This is madness. How come I find that I can't be getting enough rest? I just had training this morning, it was really hot and I got slightly sunburnt. Uh, whatever I never get really tanned anyway. haha. I really can't understand, whenever I play on court I'll be wondering whether I can intercept the balls or perform and I'll be really afraid if I can't do so. I'll panic or go into fright mode. Sigh.

It has been quite happening at school. Classmates have been getting into fights and smashing each other's faces and losing their dignity and every shit else. I can't really understand why guys get into fights over some 'face' issues or perhaps dissatisfaction with one another.

I am really heartbroken this time. But I have gotten through this. I don't even know why am I this heartbroken when everything was just a foolish act on my part. I thought that we were both at this game. Yet everything was just my own calling. Thank god I got through yesterday cause' I really, really thought that it was the worse day I ever had in these few months. Emotional crisis. haha.

I am so going to leave you to handle everything else yourself. You can stop telling me that she isn't very nice to you. Don't tell me that no guys will like you if you meant just to gain sympathy or get me off my guard. I seriously don't know what the shit you want out of me. You blow hot and cold towards me like there's no tomorrow and it makes me wonder whether it was wrong to be so nice towards you. All the laughter and fun we had in the past is so distant and no longer vivid in my memories anymore. Go have fun with your CC. I wish you true happiness, my dear hee-ha friend.

TIRED... this week's another crazy week! I screwed up several things, my quizzes and presentations. I wonder when do I do things right huh? I am so tired of the ongoing workload in school, everything is going so fast. I can't catch up! I feel like venting my anger out on the court or go play squash. Oh ya. I heard TP squash courts are haunted. HAHA.

CRAZY day at school today! I laughed like 3/4 of my lessons with xuan yi around me? That stupid girl sure has to stay 3 metres away from my surroundings or else I'll giggle the moment she appears. haha. It's like she's carrying some laughing virus which only I am not immuned to. What the shit. And I can't stand aik leng calling me 'chicken' everytime he sees me around! Stupid scum! HAHA.

What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to leave things like this? I am going to go crazy soon. I can't control!

Taking a break from this game.

My entire body is aching since I got up from bed this morning! Ugh. Have you ever experienced having to get out of bed when your whole body is sore and painful? It was the same exact feeling!

Yesterday's training was rather vigourous for me I would say. I started off warm-up with my coach as my partner and I was breathless after that. I could die to catch my breath. haha. Court games were good too except that I could have done better jumping higher to intercept balls. Yay, received my beautiful netburner shoes yesterday. It's white with a glint of bright green across the back of the shoe. I simply love it. (:

I have got so many tutorials to do and work to catch up on! I need something to get me fired on. I can't find the heart to do my work these days, I wonder why. Alright, may I find the fire after a quick nap!

Gosh. This week has almost passed by with a blink. This is incredulously scary. I can't imagine growing up so quickly. *screams! And exams in a few weeks time! I have no time for any games.

Just yesterday, I was having a tutorial session with zack siew and he mentioned how 25% of the population will die of cancer. There were around 16 people in the class and he pointed out that 4 of us would die of cancer. His facial expression was really solemn and he got everyone into the 'deathly' atmosphere. Then he further elaborated about how cancer kills us one by one. It got me thinking if I were the one who contracted cancer, how would life be for the people around me and myself?

He smiled at me today! I was ecstatic! ((((((:

You are game on!

Ohmygod, I am so sleepy now. Finally went to see the doc today for my annoying flu and sore throat. Doc was kind enough to give me one day MC for tomorrow, still wondering should I skip fom tutorial tomorrow. I went to the toilet this morning and to my surprise I found a number of red bumps on my thighs and leg, scared the shit out of me. Thank god I asked the doc just now and she said it was nothing, just some skin irritations. (:

Had lab the entire day. Labs are always so interesting and fun. I am not referring to the practicals but rather getting to fool around in class. I love tickling adorable ang wei chin, I so look upon him as a younger brother. haha. Then there was eugene, scaring me with the bloody stick from the murky bucket of water. Also, there was cute dixie who was always trying to do something funny. haha. Made a new friend today! She's christabella. She's really hyper occassionally and rather random when I first started talking to her, an easy-going girl. (: Kasturi, han yi and su ying were sweeties too. haha.

My head's so heavy now. I guess the medicine is taking effect now. I feel like dropping my heavy body onto the bed now. ZZZ. (:

Now I exactly understand the meaning of loneliness. When everybody gets so busy, there's very few whom I can approach to talk to. My best friend is attached and is packed with so many things to do(since she has to maintain her studies) that she hardly has time for me. Funny xuan yi is overseas doing judo. My parents are busy with work. My sisters are busy with their own stuff. At the end of the day, it's just ME and me. I want to talk to michelle but like I have said, things aren't the way they are no more. Anyway, she's always either talking to her darlings or busy with projects. I can't explain, but I am getting to see her more and more as an elder sister. haha.

Perhaps I should go and get attached again? Wow, I can't believe I am saying this so randomly (like it's some sort of plaything). I saw him today again. When I looked him in the eyes, all I saw was solemness and not any sign of adoration at all. Then it struck me that it was just plain foolishness on my part. All I wanted was a smile from you but it's like a big burden to you. Forget it then.

Training's tomorrow, but I feel so tired and sick right now. Ugh. I am going to drag myself to vjc tomorrow morning. It beats having to do the housework every saturday morning. Heh heh. (: alvin, alvin, alvin ...

I'm so sick now, well not exactly very sick but I'm down with a bad flu and sore throat. Lecture quizzes are around the corner, I have so much to catch up on. My weekends are going to be burnt up because of this. Well, I don't actually have much to blog about. Life has been rather mundane, going to school, attending boring o' lectures and then I'll be back home doing tutorials or wasting my time away. But life wasn't any better when I was in a relationship with someone I didn't love anyway. I am not trying to be arrogant here, please do not misunderstand me.

This might sound abit hilarious and maybe ludicrous. Some guy sent me a message last night telling me that he dreamt that he made out with me at a hotel. haha. I was laughing my ass off after I read the message. But it feels kind of good to think that people fantansize about me. I think I am mad. haha. (: anyway, this guy is attached for goodness sake. Bad boyfriend. He's a good friend of mine.

Ugh. Two more projects to handle before I am done! I wonder how many people visits my blog on the sly and never tags. It's a bit scary isn't it? Here I am writing about my personal stuff and people (some I don't even know), come reading about my life. But isn't the blog used for voicing out loud? haha. How very contradicting. Alright, I got to do research on some stupid project now. Shall update another time. (:

Look at the time now. I just got home from work about an hour ago, sitting in my living room staring into the laptop with blood shot eyes now. The darn silver eyeliner I put on is really irritating, the glitter are always entering my eyes. Today was a wedding event at work. I saw many gorgeous people and I even served some of them personally. There was this particular lady in her mid-twenties I think whom I was serving at my table, she looked like Andrea Forseka. Oh god. I tell you, I would die to les with her. haha!

I made a new friend. This stupid guy named Alvin was really funny la, he kept disturbing me (he said this guy I knew said I looked like a GUY?!) and asking me to smile BECAUSE I look really fierce when I don't. (I know I have a kiampa face) HAHA!
At first, I thought he look like any other regular guy from nowhere then he started his cutesy small talk and we were like bickering over every little thing. Oh my god. I hope he works again next week or soon. Though I don't know when I would be working again. Work was rather bad today BUT alvin brightened up my day! haha.

I just finished reading a rather long email from someone whom I had admire since I was 14? After reading her note, I feel as if I have gone back to being a little girl again. haha. (: It's the same feeling, like how she's always trying not to tamper with my fragile feelings? She gives me strength and confidence when I need them. She's part of the reason I have learnt to mature and grow up. (even though I still love fooling around, haha) And for everything that you have taught me and told me, I thank you for life. I'm sorry for being a constant worry for you during trainings. (:

Oh boring life I have. I just got back from netball training at vjc not long. The sun was really hot this morning, I perspired like mad and my cheeks are red now. Let me comment a little about today's training. Court games were good but I was a total fool during team drills. I can't imagine how stupid I looked when she had to come over to help me. I don't understand but I can sense that she's trying to give in to me, helping me discreetly or something. It's like I am weak in her eyes. I'm not saying that I am not, but. Sigh.

Yay. I can't wait to get my asics netburner shoes and my nike apparels. I can't wait for Pesta Sukan Carnival too. Then I can watch how all the other clubs play and learn from them. Not to mention that my *seniors from team TP netball might be playing as well.


Stupid how it seems. I bet you will never know that I have a crush on you.

d.

Do you know how great is a day today? I am still having the runs since I last ate YONG TAU FOO from ITAS last friday! I was arguing with leslie last friday over how xuan yi and the rest were alright after eating the yong tau foo at itas AND now I'm having the RUNS! crap. I shouldn't fight for anybody's rights from now on. haha. And to think I wore white pants today, thank god I didn't shit-ted on my precious white pants. hahaha.

I had another crazy day at lecture with xuan yi again! We were laughing at these two girls from another class who were sleeping during Jiang Li's lecture! One of them looked like she was zombified sleeping with her stiff head and arms together with her slouched back. And the other had her body all slammed over the table! hahaha. So funny I tell you! (*imitating xuan yi) hahaha.

I don't know why but now and then why I see you around, the feeling seems to linger lesser and lesser. It's like dissipating soon. I'm waiting and waiting, waiting for you to approach me and we can be great friends followed by lovers. But it seems so impossible for you to do that. You laugh as if nothing matters to you in your eyes when I'm right in front of you. TRAGEDY.

Oh great. Can you see the big difference in my emotions from the above post? I was feeling so hyper and lifted earlier on and when I thought of you, everything went down. Sigh sigh sigh. Keep smiling if it makes you happy! (:

I saw him today again! I really really want to get to know him better. But it's so hard sometimes when we seldom get to see each other. ): I misssssssss him! Or do I only want to own him? haha. I have no idea. I pray that he keeps a place for me in his heart. I would be so heartbroken if he really has someone he likes already but oh well, I can't control matters of the heart.

Hahaha. I'm going to include ang xuan yi in my post for today. hahaha. This little shit (haha) has brightened up my life over the past few months. She's always making me laugh like shit and crazily over the things she does. First, it started with the Kuan Yin Biscuits at the library then ... it continued until now. hahahah. Haiya. She has alot of crap to entertain you about, not to mention that she's rather intelligent as well! hahaha. Okay, please continue staying in my life to entertain me ah! hahaha. You would replace dearest Michelle who lied to me about cutting her hair which broke my fragile heart! hahaha!

Oh ya, to think that everytime I think of what I shared with Michelle, I would curl up in a little ball somewhere and cry you know! (Ya, like I'm a little cat!). hahaha. (You wish!) hahaha. Oh no. I think I have gone crazy blogging since I started mentioning about crazy xuan yi! hahahah!

Cheerios. I am going to love all those who love me. (: i am going to change.

Would you rather have a complicated but exciting life OR a mundane and carefree life? I am lost between the options. Anyway, I just live life as it is. Taking each day and step one by one. Some people plan ahead but never live to fulfill their wishes. However, there are some who never plan and live life aimlessly. It's weird how life works huh.

I miss talking to Michelle on the phone. I miss her clicking tongue. I miss her voice. I miss her stupid but funny English-accented mandarin. But things aren't the way they are anymore. I don't know why, but I guess she's changed. We were never at the same platform in the first place. I guess she would have never guessed how much I miss her huh. I shared alot of secrets with her. It's alright, people change and I just got to adapt to it. (: I have accepted it.

Why do people change when they get attached? Does falling in love make them lose their senses? I really can't understand. Oh well, got to wait till it's my turn to fall head over heels for the guy I like then. Then I'll know the difference and seek understanding. Oh wells. I am currently having a big-time crush on this guy who's really cute! I guess he's got a sweetheart though. ): but I hope he stays happy. (:

I am so stressed out with the on-going projects and due assignments! I can't stand it, I have a project presentation tomorrow and I have not done the powerpoint slides yet. Ugh. Projects sucks. Oh well, just got to keep staying strong.

I had netball training yesterday morning. Training was fun yet quite demanding? Court game was excellent, I felt satisfied since a very long time during the first few quarters of the game. However, last quarter was a bit awkward for me though. It's hard to describe and contemplate when my emotions do act up. I don't really even know myself. To sum it all, it was a rather good day yesterday. haha. Other than spraining my ankle, that is. I have two sprained ankles now, both of which are still giving me problems when I play on court.

Alright, got to finish up darn projects now. Life's giving me its ups and downs! I hate the downs just like the bloody roller coaster. (:

I don't know why I like to laugh. And I am going to start this post by laughing to myself. I think I am insane. I laugh when I'm happy; I laugh when I'm sad and I can laugh when I see the world collapsing slowly in front of me too. It's as if nobody cares, at least I can't feel that anybody is.

I needed some space by myself to organize my thoughts and feelings so I created another blog personally to pen down my upsetting story. I haven't been updating over here though.

Sometimes I think I am strong enough to manage by myself but very often I fail at it terribly. Externally, I don't want people to care but deep down I yearn for affection and attention. I guess I have been brought up this way and I can't really change now. I hate being sensitive.

Every night, I pray for God to lend me his listening ear and guidance because I fear crying when I go to bed. I need a pair of listening ears. Perhaps there was one and I really enjoyed talking to her too much and you could guess the ending. I felt that it was pathetic even though we are still friends currently.

Sigh. I helped Mabel with her filming today at a tanah merah flat. I don't know why but I felt that the flat was kind of eerie. But anyway, made a few acquaintances with Mabel's friend. (: they were quite nice.

It's prayer session now. (: haha.

I'm going to go insane soon! Why can friends do such things to another? I'm going to go mad! I am hurting like crazy. I need a tranquilizer to stop this pain. I don't want to go on like this.

I need a fresh start to everything. I don't want to hear anything! Perhaps I am too sensitive but I don't care. This is just me. This is not referring to you, Vincent. Ugh!

Please stop being childish. I will be only affected by it for a while and soon it will just be swept away like the wind. I'm sorry for hurting you. You can do whatever flirting and lovey-dovey with other girls anywhere, but please don't do it right in front of me and our friends. It just doesn't make sense anymore.

I miss talking on the phone with michelle like crazy. She's just like my listening ear. (: looking forward to seeing her in tutorial class tomorrow!

Alright, everything has come to an end. Although I do feel some ease from the relationship, I do get flashbacks of our memories. Haha. I'm speaking like I have just lost my memory or something. I'm feeling abit nostalgic now. Ugh.

This is so crappy. I feel that this blog is so redundant already.

School's started and a week has passed. I feel extremely irritable now, I end at 6 pm almost everyday. I'm going to go nuts! I love going to school though, my classmates and friends. haha. I'm tired, I'm so tired! Sigh, sometimes I laugh so crazily to cover my emotions. I am speaking so random now. haha.

I am going to explode soon. I am not saying that you're not right or being right. I just don't feel right. Tell me why am I feeling this way when I can't even explain it. There is un-foreseen pressure to make this work and you do not see it. Ugh.

Great. I find it so hard to sleep tonight. The night is chilly and it brings me much nightmares. As I get older, I find things getting more complicated as it goes. They don't seem as simple as they are anymore. And I hate it! I'm super pissed off tonight with everything. I am confused with myself and everyone else!

Some things aren't meant to be vented over here. Some things aren't meant to be said aloud. BUT I would very gladly like to say some things that aren't meant to be said! I am so mad with myself.

Oh god. I'm so going to miss working at Ritz Carlton banquet even though some unpleasant things took place over there. I miss my funny colleagues and supervisors. And most importantly, I'm going to miss not seeing Joanna! She's so hilarious la. We're always making fun of each other and there's some point of chemistry we share. haha. Ugh. I miss her!

Chapter 1.3 now. I went out with Vincent last thurs. We went to his cousin's place at clementi to look at his nephew and to have lunch as well. His cousin's rather humourous looking too. haha. She looked like ler siok ghee from ChE. AAHAH. Anyway, I had fun with bryan, his little nephew. He bonded with me very well! I even helped to bath him! haha..Aftr that his cousin sent the both of us to Orchard to do some shopping. I bought a top and a pair of shoes. He bought a box of royce chocolates for me! (: He sent me home after that. Overall, it was a fun day out with him, playing with his i phone too. haha. tata!

Sigh! Haven't been blogging lately. I have been busy with the netball team at punggol sec, the girls are so rebellious at times. But come to think of it, I do enjoy coaching them occassionally. I get a small sense of satisfaction everytime the little ones get what I want to bring across. But that's not all about coaching, I realized coaching is far harder than I thought and I am not up to mark yet. But that aside, I have many other things to deal with too.

I have not met up with him for close to a week now. I wonder what are the differences between us now. Sometimes I feel that he is giving in to me too much that it seems out of the ordinary. Anyway, the guys never had it easy with me in the first place. HAHA! Uh. I am so confused now. I am looking for the word 'CHEMISTRY' in our relationship!

HELLO! i'm here with a new blogskin. Got sicked of the previous one anyway. I'm so happy now. I made a rather good friend at work, her name's Joanna. She's always bickering with me most of the time. Haha. So hilarious.

Yesterday was awesome. I celebrated Vincent's birthday at Breeks @ Marina Square in the afternoon with a group of classmates. We had tons of fun and took aplenty photos outside. Then I had to work. It was midnight when I knocked off and he came to look for me to celebrate his birthday again, with a strawberry tart from Canele cafe I think. It was very sour. We took a cab home then and I had nearly wanted to puke in the taxi because of car sickness I guess. But I did not. haha. Then my surprise came! He gave me a cute teddy! I love it to bits man. So cute. haha. But I was dead tired so I talked with him a little and got home. Overall, it was an exciting day I guess.

And so that was the end of chapter 1.2 of my life with ahem. haha. Chapter 1.1 is currently not available. haha. tata!

Two weeks have passed since my examinations. Well, to be exact, I think it's three weeks already. I don't really know what to blog about actually. So irritating. I had to work today initially. I made a booking last week and the stupid ahem hotel denied my access to work today! Due to their over-staff! The ahem supervisors there are darn tiko okay. I feel disgusted sometimes.


I miss having a dinner gathering with my family and close friends. It has been quite a while since we did that. Sigh. Everybody is so busy here and there in Singapore. I need to go get an outfit soon, got to attend a birthday party on 7th April. It's quite stressful though. hahah.


Alright. I'm feeling so sick and tired of this blogskin. Going to change it very soon. Cheerios!

Oh. I got it wrong. Release of examination results will be on 13 march instead. One more extra day to my doomsday. Haha. Today was mundane and boring, I did nothing extraordinary but just plain sleeping and watching television. I got up late anyway. I'm getting more lazy ... Ugh. I'm going to gain pounds like this. I think I have gained some anyway but I still feel a nonchalant about it. (wonder what's wrong with me)

When I'm left at home to rot and think about my life, I never fail to think about the past. There are some things which I still regret doing until now. But who doesn't have any regrets? We cannot be satisfied.

Perhaps I shouldn't ponder so much on things which are beyond my control. I cannot control the people I will meet. Sigh. Should I cherish the one before me currently? I cannot find the chemistry I shared with * when I'm with him. I still don't feel entirely comfortable when we are together. And I think I have committed a sin in the game of love. Ugh. This is not a game. wake up!!

Ugh. The semester's examination results are going to be released this wednesday! I freak out thinking about it. Haha.

Yay. I started working at ritz carlton banquet already. With the help of chew ling, it was much easier for me to fit in. Haha. She had this really pretty friend whose name was called Shiling I think. She looked like the korean actress Song Hye Gyo. I was quite stumped when I met her. Haha. Anyway, the people working there were quite friendly and nice. I am looking forward to my next booking. (: heh.

My stupid Dad bought my sister a laptop at the IT fair! It's no fair! But come to think of it, I have no need for a laptop yet. Ha. (: cheerios!

Hi everybody!

My exams are officially over! Yay! Yipee! I feel so lethargic! I had like barely 5 hours of sleep each night since the beginning of the exams. I'M TIRED, TIRED, TIRED!

I'm starting to feel blessed lately. It's not like the past anymore. I don't want to go back to the past anymore. At least now I know that someone will be there for me when I'm upset or in a dilemma. At least now I know someone cares for me more than anyone else(except my close ones). I'm happy as it is.

I'm going to work again. It's the hols! I'm contemplating on going back to shangri-la to work as a waitress again. Damn. They haven't sent me my modelling photo too. I want to go retrieve it from my supervisor then. hahah.

Alright, I'm going to sleep now. So beaten out la. (: cheers!

Finally! The week is over again. But I know that there will be many weeks that will be over in this lifetime so you know, this is quite redundant. haha. Unless I die tomorrow. Oh great. I had my presentation yesterday. It was damn nerve-wrecking. I was so bloody scared shitless inside but I had to control my emotions and remain calm. I thought I spoke some rubbish or shuttered during the presentation, however my friends thought I did quite well. Anyway, I was quite happy with everything that happened the day before until last night. My stupid father had to quarrel with me over his damn stupid new phone. I had been wanting a break since I don't know when. Yet, the moment he got home, he expected me to settle some of the admin problems in his damn PHONE! I hate it when people keep pestering me over something which is minute in nature. And most importantly, he can settle the stupid problem himself! Damn it. I'm not going to talk to him properly until he realizes that he's dumb for everything that he's done. I don't care.

Cheerios. (:

Oh great. The tiresome week has passed, I just had a very short break from the weekends and now another exhausting week is up ahead. I'm just praying for enough rest so that I will not fall ill. I have two lecture quizzes this thursday, a presentation and a project due this friday. I want a break soon! Thankfully, the chinese new year hols are around the corner. But soon after that comes my semestral examinations! Ugh. Staying positive with * with me. (:

I had to do community involvement program (CIP) yesterday. It was tiring and time-consuming but worth it. I made new friends and had tons of fun plus laughter. haha. I like my classmates. (: heh. They make me feel happy around them.

I can't wait for CHINESE NEW YEAR! I haven't had a decent meal gathering with my family for months. It's so fun to sit down at the dining table eating steamboat or whatever (as long as we are happy) chatting and laughing and enjoying one another's company. haha.

Oh. I want to get a new toy for my little hamster, Bo bo. haha. It's so adorable and fat la. Besides, it's the year of the Rat! It deserves something. hahaha. Okay, see ya! Bon sejour!

Wow. I have not been blogging for centuries to come! haha. I have been slogging my guts out the past few weeks. I'm like a worn out sponge now. Sigh. Alright, so many things has taken place. I feel a little sick in there. I don't know what Guy B is thinking and what Guy A is doing. I feel a tied knot in there and it is not comfortable at all. I hate this sort of feelings. It's neither there nor here. I still can't really get over the past. I feel jealous and upset over what my old flame* is doing. Ah, haha. Sigh, forget it. All guys are asses in my eyes. I'm so sicked. I feel like becoming what I used to be, the abnormal one. Then only do I not feel this much pissed off and frustrated. SICK, SICK & SICK!

'not born to love at all

all I can say is busy, busy, busy! Semestral exams on 22 Feb! Yikes!

Hello. I feel so dreary and lazy today! Sigh. Sometimes I feel so useless and dumb and I hate myself when I feel that way. It's like I have got no brains or something. I wonder why when somebody tells me to do something, nothing goes through my brain to ever wonder why I have to do that way and I just go ahead with doing that. Because why? Everybody's doing it. Why, why, why?

I feel like I have accomplished nothing all these years. I feel unsatisfied with my life. It's not material wants that I seek for but goals that are attained with my hardwork. Why, why, why? Sometimes I stare at a question so hard, I feel like I can knock my head straight into the paper onto the hard concrete table and black out immediately. I want to do just that, do just that the next time and I will wake up to be lying in the cold hospital ward the next morning.

I find myself eccentric most of the times. I don't even know what I want. Sometimes when people ask me, "Charlene what do you want to do when you go out to work?" I can only blankly answer them what comes to my mind on the spot. I wanted to be a doctor, a pharmacist, a policewoman, a chemist, a coroner or whatever which can explore the dark side of life. I am mystified by things which are very dark and mysterious. Haiya. Okay. Cheerios.

Yay, the term tests are over. But it's a matter of time before I will have to go back to school to face the music. I have been so bad, bad, bad. Sigh. Anyway, my holidays have been packed with trainings and projects. I'm trying to get used to it.

Sigh. Another bad thing. I went to the hairdresser's and she cut my long fringe so short! I look totally horrendous now. Urgh! Piggie. I have to wait patiently for it to grow back nicely again.

Oh yay. I played the psp the entire day! I love rpg games. You can spend 2 hours playing them without noticing that time has passed. And so that was how my time was passed. ha. okay. cheerios.

Hi. I haven't been updating since I don't know when. I have been so busy that I can't even stop at my pace to do some soul-searching. I guessed it's all because of my poor time management and attitude towards my studying since the beginning of my poly life. I just can't start or stop sighing now. hahah, nevermind i shall reorganise my life once more.


I am feeling nostalgic now. I keep reminiscing the past. Somehow I feel really mad at 'someone' sometimes and occassionally I just keep thinking of 'someone'. It has been so selfish of 'someone' to leave me behind alone to fend for myself and to build new relationships when we were so close in the past. I feel weird without 'someone' to give me confidence and strength to carry on like how I did in the past. I feel so hurt that 'someone' is treating me this way. Urgh. I can't carry on anymore. It's not fair to me even though I didn't cherish 'someone' in the past and I took him for granted. I pray to get over this soon.

I haven't been updating recently, been really busy with every-thing that I feel so worn out when the battle hasn't even began. Somehow, somebody's absence all the time has affected me and I'm kind of hit badly by his behaviour. But I'm trying to cope and forget. I'm trying to return to be myself all over again. That kind of chemistry we used to share and laugh over, I have never experienced it with anyone else yet. I can only return to be my old self again. But I just want you to know that I fell in love with you once and that was the last.

I want to go shopping! I want to get loads of tee shirts and shoes and .... more! hahah. I have got to go de-stress! Sigh. I want to change this damn blog skin.

oh god. It's my birthday tomorrow! I'm one more year older now, and so are my parents. Sometimes, I wished I was peter pan who never grew up. Sigh. Don't you realized that as we grow up, we carry more responsibilities and burden along the way? I don't know why but I feel this way.


I am feeling so sick today. I fell sick two days back. Caught a bad flu and my nose's all blocked that my ear's affected too. But I went to the doc already, she prescribed me some stupid medicine which always made me so drowsy. Sigh. (: but I'm looking forward to getting my pink psp slim! heh.




I have tried scolding you and sounding you out even though sometimes I know I went abit too far. But you never learnt that if you failed one more time, i might never get to see you again in the class. We have distanced so much that I don't really know who you are anymore. I don't know why, but I feel that I should not be treating myself this way by hurting everytime I think of you. Therefore I have decided not to bother anymore.

Dear Diary,
I am getting more upset as each day goes by. I don't know why. I think I am in love already but somehow ... how should I describe it? Wrong feelings at the wrong place and time. I can't understand certain things in life. It's like I have been fooled by fate. He's still as happy as he is but I am not. He has gotten over what happened between us but I have not. In fact, I feel that he is even happier now without my control and everything. I used to be so manipulative of him, screaming at him as and when, and he time and again didn't got mad at me. I really don't know who is at wrong for my predicament. Urgh. I will just get over everything and focus on my studies instead.

~ i didn't know some words could be so piercing to the heart when it came from the people you loved.

Happy Birthday Ms Coral Lim! Today's marks the birthday of someone whom I had really admire since young. I only wish for her to stay happy always. (;


School started today with the morning drizzle which kind of spoilt the entire day. But anyway, lessons ended early and I brightened up again. hahah.


I saw somebody today who brought up tremendous emotions in me. Over the months, I come to realize that he is really important to me. He has brought so many happy memories into my life. I'm so regretting now. But I have to prioritise and understand everything now. It's so not right. I really don't know. I wished I can't be bothered.

I miss the hotel alot. I miss the people there. I miss the people who thought highly of me even though I was not exactly. I miss the canteen where I sat for my buffet dinner regularly. I miss every single bit of the hotel. Even though I have worked there for barely a month, it seemed like I have worked there for ages. (: i love shangri la. and i will miss my friends who have shared the fun and laughter working there.

Some are looking forward to school reopening while I am not really looking forward to it anymore. At least for now.

Sometimes I pretend that things are alright but deep inside I am furious. If you think you deserve respect, please bear in mind that others deserve that same amount of respect too.

School's going to reopen, I wonder whether I should be happy or upset. Anyway, life's just going to go on so I shall just face each day with a smile. (:

This holiday has been quite a fruitful one. I managed to hold down a number of jobs and earn quite a bit. So I had been hardworking this holiday. hahah. And I am going back to school with this same attitude.

Yay. I have work tomorrow! Work's never been so fun with friends and everything else. hahah. And it's 8 dollars per hour on monday! I'm going to work on monday! (: ok, see ya!

Chalet was fun today. hahah. I had a ball of a time! But I am so tired and worn out right now and I have work tomorrow. I have a feeling that my health is deteriorating real fast because I keep having chest pains quite often these days. I haven't been to the doc though. And the pain is directly in the heart, like a short sharp and fast pain to the heart when I breathed in deeply. I think I might suffer from cardiac arrest very soon. Sigh, I am going to see the doc soon.


When I see others holding hands and being all lovey-dovey, I ask myself this question. "Am I not as deserving as that person right there to have someone whom I like and care for?" And I know the answer very clearly myself. I am of course more deserving than that person there! I just can't figure out what is wrong with me. I have tried very hard to be just like everyone else but this is like it's inborn in me. I can't help it. Perhaps I should just let someone else do the loving instead of me. Someone who is capable of just loving me plainly and not asking for anything in return. Because I am incapable of returning the love.


Yay. I am going to work tomorrow to forget everything else! I am going to see my eyecand-ies! hahaha! love them. haha.

Yay!!! Chalet is on friday! I can't wait! I miss my friends and fun so much. hahah. Somehow I feel that I am not resting enough from my breaks in between workdays. I still feel very lethargic after a day's rest since sunday. Oh man. I was at Shangri-la hotel working when I met Mr Stanley Tan from Punggol sec who was attending the wedding banquet. So embarrassing. hahah.

Life seems to get on rather fine for me. Been really busy at work until dawn sometimes of the week. I have not been getting enough sleep huh. Hms. Something is amiss. I have to settle something before the holidays end. Sigh. Yup. Me signing off.

Great. I am now a banquet assistant cum waitress at Shangri-la Hotel working my holidays away ... hahah.

How frustrating. I accompanied salleh to meet his prudential friend at tanjong pagar mrt station. We spent more than an hour at his friend's office studying and learning about the policies. However, I was quite impressed what the policies can do for me. haha. Yup. We initially wanted to catch a movie at ps but some bloody misunderstandings caught itself between us and I decided to head home instead. yada yada. I don't want to state what went on after that.

I don't know but I feel that I really need to change and plan for my future myself. This is human instinct when a problem crops up anyway.

Somehow I feel that I have hid myself far too well that nobody suspects or feel otherwise except those whom I have told. Sometimes I just get kind of tired hiding behind this dark curtain in my heart. Sometimes I feel absurd or even dumb cos I know all this leads to nothing eventually. My body is aching.

=) let's just hope tomorrow's a bright and wonderful day!

Life's so unpredictable. Last week was so bloody hard to pass and this week is breezing by. Hms, got my results yesterday and they weren't what I had expected, well perhaps not within my expectations. After what I have all gone through this entire past two weeks, it's like I have grown up a whole bit. I don't know. I just have been thinking alot about what's to life. I have also changed alot in terms of my character and perspective. I don't know what I want. Is grades everything?

It's like I am sitting in a very dark room with only a lighted candle in sight. I am waiting for someone or something to bring the candle to my side and pass me all its warmth and light. Because I am too weak to do anything anymore.

it's teacher's day today. i bet we have brought much joy and happiness to our teachers by just visiting them at school. hahah. anyway, why am i blabbering about this issue? it just doesn't sound like it's coming from me. hahah. went back to punggol sec today and i saw some people whom i didn't really wanted to see so i scurried off first. ha. (:

why is it always the same thing? my parents are urging me to get a vacation job again! i feel so pissed off. i understand that they worry about me stepping into society to work but i just don't see their worry now. urgh. and there's like people who are telling me how much they are earning from their vacation jobs and how easy they got the job, i feel so freaked out! so frustrating! i just realized that i am a all-say-and-no-action sort of person! i'm useless! people please don't console me, i just know it myself.

gosh, my exams are over finally. i am so exhausted and tired. i can literally drop dead on my bed right now. urgh. but i went shopping with debbie and salleh today! it was a very fruitful trip. ahahah. my feet hurts alot now though. i had my feet pasted with salonpas everywhere, ouch i'm such an old woman. hahah. (:

urgh. another setback for the day. i think i have to take a sub paper for my mass and energy balance paper, the paper today was so hard that i racked my brains until I wanted to weep on my desk. hms. life is so full of setbacks anyway. (: i have seen the lighter side of it. i'm so tired, i can't continue. update you soon! oh ya, i had seoul garden today!

oh great. this semester's like nearly over? time just passes so fast that it's scary. my semestral exams are next week and i've barely scrapped through revision. urgh. and i'm going shopping with ame and perhaps mabel tomorrow? i feel so guilty and i'm afraid that i won't have enough time for revision and preparation. i will do some planning later.

i keep thinking that there's something wrong with me yet somewhere within me just tells me that it's ok and i'm alright. that i should just keep things as simple as possible. however, the simpler i keep things, the more i go wayward. anyway, i haven't been normal since quite some time ago and some people should know. hahah.

this week was a 'dying-down' time for things between salleh the biatch and me. hahah. i was like getting serious at my studies since my exams are around the corner but he kept fooling around to distract or interrupt me. it just gets quite irritating sometimes. but he's always at my beck and call which makes me like him alot sometimes too. hahah. we're both like little girls giggling at a corner when we laugh at other people in class. that's like so cute la. hahah. so sweet. oh i think i'm mad. haaah..

i am so pissed off! urgh. my meb project is reaching its due. and i have yet to complete it with my group-mates. i feel so bloody useless as a group leader!!! like a complete loser in this aspect. URGH! okay, got to get down to work now!

yay! GIRLS' NIGHT OUT! 15 august!!! ahahah!

oh gosh. the week's been passing so quickly that i didn't realized it. hahah. this week was fun, had dumbo salleh with me the entire week. he was with me at school almost every single hour and second. hahah. and we spent almost two-thirds of our time laughing that i thought that it was affecting my studies. oh great, i hate having my studies affected. BUT, it's worth it. i'm a much happier person now. (:


urgh. my dearest xuan yi is now in tai pei. i miss her a little. hahah. that stupid girl, she tricked me during meb lab on wed. urgh. i think she'll be back on the 8th of aug? misses ......... (:


the stupid workload at school is stressing me up. i hate some of my teachers, they just aren't efficient at teaching. but it's better to like than to hate huh. ahahah. i want to watch ALONE!

what is the feeling of not having what you wanted? what is the feeling of loving someone but the feeling is not mutual? what is the feeling of being hurt, isolated and alone? what is the feeling of loving someone whom you do not love?

my answer to all the above questions can't be answered because i can't feel anymore. there are few attempts at failure but i already feel weak and tired. what is my reason for being neither here nor there with anyone? it's because i can't have the only one with me. i only want the ONE with me. i don't want anyone else. BUT it's only 4 now. i'm too sick and tired with feelings.


after i got home and took a hot shower, i felt really emotional. perhaps it's after I have seen somebody's profile. it hurt a little, then spasm of pain hit me. i'm so sad now.

this week passed briefly. i had a total of three quiz-es in the week. however, the week was extremely fun though. ahaha. i had ton-less fun and laughter with the idiot salleh. hahah. he's such a funny head. hahah. hms. uh oh, i have meb proj and quiz to prepare for. so irritating. i'm so tired.

my brain is switched off already. so sleepy ... my life could be much much simpler, now that i see. (:

i didn't felt really right today. in fact, i felt really upset and happy at one point of time. it really spoils my mood every time this happens. i think my emotional problems are overtaking my clear head and disillusioning me from everything else. urgh. stop letting me see you!

urgh. i have been so stressed up this week. because of meb project and stuff. i'm like the treasurer of my class, grp leader of the meb proj, official person for nball. this is like role-playing man. urgh. sometimes, i wished my life was much more than this. but it's better than being dead and still right.


i have misunderstood several peeps the past few weeks though. i feel so ugly, for being so bad and evil. urgh, whatever. i'm just talking randomly. this week passed pretty briefly. learnt much stuff. organic chemistry is getting harder and more nonsensical with each topic ... pipc too.


i was browsing through some people's blog when i suddenly felt a strong sense of guilt somewhere in my body(make a guess). hahah. dots. even though i had been looking forward to the weekends, somehow i don't really see much to it. it's like i have suddenly lost all my motivation in life at one moment. there's a reason, but i won't say though.


friends keep my life going when things start getting rocky.

YES! i finally cut my hair! I feel a new rush of adrenaline and a NEW start. ahahah. Hms. The next weekend is going to be exciting! I am going for a hotel stay for free! ahaha. And besides, it's close to ecp so perhaps we can go and catch the sun-rise or sunset in the morning or something. Oh. Then I'll be catching the harry potter movie with my family. ooh. I can't wait for the weekends! ((:

dear blog,

i am so very upset today. I don't know what's wrong with me, it's been like 2 or 3 whole days since I began getting very moody. I just feel like venting my anger and frustration at a wall but I know I'll just hurt in the end. I feel like uttering some vulgarities here but does or will it change anything? I am going to lose control someday and also lose my senses as well. Everything is like so unfair to me. I am not blaming God or grumbling about my misgivings but ... in fact, I appreciate everything that I have now. It's just that some imperfections in life are really taking their toll on me. And it freaking sucks because I can't help it!

i am breaking down. i want to break down and just feel weak and numb to the bone. numb. release me now.

Ahahah. It was a nice day today. My lessons ended at 12 noon and I had lunch with aloy at tm afterward. We had ajisen, I think the food there is only so-so, perhaps because noodles don't really appeal to me. ahaha. (: After that, we headed to super bowl at kovan and I watched him bowl (I kept yawning, hahah). He's a super nice guy la, he opened the car door for me once or twice already. Hms. But we are only close friends as such. (: I headed home to get changed afterward.


met up with ame, sh and deb at compass after that. We had to discuss the details of the trainings so we went to kfc to get a few seats. Debbie was a ding-tei though. AHAHAH. Stupid deb, she kicked me in my shin that it hurts so much now. URGH. @#$%^&*! cheese pie. hahah. hahah. Alright, so much for the crap.


I made a stunning discovery today! Somebody has cried over ME before! Oh gosh. I felt so honoured la. hahah. Aw. I'm so bad.. hees. BUT, I have cried over someone before too therefore it's like a chain effect. ahahah. It was so fun today la! Heh heh.


it's no point for us to proceed if the feeling is not mutual. there is nothing wrong with you, it's just me. cos i'm not even sure myself.

blah ... it's another short break for me this weekend. ahaha. Urgh, i won't have netball trainings for the next 2 weeks though, it just makes me so upset. It's because they are focusing on the main team since the POL-ITE games are on the 18th of july. Anyway, I am not giving up this cca.


I have been hit by the love storm recently. ahaha. I seriously don't know how to commit myself to a relationship and I am afraid to do so. It's not that I don't wish to accept now but it's just that I have several reasons to not do so. I know you are patient and good to me, it's just plain selfish of me alright and I can't help it.


urgh. I haven't been reading books at all thus I totally have no inspiration to write the beautiful english. I like to express my thoughts into beautiful english. ahaha. Urgh. I'm so tired now ... so dreamy. I don't wish to ponder too much now.

`are you the one not

this is so weird. I have totally no idea why a friend of mine has been so cold towards me since the last time we met for lunch and we went to netball training together. urgh. %^$%$#$&^%& PEACE.


I just received a call from sh. She told me something which was really unexpected though. I wonder how things are going to proceed for me the next 4 weeks. Thankfully, I have ame and mabel to help me with the coaching. I really have no confidence to do all this alone.


HELP! Everything's crashing down on me! Tell me what's going on? i'm going to slash my wrist. ahahah. i'm just plain bored out now. (;

Grrr ... I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I did something in my life which I would have never done before last night. ahhaha. Stop guessing, no one could ever guessed it. But anyway, i am suffering from the after-effects of everything now. crap. I am so sleepy now. I had a LONG day! Let me recount it. ahha.


had pipc lessons together with debbie at 9 am until 11 am, that stupid girl, kept disturbing me. ahhaha. I tell you, I am so unlucky today alright. I forgot that I had to wear shoes for my lab practical this afternoon so I rushed home to get my shoes! And to add it on, I puke this morning after breakfast. Urgh. whatever. Thereafter, I had the so-called dumb csas lesson and we received our term-test which wasn't very idealistic for me. ahahah. I rushed home after that, got back to school at around 2.30 pm and ya da ya da.... i'm simply too lazy to talk about the rest of the day. Lab was DUMB. heh.


~ i wished your heart were with me.

): I just got back from hong kong a day ago. It feels weird to be back so soon when I was enjoying myself to the max over there. Hong Kong is indeed a shopping paradise. However, I wouldn't consider emigrating to there because the traffic isn't all very efficient over there. Haah. SHOP, SHOP & SHOP! Hong kong is such a huge place that I walked until my legs went wobbly. We didn't had enough time to finish shopping every district though. Hong kong is FUN! But, the hotel we stayed at was creepy. hahah. I won't mention why then.


I went shopping with winnie today at marina square. I think she's a little nuts la, I just got home from hong kong and she wanted to have our lunch at a hong kong restaurant. In the end, we did. hahah. Urgh. I'm so tired now. I haven't got enough rest yet. There will be a netball team bonding outing tomorrow and I am not sure whether I can make it anot. It's alright, I'm not in the main team anyway. But I love my team-mates. (:


Alright, I'm going to sleep soon I guess. I'm so beat. I had netball training this evening and we went to the gym to work out. And when I got home to use my toilet, I realized that the toilet door could be opened very, very easily. hahah. gosh. i'm nuts. I had a fun time at training today. (:

Grrr ... I had quite a time getting to sleep last night. My back was hot and scratchy, lying on my back was a chore. Oh well, nevermind about that. I was reading back on all my past entries when I realized that almost all the entries had a netball subject in it. Then I was like wondering does netball really have that much impact in my life? hahah. I think I'm crazy, anyway.


Yay! I'm flying soon!!!! I'm going to take tons of pictures man, going to take pics on the plane, pics at the airport, pics EVERYWHERE! Hopefully, I would get in the mood la. Or else I wouldn't like taking pictures because I would have that damn stern look on my face. hahah.


Urgh. I'm so bored now yet sleepiness overwhelmes me. It's like ... I wished I could have a more exciting life. Don't you think the typical human lifestyle is very mundane? We are all working everyday to earn a safe keep. And when we finally get to loosen up and enjoy ourselves, the time passes quickly with a blink of the eye. That's why I think the camera is a very important tool, it helps to capture the very precious moments in life. hahah. And to this, I recommend .... (behaves like a saleswoman) hahah.


Uh oh... la la la la la la la life is wonderful ... ha la la la la la la life goes for circles .... ha la la la ... hhaha! too bored you see!

Finally. I went to sentosa today and had my training this evening, finally everything is over. I just felt that training was very stressful but I keep persisting for the wrong reasons? I am not even sure myself.


The sun was unpredictable this afternoon. It rained for a while and we guys just played in the rain like nobody's business. Soon after, the rain stopped and the sun shone like crazy. I was like playing volleyball right beneath the sun and guess what, I'm as red as a cooked crab now. hahah. Urgh, my back hurts like nuts. Aiya, i don't want to bother. I have much better things to brood over. Oh well, brooding is not a very nice thing to do anyway.


I am so lost now, lost in the midst of a huge desert. I don't know where or how I am going to find you. I feel so weak now. If only you were there close to me to support when I'm going down, but you were nowhere close because you're too far away. Too faraway. This is just too raw.

Urgh. It's so bloody hot now. I don't know why. I guess it's because of my workout at my junior's netball training earlier this afternoon. My juniors were really atrocious man, especially the sec ones, it's no wonder ... sigh. nevermind. I'm too tired to think about them.


Urgh.... I have got a busy day ahead tomorrow! It's sun-tanning and training day! I'm like going to rush to training after 4 pm to tp for my netball training. dots. Tonight is so hot man!

This weekend is sooo boring... urgh. I just got home from having coffee with aloy at compass point. We chatted much then he sent me home in his car. hahah. Not bad la, a guy his age quite loaded already. Hms. Yup.


I went to watch the netball super league finals yesterday. It was super exciting la, because one of my senior was in vipers and my coach was umpiring. I saw jodine and grala there too(my seniors too). I was with chew ling, elly and pei wen, by the way. I even saw ms coral lim too, but she didn't saw us however. haah. Vipers lost to the Marlins though. I was kind of supporting vipers since my senior was playing for them. I saw jean ng! ahh. haha.


Last night, I was having a late dinner with pei wen and chew ling and we were gossiping about someone being a lesbian. hahah. Someone. hahah. Then I was like thinking what's wrong with someone being a lesbian, it's alright what. It's not like they can help it right. Besides, I have come acrossed many people who aren't straight. Yup. urgh. I suffered from a bad gastric pain last night that I had to head to the pharmacy to purchase some antacid tablets to ease the damn pain. I think I might get stomach ulcer very soon. AH!


I'm going to be so busy next week. Trainings, sun-tanning and trainings again! And I'm going to fly after that! SHOP, SHOP & MORE SHOPPING! Heh. I'm so looking forward to that. Perhaps I can leave all my damn frustrations there after all the shopping. (:


`i'm so dead. i think i have a thing for you but you are not with me.

Urgh. I'm having my term test next week, it's so frustrating. But I'll get it over and done with soon and fly off! hahah. Things hasn't been proceeding smoothly though. I feel so sick now, yes, I have fallen ill just days before the term test. URGH. I hate this but this isn't the first time. What to do.


I spent some time thinking about some things a few nights ago and I finally bucked up enough courage to tell someone about it. Even though I feel much better now, I still feel bad about scaring someone. hahah. Alright, this scar of mine can never heal itself. At least I hope it will.


Sometimes when things happen, I choose to let it be because I can no longer control the outcome. Some may say that I am uttering nonsense because no matter what, we still have control over what we want to do. But I am telling you, everytime I try to control what I want to do, I have to try very hard when minimum effort needs to be given. This makes me wonder whether I have a mental disability. [:


Alright, I seriously don't know what I am really talking about. I am running a fever now I think. God bless me. [: nights.

I have been attending netball trainings for the past 2 weeks. I think you all know me, I take quite a while before I open up to those around me. And this applies to every aspect of my social life. Yup. So I was at training today and I finally managed to talk abit more than usual. My team-mates all commented that I looked real stern and scary at first, however I think I changed their impression of me today. Hms well ...


I'm so happy and glad that there's still so many people who still cares about me even though doing so was a thing of the past. I love all of you so very much. Thanks for caring and offering advices to me when I was down. I was so touched. [[: love you people.


Alright, I'm so tired now. I haven't got sufficient sleep since tuesday this week. Urgh. Okay. Got to go! God bless you, my loved ones!

I have been so messed up since yesterday. I have been pondering over this since last night and I feel so upset about it that everytime I think about it, I feel like breaking down. This is just so stressful, all the rest are so damn high up there and I'm nowhere there nor here. Now, you must be wondering what I must be trying to talk about. It's my CCA, netball.


Frankly speaking, I have plans to give up my place in the netball team. I feel so stressed up training every night on monday and thursday and it's not like my netball training at punggol sec, it's a far difference from it. At tp, we don't even get to bond nor laugh during training, everything is strict and stern and I can't take it longer. Everything is pressurizing since I am the weakest there when you see the rest soaring on court and I am waddling there. I feel so dumb. Why am I always feeling this way? I have no idea. I asked a girl at training whether she felt stressed during training, and she replied "No, okay what" Perhaps it's my pride. I used to get to play every single game on court in the past but now, I don't think I even stand a chance to play. And this could be the root of my problem. Also, I heard there is going to be another cut in the number of players in the team. This sucks man.


Do you all think I would be able to persevere on better if my pride was placed aside? Do you all think I will be able to survive the test of my pride? And most importantly, will I give up? . . . .

Alright, I had netball training yesterday. It was extremely exhausting, which clearly proves that my stamina has declined drastically. Oh well, can't help it, just have got to train it back up. In fact, it was so tiring that I got hit by the netball several times because I couldn't focus well with my un-paced breathing. yup. The other selected players were all far better than me, felt so inferior seriously. Anyway, I bet all my seniors and team-mates must be thinking I'm a cold person. hahah. I kept keeping my stern face on. URGH. whatever. I'll try to blend in with my team-mates the next training. I want to prove myself worthy of a place in the team.


Sometimes, I wonder whether there are people who aren't afraid of hardwork. Because, I am sometimes so afraid of it that I lose sleep over it.


URGH. my muscles are aching!

alright. yesterday was an utterly bad day. I felt so bad the entire day. Some chicken in the lecture theatre said something which made my fragile heart crack and break into pieces. Urgh. I can't seem to get along very well with the girls in my class. They are nice but weird sometimes. Or perhaps I'm the weird fellow in disguise.


netball trials went rather alright on thursday. I went through about six court games before I got selected. There were many talented players though. My skills were mediocre compared to them. Thankfully, I was one of the last three girls who got selected into the team. The coach was one of a familiar face, I think she umpired the punggol netball team a few times before. Alright, netball trainings start next monday and I'm so not looking forward to it even though I enjoy the game. I prefer to remain ignorant.

okay. this entire week has been really taxing and exhausting even though I had two days off the week. I had canoe polo trials and netball trials yesterday.


all right, this was what happened yesterday evening. Since my lecture was supposed to end at 6 pm but I was released early at 4 pm, I had two whole hours to spend. took my dinner at jupiter cafe, tried out their fish and chips'(so-so) I headed for canoe polo trials at 5.30 pm. We were made to run 8 rounds around the track for just the stupid warm-up. My poor legs.


I headed for netball trials at 6.30 pm. Selections were strict and direct. I trashed it for first try as I was beat and exhausted from the earlier warm-up. However, we were given up to 2 to 3 tries. I was such a disgrace for failing to make it to the second round with the first try. Furthermore, I was wearing the netball shoes. Urgh. Thankfully, i made it to the second round with the second try. (: second trials next thurs near sports complex.

EXASPERATION!! I got tricked by this stupid email sent by an old friend of mine. I actually typed in the guy whom I really liked in this stupid webpage! this is the darn website, http://www.secret-loves.com/index.php?test=654150. Please do not ever access this page and be tricked just like me!


`i won't ever talk to you i guess.

YAY!!! my dragon boat team WON! we came in first, we're the champ! Today was the last day of the orientation and yet it was the most memorable one of my life.


Firstly, we began with the telematch at the sports complex in tp. Applied sci school came in champ as we scored a total of 100 points. Thereafter, we had to rush to bedok resevoir for the the dragon boat competition and ME myself had really wanted to pee somewhere at that point of time to calm my nerves down. hahah. Everything went briskly and finished off with a blink of my eye. I can still recollect the painful aches I had right after everything. My back ached so badly that I had to squat down to lessen the pressure on my back.


STUPID BLISTERS! School is starting next monday! Even though I'm looking forward to lessons in tp, somewhere else in me tells me that a large workload awaits me. It's not the end of the fun because in such a place as tp, you can't get enough of the fun with so many facilities. And making friends!!!

I'M SO SO BLOODY tired! I had to dry my hair so I decided to blog about today's happenings. It was basically an outrageously fun day. hahah, especially the campfire part. hees. I decided to head home instead of staying overnight there because of some personal reasons. (:


went to school early at around 12.30 pm to make it for dragon boat trials, or rather training at 1.30 pm. We were diverted to bedok reservoir and the so-called coach gave us a brief explanation of everything. Soon, we were on the boat! I was seated at the back of the boat la, so the in front people kept splashing all the reservoir water behind. I was totally wet after that. We were under the sun and in the waters for about close to two hours. I got a sun burn. Oh ya. It was so damn tiring especially when one had to use arm strength to row the boat forward. I've got a few blisters in exchange for the fun. hees.


I CAN'T WAIT FOR FRIDAY! I MISS PIXIE AND MY CLASS!

gosh. i'm so beat now. had applied sci school orientation today. it's going to go on for another 3 days. BUT, anyway it's fun. hahah. There were many guys in my class. 4 girls and 15 plus other guys in the class. COOL. hahah. The sad thing was I didn't got into the same class as debbie and jonas. ): urgh.


hahah. gosh. There was this really cute guy in my class called pixie. hahah. His hair's cute somehow. okay. I've got to head off. I'm so going to die soon. Yay. Dragonboat trials for me tomorrow! sun, sun, sun, water, water, water!

School's beginning!!! I'm so excited about it. heh. But I so hate going for the stupid orientations. I hate socialising some how. I prefer to linger around a few people who are close to me and then we'll enjoy our company. hms. HOWEVER, it's good to make more friends isn't it? URGH. I'm so beat and dog-tired that I can drop dead on my bed now. right at this very moment.

BORING day. I read close to half of a book today. I practically led a maid's all-in-a-day work today, woke up in the morning only to mop the floor and then I had a simple lunch which was my breakfast. And then I spent half the day at the television, thereafter it was BED time! So here am I awake and have nothing at hands to do.


EERIE. watched a documentary about 'spirits talk' in channel 11 of scv. It discussed about whether there was life after death. Then there was this woman whose husband left her because of an illness and she tried ways and means to connect to the spiritual world as a means to know how her husband's doing there. But everything was to no valid. Another example was this man who was strucked by an illness too and was filmed before his death. The whole film saw this man to his grave. It was eerie. hms. I wonder what lies after death?


EXCITED! school's starting and fun's in too! hhaha. I can't wait for school to start! It's so boring to stay at home all day and to hang out some days. At least with school, I get to have a scheduled lifestyle(which is constructive) and also participate in ccas! Perhaps if there was wakeboarding in tp, I might consider taking it up as my cca. (: tee hee.

tired!!! I went back to punggol sec to visit my juniors and at the same time train them as well. I guessed I didn't really did a good job huh. I played court game with them for about half an hour and it was slightly raining I think. Gosh. My stamina sucks big time now. I can't even sustain a half an hour half court game! URGH. hms. Perhaps the reason for my extreme exhaustion is because I'm having the thing of the month now. hahah. My head's heavy now. I've got to get some sleep soon. I'll be sleeping early then. (:


i'm still wondering when the police would arrest those two delinquents. I can't wait a day longer not seeing justice brought to light. BUT, can justice be brought to light always? the answer is NO. Sometimes, these ruffians just get away scott free. And I hate it. just pray that you're lucky if you don't get caught. URGH.

I settled my ez-link card verifications at the ticket office in compass today. I was there with debbie, ame, ter and xy. It was rather repetitive. I go out with the same crowd and we do the same things everytime. hms. I wonder how my new phase of life will take place? Will I immediately get a boyfriend? hahah. Sounds stupid but I'd rather focus on my studies and later pursue my dream after 3 years in temasek poly. heh. Life can be full of joy and commitment when you know what you want out of it.


Oh ya. I got another ear hole now. A second one on my right ear. To say the truth, it really doesn't hurt a little at all, I wonder why debbie is hesitating so much to a pair of ear holes. hahah. I hope school starts quickly! Staying at home has made me put on pounds! Netball trainings here I come!!!


`you don't even know your heart is with whom.

It was a movie day today, had an outing with debbie, terence and jonas at vivocity. We watched 'Because I Said So'. It was super hilarious when the old woman and her mate made out. hahaha. They both looked so desperate and deprived. Overall, it was a relatively good movie.

I don't understand some things. Even though everything has been settled today and that I hope the boys get caught very soon, my heart still feels heavy. I don't understand why everytime when something untoward happens to the person very close to my heart, I can't help blaming myself for it. There were so many what ifs lurking inside my mind the whole of last night that I could not really sleep. What if I had been there by my mother's side when the crime took place? The boys would have thought twice about snatching her bag and causing her so much distress because I was definitely bigger size than them according to what my mum described. I would have definitely put up a fight with them irregardless of what. Those two bastards. I'm so fuming now. freaking shit. It's so hurting to picture what my mum had to go through last night. urgh. I'm running a headache now. I hope the cops are able to arrest them and let me bash them up until their face features are distorted.



Even though everything is rather back to normal now, my family are still suffering from post-theft shock. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. my poor family. ):

DAMN IT! Today's the worse day of my life!!! freaking shit. One problems after another. And through this, I'm telling you I hate ma*ays! There was a crime which took place at BLOCK 291A, COMPASSVALE STREET today. Two young boys about the age of 14-17, race: obvious, grabbed a woman's handbag and dashed off quickly. One was quite plump and the other was fair-skinned, both were malays. Whoever you two boys are, I'll bet you two will get your just desserts for causing distress to my family and loved ones. You two bastards! I hope karma would envelop you and take you away! So if you know, the woman was my mum.

This morning was a disastrous one. My mum told me last night that the construction workers would be doing their painting job this morning and that she'd wanted all her clothes in the kitchen in. And yet, she left one bamboo of clothes hanging with our undergarments out there! SO this was how it goes.


I woke up rather late this morning since I slept real late last night because of bai lin again. I was shaken up by the din made in the kitchen, so, I walked slowly to the kitchen and I looked out of the window. To my horror, the bamboo was hanging midway in the air while its other end is struggling to save itself from its horrible ending. The ropes which helped to carry the men up the levels kept moving and eventually, the bamboo dropped down even though I tried to reach for it by the window and nearly dropped out. It was so frightening for me. After giving my dad a call, he asked me to head down to collect our stuff. And it was sheer stupidity because when I was downstairs trying to look for my things, the workers were up there trying to put stuff back into the house through the window! Even though they returned our things in one piece, I can't imagine the disgust of letting them touch our undergarments! YUCK! eee. My dad called the office in charge to lodge a complaint and eventually, what we got in return was 5 bamboos. hahah. All in return for my scare!


Alright, i've got to go out soon. Update you again tonight.

today had many ups and downs. I cried in the evening after I felt like I had been treated unfairly. Unappreciated. The guilty ones called and messaged me to head down to vivo to shop with them and enjoy our family time there. I hesitantly obliged them and I put on my jeans and some clothes, the next thing I knew I was on the train to habourfront.

when I arrived there, the first thing I had to do was to eat at the food court with my parents. My siblings weren't there, only my parents were. Well, this is not a very bad thing. The plus points are I get my food and drinks paid for. Soon, my siblings came and they ate really slowly as I watched them as I'd nothing better to do. My eyes hurt after some crying.

my sisters took me to shop around since I wasn't in the best of moods. They took me to ZARA and we spotted a dirt cheap pair of jeans for 34.90! I'd to get it, since it was not a want but a need. I needed tons of jeans for poly schooling. I was at the cashier and was about to pay by nets when my dad came around and HE said I will pay. At that very point of time, I was touched you can say. However, I wondered whether it was delibrate. hahah. Nah. My dad isn't that sort. Heh.

My mood uplifted thereafter. hahah. I held my Mum's hand as we walked through the mall. haha. I'm a wife snatcher. hahah. Through this all, I came to realized that I indeed love my family alot. hahah. It's not because my dad paid for my clothes okay! hahah.

i'm pissed off by my faggot younger sibling. She's a hard nut to crack sometimes and I feel like slapping her occassionally to send a message across her brain. What seemed like a mere issue turned out to be a hazardous accident. Okay. This was how it went.


I was taking account of the things I had been purchasing without second thoughts in a little handbook of mine. I needed a pencil to draw some lines and when I realized that they were with my younger sibling, I got a little fed up and headed to her pencil case which was opened and sliding with pens. I took my pencil and in the meantime found some markers could come in handy so I took them first without asking her. I scurried to finish up my accounts when my sister came into the room to take some stuff and realized that I was using her 'precious little markers'. This was what she said.


'Why did you used my markers without my permission???!!!' screaming at the top of her voice.


"You also used my mechanical pencil without my permission what," I said.


"I got ask you for your permission okay," she bellowed.


I said, "My foot okay"


Then she continued. "Do you know how much my markers cost in comparison with your mechanical pencil??!"


At this point of time, I was booming with anger and at the same time contenting my hurt with her words. We cursed each other with vulgarities thereafter.


I meant what's up with the borrowing of some stupid markers that aren't as great as they can be used? It's stupid of her to argue with me because of this thing. It's not like she always ask for permission when she uses my stuff or my elder sister's. And to come to think of it, she DIDN'T asked for my permission to use my bag this afternoon while I was asleep! She could have left a note of something. Talking about asking permission! If you yourself aren't able to perform something that you request of others to do, PLEASE do not request of others to do the same thing for you! I know I was in the wrong too. Thus, I kept rather quiet after that.

But what's up with the loud yelling? It blasted my ear drums! Crap. I hate loud people sometimes.

well, at least I had been happy the whole day today. I went out to do a little shopping with my elder sister, bought something else again. hahah. And I'm rather pleased with myself. heh.


i have been crazy about black roses lately. If supposingly someone came up to me and passed me a black rose, I'd be extremely happy. hahah. I'm obsessed with it.


went to the national eye centre to check my eyes today. Doc says there's nothing serious with my eyes and he prescribed more drops for me. Hopefully, these drops would prove useful.


URGH. i'm suffering from gastrics now. It hurts so badly that i don't think I can sleep tonight. Thankfully, I drank some milk a while ago or else I'd have fainted then. (; sharks.


`i found a new goal today. (;

I'm feeling wayward melancholic once in every blue moon nowadays.


`d*gusting person. you don't deserve such a girl. be mindful of yourself. pui.


(; don't worry, my friends. the above mentioned person is not any of you. hahaa.

I'm back with a twisted finger and tired body! I headed back to punggol secondary for my junior's netball training this afternoon. I guessed I haven't been honing my skills therefore my poor performance at netball all this while. I wonder where would I stand in tp's netball team. URGH. I'd rather not bother myself with such mediocre problems now. It makes me sick.


Training at punggol sec brought back some fine memories. My stupid sense of humour with the juniors and many others. However, there were some bad ones too. My self-reliance on my team-mates would never be able to push myself to the limits to achieve what I want from netball. Perhaps this is a new beginning for me. hahah. How stupid. This is a new beginning for me. OUCH. my poor finger.


URGH. Here it comes again. I just told myself not to ponder over mediocre things and yet and I have a strong feeling to say this. I keep wondering whether it's right to keep mum about my likes to someone whom I think isn't worth my effort to like. It's not like he's the best of the guys but yet he makes me laugh and feel happy when I'm talking to him. He's frivolous and everything you think you don't want a guy to be yet I'm falling head over heels for him. Isn't this stupid? I think it's a bad taste bud of mine somehow. This is not a confession, to person concerned.


`i think i fall in love too easily. & i hate it. be tolerant.

URGH. I'm so sleepy and tired. I was kept up by stupid bai lin last night again. Chicken boy. I'm going to collect my medical report at interanational plaza later! Then I'll head to temasek poly to hand up! I'm so pissed off man.


`my future is bleak you see.