a book today. I practically led a maid's all-in-a-day work today, woke up in the morning only to mop the floor and then I had a simple lunch which was my breakfast. And then I spent half the day at the television, thereafter it was BED time! So here am I awake and have nothing at hands to do.


EERIE. watched a documentary about 'spirits talk' in channel 11 of scv. It discussed about whether there was life after death. Then there was this woman whose husband left her because of an illness and she tried ways and means to connect to the spiritual world as a means to know how her husband's doing there. But everything was to no valid. Another example was this man who was strucked by an illness too and was filmed before his death. The whole film saw this man to his grave. It was eerie. hms. I wonder what lies after death?


EXCITED! school's starting and fun's in too! hhaha. I can't wait for school to start! It's so boring to stay at home all day and to hang out some days. At least with school, I get to have a scheduled lifestyle(which is constructive) and also participate in ccas! Perhaps if there was wakeboarding in tp, I might consider taking it up as my cca. (: tee hee.

tired!!! I went back to punggol sec to visit my juniors and at the same time train them as well. I guessed I didn't really did a good job huh. I played court game with them for about half an hour and it was slightly raining I think. Gosh. My stamina sucks big time now. I can't even sustain a half an hour half court game! URGH. hms. Perhaps the reason for my extreme exhaustion is because I'm having the thing of the month now. hahah. My head's heavy now. I've got to get some sleep soon. I'll be sleeping early then. (:


i'm still wondering when the police would arrest those two delinquents. I can't wait a day longer not seeing justice brought to light. BUT, can justice be brought to light always? the answer is NO. Sometimes, these ruffians just get away scott free. And I hate it. just pray that you're lucky if you don't get caught. URGH.

I settled my ez-link card verifications at the ticket office in compass today. I was there with debbie, ame, ter and xy. It was rather repetitive. I go out with the same crowd and we do the same things everytime. hms. I wonder how my new phase of life will take place? Will I immediately get a boyfriend? hahah. Sounds stupid but I'd rather focus on my studies and later pursue my dream after 3 years in temasek poly. heh. Life can be full of joy and commitment when you know what you want out of it.


Oh ya. I got another ear hole now. A second one on my right ear. To say the truth, it really doesn't hurt a little at all, I wonder why debbie is hesitating so much to a pair of ear holes. hahah. I hope school starts quickly! Staying at home has made me put on pounds! Netball trainings here I come!!!


`you don't even know your heart is with whom.

It was a movie day today, had an outing with debbie, terence and jonas at vivocity. We watched 'Because I Said So'. It was super hilarious when the old woman and her mate made out. hahaha. They both looked so desperate and deprived. Overall, it was a relatively good movie.

I don't understand some things. Even though everything has been settled today and that I hope the boys get caught very soon, my heart still feels heavy. I don't understand why everytime when something untoward happens to the person very close to my heart, I can't help blaming myself for it. There were so many what ifs lurking inside my mind the whole of last night that I could not really sleep. What if I had been there by my mother's side when the crime took place? The boys would have thought twice about snatching her bag and causing her so much distress because I was definitely bigger size than them according to what my mum described. I would have definitely put up a fight with them irregardless of what. Those two bastards. I'm so fuming now. freaking shit. It's so hurting to picture what my mum had to go through last night. urgh. I'm running a headache now. I hope the cops are able to arrest them and let me bash them up until their face features are distorted.



Even though everything is rather back to normal now, my family are still suffering from post-theft shock. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. my poor family. ):

DAMN IT! Today's the worse day of my life!!! freaking shit. One problems after another. And through this, I'm telling you I hate ma*ays! There was a crime which took place at BLOCK 291A, COMPASSVALE STREET today. Two young boys about the age of 14-17, race: obvious, grabbed a woman's handbag and dashed off quickly. One was quite plump and the other was fair-skinned, both were malays. Whoever you two boys are, I'll bet you two will get your just desserts for causing distress to my family and loved ones. You two bastards! I hope karma would envelop you and take you away! So if you know, the woman was my mum.

This morning was a disastrous one. My mum told me last night that the construction workers would be doing their painting job this morning and that she'd wanted all her clothes in the kitchen in. And yet, she left one bamboo of clothes hanging with our undergarments out there! SO this was how it goes.


I woke up rather late this morning since I slept real late last night because of bai lin again. I was shaken up by the din made in the kitchen, so, I walked slowly to the kitchen and I looked out of the window. To my horror, the bamboo was hanging midway in the air while its other end is struggling to save itself from its horrible ending. The ropes which helped to carry the men up the levels kept moving and eventually, the bamboo dropped down even though I tried to reach for it by the window and nearly dropped out. It was so frightening for me. After giving my dad a call, he asked me to head down to collect our stuff. And it was sheer stupidity because when I was downstairs trying to look for my things, the workers were up there trying to put stuff back into the house through the window! Even though they returned our things in one piece, I can't imagine the disgust of letting them touch our undergarments! YUCK! eee. My dad called the office in charge to lodge a complaint and eventually, what we got in return was 5 bamboos. hahah. All in return for my scare!


Alright, i've got to go out soon. Update you again tonight.

today had many ups and downs. I cried in the evening after I felt like I had been treated unfairly. Unappreciated. The guilty ones called and messaged me to head down to vivo to shop with them and enjoy our family time there. I hesitantly obliged them and I put on my jeans and some clothes, the next thing I knew I was on the train to habourfront.

when I arrived there, the first thing I had to do was to eat at the food court with my parents. My siblings weren't there, only my parents were. Well, this is not a very bad thing. The plus points are I get my food and drinks paid for. Soon, my siblings came and they ate really slowly as I watched them as I'd nothing better to do. My eyes hurt after some crying.

my sisters took me to shop around since I wasn't in the best of moods. They took me to ZARA and we spotted a dirt cheap pair of jeans for 34.90! I'd to get it, since it was not a want but a need. I needed tons of jeans for poly schooling. I was at the cashier and was about to pay by nets when my dad came around and HE said I will pay. At that very point of time, I was touched you can say. However, I wondered whether it was delibrate. hahah. Nah. My dad isn't that sort. Heh.

My mood uplifted thereafter. hahah. I held my Mum's hand as we walked through the mall. haha. I'm a wife snatcher. hahah. Through this all, I came to realized that I indeed love my family alot. hahah. It's not because my dad paid for my clothes okay! hahah.

i'm pissed off by my faggot younger sibling. She's a hard nut to crack sometimes and I feel like slapping her occassionally to send a message across her brain. What seemed like a mere issue turned out to be a hazardous accident. Okay. This was how it went.


I was taking account of the things I had been purchasing without second thoughts in a little handbook of mine. I needed a pencil to draw some lines and when I realized that they were with my younger sibling, I got a little fed up and headed to her pencil case which was opened and sliding with pens. I took my pencil and in the meantime found some markers could come in handy so I took them first without asking her. I scurried to finish up my accounts when my sister came into the room to take some stuff and realized that I was using her 'precious little markers'. This was what she said.


'Why did you used my markers without my permission???!!!' screaming at the top of her voice.


"You also used my mechanical pencil without my permission what," I said.


"I got ask you for your permission okay," she bellowed.


I said, "My foot okay"


Then she continued. "Do you know how much my markers cost in comparison with your mechanical pencil??!"


At this point of time, I was booming with anger and at the same time contenting my hurt with her words. We cursed each other with vulgarities thereafter.


I meant what's up with the borrowing of some stupid markers that aren't as great as they can be used? It's stupid of her to argue with me because of this thing. It's not like she always ask for permission when she uses my stuff or my elder sister's. And to come to think of it, she DIDN'T asked for my permission to use my bag this afternoon while I was asleep! She could have left a note of something. Talking about asking permission! If you yourself aren't able to perform something that you request of others to do, PLEASE do not request of others to do the same thing for you! I know I was in the wrong too. Thus, I kept rather quiet after that.

But what's up with the loud yelling? It blasted my ear drums! Crap. I hate loud people sometimes.

well, at least I had been happy the whole day today. I went out to do a little shopping with my elder sister, bought something else again. hahah. And I'm rather pleased with myself. heh.


i have been crazy about black roses lately. If supposingly someone came up to me and passed me a black rose, I'd be extremely happy. hahah. I'm obsessed with it.


went to the national eye centre to check my eyes today. Doc says there's nothing serious with my eyes and he prescribed more drops for me. Hopefully, these drops would prove useful.


URGH. i'm suffering from gastrics now. It hurts so badly that i don't think I can sleep tonight. Thankfully, I drank some milk a while ago or else I'd have fainted then. (; sharks.


`i found a new goal today. (;

I'm feeling wayward melancholic once in every blue moon nowadays.


`d*gusting person. you don't deserve such a girl. be mindful of yourself. pui.


(; don't worry, my friends. the above mentioned person is not any of you. hahaa.

I'm back with a twisted finger and tired body! I headed back to punggol secondary for my junior's netball training this afternoon. I guessed I haven't been honing my skills therefore my poor performance at netball all this while. I wonder where would I stand in tp's netball team. URGH. I'd rather not bother myself with such mediocre problems now. It makes me sick.


Training at punggol sec brought back some fine memories. My stupid sense of humour with the juniors and many others. However, there were some bad ones too. My self-reliance on my team-mates would never be able to push myself to the limits to achieve what I want from netball. Perhaps this is a new beginning for me. hahah. How stupid. This is a new beginning for me. OUCH. my poor finger.


URGH. Here it comes again. I just told myself not to ponder over mediocre things and yet and I have a strong feeling to say this. I keep wondering whether it's right to keep mum about my likes to someone whom I think isn't worth my effort to like. It's not like he's the best of the guys but yet he makes me laugh and feel happy when I'm talking to him. He's frivolous and everything you think you don't want a guy to be yet I'm falling head over heels for him. Isn't this stupid? I think it's a bad taste bud of mine somehow. This is not a confession, to person concerned.


`i think i fall in love too easily. & i hate it. be tolerant.

URGH. I'm so sleepy and tired. I was kept up by stupid bai lin last night again. Chicken boy. I'm going to collect my medical report at interanational plaza later! Then I'll head to temasek poly to hand up! I'm so pissed off man.


`my future is bleak you see.

I do not like the way I am feeling now. Right now. I hate this feeling. I can have the whole world under my palms but not the heart of the one. I HATE this! BUT, i'm very optimistic. There are many who are graving to enter my heart anyway. Aftermath? I don't feel that you deserve my love.

I do not know whether I should be blogging about this anot, but I can't sustain keeping this problem inside. Please do not come asking me who is the person mentioned below. Someone confessed his likes for me last night and it came as a shock to me. I can't make a decision now? I really don't know whether this is right. It feels inappropriate for us to.

URGH! My eye is red and swollen this morning! It's disgusting and eeky. I could barely open my eyes. And until now, it's still quite swollen. Hence, I skipped going out with my family today to avoid unnecessary attention to my poor eye. Aw. Hms. ): I have been on the drops since this morning. I wonder will it be alright tomorrow? hahaha.

YAY! It's a much anticipated day tomorrow! Heh heh. Hees. I can't say why though. hahaah.

uh oh. Things are going pretty well for me! hees. I bought a new bag! MU! hahah. I love it to tons. It's vintage brown. I have settled most of the problematic things that are hindering me from giving my biggest smile. heh. I'm just going to collect my medical report on 2 April and head straight to temasek poly to hand it up once and for all.

I was talking to bai lin the other night. We were like talking and chatting when he told me he liked this girl. hahaha. I won't divulge who it is. He's such a chicken la. He's always calling me in the middle of the night or when it's in the the dead of the night and he expects me to pick it up to chat with him when I'm like halfway in lala land. Hms. And we talked crap all night.

I went shopping at bugis about a day ago. I saw this really magnificient NICE miniature electric guitar pendant at perlini slivers'. It's thirty bucks. Urgh! I wanttt it!!! hahah. I'm going to save up for it somehow. Or is it worth my effort to save up for something that isn't worthwhile? Hms. (; i'm so hype now. Heh.

I miss a person now. -.- haha.

Today was alright. I had an outing with the girls and two guys. We went to collect ame's and deb's medical report at international plaza. Mabel decided to drop by there with us for her check-up as well. For me, I do not know why I was there. hahah. We later went to bugis to hit some drums at the arcade. It was FUN! hahah. BUT, when I got home, I received a letter which spoilt my bloody high mood. crap. I've got to settle some things bloody fast now. Urghh.

`i want to be a goth. heh.

everything's not yet over. guide me over this little hurdle, plueease...

oh gosh! I'm so beat now. I went to the zoo today! It was a rather long but much anticipated trip there. I pretty much enjoyed the wild animal show. The seal was so adorable. Heh. However, there was much walking to do. It was as though as we were trekking in the forest. haha. I wonder how mabel is faring after her 5 days trek in the mountains. haha. My lunch was taken rather late because KFC was flooded with parents getting food for their kids. We had to drag ourselves(my JC friends) all the way back to the entrance to get some food. It was pathetic la. Overall, it was fun but money not well-spent.

I hate my life at this very, very moment and time.

I feel bad about something which I did today. Instead of helping my dear juniors with their schoolwork, I went out with my sister to orchard. Urgh. I'm sorry, my dearest. haha. Anyway, they feel so close yet so far away from my heart. I feel that as everyone proceed to their next phase of life, they leave behind some unspoken misunderstandings and even friendships. ANYWAY, I wished I could clear up some of these things before I leave for the next one.


Uh huh. I bought a new top from ZARA today. It was the very opposite of inexpensive. My pockets are coming apart now. I've got to start saving up. (: perhaps some self-control might come in handy. By the way, tangs of germs are spreading through my house. My sister's got a bad flu and throat, and I'm getting them too. Urgh. My weak immune system. Uh oh. My eyes are squinting now just to type these alphabets out on blogger. Poor me. My eye dropper.

urgh. this is utterly irritating. I AM IRRITATED!

I am morphing into a dead person. I don't have the mood to blog somehow. I am so dead and tired. haha. okay.

`I CAN'T WAIT FOR SENTOSA!

Hurray! I've got into chemical engineering at temasek polytechnic, and I have two others who will join me at the same school! Debbie and Jonas! haha. Besides that, I am also glad for amelia who made it into mass communication at tp. heh heh. Hms. I had a rather peaceful day, not much people called to interrupt me. haha.

This brings me to recall that there was a tremor felt in singapore today. Many working adults were interrupted at work. Students at st. andrews had their lessons disrupted. Perhaps the world is indeed coming to an end. There are disasters and chaos everywhere in the world. Soon, everyone in the world, anyplace, anywhere, will not be spared.

I had a call with stupid bai lin last night. We chit chatted for about close to two hours? hms. that chicken. He is a baddie. Alright, I got to go. May god watch over the world.

I had a lazy day again. haha. I slept about four hours in the day after waking up at 8 am in the morning. Hms. BUT, I still feel sleepy. There's no adrenaline or satisfaction I get from doing things, which is what i really hate. My dad is flying abroad tonight to get his job done overseas. I somehow dislike the inconvenience without dad but still this is a short one and hopefully he will be back home safe and sound. God bless him. (:

I have been eating alot guilty-conscious food recently and i haven't been working out. I guess I'll head to the gym or tracks soon. I have to. hms. And I'll be joining the hip hop class at the sports complex when my sister passes her driving test. urgh. poor her. hms. She's been rather gloomy since she failed her first test recently. But no worries! I have faith that she will pass the next one. (: my dear sister. haha. hms.

I hanged out with shi jing and gang today. It was a good catching up time. Everybody talked and laughed at pizza hut. (: I felt really gratifying. haha. Nonetheless, shi jing had to leave early. So ya. It was left with the five of us. uh oh. I am watching the both of you, my lovebirds. haha. ya. It was a semi-happy day. So there goes my day ...

Last night, I had a surreal dream. I dreamt that I had a dispute with mabel. And it was really bad. She insulted my loved ones and I retaliated. I was real mad in the dream. I'd wanted to slap her or something. haha. Then I also recalled that there were hints of the JACM disbanding. haha. It sounded and was so real that I woke up with a jerk. hms. It is indeed weird. haha.

Urgh. I'm going to get preparations to keep me occupied next week. I'm going to get english comics and some books. Yup. I am also going to rent dvds. haha. It's plain enjoying next week!

You Are a Newborn Soul

You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance. On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others. You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative. Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you. Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter. You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything. You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships. Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

ouch, my back hurt. It has been hurting since last night. So irritating. Hms. Nothing much has happened lately. It's just plain boring and not-so-usual lifestyle now. haha. My dad just fixed the damn router last night, so here I am blogging again. Crap. Urgh. I think I am going to catch more sleep. (:

Today was purely a very lazy day for me. I cleaned my hamster's cage again. They were naughty again, messing up their home once every fortnight. Oh well, they should be glad they have such a loving owner. haha. Hms. I watched plenty of television today, slept a little and out I went to meet up with debbie.

I met debbie at compass point at 3.45 pm. She was with terence and xue yuan, which was kind of weird. Hms. We walked around compass, playing the arcades and reading books at the popular bookstore. Time passed swiftly, and soon I had to head home. We saw Mdm Phua in compass too and crappie debbie promised her that we would walk home with her when I was in a rush for time. I walked home alone eventually. ): haa.

i think i am falling for you;

but i'm afraid of doing so;

i'm insecure;

and i can't help it;

i need that much needed confidence;

but i don't see it in you;

tell me what should i do;

shall you?

great. I had a good time outside today. I went orchard with phelan and we did lots of stuff together. haha. The worst thing was I met several familiar faces there and these people mistaken us of being together. One of them came to talk to me and later ended with "hey, your boyfriend has walked away". Truth was otherwise. haha. Hms. But it was fun. We watched Dreamgirls even though I thought that it was a boring movie.

okay. this is a recap of what we did today. the both of us arranged to meet up at 12 noon at dhoby ghaut. then we went to cineleisure where we booked our tickets first. thereafter, we walked around orchard. at 2 pm, we dined in at suki sushi where we ate to our fill. i wanted to puke after that. ahaa. catched our movie and went home thereafter.

haha. Today's fun. haha. I experienced something which I had never experienced before. haha. Only ame knows about it. haha. And I felt rather happy after that. Quite weird of me huh. haha. Yup. That's all for today. haha.

I miss the JACM and debbie. ahaha.

` cheeki-ness envelops me. haha.

It was a usual sunday today. opps, it's past midnight already. nehmind. haha. hms. I've been bothered by a nonsensical guy from friendster recently. He keeps asking me to send my picture over to his mobile. Sickening guy. What irks me is that his name reminds me of a person who has been etched inside me for a lifetime I guess. I don't feel like talking to him, AT ALL. Sigh.

oh. tomorrow's going to be a fun day after all. I'm going to spend my time with somebody! Hees. Phelan! haha. Well, I don't know what I'm up to somehow. I don't even know what I want. Yup. Hopefully, I can get out of the house without being suspected. haha. uh oh. I've to meet him at orchard. shittie. i don't know how to get there. shi jing .... aw. okay. I've a photographic memory. ((:

I've been busy helping this soon-to-be couple that I have tire myself out. I'm going to lay back and rest now. I give you two my best wishes. Aw. I'm so tired man. crap.

oh ya. terence wants a column for him here. it's like he has waited all his life just to see his name here. haha. okay. what should I write? I seriously have no idea. Thanks for being a nice friend though. haha. But I think you seriously should blend more with the guys and minimise sticking with us, deb and me. haaha. we're les so please do not break us up. haha. oh but I heard from deb you have became her les-mate too? haha. when did you changed your sex? haha. okay. this is so crappie. haha. And oh ya. I think you'll like my next sentence. I think I am beginning to like you as a friend. ((: haha. anyway, you have been a good friend all these years except _____. yup. okay. see ya. i'm tired.

True Lyrics
by Ryan Cabrera

I wont talk

I wont breathe

I wont move till you finally see

That you belong with me

You might think I dont look

But deep inside

In the corner of my mind

Im attached to you

Im weak

Its true

Cuz im afraid to know the awnsers

Do you want me too?

Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life

To cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try

Anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

You dont know what you do

Everytime you walk into the room

Im afraid to move

Im weakIts true

Im just scared to know the ending

Do you see me too?

Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go ill be on my way to you

The way thats true

I've waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

Today's outing with bai lin and danny the group, was alright. Even though the girls had some miscommunication with the guys several times. haha. There were only three girls which include myself, ame and debbie. hees. I took plenty of pictures of ame while she was caught unaware. haha. She whacked me several times. Ouch. haha. But still, the pictures looked hilarious. She thought that they were nice, because it was her. haha. Idiot ame. haha. Oh ya. The three of us dropped by tampines mall in the morning. And I took pictures of a pair of kissing fishes. They were so sweet and cute! haha. How I wished I were them. haha.

Even though it was a fairly tiring day of walking, I had a joyous time with ame and debbie. Stupid debbie and ame. We were all so childish. haha. Firstly, we sat at ya kun coffeeshop to eat a little and we began snapping pictures of each other non-stop! haha. Then debbie told us that some game in her phone could compete with terence's so ame played it with me. She kept screaming whenever she hit the kerbs and when she lost to me. haha. She lost to me 3 times at least! haha! Then there we were on the escalator poking each other and I pushed ame's head down that she nearly hit the steps. haha. But my voodoo charm broke. Thank god I've fixed it. hees. I think I was the siao-est girl in the group today. haha. I guessed it was to cover up for something unhappy within me. haa.

aw ... This is utterly dumb of me. My friends in SRJC asked me to head back to school tomorrow when I have withdrew. It would be so dangerous for me. It's like a pig entering the slaughtering ground. Urgh. Darn it. Crap. And I have given my word to magdalene. URGH!!!

Oh. I went back to punggol sec today to help ame with her testimonial or something. We seeked mrs lau's expertise. Yup. Hms. I came to a conclusion. Ame has totally forgotten her vocabulary bank! Such a chicken. haha. A few hours later, jonas dropped by the school too. All of us chatted about our social lives. haha. Somebody is interested in somebody!!! haha. And I'm the matchmaker. Heh heh. Haha. We played a prank on some people today. Hees. Shi jing was one of the victims. haha. She sounded so lost over the phone. haha. haha.

My eyes are failing me! I'm going blind very soon. Very soon. Sigh. I have got four bottles of eye drops. Oh. While I was in the public bus this afternoon, I caught my eyes on some scribblings at the back of the seats. It was a poem or something. Here's it:

A rose I'll surrender;

to you who's a wonder;

in my life;

there's no one greater

You I'll remember;

every second, every hour;

this poem I deliver;

i await your answer ...

Hms. It dosen't quite connect but I still think it's a nice one. I want to go sentosa!!!

tee hee. I'm so happy now. I have officially withdrew from SRJC. Although it's kind of upsetting too. I am gonna miss my cat. high guy, my friends and the teachers and the babes and the dudes. Urgh. Uh oh. Life still has to go on ... Nothing unusual happened today. Haha. But my friends gave me hugs before I hopped away from school. So nice of them huh. Hms. ): but i like hugs. hees.

crap. I initially changed a blogskin which was much cuter than this one but it screwed up on me. Well, this one is more intricate and mysterious. haha. I liked it too. The next two weeks will be enjoyment for me. Heh heh. Perhaps I'll catch up on reading books and literature. I miss composing new stuff. wa ha ha ha. I want to go beach-ing! sun-tanning! v-balling! urgh. Everyone's just so busy lately. ):

happy = sad i don't know the difference now

somebody make me happy?

if only i knew the difference for once;

let me make the change forever;

never will you know how i feel now;

cos' you never will know how it's like to be

just like me.

`phelan, my next beau.

Today was fun. I went visiting for the first time in my life at my friend's place. Haha. I collected a hong bao from terence's mum. haha. She was a really nice woman la. She gave ten bucks. (: haha. $$$. haha. nice woman. haha. Soon after visiting at terence's house, we went over to shi jing's house. I had tons of fun with them. Laughed like mad, until my guts were aching badly.

Thinking of something right now, it brings me to a topic. It's such a contradiction. At the very beginning, I saw you as an obstacle to my friendship between me and her. In the process, I slowly saw your existence. In the end, I saw the true side of you- the beautiful side of you. And it's hard to resist it now. Yet, all of us are going our own separate ways. Our individual routes. This is life. There are regrets and experiences one can learn from. For me, I regret not opening up my true self for you all to see and understand. Now that we have graduated from school, it's a real pity. Not knowing the real you and whatnot. We're drifting further apart now. It feels distant and hollow whenever I see you. Okay. I can't express my thoughts really well. I shall stop here.

`feel the wrath of my real identity

Uh oh. I woke up quite late this morning. I didn't felt like doing any much so I decided to blog a little. I have to clean the hamster's home later. So chicken. I have been washing them once every week now. They are so naughty especially the fat one, messing up the cosy home. Crap. This is so lame. Urgh. I think I had better hurry clean them and head out for a spin or some fun. I feel so bad now.

I am home alone now. Usually when I'm alone, I start thinking of things which used to occupy my mind most of the time. However this time, I am doing otherwise. I think I have grown up but people think otherwise. Or perhaps I never did grew up. I'd always lived in my own little world where nobody could enter and feel the real me. I am odd somehow. Laughing eases the soul. Hms. Urgh. This is an irony.

urgh. how am I going to blog when there's like so many msn users talking to me? stupid orange blinkies. hate them. urgh! crap.

Hms. I haven't been blogging for ages, come to think of it. Chinese new year in Malaysia was alright and pretty awesome. My uncle let off several fireworks and stuff. It was beautiful yet perennial as I get to see it every year, the same old lights and sparks. We played lots of poker as well, stakes were only as high as 50 cents sing dollar. haha. I'm a stingy girl. I also played with doggies. I played catching with them and I scared the hell out of me. Darn it. The black Doberman dog was so tall and huge when it stood up and it chased after me in the back yard. I was running like some mad girl. I also carried and smooched my baby nephew. He was so adorable. Hees. Okay. So this is what has been happening recently.

In addition, I got really close to my JC friends too. Especially one guy in my class. haha. Uh oh. ya. He's a nice guy anyway. Out of the point anyway. Life has been mundane and boring lately. I've got to draft some letter real quickly to send in to the junior college for my withdrawal from school. I'm feeling quite upset lately. I can not wear contact lenses for the time being as I have some allergy towards them. Crap. My eyes are so dreary nowadays, they hurt big time. Urgh. I'm tired. Got to stop blogging now.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

oh gosh, this is going to be the toughest night I am ever going to conquer in my entire life. Cold sweat keeps breaking out behind my neck that it's making sick. I have never felt so serious and worried about something. And I saw something which indicated bad omen for me! Urgh. Haha. (:

I am officially out of SRJC next week. I am going to get my dad to fax the withdrawal letter to the school next week. I am going to miss my dear teachers, friends and the food over there. I feel really bad for not informing my teachers about my leave from school. They were really nice to me since day one. And my friends, we are all going separate paths. I really hate such scenarios, it just seems so upsetting. Like gloomy clouds overlooking the sky above us. I AM GOING TO MISS YOU ALL AND SRJC! oh gosh, I feel a sudden hot burning sensation over my cheeks. )):

This year's valentine day is a lonely one, however it brought me new perspectives of certain issues I failed to see in the past as I'll be spending it with my loved ones for the first time. Haha. It sounds wrong but it's a fact. haha. I am so bored now pondering over my results tomorrow. Crap. My limbs are cold again. Let me warm them with my lovely blanket later. haha.

Alright. EVERYBODY RECEIVING YOUR O LVL RESULTS TMR, I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST OF LUCK IRREGARDLESS OF WHO YOU ARE.

Darn it. I'm down with a bad stomach ache now. It's so hurting that I think I want to skip school tomorrow. Crap. Well, anyway I'll be leaving SRJC very soon right after the o level results are out next week. I am so gonna miss this beautiful school man. Sigh. I am going to miss shu yi, shi yuan, mag, agnes, joanne and many more people. I am just going to miss these cute lil things. haha. Sounds wrong. haha. And finally, I am going to miss my eyecandy! This is crap. Sigh.

uh oh. I have got the road race held at MacRitChie Reservoir this coming saturday. And obviously I'm in no condition to run this competitive race with 149 fit others! Crap. I am going to skip the run anyway. I kind of dislike running competitively lately. ((: hees. Or I would rather say my stamina has dropped? haha. Well, I have been training though.

It's mei xuan's birthday celebration at a chalet tomorrow. I am so busy, so bloody busy. Darn it. And coming the next day, I have got to decide what I want to do. I'm in a fix man. However, I have come to a decision somewhat. (:

` i misss you, eyecandy!

Alright. Since jamy has been bugging me to update my blog and I have some spare time on hand, I decided to pick up on this laid back blog. Sigh. I have been training and running from last week until now that I had severe muscle ache on monday. I had problems walking. Darn it. And I also had my 2.4 km run on monday as well. And coming to terms with it, my timing sucked big-time even though I came in one of the first two. Haha.

Netball training was fun. The coach came down on monday and I was rather pissed off with her. She made a crude remark that given our skills in netball, we did not stood a chance to get into another JC's netball school team except for the common ones. She sucked man. And she even went on to say that she train them to play netball for fun, their goal is not to win but to gain experience. I felt like delivering a punch into her face man. Yes, I'm violent when my principles are challenged. I was brought up by two coaches who were so committed to winning and bringing the best out of the team yet this coach tried to bring me down. So what if my skills are incomparable to those in AJC? No one especially a coach is to bring me down. Especially when I had always looked upon a coach. Yes, often I do feel inferior but your comments really pissed me off.

Great. I made several friends who were so lovable and kissable. Haha. Joking. They were lovable la. They are shu yi, magdalene and shi yuan. One from tks, cedar and anderson respectively. Cool right? haha. I think shu yi is especially talented in running and she has the looks as well. An all-rounder. haha. Shi yuan is ... haha, she looks like a cat seriously. Her eyes are captivating for one thing I know. She has very huge and round eyes. Ya. Magdalene looks pretty unique from a glance but she has a unique laughter. haha.

And oh ya. Jamy, Mabel and Ame. I miss you all so much. How I wished we could hang out like we used to do. And jamy, I miss your signature hug, it always makes me melt. haha. And mabel, I miss your hug and your laughter, it never fails to tickle my sides. And ame, I miss our chemistry when we talk about things in life, you're a one in a kind companion. (: And finally debbie. You know, how I recalled how you fell like a frog on the ground and i went to our rescue? Remember how we laughed after school like it's nobody's business? haha. We laughed about almost everything in the world. I wished time could bring us back to that time and life would be so much brighter. And I miss punggol sec and 4A! Bring me back to the past! *Poof* whoops. I'm still here. haha.

School has been great so far. I made a few close clinques. Haha. I am so gonna miss JC life after I have re-drew from the college. I went for literature lectures a few times this week, it was really interesting especially when you have the passion in this area. Sigh. Nonetheless, I did not got literature as one of my subject combinations. I was sort of disappointed though. Hms. Life has been a little brighter nowadays. (: without you around. But the yearnings continues.

I crashed Mei xuan, elly, amanda, chew ling and mabel into SRJC today. Heh heh. Aren't I omnipotent? hees. haha. I was freaking freaked out when they wanted to take attendance while Mei xuan and Mabel were in the lecture theatre together with me. haha. They sneaked out eventually. haha. Ya. We had greater fun when elly and group arrives. hees. I had netball training in the evening and I was sort of anticipating it. The seniors made us do drills and I got elly and amanda into participating in it coherently. We had a ball of a time. Hees. I got to know two netball seniors who were rather adorable and cute. haha. They were kai xin and joanne, I think. Our drills were planned by them and we had tons of fun. I'll be having netball training next monday and it's getting physical. Darn it. But I'll just enjoy it. hees.

Crap. I'm down with a bad flu today. Joanne asked me to take care, that was so sweet of her. haha. diao. hms. ya. I hope I do not come up with a fever tonight. I feel so horrible. Crap. I have many plans the day after. Drats. I'm so in a dilemma. Should I re-draw from junior college? As the day passes, I find it harder to leave this lovely school. Sigh. What should I do?

The well as an abyss as deep as my thoughts

Flows waters as calm as my soul

As your presence exceeds my scope

Shall we part at the rivers of Rome.

I'm so glad to say that I have officially completed SRJC 's 3-day orientation camp. It was so tiring. I wanted to skip going to school on the second day because the first day was rather boring. But the school proved me wrong on the second and third day. Well, my group leader who was called Solomon was not really good looking but there was something unique about him that attracted me. But anyways. There were several pretty girls who were recruited into the school but few handsome ones. I made a conclusion. Girls from paya lebar methodist are cute and pretty. Haha. Bai lin agreed with me too.

Last night, after the long but fun day at school which ended at 9 pm, darn bai lin called me on my phone to chat with me. And oh please, I was dreadfully worn out la. He kept pestering me to talk on with him. Sigh. Anyway, it was a good time to catch up with him after so long. We talked alot about his life and mine, really miss laughing my head off with him. I guess I should meet up with him one of these days. But I have been so busy since day one at school. These days when I reached home, I would take my much needed bath before I drop dead on my comfortable bed. There was nothing much to think about anymore. I used to think alot when it was dark though I do ponder about stuff in the day too but not in depth. This may be a good thing after all.

Oh ya. Third day at SRJC was really outrageously fun! We had college dance and cheers. I was really hyped up with the shoutings and screamings. Ha ha ha. I kind of miss SRJC now. Oh no. I wonder how am I going to leave the school? There is a sense of attachment to it now. My new friends and a fresh start. Sigh. Crap.

I went back to school today for the cca selections in Punggol sec. However, I guessed I was not much of a help to my juniors. I was practically walking around the school aimlessly, trying to recollect the memories I created in the not-yet-but-close-to beautiful* school. Shortly after, Mei Xuan and Yizhen accompanied me to singapore poly. Some buildings inside the school looked really old which kind of put me off. I'm headed for temasek poly anyway. We went to queensway and ikea too. I had an awesome time at ikea. Haha. Mei xuan was really hilarious. Haha. Stupid. She mistooked a candle holder for a glass wine and she picked it up to sort of take a sip. I laughed my head off because it was obviously not a glass wine. haha. I catched up alot with Mei xuan. She told me what was happening around her and stuff. Ya.

Fragments of you are eroding

Washed slowly away by the worn heartbeat deep inside

One more frail beat

Thou be cleanly swept away

` some times, i wonder what are you thinking. after years, we really do know nothing about each other. this is the facade behind our smiling faces.

This is crappie. Melancholy is enveloping me this very moment. I wished I never knew what was a heart, never knew what were feelings. Then I would very much be a cold-blooded creature who can never experience the joys of life. I read from a blog which I often visit that she finds sadness easier to describe compared to the times when she's happy. Therefore, she indulges in sadness all the time to write poems and stuff. And she is nocturnal when she does this.

I watched Death Note 2 this evening. I thought that it was very much an anticipated movie after all. I watched it with my younger sibling. While I was queuing up for the tickets, I was reminded of *. Sigh. I brushed aside the memory. Perhaps I indeed thought too much about it. I should look ahead instead. I do not know how to describe this feeling of . . . Urgh. I hate jay chou's ju hua tai song though it's a nice song.

I am undergoing major changes in my character presently. May I evolve into a monster soon. Haha. My head's spinning. I keep experiencing perennial dreams these nights. It's the same dream. I dream of the same person. Or perhaps I did not? ha. I'm confused myself.

` searching for a new self.

I am feeling downright tired now. I just got back from Genting, Malaysia. The journey took a total of six hours there and another six back. My eyes are sore from long hours of contact lens wearing. Hms. But one thing good was I really enjoyed my time there. The place has changed alot since the last time I went there. I tried out Baskin Robbins ice-cream and it was delectable indeed, makes a mockery out of the other ice-creams sold there. I did several shopping over there, bought some stuff. I tried looking for debbie's winnie the pooh plushie however to no valid. Sigh. Really sorry debs! Shall hang out with you soon to make up for it. =) Ya. My parents gambled alot at the casino there, therefore leaving us for long nights in the hotel. At first I thought nothing about staying alone with my younger sister in the hotel, however, after checking out of the hotel, my uncle told us that the 18th floor which we were staying at, had an incident of which a China woman was murdered in one of the rooms. This sent shivers down my spine. Anyway, I am back in Singapore now.

I thought alot about us. The more I think of it, the more insecure I feel. Furthermore, I feel the gap expanding by each passing day. I really do not know what's between us. I do not know what is us called. It's sapping my inner self away as I think about us all the time. Perhaps you must be thinking I'm crazy to be thinking too much into it. Well, let's just remain like this from now on.

The abyss of miscommunication

If only it could be resolved

We would be almost perfect together

Your shyness

My quietness

Takes us miles apart

` I do not want to be hurt again.

Seeing you with your perfect girl

What a perfect picture

I had a special day today. I went out with tiff and mario. Before that, I went for a so-called netball carnival at guangyang secondary in Bishan. It took me by surprise when it began raining suddenly. I got a little drenched and felt a bit uncomfortable thereafter. I went ahead to meet tiff and mario at vivocity in attempt to get the tickets to watch death note 2 however due to the *overwhelming* response, we couldn't get a single ticket there. We decided to try out plaza sing's one instead. Got tickets to the curse of the golden flower. I was kind of disappointed though. Then again, the curse of the golden flower was not really that bad. =]

Anyway, mario wore a jailbird tee today. He looked really good in it. Haha. It was nice standing beside a tall dude. Heh heh.

Deep within, pain lingers

Looking from afar yet not within reach

The heart is filled with unfulfilled longing

Grant me that one wish

` the connections are not built yet, my dear.

It always roots down to the same person who can inspire me the way she used to do. `Love the life you live. Live the life you love.' I ran through her blog earlier. I read about her life and how she is doing presently. I must say her life is like a role model for me. Sigh. I remembered when I was in sec two, I told myself that I wanted to be just like her. However with the passing of time and days, she slowly left and I gradually lost all the inspiration and teachings she bestowed upon me. I want a change in my life. And I want it NOW.

Today's christmas eve! But I'm not doing anything special or spending it with someone special. Sadly, I am grounded for today. Or rather I grounded myself for some purposes. I need to assure my parents that I do not go out every day so that they will put more trust in me. Haha. I am cunning ... and this is the way I handle my parents. *chuckles* gosh, I caught a flu this morning and I could not go for my jog. I feel damn bloody guilty for the fat-rich food I had the day before. Darn it! Sigh.

I spent one quarter of last night to update my diary. I wrote alot. And I read alot from my past. In one particular entry in 2004, I wrote something peculiar in the diary and that was ' Sometimes I wonder whether I am a normal teenager or person ' because I think exceptionally much. Then I realized I had been weird since young, but everybody's weird in their own way. I found myself again last night. I realized that I was someone who was full of emotions that even the simplest or slightest of things which people do not take note of when they speak, can hurt me grievously. And that is also why I spend most of my time writing my thoughts in the diary nowadays. That is also why I prefer to keep my mouth shut most of time and daydream about in my own world. It feels extremely painful when these hurtful words come from people whom you care about alot especially. Strangely, nobody knew about this secret of mine since young. Haha. Also, some of my deadliest secrets are not kept in check with my closest friends but people whom I know for a period of time and they could understand my thoughts easily, amazingly huh? haha.

Alright. I guess one day I might just delete this blog away as I move on to the next phase of my life. Perhaps that might happen when I have changed much as a person and writing my thoughts in the same blog just does not give me a fresh feel? haha. Anyway, people are changing rapidly all the time so I guess it's normal just as much. Okie. PEOPLE! HAVE A NICE AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE! MAY ALL BEST THINGS IN LIFE HAPPEN TO YOU! while I'm stucked in the house? haha. To JACM organization(haha): Thanks for being my closest friends throughout the o levels and stuff. Thanks for stuffing me with food every other day when I hang out with you all. haha. Thanks for hugging me and loving me the way I am. And finally, I hope all the good things may happen to all of you. God bless all 3 of you. And I heard shi jing is ill. May shi jing get well soon. haha. May mabel stop thinking she's fat. haha! May ame stop flirting around. haha. And may I be bless with a good boyfriend. hah. TO Deb: Thanks for tickling my funny bone ALL THE TIME! Thanks for acting cute in front of me whenever possible. haha. Thanks for screaming at me whenever a winne the pooh is at sight. haha. Thanks for cheering me and guiding me during the o levels. May you have a blissful time with *ahem. haha. TO him: Thanks for brightening up my time whenever it's dark. You know how pleased I am whenever my handphone blinks in tune to your incoming message. I do not know what the future lies for us though but just looking and thinking of you gives me that needed strength to carry on. x) TO everyone : HAPPY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Alright. It's Jonas's birthday today! We helped him to celebrate by dining at swensens. It was rather expensive, I'm utterly broke now. I had chicken baked rice and chocolate crunch. I was literally going to puke after all that. Now I have to go jogging the next morning to burn this pesky calories away. Darn it. Yay. Then perhaps I can show off my flamboyant fbt shorts! Heh heh. After swensens, everybody walked whatever place we could go. It was rather boring that I nearly died. Haha. But thank god jonas was there to utter dumb dumb nonsense. I think he's a funny guy or rather a boy. I do look upon as a younger brother because he really looks and behaves like one. Haha. Oh. My cute lil brother. Hms. After much discussions, we went to the arcade below plaza sing. I burnt a few calories off by throwing hoops. =)) haha. To my disappointment, Mabel had to leave soon after that. I was left with dear shi jing and jonas plus pat and js. They wanted to play pool which was not my thing, but I left with them for paradiz anyway. It was plain boring over there. I played music to ease my irritated spirit. haha. Then soon, shi jing wanted to drop by suntec city to repair her grandfather's watches. I had wanted to join her but due to misunderstandings or miscommunications, she thought I wanted to go home instead. I was left with the GUYS after that. I hated it. haha. But jonas was there to tickle my funny bone. Idiot, he gave me a pervertic look while I was talking to shi jing. Hmph. Gonna slap you next time if you do that again. haha. Hms. Ya. Actually I intended to meet up with my somebody but she was not available, so I just went home with jonas then. Stupid jonas was really funny when we were in the train. Hehs. I asked him something about shi jing and he kind of got shy. haha. Is it, jonas? haha.

I am rather elated today. We are keeping our contact with each other and everything's going quite fine. He's getting a new phone, kind of happy for him but jealous too. haha. Don't worry, there's nothing in you I will be too jealous about because you will soon be mine? haha. MINE! haha. =))

Hms. I am gonna be very busy next week. I should be going to the salon to try to get a new hairstyle because I am sicked of my hair now. I will be heading out to celebrate christmas with some friends? Ya. And I should be meeting him next week. Yay. =))) goodness overwhelmes me!

Alert! Please give me comments about the entry I wrote below. I'm trying to improve on such things. I feel that it is a little erotic? haha. Okie. Thanks.

Had a marvellous time with debbie today. We headed to several places in the afternoon. Haha. Actually just thinking about what happened today, my funny bones are tickled. Heh heh. Alright, we headed to Joo Seng Warehouse this afternoon and I bought a pair of white and red fbt shorts each. Debbie commented that I was purchasing the national flag. haha. That chicken. Hms. Then we wanted to walked back to the bus-stop to hitch a bus but the weather played a fool with the both of us. It rained suddenly. Debbie dished out her bluey umbella to shelter the both of us but I must say her umbrella is 'weak', it nearly got blown away. haha. It was 1.45 pm only then, we were both bored so we decided to watch the night at the museum at plaza sing. It was an AWESOME show! But it was so bloody cold in the theatre that I was literally shivering inside. That pesky debbie kept fedding me with chips and stuff. Lays and chocolates. I was feeling so heaty in the throat after all that. We left plaza sing at 6 pm and board the train back to compass. We had our dinner at burger king's. Haha. Cheapo debbie suggested that we tried to order student meal to save $$$. Haha. However, I did otherwise. Hees. After much of our gouging of the burgers and fries, I decided to experiment with the leftovers. Haha. Then there was this idiotic-looking young boy sitting with his mom beside us, who sure bought him lots of fattening food such as the Herseys Pie and stuff. I got jealous! Guess what did I did? Heh heh. I took a long fries and pointed it at him with sneaky eyes. Heh heh. He kind of got mad at turned to face the wall or something. Haha. I'm bad.

Hms. I guess I do crazy things when I'm unhappy inside? Wa ha ha ha. I do not know. I only know I really enjoyed myself today with debbie. Heh heh. I laughed so hard that I urinated. Haha! I was joking. Make me sound like I'm like some ah ma who has no control over her bladder. haha.

Well at least you bothered to send me a message to show that you cared. You haven't been messaging for a very long time to me. I do not know what are you waiting for. Can you tell me? Tell me now. I want the answer. I do not want to wait anymore. We're going separate ways very soon if there's no response from you anymore. I do not want to hurt anymore. I do not want to play your game. Stop telling me to have faith in you when there's so little initiative in you.

Isn't life a contradiction? Just when you aren't in love, you pray to be in one. And when you're in love, you wished you weren't in one fearing of being hurt. Urgh. I do not want to bother anymore. Crap. There shouldn't be love in my dictionary.

` Love is not a word in my dictionary

Take me into your arms

where warmth & love beholds

Let me feel your love

with every breath you send down my neck

Give me your love

when nothing about you is unseen in my eyes

Feel my love

by savouring every bit of you

Flyaway hugs & kisses

as we take the leap into our euphoria


`perhaps you could teach me how to content my likes for you

dear diary,

I feel dreary now. There's a feeling of heaviness in my chest. I feel hurt but I do not know or rather do not want to acknowledge who is causing this pain. dear diary, every time I wrote in you, there would be something which bothers me whether minor or major. Sometimes, I do not wish to grow up and face this ruthless world. As the days grow older, new things emerge and old things are chucked aside. I just finished writing my personal diary which is kept somewhere safe where it's most dangerous in the house. Hms. As the words scattered over the sheets, memories of my past were revealed. A sense of guilt overwhelmed me sending shivers to the bones. I wonder why as the days pass, I get more unhappy especially when it's night time. I guess I am beginning to ponder alot when it's dark? I need someone to secure me. dear diary, tell me who will do it? I am hurt easily with the slightest mistake of words.

I want only you. You know who you are. Do not make me wait anymore. I am tired. Grab me by the arm and take me away to faraway land where bliss awaits us. Ease my painful soul as you look passionately in my eyes. Take me far, far away and do not forsake me, for I would be as helpless as a lame in your eyes. Cast our pride aside and let us dance to the moonlight all night. You know who you are, take me away. I await your presence with painful eyes.

dear diary, I only wanted you to understand my feelings because nobody in this world clearly understands how I feel. Nobody, not even the closest of my kins. The mere reminder of this thought sends searing pain through my heart leaving behind a broken me. People who claimed they understood me, my parents, my siblings, some friends. But in fact none of them clearly understood me. I stand alone with my own beliefs. I am ever-changing quickly nowadays, that even I can not recognise myself anymore. I want to stop growth. I do not want to grow up. I yearn for someone to love me wholeheartedly.


Well, I guessed I had been a lil emotional here? okie, that's all for today. I'm breaking for the day.

Grunts. My mom woke me up early this morning to help her with chores and I am now unable to go back to sleep. Diao. Feeling kind of drowsy now though. *contradiction. Oh ... since I'm bored to tears now, I think I shall pen down about my dream two days ago. My dreams have been bringing me the fantasy outside of this world and I am beginning to slowly recall them after a long night's sleep. Okie, so I guess I dreamt about something similar to ame's dream months back. I dreamt about a guy who was rather good-looking and ok, we were in the theme park. The memory is blurry. Then there was this ride which was something like a roller coaster, instead this one had no rails/tracks which was really remarkable la. haha. So you can imagine we were literally flying in the air. So there was this guy who was sitting behind me. In the dream, this stupid ride began swirling in circles as it rided in the air(some sort like a dragon moving) and to my surprise, I began falling backwards because I guessed there was no safety belts? haha. Ya. However, this guy at the back he grabbed me and pushed me back into my space as we remained in that position, he hugging me from behind. By the way, we were in standing positions. I wonder why huh? haha. Everytime the thing swirled, I really felt that I was dropping but he would hold me in space. haha. I recalled turning my head backwards to take a look at this face and I saw a really fair face with unique features. In that instant, it felt as though I had fallen in love with this particular man in my dream. He was really warm and lovely and real in the dream. I remembered playing in the waters with him too. haha. Ya. Then it was quite idiotic ok. We were both going to kiss already you know then *poof* I woke up. Darn it. haha. Hms. So that was it. Oh ya, I tried to head back to sleep to return to the kissing part but I just couldn't dream of him again. Sigh. But ok, now I understand how you felt ame. haha.
Oh ya. Yesterday on my way back together with mabel and shi jing, I saw a guy who was rather tall and suave! He was fair in the face and has features just like 'L' in death note! Heh heh. I guess that one kind of guy really attracts my attention. The other guys at sushi tei where we had our meal yesterday didn't quite made it la. I think they were ok. Crazy mabel and shi jing were out on the look-out for the guys in the restaurant when I was just looking around at the girls because I thought a few of them were exceptionally good-looking. haha. So that was it.
Haha. *Caution* Please do not get jealous over the guy in my dream or the guy I saw at the mrt. Because one is non-existent(i'm more realistic than ame, haha) and the other which I guess I will never see him again. Cries*. haha. Alright, I'm highlighting this paragraph to someone special who reads my blog occasionally. But darn it. My personal life is still so dead!

I am kind of pissed off with blogger.com yesterday, couldn't log on to blog about my thoughts and feelings. I was feeling a lil upset the day before because of someone. Hms. Ya. Anyway, I have got over it already. Thanks to JACM who took me out to eat to my fill. Haha. Except for ame! You chicken. Hah.
We intended to dine over at Sushi Tei at Paragon's this afternoon. Initially, we planned to meet at kovan at 1 pm. To my surprise, mabel wanted to meet us at orchard instead and the WORST thing was I did not knew how to get there by the public transport! Ok, so I told shi jing about it and she was kind enough to meet me at compass to guide me there. Haha.
The both of us arrived at orchard mrt station and we were looking for mabel at the other end of the platform. After we have found her and began chatting, she actually shocked me by telling me that I looked like a guy with my outfit today. Darn it, so much for dressing up. Okie, so we dined at sushi tei's and we ordered a spread of food, especially shi jing. However, I must say I really enjoyed the part where we began ordering our dessert. Heh heh. My peach ice cream and waffle-chocolate, sweet! Well, I must really comment about the seating arrangement at the restaurant. I sat beside shi jing and she was rather touchy with me, hugging me and stuff. I felt uncomfortable, a strange kind of feeling. But anyway she was cold so I comply to her. Then the stupid mabel who was sitting directly opposite us shot me looks. Haha.
Alright. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I am going to watch my juniors compete against bowen sec. And also perhaps head to terence's house to pay him a visit after his op. Sigh. My mom wants me to accompany her to shop for christmas gifts. I am so peeved. But I will be having my long deserved* break next friday. Heading to genting with my parents. If I'm lucky I might meet shi jing there or something. Haha.
`you are etched in my mind, my dear one.

Gosh. I had an awesome day yesterday, went out with debbie to bugis. Dined at mos burgers then dropped by the national library to loan some books. Haha. I think they are a number of mad people in this world cause' I met a few yesterday at the library. And they looked retard smiling themselves away. Hah. Thereafter, we went over to bugis street to look for gifts? Yep. At least I finally bought something from there out of sheer liking to it. Hms. We headed to plaza sing to chill a little at Auntie Annie's. I drank strawberry dutch ice! It was sweet & sour but savouring to the taste buds. Nice! It was quite a long day after all, took the train back to compass and we bought something at mini toons. Sigh. I am utterly broke.
Well, time really passes without a blink of the eye huh. It's december 16 already. To think I have not learnt anything new! Grunts. Shi jing suggested I learnt japanese with her. I'm broke la, how to pay for the course. Hms. Perhaps after I got my due reward from my dad, I'll join the course. Apologies, I can't join the course now.
Okie. I think my dad had been too intruding towards my social life. He actually checked my cellphone's inbox last night. It was kind of rude of him though. I was pissed off after that. Oh ya. Today's my Mama's birthday! I wish her a very happy birthday. Hees. =) Happy.

Crap. I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. My inconsiderate younger sister played the laptop in our room until it was dawn in the morning. In other words, it meant that I had not slept for a proper 8 hours last night. I recalled waking up several times to cover myself with more clothing because I was not aware that the air-conditioner was switched on by that brat. I was literally shivering under the covers. But soon authority took over and my dad finally stormed into our room at 4 am this morning. He yelled at her and she still had the guts to slam her stuff here and there before turning in. I hate her gutsy, idiotic attitude.
Darn. I looked at the newspapers this morning. The jobs are as usual, always in need of experienced workers and stuff. Hms. Well, there were some other jobs such as flyer distributor which is my forte. Haha. I guess I am too lazy to make another trip out there where I will lose myself again. Sigh. I need something exciting to spark up my life. It has been so dreary for the past two months. Perhaps I need somebody. Haha. Diao.

Hms. Sigh. It has been days since I last updated and weeks since I touched the books. Pathetic me. I had a fruitful day today, went out with JACM and we dined at billy bombers. The food there was served in large portions though, they didn't suit my taste buds. Hah. I ended up ordering guilty-rich food. Chocolatey-thick cake and cookies-and-cream milkshake. I guess I will have to burn them off tomorrow morning or something. Something at the back of my brain keeps hinting me that I am gaining pounds. Nut. I hate it.
Sigh. While we were dining in billy bombers, mabel asked me about my personal life and shi jing tried to dig up some juicy bits of me. Haha. Only ame remained calm as ever, I guessed. Well, my personal life have been quite silent and almost 'dead', you may call it presently. I am not going to plunge into a relationship anytime now. I do not think I have found the right one yet. Perhaps I am not straight. Haha. I do not know and do not want to bother anyway.
I have yet to find a job. I have went for two job interviews so far and I must say they both sucked. One of which I walked the whole of upper paya lebar road in search of the bloody shop. And right after that, I was beat and panting at the interview. The dirty looks from ignorant old men and the rain drops that pounded on my head endlessly, that was indeed the most pathetic and irksome walk I had ever had. Thereafter, I realized that jobs do not come by easily AND life is NOT easy!
Alright. I am experiencing a headache right now. I have to attend the netball farewell bbq at pasir ris tomorrow. I wonder what else lies ahead of me. Going to sleep soon. My eyes are sore.
`losing myself.