Hello. I feel so dreary and lazy today! Sigh. Sometimes I feel so useless and dumb and I hate myself when I feel that way. It's like I have got no brains or something. I wonder why when somebody tells me to do something, nothing goes through my brain to ever wonder why I have to do that way and I just go ahead with doing that. Because why? Everybody's doing it. Why, why, why?

I feel like I have accomplished nothing all these years. I feel unsatisfied with my life. It's not material wants that I seek for but goals that are attained with my hardwork. Why, why, why? Sometimes I stare at a question so hard, I feel like I can knock my head straight into the paper onto the hard concrete table and black out immediately. I want to do just that, do just that the next time and I will wake up to be lying in the cold hospital ward the next morning.

I find myself eccentric most of the times. I don't even know what I want. Sometimes when people ask me, "Charlene what do you want to do when you go out to work?" I can only blankly answer them what comes to my mind on the spot. I wanted to be a doctor, a pharmacist, a policewoman, a chemist, a coroner or whatever which can explore the dark side of life. I am mystified by things which are very dark and mysterious. Haiya. Okay. Cheerios.

Yay, the term tests are over. But it's a matter of time before I will have to go back to school to face the music. I have been so bad, bad, bad. Sigh. Anyway, my holidays have been packed with trainings and projects. I'm trying to get used to it.

Sigh. Another bad thing. I went to the hairdresser's and she cut my long fringe so short! I look totally horrendous now. Urgh! Piggie. I have to wait patiently for it to grow back nicely again.

Oh yay. I played the psp the entire day! I love rpg games. You can spend 2 hours playing them without noticing that time has passed. And so that was how my time was passed. ha. okay. cheerios.

Hi. I haven't been updating since I don't know when. I have been so busy that I can't even stop at my pace to do some soul-searching. I guessed it's all because of my poor time management and attitude towards my studying since the beginning of my poly life. I just can't start or stop sighing now. hahah, nevermind i shall reorganise my life once more.


I am feeling nostalgic now. I keep reminiscing the past. Somehow I feel really mad at 'someone' sometimes and occassionally I just keep thinking of 'someone'. It has been so selfish of 'someone' to leave me behind alone to fend for myself and to build new relationships when we were so close in the past. I feel weird without 'someone' to give me confidence and strength to carry on like how I did in the past. I feel so hurt that 'someone' is treating me this way. Urgh. I can't carry on anymore. It's not fair to me even though I didn't cherish 'someone' in the past and I took him for granted. I pray to get over this soon.