My dear blog. I just realized that it has been weeks since I last updated you. I am feeling so confused. Many things have taken place and I feel so remorseful and regretful. I wished I never grew up. I want to remain as a young, innocent, ignorant child. As we grow up, I realized that there can be so many problems which one never knew they existed and could be a form of hindrance. Somehow, I wished this world was banished of all evil-hearted people. And then there would be left with the only pure, miniature evil me.
I collapsed into a room of darkness,
As I await for life to slowly sap away,
The love that I once so treasured were reminisced,
The power of love and determination.
Lift me up weightlessly.
Ethereal.
Give me strength to carry on ... I am not destinied to fail.

Hello ... My papers are finally over! I am unsure of whether I should jump for joy or break down and weep. Oh well. I shall just enjoy my days until I receive my results. I am so tired now. It has been almost two weeks of mugging for me and everyone else. In another two more weeks, I will be taking my chinese o levels. I am so sleepy now. I feel like breaking down into a very long sleep and never wake up yet I have hundreds and thousands of miles to pull myself through. Why is life like this? What are we working for? For ourselves? I seriously have no idea.
God, why did you created humans? My days are getting gloomier with every tick of the clock. I close my eyes as I picture the fears and inacceptance I will be foreseeing. One wrong step and I will fall down this steep mountain. Whoever reading this might not and never get what the heck I am talking about. Sigh. I shall update you soon.

Woa ... It has since been a few weeks since I last updated. Well, I have been busy prearing for the mid-year papers you see. Several things have ocurred in my life in this short period of time- 2 weeks. I shall not dwell on it. Let me get onto another topic.
Well, I have two more important papers to go. I really slacked alot today. I slept, I ate and I did everything you could never have thought of. I was bored of course. Heh hehs. I was not in the mood for studying today, really ... I just thought of relaxing today and slog hard for the next three days. I am so tired. Thick eyebags have formed under my eyes and I look horrid with them. But anyways, I have never been seen without eyebags in the midst of broad daylight. Haa.
Okie, I am going to sleep at 2 am tonight again. Hees. Bye.

Dear bloggie. I am mad at myself. I am mad for not being self-disciplined, and also not knowing my limits. I did my chemistry test 3 today. I failed or rather flunked the paper real badly that I felt that I am as good as nothing. I spent time reading through the topics last night and I yielded such results. Some of my friends did not even mugged for the paper and they scored distinctively better than me. I feel that I am such a disgrace to mrs gan and everybody. Am I a person who produce such results? I am a person who seeks for excellence. The paper today hit me real badly that I felt as if the world had given up on me. My chemistry paper is less than 2 weeks away and I am still sitting within the reach of complacency. I tell myself to stay positive and look on the bright side as I continue to work towards my goals.

Hellos blog~ I have been really distracted lately. I have been trying to steer back onto path. It has been rather difficult to do so. I have been coming online lately to chat with people when I do not even have sufficient time to study. WHAT THE HELL I AM DOING? I must question myself! The mid-year papers are half-way in my hands already, just what am I doing? I need to get my priorities right. I am like a rabbit being swollened by a snake hungrily. And this rabbit is trying tirelessly to free itself from the snake. Sigh. What are desires? Why do desires exist in this world? I leave this question to be answered by no one other than myself. I need to finish up my geog revision now. See ya.

Hellos bloggie. Yesterday I won two trophies at the sports meet. The feeling of receiving the trophy was exceptionally nice. Haa. But oh wells, it is over. I have to focus on my studies now. Furthermore, my overall target for this year is still nonetheless studies. I lost my focus last year. Sigh. I must stay focus this year. I don't want to have to go through all that hurt and disappointment I went through last year. Sad to say, I have been rather distracted from my work lately. I have to shun this distraction away. Less than 2 more weeks to my A maths paper. It is going to be the most challenging task I have so far faced. I need to revise my weak topics and target them now. I am going to work hard. I do not want to fail myself again. I will do it and can do it!

Bloggie. Sometimes I wonder why is there life in this world. Why do we live to compete and overcome one obstacle after another. I find that it is so strenuous to keep doing it though I have only been doing it for 15 years of my entire life. I will be competing in the 400 m, 200 m and 4 by 100 m race tomorrow. I hope I will wear myself out. I want to give my 100% in every race though I know it is going to be exhausting. I must learn from my mistakes and never commit them again. Stay focused. Stay on my lane and etc. Give me strength and courage!

Hellos. Apologies. I have not been updating recently. Haas. I have been busy. Hees. Yup. Mid-year exams are approaching ... I don't know how many times I have to emphasis this term. Frankly speaking, I am still not really prepared. I have channelling all my energy and focus to A maths and E maths. I also need to focus on Physics, been really weak at that. Sighs. Buck up, buck up! Urgh. I feel so bloated now. I just had my dinner. Ha. Darn it. This Saturday is my school's annual sports day. I am running three events. It is so stressful. I keep telling myself that I can do it and will do it however, you see, there is also the black side of things. Ya. I am really frustrated with myself when there is a compeitition I have to face. I will keep having these recollections of how I will be running. I will picture both sides, win or lose. Sigh. I will be logging off soon. I have to stay focused on my schedule.

Hellos people! Time passes really fast. In two weeks time, I will be sitting for my mid-year examinations. It's real terrifying but I am mugging real hard for it. Except for today. Ha. I am preparing to go out soon to celebrate Cherine's birthday. I have a line of tasks to complete tonight after the celebrations. I need to mug real hard for my chemistry and e maths tests which are coming up. There are so many things to do yet so little time. It seems like I need better, tighter time management! Ah ... ha. A little laughter will do no harm. Ha. See ya! *busy

Hello! I am back to my normal self! Hees. I am very grateful to Ms Lim's advice and myself. I have been brooding over the incident lately. And I have decided to move on. The world will not stop for me. I can cry all I want but I will move on and stay focused. Yay! I feel much weightless. Hees. I realized what I have been doing were just pure sms flirting, I did not even question myself whether it was love or whatever. And it ended up that I did not like him as much as I thought I did. It was just 'hallucination'. I took a much shorter time to forget him than little Eric. Anyways. I have a confession to make here. I am really sorry to you, Eric. You cherished me yet I chose the wrong choice which I now think I was not in the right mind at that time. He and me are not meant to be and we will never be. I am apologetic for not cherishing you. Whatever it is, I am directing all my energy towards my studies. And when I have collected my results with dazzling numbers, I will not forget you for being so patient with me in the past. Through this, I have seen who is the good and bad.
'Ctrl. Alt & Delete Mario' forever from my life.

Dear bloggie . . . I feel very down lately. I hate someone for being so direct towards me. I am no doll for you to play. I seriously don't know what are my aims right now. Previously, I was focused on studying until you got in and messed me up. I don't know whether I should be glad we finally cross our barrier of talking. We used to have a barrier called talking, these barrier was somehow slowly overcame, now I really don't know what you want. Isn't what we were doing so sweetly in the past something in aim for the future? What other barriers are there? I think I am nuts. I don't know why am I thinking of a relationship with you. You are not perfect among the guys I have known yet I don't know why have I fallen ever so deeply for you. This is sick man. I hate it, I detest it, I dread it. I have not given up on you yet you given up on me. I am so tired of giving my energy to this bloody thing. I am focusing on other things from now on. My studies, netball and my family. I am also going to focus on someone else if no one is going to pick me up from this dreadfulness.
MUG, MUG, MUG for o's!

I feel very happy today. 'He' gave me some answers which I long wanted to know or ask about and the good thing is he was sensitive. I feel that I am falling for him more and more. He can be sensitive and sweet, he does not overdo these. Perhaps I am imaginating things, but I still think I should get to understand him more before I do anything. Hees. *cuddles
Drats. I have geography homework to finish up on my last day of the holidays. It is frustrating, I find geography boring lately. Well, I shall just stick to my passion. It is study time! Ha.
I just want to apologise to this special someone for letting him down. You were sweet too however, I guess our age gaps were a little too far apart and I am still immersed in my toddly thinking and perspective in terms of relationships. I guess I will not be doing anything rash in the future. Take care k. I hope you will find another better and much prettier girl or lady in the future.
Alrights, I have to log off now. Bye!

I had a awesome time at bedok with my aunts and cousins today, spent almost my entire afternoon with them. Well, I have sort of thought it through or something. I just need time to sort it out.
I read someone's blog earlier and I am feel pretty touched by his actions. I just want to let him know that things that I have happened, have took place and it is time to move on.
I am going to chat with 'him' later on. I just feel that we have to sort this out sooner or later. Perhaps I should not even be brooding over this anymore. I will just leave it as it is.
Ha. I should stay positive! Yay! Hees. Need to begin a new term with a bright prospect. And also begin my 'purehardwork' mode. Haa. Tee hee. Alrights, I am going to end here ... Take care people!

Should I just let you go? I am confused. I don't understand what you are thinking. I know you do not understand what am I thinking at most of the times. I have so many questions in my head that are churning and waiting there for you to answer. Will you accept my imperfections? I know myself and I am a person who seeks perfection however, over the years, I realized that I am the person who is the most imperfect. Therefore, I no longer seek perfection in people except for the things I do. Perhaps, in the end, I guess you will ask me to let you go or just end all this because you do not want me to feel upset or anything. I really don't know. Perhaps we should just stay as friends because that was what we intended to do at the very first place. We wanted to maintain what we were doing however I do not know how come we got to the topic. Sigh. Are you confused too? Perhaps we should talk about this some time.
Today, something terrible happened to me. I got humiliated in front of several people at my school bus-stop. I don't really want to blame the person who did it because I knew she did not did it deliberately. You claimed you loved me yet you hurt my pride and self-esteem. Sigh. I just hope another of this will not happen again. I am born with it, it's not like I wanted it. Don't shout at me like I deserved it. I do not blame you and I still love the times we enjoyed together. I hope this will not be mentioned again.
Sigh. This week's accomplishment have not been as fruitful as I thought. I wanted to do more than these. Alright, let me end here.

Dear blog ... I don't know whether I have been doing the right things ever since I messaged him and got closer to him. I am so filled with uncertainty. Can you at least give me some certainty or an answer? I somehow feel that nothing will come out of this until I chatted with him that night. We chatted so easily, all of that except I still do not know what is he thinking all the time. We do not speak at school and seldom do we walk past each other and smile often. I read your blog entry and your ex asked you whether do you know how to even love ...
Urgh. I will continue from the next entry.

Dear bloggie ... My holiday week have not been as fruitful as I thought. I actually intend to do more than what I am presently doing today or the past few days. Sigh. I wished I would be given more time or at least I can be given a pair of speedy hands or brains to speed up my way of doing things. Today, I did a very bad thing. I hurt someone whom I used to like. I did not mean to do so however, some things are hard to explain. It is just that I have not got over someone and he just so happen came into my life. I mean his appearance in my life made a difference in my life however like I say, I have not got over someone. So now I let both parties know and the one whom I have not got over seemed to be a little mad now. Sigh. What am I supposed to do?

Hello ... bloggie. I had a sophisticated night. Someone messaged me at 3 am in the morning, and it so happen I got woken up by the message. Anyway, I was rather keen to listen and chat with this person near dawn. It was awry. This person told me that he wanted give up or something. Sigh. I really do not understand what this person is thinking ...

Dear blog. Life is getting tougher and tougher each day for me. I feel the load getting heavier and heavier. However, I am telling myself that I will only get stronger by each load not weaker. Soon, two months of intensive schooling would have passed. Also, very soon I will take my GCE O' level chinese paper. Everything is approaching at a very frightening speed that I am so afraid the next day would be my O's. You know something. I have really put in a lot of effort in my studies in these two beginning months of schooling. And, I feel that I am reaping the results. I really regretted not being this way the year before. I am experiencing mixed feelings right now. I do not know whether I should be glad that I have realized earlier or regretted earlier or despair over how much I have missed out in the past year. It is real frustrating. I am taking up A maths tuition very soon. I also want to take up Chemistry tuition however I have not seeked my parent's views yet.
At this point of time, I really want to be frank to anyone. I have been in close terms with this someone. However, it is only through sms. It is frustrating. We do not talk to each other in school and then things are not going really smoothly. We are thinking of giving up each other anytime. Well, I am frustrated. I really have no mood for a relationship at this period of my life. Why couldn't all this problems approach me the year before when I fooled around the entire year? Why do such things approach me when I want to focus and concentrate? Well, maybe this is a test of my abilities.
Oh. Ya. I was approached to be this year's female House Captain for Julius! This is cool and awesome man. I have never been one before. This is a new experience in my last year of secondary education. Haa. I am nuts. Okie, I am ending here. I got to do some revision.

Wells, I haven't been blogging for a week. Many things have happened in this entire week. So many things and problems which are revolving around my closest friends and loved ones. I'm pretty worried for mei xuan. She's like so vulnerable inside yet strong on the outside. I'm kinda upset for her, her birthday just passed and she had to deal with so many whats and knots. Sigh. I thank god none of these things are happening to me and if any of you all need my help, just approach me. Valentine's day is approaching. This year is kinda complicated for me. Sigh. I really don't know what's approaching or is going to happen to me. And anyways, I'm neither attached to anyone yet. Sigh. Alrights, I need to go now. Bye.

So wells, I'm here to update my blog during this Chinese New Year Season. Actually before my reunion lunch at home, I was looking through Siew hong's blog and it kinda made me sad. I had no mood to enjoy the steamboat after that. I kept thinking when I will leave the team and how my life will be without trainings. It's just horrendous just to think. I was silent throughout the meal, which made my parents thought something was up with me. Haa. I was pretty upset. I went to my room to message chew ling and she advise me not to think about it till then. I heed the advice. I'm so upset now, though. I want my sweetest coach to remain and my team. However, something sparked me. I was wondering so what if we win or lose now that we have lost, we will be out of the school just in a matter of time. Hence, I would rather choose not think or reminsce the times we so enjoyed being together. iLOVEtheteam simply so much! That I simply don't want to let go. Everyone watched everyone grow up. It's like leaving my siblings behind somewhere. Anyways, I don't want to ponder over it anymore. It makes me real hurt inside. Sometimes I just wished we don't have to grow up but just remain in this little land of treasury. Sigh ... Alrights, I have got to go. Happy Chinese New Year, ppl!