Work today was hideous. Everything was bad, there were so much work to do and all I could think of was nothing else but all that happened over the previous night. First, my mind was so preoccupied with all that crap that happened and second, there were so many bloody samples to manage all by myself. It pushed me to the brink that I broke down in the toilet at the office. Imagine all that pride I had to keep aside when my colleagues found me in the toilet like that. It was totally embarrassing. Anyway, I hope tomorrow will be a better and brighter day. It's the weekends the day after tomorrow. I really need a break.

Then it occurred to me that she really didn't bothered anymore. I was crying so badly in the toilet and I badly needed to talk to her to make me feel at ease again yet when I called her, she did not answer. Where were you everytime I needed you? I know clearly how seldom I need someone this badly cause I tell myself to be strong everytime something bad happens. You tell me to not lock myself up in this shell of mine, yet when i'm trying to open up to you, you just don't bother. I'm so lost, I don't want to share anymore. I guess things would be just fine like how it was in the past when I just kept everything to myself.

I don't see the reason of all that's happened. I keep questioning myself what have I done wrong. I just don't understand, I really don't. Whose ... Ugh, I don't know why am I saying all these here. It's not going to make any difference.

I'm so confused. I need to go to do a sport. Oh god, tell me what to do ... I need to get on.