Hello. I feel so dreary and lazy today! Sigh. Sometimes I feel so useless and dumb and I hate myself when I feel that way. It's like I have got no brains or something. I wonder why when somebody tells me to do something, nothing goes through my brain to ever wonder why I have to do that way and I just go ahead with doing that. Because why? Everybody's doing it. Why, why, why?

I feel like I have accomplished nothing all these years. I feel unsatisfied with my life. It's not material wants that I seek for but goals that are attained with my hardwork. Why, why, why? Sometimes I stare at a question so hard, I feel like I can knock my head straight into the paper onto the hard concrete table and black out immediately. I want to do just that, do just that the next time and I will wake up to be lying in the cold hospital ward the next morning.

I find myself eccentric most of the times. I don't even know what I want. Sometimes when people ask me, "Charlene what do you want to do when you go out to work?" I can only blankly answer them what comes to my mind on the spot. I wanted to be a doctor, a pharmacist, a policewoman, a chemist, a coroner or whatever which can explore the dark side of life. I am mystified by things which are very dark and mysterious. Haiya. Okay. Cheerios.

Yay, the term tests are over. But it's a matter of time before I will have to go back to school to face the music. I have been so bad, bad, bad. Sigh. Anyway, my holidays have been packed with trainings and projects. I'm trying to get used to it.

Sigh. Another bad thing. I went to the hairdresser's and she cut my long fringe so short! I look totally horrendous now. Urgh! Piggie. I have to wait patiently for it to grow back nicely again.

Oh yay. I played the psp the entire day! I love rpg games. You can spend 2 hours playing them without noticing that time has passed. And so that was how my time was passed. ha. okay. cheerios.

Hi. I haven't been updating since I don't know when. I have been so busy that I can't even stop at my pace to do some soul-searching. I guessed it's all because of my poor time management and attitude towards my studying since the beginning of my poly life. I just can't start or stop sighing now. hahah, nevermind i shall reorganise my life once more.


I am feeling nostalgic now. I keep reminiscing the past. Somehow I feel really mad at 'someone' sometimes and occassionally I just keep thinking of 'someone'. It has been so selfish of 'someone' to leave me behind alone to fend for myself and to build new relationships when we were so close in the past. I feel weird without 'someone' to give me confidence and strength to carry on like how I did in the past. I feel so hurt that 'someone' is treating me this way. Urgh. I can't carry on anymore. It's not fair to me even though I didn't cherish 'someone' in the past and I took him for granted. I pray to get over this soon.

I haven't been updating recently, been really busy with every-thing that I feel so worn out when the battle hasn't even began. Somehow, somebody's absence all the time has affected me and I'm kind of hit badly by his behaviour. But I'm trying to cope and forget. I'm trying to return to be myself all over again. That kind of chemistry we used to share and laugh over, I have never experienced it with anyone else yet. I can only return to be my old self again. But I just want you to know that I fell in love with you once and that was the last.

I want to go shopping! I want to get loads of tee shirts and shoes and .... more! hahah. I have got to go de-stress! Sigh. I want to change this damn blog skin.

oh god. It's my birthday tomorrow! I'm one more year older now, and so are my parents. Sometimes, I wished I was peter pan who never grew up. Sigh. Don't you realized that as we grow up, we carry more responsibilities and burden along the way? I don't know why but I feel this way.


I am feeling so sick today. I fell sick two days back. Caught a bad flu and my nose's all blocked that my ear's affected too. But I went to the doc already, she prescribed me some stupid medicine which always made me so drowsy. Sigh. (: but I'm looking forward to getting my pink psp slim! heh.




I have tried scolding you and sounding you out even though sometimes I know I went abit too far. But you never learnt that if you failed one more time, i might never get to see you again in the class. We have distanced so much that I don't really know who you are anymore. I don't know why, but I feel that I should not be treating myself this way by hurting everytime I think of you. Therefore I have decided not to bother anymore.

Dear Diary,
I am getting more upset as each day goes by. I don't know why. I think I am in love already but somehow ... how should I describe it? Wrong feelings at the wrong place and time. I can't understand certain things in life. It's like I have been fooled by fate. He's still as happy as he is but I am not. He has gotten over what happened between us but I have not. In fact, I feel that he is even happier now without my control and everything. I used to be so manipulative of him, screaming at him as and when, and he time and again didn't got mad at me. I really don't know who is at wrong for my predicament. Urgh. I will just get over everything and focus on my studies instead.

~ i didn't know some words could be so piercing to the heart when it came from the people you loved.

Happy Birthday Ms Coral Lim! Today's marks the birthday of someone whom I had really admire since young. I only wish for her to stay happy always. (;


School started today with the morning drizzle which kind of spoilt the entire day. But anyway, lessons ended early and I brightened up again. hahah.


I saw somebody today who brought up tremendous emotions in me. Over the months, I come to realize that he is really important to me. He has brought so many happy memories into my life. I'm so regretting now. But I have to prioritise and understand everything now. It's so not right. I really don't know. I wished I can't be bothered.

I miss the hotel alot. I miss the people there. I miss the people who thought highly of me even though I was not exactly. I miss the canteen where I sat for my buffet dinner regularly. I miss every single bit of the hotel. Even though I have worked there for barely a month, it seemed like I have worked there for ages. (: i love shangri la. and i will miss my friends who have shared the fun and laughter working there.

Some are looking forward to school reopening while I am not really looking forward to it anymore. At least for now.

Sometimes I pretend that things are alright but deep inside I am furious. If you think you deserve respect, please bear in mind that others deserve that same amount of respect too.

School's going to reopen, I wonder whether I should be happy or upset. Anyway, life's just going to go on so I shall just face each day with a smile. (:

This holiday has been quite a fruitful one. I managed to hold down a number of jobs and earn quite a bit. So I had been hardworking this holiday. hahah. And I am going back to school with this same attitude.

Yay. I have work tomorrow! Work's never been so fun with friends and everything else. hahah. And it's 8 dollars per hour on monday! I'm going to work on monday! (: ok, see ya!

Chalet was fun today. hahah. I had a ball of a time! But I am so tired and worn out right now and I have work tomorrow. I have a feeling that my health is deteriorating real fast because I keep having chest pains quite often these days. I haven't been to the doc though. And the pain is directly in the heart, like a short sharp and fast pain to the heart when I breathed in deeply. I think I might suffer from cardiac arrest very soon. Sigh, I am going to see the doc soon.


When I see others holding hands and being all lovey-dovey, I ask myself this question. "Am I not as deserving as that person right there to have someone whom I like and care for?" And I know the answer very clearly myself. I am of course more deserving than that person there! I just can't figure out what is wrong with me. I have tried very hard to be just like everyone else but this is like it's inborn in me. I can't help it. Perhaps I should just let someone else do the loving instead of me. Someone who is capable of just loving me plainly and not asking for anything in return. Because I am incapable of returning the love.


Yay. I am going to work tomorrow to forget everything else! I am going to see my eyecand-ies! hahaha! love them. haha.

Yay!!! Chalet is on friday! I can't wait! I miss my friends and fun so much. hahah. Somehow I feel that I am not resting enough from my breaks in between workdays. I still feel very lethargic after a day's rest since sunday. Oh man. I was at Shangri-la hotel working when I met Mr Stanley Tan from Punggol sec who was attending the wedding banquet. So embarrassing. hahah.

Life seems to get on rather fine for me. Been really busy at work until dawn sometimes of the week. I have not been getting enough sleep huh. Hms. Something is amiss. I have to settle something before the holidays end. Sigh. Yup. Me signing off.

Great. I am now a banquet assistant cum waitress at Shangri-la Hotel working my holidays away ... hahah.

How frustrating. I accompanied salleh to meet his prudential friend at tanjong pagar mrt station. We spent more than an hour at his friend's office studying and learning about the policies. However, I was quite impressed what the policies can do for me. haha. Yup. We initially wanted to catch a movie at ps but some bloody misunderstandings caught itself between us and I decided to head home instead. yada yada. I don't want to state what went on after that.

I don't know but I feel that I really need to change and plan for my future myself. This is human instinct when a problem crops up anyway.

Somehow I feel that I have hid myself far too well that nobody suspects or feel otherwise except those whom I have told. Sometimes I just get kind of tired hiding behind this dark curtain in my heart. Sometimes I feel absurd or even dumb cos I know all this leads to nothing eventually. My body is aching.

=) let's just hope tomorrow's a bright and wonderful day!

Life's so unpredictable. Last week was so bloody hard to pass and this week is breezing by. Hms, got my results yesterday and they weren't what I had expected, well perhaps not within my expectations. After what I have all gone through this entire past two weeks, it's like I have grown up a whole bit. I don't know. I just have been thinking alot about what's to life. I have also changed alot in terms of my character and perspective. I don't know what I want. Is grades everything?

It's like I am sitting in a very dark room with only a lighted candle in sight. I am waiting for someone or something to bring the candle to my side and pass me all its warmth and light. Because I am too weak to do anything anymore.

it's teacher's day today. i bet we have brought much joy and happiness to our teachers by just visiting them at school. hahah. anyway, why am i blabbering about this issue? it just doesn't sound like it's coming from me. hahah. went back to punggol sec today and i saw some people whom i didn't really wanted to see so i scurried off first. ha. (:

why is it always the same thing? my parents are urging me to get a vacation job again! i feel so pissed off. i understand that they worry about me stepping into society to work but i just don't see their worry now. urgh. and there's like people who are telling me how much they are earning from their vacation jobs and how easy they got the job, i feel so freaked out! so frustrating! i just realized that i am a all-say-and-no-action sort of person! i'm useless! people please don't console me, i just know it myself.

gosh, my exams are over finally. i am so exhausted and tired. i can literally drop dead on my bed right now. urgh. but i went shopping with debbie and salleh today! it was a very fruitful trip. ahahah. my feet hurts alot now though. i had my feet pasted with salonpas everywhere, ouch i'm such an old woman. hahah. (:

urgh. another setback for the day. i think i have to take a sub paper for my mass and energy balance paper, the paper today was so hard that i racked my brains until I wanted to weep on my desk. hms. life is so full of setbacks anyway. (: i have seen the lighter side of it. i'm so tired, i can't continue. update you soon! oh ya, i had seoul garden today!

oh great. this semester's like nearly over? time just passes so fast that it's scary. my semestral exams are next week and i've barely scrapped through revision. urgh. and i'm going shopping with ame and perhaps mabel tomorrow? i feel so guilty and i'm afraid that i won't have enough time for revision and preparation. i will do some planning later.

i keep thinking that there's something wrong with me yet somewhere within me just tells me that it's ok and i'm alright. that i should just keep things as simple as possible. however, the simpler i keep things, the more i go wayward. anyway, i haven't been normal since quite some time ago and some people should know. hahah.

this week was a 'dying-down' time for things between salleh the biatch and me. hahah. i was like getting serious at my studies since my exams are around the corner but he kept fooling around to distract or interrupt me. it just gets quite irritating sometimes. but he's always at my beck and call which makes me like him alot sometimes too. hahah. we're both like little girls giggling at a corner when we laugh at other people in class. that's like so cute la. hahah. so sweet. oh i think i'm mad. haaah..

i am so pissed off! urgh. my meb project is reaching its due. and i have yet to complete it with my group-mates. i feel so bloody useless as a group leader!!! like a complete loser in this aspect. URGH! okay, got to get down to work now!

yay! GIRLS' NIGHT OUT! 15 august!!! ahahah!

oh gosh. the week's been passing so quickly that i didn't realized it. hahah. this week was fun, had dumbo salleh with me the entire week. he was with me at school almost every single hour and second. hahah. and we spent almost two-thirds of our time laughing that i thought that it was affecting my studies. oh great, i hate having my studies affected. BUT, it's worth it. i'm a much happier person now. (:


urgh. my dearest xuan yi is now in tai pei. i miss her a little. hahah. that stupid girl, she tricked me during meb lab on wed. urgh. i think she'll be back on the 8th of aug? misses ......... (:


the stupid workload at school is stressing me up. i hate some of my teachers, they just aren't efficient at teaching. but it's better to like than to hate huh. ahahah. i want to watch ALONE!

what is the feeling of not having what you wanted? what is the feeling of loving someone but the feeling is not mutual? what is the feeling of being hurt, isolated and alone? what is the feeling of loving someone whom you do not love?

my answer to all the above questions can't be answered because i can't feel anymore. there are few attempts at failure but i already feel weak and tired. what is my reason for being neither here nor there with anyone? it's because i can't have the only one with me. i only want the ONE with me. i don't want anyone else. BUT it's only 4 now. i'm too sick and tired with feelings.


after i got home and took a hot shower, i felt really emotional. perhaps it's after I have seen somebody's profile. it hurt a little, then spasm of pain hit me. i'm so sad now.

this week passed briefly. i had a total of three quiz-es in the week. however, the week was extremely fun though. ahaha. i had ton-less fun and laughter with the idiot salleh. hahah. he's such a funny head. hahah. hms. uh oh, i have meb proj and quiz to prepare for. so irritating. i'm so tired.

my brain is switched off already. so sleepy ... my life could be much much simpler, now that i see. (:

i didn't felt really right today. in fact, i felt really upset and happy at one point of time. it really spoils my mood every time this happens. i think my emotional problems are overtaking my clear head and disillusioning me from everything else. urgh. stop letting me see you!

urgh. i have been so stressed up this week. because of meb project and stuff. i'm like the treasurer of my class, grp leader of the meb proj, official person for nball. this is like role-playing man. urgh. sometimes, i wished my life was much more than this. but it's better than being dead and still right.


i have misunderstood several peeps the past few weeks though. i feel so ugly, for being so bad and evil. urgh, whatever. i'm just talking randomly. this week passed pretty briefly. learnt much stuff. organic chemistry is getting harder and more nonsensical with each topic ... pipc too.


i was browsing through some people's blog when i suddenly felt a strong sense of guilt somewhere in my body(make a guess). hahah. dots. even though i had been looking forward to the weekends, somehow i don't really see much to it. it's like i have suddenly lost all my motivation in life at one moment. there's a reason, but i won't say though.


friends keep my life going when things start getting rocky.

YES! i finally cut my hair! I feel a new rush of adrenaline and a NEW start. ahahah. Hms. The next weekend is going to be exciting! I am going for a hotel stay for free! ahaha. And besides, it's close to ecp so perhaps we can go and catch the sun-rise or sunset in the morning or something. Oh. Then I'll be catching the harry potter movie with my family. ooh. I can't wait for the weekends! ((:

dear blog,

i am so very upset today. I don't know what's wrong with me, it's been like 2 or 3 whole days since I began getting very moody. I just feel like venting my anger and frustration at a wall but I know I'll just hurt in the end. I feel like uttering some vulgarities here but does or will it change anything? I am going to lose control someday and also lose my senses as well. Everything is like so unfair to me. I am not blaming God or grumbling about my misgivings but ... in fact, I appreciate everything that I have now. It's just that some imperfections in life are really taking their toll on me. And it freaking sucks because I can't help it!

i am breaking down. i want to break down and just feel weak and numb to the bone. numb. release me now.

Ahahah. It was a nice day today. My lessons ended at 12 noon and I had lunch with aloy at tm afterward. We had ajisen, I think the food there is only so-so, perhaps because noodles don't really appeal to me. ahaha. (: After that, we headed to super bowl at kovan and I watched him bowl (I kept yawning, hahah). He's a super nice guy la, he opened the car door for me once or twice already. Hms. But we are only close friends as such. (: I headed home to get changed afterward.


met up with ame, sh and deb at compass after that. We had to discuss the details of the trainings so we went to kfc to get a few seats. Debbie was a ding-tei though. AHAHAH. Stupid deb, she kicked me in my shin that it hurts so much now. URGH. @#$%^&*! cheese pie. hahah. hahah. Alright, so much for the crap.


I made a stunning discovery today! Somebody has cried over ME before! Oh gosh. I felt so honoured la. hahah. Aw. I'm so bad.. hees. BUT, I have cried over someone before too therefore it's like a chain effect. ahahah. It was so fun today la! Heh heh.


it's no point for us to proceed if the feeling is not mutual. there is nothing wrong with you, it's just me. cos i'm not even sure myself.

blah ... it's another short break for me this weekend. ahaha. Urgh, i won't have netball trainings for the next 2 weeks though, it just makes me so upset. It's because they are focusing on the main team since the POL-ITE games are on the 18th of july. Anyway, I am not giving up this cca.


I have been hit by the love storm recently. ahaha. I seriously don't know how to commit myself to a relationship and I am afraid to do so. It's not that I don't wish to accept now but it's just that I have several reasons to not do so. I know you are patient and good to me, it's just plain selfish of me alright and I can't help it.


urgh. I haven't been reading books at all thus I totally have no inspiration to write the beautiful english. I like to express my thoughts into beautiful english. ahaha. Urgh. I'm so tired now ... so dreamy. I don't wish to ponder too much now.

`are you the one not

this is so weird. I have totally no idea why a friend of mine has been so cold towards me since the last time we met for lunch and we went to netball training together. urgh. %^$%$#$&^%& PEACE.


I just received a call from sh. She told me something which was really unexpected though. I wonder how things are going to proceed for me the next 4 weeks. Thankfully, I have ame and mabel to help me with the coaching. I really have no confidence to do all this alone.


HELP! Everything's crashing down on me! Tell me what's going on? i'm going to slash my wrist. ahahah. i'm just plain bored out now. (;

Grrr ... I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I did something in my life which I would have never done before last night. ahhaha. Stop guessing, no one could ever guessed it. But anyway, i am suffering from the after-effects of everything now. crap. I am so sleepy now. I had a LONG day! Let me recount it. ahha.


had pipc lessons together with debbie at 9 am until 11 am, that stupid girl, kept disturbing me. ahhaha. I tell you, I am so unlucky today alright. I forgot that I had to wear shoes for my lab practical this afternoon so I rushed home to get my shoes! And to add it on, I puke this morning after breakfast. Urgh. whatever. Thereafter, I had the so-called dumb csas lesson and we received our term-test which wasn't very idealistic for me. ahahah. I rushed home after that, got back to school at around 2.30 pm and ya da ya da.... i'm simply too lazy to talk about the rest of the day. Lab was DUMB. heh.


~ i wished your heart were with me.

): I just got back from hong kong a day ago. It feels weird to be back so soon when I was enjoying myself to the max over there. Hong Kong is indeed a shopping paradise. However, I wouldn't consider emigrating to there because the traffic isn't all very efficient over there. Haah. SHOP, SHOP & SHOP! Hong kong is such a huge place that I walked until my legs went wobbly. We didn't had enough time to finish shopping every district though. Hong kong is FUN! But, the hotel we stayed at was creepy. hahah. I won't mention why then.


I went shopping with winnie today at marina square. I think she's a little nuts la, I just got home from hong kong and she wanted to have our lunch at a hong kong restaurant. In the end, we did. hahah. Urgh. I'm so tired now. I haven't got enough rest yet. There will be a netball team bonding outing tomorrow and I am not sure whether I can make it anot. It's alright, I'm not in the main team anyway. But I love my team-mates. (:


Alright, I'm going to sleep soon I guess. I'm so beat. I had netball training this evening and we went to the gym to work out. And when I got home to use my toilet, I realized that the toilet door could be opened very, very easily. hahah. gosh. i'm nuts. I had a fun time at training today. (:

Grrr ... I had quite a time getting to sleep last night. My back was hot and scratchy, lying on my back was a chore. Oh well, nevermind about that. I was reading back on all my past entries when I realized that almost all the entries had a netball subject in it. Then I was like wondering does netball really have that much impact in my life? hahah. I think I'm crazy, anyway.


Yay! I'm flying soon!!!! I'm going to take tons of pictures man, going to take pics on the plane, pics at the airport, pics EVERYWHERE! Hopefully, I would get in the mood la. Or else I wouldn't like taking pictures because I would have that damn stern look on my face. hahah.


Urgh. I'm so bored now yet sleepiness overwhelmes me. It's like ... I wished I could have a more exciting life. Don't you think the typical human lifestyle is very mundane? We are all working everyday to earn a safe keep. And when we finally get to loosen up and enjoy ourselves, the time passes quickly with a blink of the eye. That's why I think the camera is a very important tool, it helps to capture the very precious moments in life. hahah. And to this, I recommend .... (behaves like a saleswoman) hahah.


Uh oh... la la la la la la la life is wonderful ... ha la la la la la la life goes for circles .... ha la la la ... hhaha! too bored you see!

Finally. I went to sentosa today and had my training this evening, finally everything is over. I just felt that training was very stressful but I keep persisting for the wrong reasons? I am not even sure myself.


The sun was unpredictable this afternoon. It rained for a while and we guys just played in the rain like nobody's business. Soon after, the rain stopped and the sun shone like crazy. I was like playing volleyball right beneath the sun and guess what, I'm as red as a cooked crab now. hahah. Urgh, my back hurts like nuts. Aiya, i don't want to bother. I have much better things to brood over. Oh well, brooding is not a very nice thing to do anyway.


I am so lost now, lost in the midst of a huge desert. I don't know where or how I am going to find you. I feel so weak now. If only you were there close to me to support when I'm going down, but you were nowhere close because you're too far away. Too faraway. This is just too raw.

Urgh. It's so bloody hot now. I don't know why. I guess it's because of my workout at my junior's netball training earlier this afternoon. My juniors were really atrocious man, especially the sec ones, it's no wonder ... sigh. nevermind. I'm too tired to think about them.


Urgh.... I have got a busy day ahead tomorrow! It's sun-tanning and training day! I'm like going to rush to training after 4 pm to tp for my netball training. dots. Tonight is so hot man!

This weekend is sooo boring... urgh. I just got home from having coffee with aloy at compass point. We chatted much then he sent me home in his car. hahah. Not bad la, a guy his age quite loaded already. Hms. Yup.


I went to watch the netball super league finals yesterday. It was super exciting la, because one of my senior was in vipers and my coach was umpiring. I saw jodine and grala there too(my seniors too). I was with chew ling, elly and pei wen, by the way. I even saw ms coral lim too, but she didn't saw us however. haah. Vipers lost to the Marlins though. I was kind of supporting vipers since my senior was playing for them. I saw jean ng! ahh. haha.


Last night, I was having a late dinner with pei wen and chew ling and we were gossiping about someone being a lesbian. hahah. Someone. hahah. Then I was like thinking what's wrong with someone being a lesbian, it's alright what. It's not like they can help it right. Besides, I have come acrossed many people who aren't straight. Yup. urgh. I suffered from a bad gastric pain last night that I had to head to the pharmacy to purchase some antacid tablets to ease the damn pain. I think I might get stomach ulcer very soon. AH!


I'm going to be so busy next week. Trainings, sun-tanning and trainings again! And I'm going to fly after that! SHOP, SHOP & MORE SHOPPING! Heh. I'm so looking forward to that. Perhaps I can leave all my damn frustrations there after all the shopping. (:


`i'm so dead. i think i have a thing for you but you are not with me.

Urgh. I'm having my term test next week, it's so frustrating. But I'll get it over and done with soon and fly off! hahah. Things hasn't been proceeding smoothly though. I feel so sick now, yes, I have fallen ill just days before the term test. URGH. I hate this but this isn't the first time. What to do.


I spent some time thinking about some things a few nights ago and I finally bucked up enough courage to tell someone about it. Even though I feel much better now, I still feel bad about scaring someone. hahah. Alright, this scar of mine can never heal itself. At least I hope it will.


Sometimes when things happen, I choose to let it be because I can no longer control the outcome. Some may say that I am uttering nonsense because no matter what, we still have control over what we want to do. But I am telling you, everytime I try to control what I want to do, I have to try very hard when minimum effort needs to be given. This makes me wonder whether I have a mental disability. [:


Alright, I seriously don't know what I am really talking about. I am running a fever now I think. God bless me. [: nights.

I have been attending netball trainings for the past 2 weeks. I think you all know me, I take quite a while before I open up to those around me. And this applies to every aspect of my social life. Yup. So I was at training today and I finally managed to talk abit more than usual. My team-mates all commented that I looked real stern and scary at first, however I think I changed their impression of me today. Hms well ...


I'm so happy and glad that there's still so many people who still cares about me even though doing so was a thing of the past. I love all of you so very much. Thanks for caring and offering advices to me when I was down. I was so touched. [[: love you people.


Alright, I'm so tired now. I haven't got sufficient sleep since tuesday this week. Urgh. Okay. Got to go! God bless you, my loved ones!

I have been so messed up since yesterday. I have been pondering over this since last night and I feel so upset about it that everytime I think about it, I feel like breaking down. This is just so stressful, all the rest are so damn high up there and I'm nowhere there nor here. Now, you must be wondering what I must be trying to talk about. It's my CCA, netball.


Frankly speaking, I have plans to give up my place in the netball team. I feel so stressed up training every night on monday and thursday and it's not like my netball training at punggol sec, it's a far difference from it. At tp, we don't even get to bond nor laugh during training, everything is strict and stern and I can't take it longer. Everything is pressurizing since I am the weakest there when you see the rest soaring on court and I am waddling there. I feel so dumb. Why am I always feeling this way? I have no idea. I asked a girl at training whether she felt stressed during training, and she replied "No, okay what" Perhaps it's my pride. I used to get to play every single game on court in the past but now, I don't think I even stand a chance to play. And this could be the root of my problem. Also, I heard there is going to be another cut in the number of players in the team. This sucks man.


Do you all think I would be able to persevere on better if my pride was placed aside? Do you all think I will be able to survive the test of my pride? And most importantly, will I give up? . . . .

Alright, I had netball training yesterday. It was extremely exhausting, which clearly proves that my stamina has declined drastically. Oh well, can't help it, just have got to train it back up. In fact, it was so tiring that I got hit by the netball several times because I couldn't focus well with my un-paced breathing. yup. The other selected players were all far better than me, felt so inferior seriously. Anyway, I bet all my seniors and team-mates must be thinking I'm a cold person. hahah. I kept keeping my stern face on. URGH. whatever. I'll try to blend in with my team-mates the next training. I want to prove myself worthy of a place in the team.


Sometimes, I wonder whether there are people who aren't afraid of hardwork. Because, I am sometimes so afraid of it that I lose sleep over it.


URGH. my muscles are aching!

alright. yesterday was an utterly bad day. I felt so bad the entire day. Some chicken in the lecture theatre said something which made my fragile heart crack and break into pieces. Urgh. I can't seem to get along very well with the girls in my class. They are nice but weird sometimes. Or perhaps I'm the weird fellow in disguise.


netball trials went rather alright on thursday. I went through about six court games before I got selected. There were many talented players though. My skills were mediocre compared to them. Thankfully, I was one of the last three girls who got selected into the team. The coach was one of a familiar face, I think she umpired the punggol netball team a few times before. Alright, netball trainings start next monday and I'm so not looking forward to it even though I enjoy the game. I prefer to remain ignorant.

okay. this entire week has been really taxing and exhausting even though I had two days off the week. I had canoe polo trials and netball trials yesterday.


all right, this was what happened yesterday evening. Since my lecture was supposed to end at 6 pm but I was released early at 4 pm, I had two whole hours to spend. took my dinner at jupiter cafe, tried out their fish and chips'(so-so) I headed for canoe polo trials at 5.30 pm. We were made to run 8 rounds around the track for just the stupid warm-up. My poor legs.


I headed for netball trials at 6.30 pm. Selections were strict and direct. I trashed it for first try as I was beat and exhausted from the earlier warm-up. However, we were given up to 2 to 3 tries. I was such a disgrace for failing to make it to the second round with the first try. Furthermore, I was wearing the netball shoes. Urgh. Thankfully, i made it to the second round with the second try. (: second trials next thurs near sports complex.

EXASPERATION!! I got tricked by this stupid email sent by an old friend of mine. I actually typed in the guy whom I really liked in this stupid webpage! this is the darn website, http://www.secret-loves.com/index.php?test=654150. Please do not ever access this page and be tricked just like me!


`i won't ever talk to you i guess.

YAY!!! my dragon boat team WON! we came in first, we're the champ! Today was the last day of the orientation and yet it was the most memorable one of my life.


Firstly, we began with the telematch at the sports complex in tp. Applied sci school came in champ as we scored a total of 100 points. Thereafter, we had to rush to bedok resevoir for the the dragon boat competition and ME myself had really wanted to pee somewhere at that point of time to calm my nerves down. hahah. Everything went briskly and finished off with a blink of my eye. I can still recollect the painful aches I had right after everything. My back ached so badly that I had to squat down to lessen the pressure on my back.


STUPID BLISTERS! School is starting next monday! Even though I'm looking forward to lessons in tp, somewhere else in me tells me that a large workload awaits me. It's not the end of the fun because in such a place as tp, you can't get enough of the fun with so many facilities. And making friends!!!

I'M SO SO BLOODY tired! I had to dry my hair so I decided to blog about today's happenings. It was basically an outrageously fun day. hahah, especially the campfire part. hees. I decided to head home instead of staying overnight there because of some personal reasons. (:


went to school early at around 12.30 pm to make it for dragon boat trials, or rather training at 1.30 pm. We were diverted to bedok reservoir and the so-called coach gave us a brief explanation of everything. Soon, we were on the boat! I was seated at the back of the boat la, so the in front people kept splashing all the reservoir water behind. I was totally wet after that. We were under the sun and in the waters for about close to two hours. I got a sun burn. Oh ya. It was so damn tiring especially when one had to use arm strength to row the boat forward. I've got a few blisters in exchange for the fun. hees.


I CAN'T WAIT FOR FRIDAY! I MISS PIXIE AND MY CLASS!

gosh. i'm so beat now. had applied sci school orientation today. it's going to go on for another 3 days. BUT, anyway it's fun. hahah. There were many guys in my class. 4 girls and 15 plus other guys in the class. COOL. hahah. The sad thing was I didn't got into the same class as debbie and jonas. ): urgh.


hahah. gosh. There was this really cute guy in my class called pixie. hahah. His hair's cute somehow. okay. I've got to head off. I'm so going to die soon. Yay. Dragonboat trials for me tomorrow! sun, sun, sun, water, water, water!

School's beginning!!! I'm so excited about it. heh. But I so hate going for the stupid orientations. I hate socialising some how. I prefer to linger around a few people who are close to me and then we'll enjoy our company. hms. HOWEVER, it's good to make more friends isn't it? URGH. I'm so beat and dog-tired that I can drop dead on my bed now. right at this very moment.

BORING day. I read close to half of a book today. I practically led a maid's all-in-a-day work today, woke up in the morning only to mop the floor and then I had a simple lunch which was my breakfast. And then I spent half the day at the television, thereafter it was BED time! So here am I awake and have nothing at hands to do.


EERIE. watched a documentary about 'spirits talk' in channel 11 of scv. It discussed about whether there was life after death. Then there was this woman whose husband left her because of an illness and she tried ways and means to connect to the spiritual world as a means to know how her husband's doing there. But everything was to no valid. Another example was this man who was strucked by an illness too and was filmed before his death. The whole film saw this man to his grave. It was eerie. hms. I wonder what lies after death?


EXCITED! school's starting and fun's in too! hhaha. I can't wait for school to start! It's so boring to stay at home all day and to hang out some days. At least with school, I get to have a scheduled lifestyle(which is constructive) and also participate in ccas! Perhaps if there was wakeboarding in tp, I might consider taking it up as my cca. (: tee hee.

tired!!! I went back to punggol sec to visit my juniors and at the same time train them as well. I guessed I didn't really did a good job huh. I played court game with them for about half an hour and it was slightly raining I think. Gosh. My stamina sucks big time now. I can't even sustain a half an hour half court game! URGH. hms. Perhaps the reason for my extreme exhaustion is because I'm having the thing of the month now. hahah. My head's heavy now. I've got to get some sleep soon. I'll be sleeping early then. (:


i'm still wondering when the police would arrest those two delinquents. I can't wait a day longer not seeing justice brought to light. BUT, can justice be brought to light always? the answer is NO. Sometimes, these ruffians just get away scott free. And I hate it. just pray that you're lucky if you don't get caught. URGH.

I settled my ez-link card verifications at the ticket office in compass today. I was there with debbie, ame, ter and xy. It was rather repetitive. I go out with the same crowd and we do the same things everytime. hms. I wonder how my new phase of life will take place? Will I immediately get a boyfriend? hahah. Sounds stupid but I'd rather focus on my studies and later pursue my dream after 3 years in temasek poly. heh. Life can be full of joy and commitment when you know what you want out of it.


Oh ya. I got another ear hole now. A second one on my right ear. To say the truth, it really doesn't hurt a little at all, I wonder why debbie is hesitating so much to a pair of ear holes. hahah. I hope school starts quickly! Staying at home has made me put on pounds! Netball trainings here I come!!!


`you don't even know your heart is with whom.

It was a movie day today, had an outing with debbie, terence and jonas at vivocity. We watched 'Because I Said So'. It was super hilarious when the old woman and her mate made out. hahaha. They both looked so desperate and deprived. Overall, it was a relatively good movie.

I don't understand some things. Even though everything has been settled today and that I hope the boys get caught very soon, my heart still feels heavy. I don't understand why everytime when something untoward happens to the person very close to my heart, I can't help blaming myself for it. There were so many what ifs lurking inside my mind the whole of last night that I could not really sleep. What if I had been there by my mother's side when the crime took place? The boys would have thought twice about snatching her bag and causing her so much distress because I was definitely bigger size than them according to what my mum described. I would have definitely put up a fight with them irregardless of what. Those two bastards. I'm so fuming now. freaking shit. It's so hurting to picture what my mum had to go through last night. urgh. I'm running a headache now. I hope the cops are able to arrest them and let me bash them up until their face features are distorted.



Even though everything is rather back to normal now, my family are still suffering from post-theft shock. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. urgh. my poor family. ):

DAMN IT! Today's the worse day of my life!!! freaking shit. One problems after another. And through this, I'm telling you I hate ma*ays! There was a crime which took place at BLOCK 291A, COMPASSVALE STREET today. Two young boys about the age of 14-17, race: obvious, grabbed a woman's handbag and dashed off quickly. One was quite plump and the other was fair-skinned, both were malays. Whoever you two boys are, I'll bet you two will get your just desserts for causing distress to my family and loved ones. You two bastards! I hope karma would envelop you and take you away! So if you know, the woman was my mum.

This morning was a disastrous one. My mum told me last night that the construction workers would be doing their painting job this morning and that she'd wanted all her clothes in the kitchen in. And yet, she left one bamboo of clothes hanging with our undergarments out there! SO this was how it goes.


I woke up rather late this morning since I slept real late last night because of bai lin again. I was shaken up by the din made in the kitchen, so, I walked slowly to the kitchen and I looked out of the window. To my horror, the bamboo was hanging midway in the air while its other end is struggling to save itself from its horrible ending. The ropes which helped to carry the men up the levels kept moving and eventually, the bamboo dropped down even though I tried to reach for it by the window and nearly dropped out. It was so frightening for me. After giving my dad a call, he asked me to head down to collect our stuff. And it was sheer stupidity because when I was downstairs trying to look for my things, the workers were up there trying to put stuff back into the house through the window! Even though they returned our things in one piece, I can't imagine the disgust of letting them touch our undergarments! YUCK! eee. My dad called the office in charge to lodge a complaint and eventually, what we got in return was 5 bamboos. hahah. All in return for my scare!


Alright, i've got to go out soon. Update you again tonight.

today had many ups and downs. I cried in the evening after I felt like I had been treated unfairly. Unappreciated. The guilty ones called and messaged me to head down to vivo to shop with them and enjoy our family time there. I hesitantly obliged them and I put on my jeans and some clothes, the next thing I knew I was on the train to habourfront.

when I arrived there, the first thing I had to do was to eat at the food court with my parents. My siblings weren't there, only my parents were. Well, this is not a very bad thing. The plus points are I get my food and drinks paid for. Soon, my siblings came and they ate really slowly as I watched them as I'd nothing better to do. My eyes hurt after some crying.

my sisters took me to shop around since I wasn't in the best of moods. They took me to ZARA and we spotted a dirt cheap pair of jeans for 34.90! I'd to get it, since it was not a want but a need. I needed tons of jeans for poly schooling. I was at the cashier and was about to pay by nets when my dad came around and HE said I will pay. At that very point of time, I was touched you can say. However, I wondered whether it was delibrate. hahah. Nah. My dad isn't that sort. Heh.

My mood uplifted thereafter. hahah. I held my Mum's hand as we walked through the mall. haha. I'm a wife snatcher. hahah. Through this all, I came to realized that I indeed love my family alot. hahah. It's not because my dad paid for my clothes okay! hahah.

i'm pissed off by my faggot younger sibling. She's a hard nut to crack sometimes and I feel like slapping her occassionally to send a message across her brain. What seemed like a mere issue turned out to be a hazardous accident. Okay. This was how it went.


I was taking account of the things I had been purchasing without second thoughts in a little handbook of mine. I needed a pencil to draw some lines and when I realized that they were with my younger sibling, I got a little fed up and headed to her pencil case which was opened and sliding with pens. I took my pencil and in the meantime found some markers could come in handy so I took them first without asking her. I scurried to finish up my accounts when my sister came into the room to take some stuff and realized that I was using her 'precious little markers'. This was what she said.


'Why did you used my markers without my permission???!!!' screaming at the top of her voice.


"You also used my mechanical pencil without my permission what," I said.


"I got ask you for your permission okay," she bellowed.


I said, "My foot okay"


Then she continued. "Do you know how much my markers cost in comparison with your mechanical pencil??!"


At this point of time, I was booming with anger and at the same time contenting my hurt with her words. We cursed each other with vulgarities thereafter.


I meant what's up with the borrowing of some stupid markers that aren't as great as they can be used? It's stupid of her to argue with me because of this thing. It's not like she always ask for permission when she uses my stuff or my elder sister's. And to come to think of it, she DIDN'T asked for my permission to use my bag this afternoon while I was asleep! She could have left a note of something. Talking about asking permission! If you yourself aren't able to perform something that you request of others to do, PLEASE do not request of others to do the same thing for you! I know I was in the wrong too. Thus, I kept rather quiet after that.

But what's up with the loud yelling? It blasted my ear drums! Crap. I hate loud people sometimes.

well, at least I had been happy the whole day today. I went out to do a little shopping with my elder sister, bought something else again. hahah. And I'm rather pleased with myself. heh.


i have been crazy about black roses lately. If supposingly someone came up to me and passed me a black rose, I'd be extremely happy. hahah. I'm obsessed with it.


went to the national eye centre to check my eyes today. Doc says there's nothing serious with my eyes and he prescribed more drops for me. Hopefully, these drops would prove useful.


URGH. i'm suffering from gastrics now. It hurts so badly that i don't think I can sleep tonight. Thankfully, I drank some milk a while ago or else I'd have fainted then. (; sharks.


`i found a new goal today. (;

I'm feeling wayward melancholic once in every blue moon nowadays.


`d*gusting person. you don't deserve such a girl. be mindful of yourself. pui.


(; don't worry, my friends. the above mentioned person is not any of you. hahaa.

I'm back with a twisted finger and tired body! I headed back to punggol secondary for my junior's netball training this afternoon. I guessed I haven't been honing my skills therefore my poor performance at netball all this while. I wonder where would I stand in tp's netball team. URGH. I'd rather not bother myself with such mediocre problems now. It makes me sick.


Training at punggol sec brought back some fine memories. My stupid sense of humour with the juniors and many others. However, there were some bad ones too. My self-reliance on my team-mates would never be able to push myself to the limits to achieve what I want from netball. Perhaps this is a new beginning for me. hahah. How stupid. This is a new beginning for me. OUCH. my poor finger.


URGH. Here it comes again. I just told myself not to ponder over mediocre things and yet and I have a strong feeling to say this. I keep wondering whether it's right to keep mum about my likes to someone whom I think isn't worth my effort to like. It's not like he's the best of the guys but yet he makes me laugh and feel happy when I'm talking to him. He's frivolous and everything you think you don't want a guy to be yet I'm falling head over heels for him. Isn't this stupid? I think it's a bad taste bud of mine somehow. This is not a confession, to person concerned.


`i think i fall in love too easily. & i hate it. be tolerant.

URGH. I'm so sleepy and tired. I was kept up by stupid bai lin last night again. Chicken boy. I'm going to collect my medical report at interanational plaza later! Then I'll head to temasek poly to hand up! I'm so pissed off man.


`my future is bleak you see.

I do not like the way I am feeling now. Right now. I hate this feeling. I can have the whole world under my palms but not the heart of the one. I HATE this! BUT, i'm very optimistic. There are many who are graving to enter my heart anyway. Aftermath? I don't feel that you deserve my love.

I do not know whether I should be blogging about this anot, but I can't sustain keeping this problem inside. Please do not come asking me who is the person mentioned below. Someone confessed his likes for me last night and it came as a shock to me. I can't make a decision now? I really don't know whether this is right. It feels inappropriate for us to.

URGH! My eye is red and swollen this morning! It's disgusting and eeky. I could barely open my eyes. And until now, it's still quite swollen. Hence, I skipped going out with my family today to avoid unnecessary attention to my poor eye. Aw. Hms. ): I have been on the drops since this morning. I wonder will it be alright tomorrow? hahaha.

YAY! It's a much anticipated day tomorrow! Heh heh. Hees. I can't say why though. hahaah.

uh oh. Things are going pretty well for me! hees. I bought a new bag! MU! hahah. I love it to tons. It's vintage brown. I have settled most of the problematic things that are hindering me from giving my biggest smile. heh. I'm just going to collect my medical report on 2 April and head straight to temasek poly to hand it up once and for all.

I was talking to bai lin the other night. We were like talking and chatting when he told me he liked this girl. hahaha. I won't divulge who it is. He's such a chicken la. He's always calling me in the middle of the night or when it's in the the dead of the night and he expects me to pick it up to chat with him when I'm like halfway in lala land. Hms. And we talked crap all night.

I went shopping at bugis about a day ago. I saw this really magnificient NICE miniature electric guitar pendant at perlini slivers'. It's thirty bucks. Urgh! I wanttt it!!! hahah. I'm going to save up for it somehow. Or is it worth my effort to save up for something that isn't worthwhile? Hms. (; i'm so hype now. Heh.

I miss a person now. -.- haha.

Today was alright. I had an outing with the girls and two guys. We went to collect ame's and deb's medical report at international plaza. Mabel decided to drop by there with us for her check-up as well. For me, I do not know why I was there. hahah. We later went to bugis to hit some drums at the arcade. It was FUN! hahah. BUT, when I got home, I received a letter which spoilt my bloody high mood. crap. I've got to settle some things bloody fast now. Urghh.

`i want to be a goth. heh.

everything's not yet over. guide me over this little hurdle, plueease...

oh gosh! I'm so beat now. I went to the zoo today! It was a rather long but much anticipated trip there. I pretty much enjoyed the wild animal show. The seal was so adorable. Heh. However, there was much walking to do. It was as though as we were trekking in the forest. haha. I wonder how mabel is faring after her 5 days trek in the mountains. haha. My lunch was taken rather late because KFC was flooded with parents getting food for their kids. We had to drag ourselves(my JC friends) all the way back to the entrance to get some food. It was pathetic la. Overall, it was fun but money not well-spent.

I hate my life at this very, very moment and time.

I feel bad about something which I did today. Instead of helping my dear juniors with their schoolwork, I went out with my sister to orchard. Urgh. I'm sorry, my dearest. haha. Anyway, they feel so close yet so far away from my heart. I feel that as everyone proceed to their next phase of life, they leave behind some unspoken misunderstandings and even friendships. ANYWAY, I wished I could clear up some of these things before I leave for the next one.


Uh huh. I bought a new top from ZARA today. It was the very opposite of inexpensive. My pockets are coming apart now. I've got to start saving up. (: perhaps some self-control might come in handy. By the way, tangs of germs are spreading through my house. My sister's got a bad flu and throat, and I'm getting them too. Urgh. My weak immune system. Uh oh. My eyes are squinting now just to type these alphabets out on blogger. Poor me. My eye dropper.

urgh. this is utterly irritating. I AM IRRITATED!

I am morphing into a dead person. I don't have the mood to blog somehow. I am so dead and tired. haha. okay.

`I CAN'T WAIT FOR SENTOSA!

Hurray! I've got into chemical engineering at temasek polytechnic, and I have two others who will join me at the same school! Debbie and Jonas! haha. Besides that, I am also glad for amelia who made it into mass communication at tp. heh heh. Hms. I had a rather peaceful day, not much people called to interrupt me. haha.

This brings me to recall that there was a tremor felt in singapore today. Many working adults were interrupted at work. Students at st. andrews had their lessons disrupted. Perhaps the world is indeed coming to an end. There are disasters and chaos everywhere in the world. Soon, everyone in the world, anyplace, anywhere, will not be spared.

I had a call with stupid bai lin last night. We chit chatted for about close to two hours? hms. that chicken. He is a baddie. Alright, I got to go. May god watch over the world.

I had a lazy day again. haha. I slept about four hours in the day after waking up at 8 am in the morning. Hms. BUT, I still feel sleepy. There's no adrenaline or satisfaction I get from doing things, which is what i really hate. My dad is flying abroad tonight to get his job done overseas. I somehow dislike the inconvenience without dad but still this is a short one and hopefully he will be back home safe and sound. God bless him. (:

I have been eating alot guilty-conscious food recently and i haven't been working out. I guess I'll head to the gym or tracks soon. I have to. hms. And I'll be joining the hip hop class at the sports complex when my sister passes her driving test. urgh. poor her. hms. She's been rather gloomy since she failed her first test recently. But no worries! I have faith that she will pass the next one. (: my dear sister. haha. hms.

I hanged out with shi jing and gang today. It was a good catching up time. Everybody talked and laughed at pizza hut. (: I felt really gratifying. haha. Nonetheless, shi jing had to leave early. So ya. It was left with the five of us. uh oh. I am watching the both of you, my lovebirds. haha. ya. It was a semi-happy day. So there goes my day ...

Last night, I had a surreal dream. I dreamt that I had a dispute with mabel. And it was really bad. She insulted my loved ones and I retaliated. I was real mad in the dream. I'd wanted to slap her or something. haha. Then I also recalled that there were hints of the JACM disbanding. haha. It sounded and was so real that I woke up with a jerk. hms. It is indeed weird. haha.

Urgh. I'm going to get preparations to keep me occupied next week. I'm going to get english comics and some books. Yup. I am also going to rent dvds. haha. It's plain enjoying next week!

You Are a Newborn Soul

You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance. On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others. You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative. Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you. Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter. You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything. You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships. Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

ouch, my back hurt. It has been hurting since last night. So irritating. Hms. Nothing much has happened lately. It's just plain boring and not-so-usual lifestyle now. haha. My dad just fixed the damn router last night, so here I am blogging again. Crap. Urgh. I think I am going to catch more sleep. (:

Today was purely a very lazy day for me. I cleaned my hamster's cage again. They were naughty again, messing up their home once every fortnight. Oh well, they should be glad they have such a loving owner. haha. Hms. I watched plenty of television today, slept a little and out I went to meet up with debbie.

I met debbie at compass point at 3.45 pm. She was with terence and xue yuan, which was kind of weird. Hms. We walked around compass, playing the arcades and reading books at the popular bookstore. Time passed swiftly, and soon I had to head home. We saw Mdm Phua in compass too and crappie debbie promised her that we would walk home with her when I was in a rush for time. I walked home alone eventually. ): haa.

i think i am falling for you;

but i'm afraid of doing so;

i'm insecure;

and i can't help it;

i need that much needed confidence;

but i don't see it in you;

tell me what should i do;

shall you?

great. I had a good time outside today. I went orchard with phelan and we did lots of stuff together. haha. The worst thing was I met several familiar faces there and these people mistaken us of being together. One of them came to talk to me and later ended with "hey, your boyfriend has walked away". Truth was otherwise. haha. Hms. But it was fun. We watched Dreamgirls even though I thought that it was a boring movie.

okay. this is a recap of what we did today. the both of us arranged to meet up at 12 noon at dhoby ghaut. then we went to cineleisure where we booked our tickets first. thereafter, we walked around orchard. at 2 pm, we dined in at suki sushi where we ate to our fill. i wanted to puke after that. ahaa. catched our movie and went home thereafter.

haha. Today's fun. haha. I experienced something which I had never experienced before. haha. Only ame knows about it. haha. And I felt rather happy after that. Quite weird of me huh. haha. Yup. That's all for today. haha.

I miss the JACM and debbie. ahaha.

` cheeki-ness envelops me. haha.

It was a usual sunday today. opps, it's past midnight already. nehmind. haha. hms. I've been bothered by a nonsensical guy from friendster recently. He keeps asking me to send my picture over to his mobile. Sickening guy. What irks me is that his name reminds me of a person who has been etched inside me for a lifetime I guess. I don't feel like talking to him, AT ALL. Sigh.

oh. tomorrow's going to be a fun day after all. I'm going to spend my time with somebody! Hees. Phelan! haha. Well, I don't know what I'm up to somehow. I don't even know what I want. Yup. Hopefully, I can get out of the house without being suspected. haha. uh oh. I've to meet him at orchard. shittie. i don't know how to get there. shi jing .... aw. okay. I've a photographic memory. ((:

I've been busy helping this soon-to-be couple that I have tire myself out. I'm going to lay back and rest now. I give you two my best wishes. Aw. I'm so tired man. crap.

oh ya. terence wants a column for him here. it's like he has waited all his life just to see his name here. haha. okay. what should I write? I seriously have no idea. Thanks for being a nice friend though. haha. But I think you seriously should blend more with the guys and minimise sticking with us, deb and me. haaha. we're les so please do not break us up. haha. oh but I heard from deb you have became her les-mate too? haha. when did you changed your sex? haha. okay. this is so crappie. haha. And oh ya. I think you'll like my next sentence. I think I am beginning to like you as a friend. ((: haha. anyway, you have been a good friend all these years except _____. yup. okay. see ya. i'm tired.

True Lyrics
by Ryan Cabrera

I wont talk

I wont breathe

I wont move till you finally see

That you belong with me

You might think I dont look

But deep inside

In the corner of my mind

Im attached to you

Im weak

Its true

Cuz im afraid to know the awnsers

Do you want me too?

Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life

To cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try

Anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

You dont know what you do

Everytime you walk into the room

Im afraid to move

Im weakIts true

Im just scared to know the ending

Do you see me too?

Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go ill be on my way to you

The way thats true

I've waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

Today's outing with bai lin and danny the group, was alright. Even though the girls had some miscommunication with the guys several times. haha. There were only three girls which include myself, ame and debbie. hees. I took plenty of pictures of ame while she was caught unaware. haha. She whacked me several times. Ouch. haha. But still, the pictures looked hilarious. She thought that they were nice, because it was her. haha. Idiot ame. haha. Oh ya. The three of us dropped by tampines mall in the morning. And I took pictures of a pair of kissing fishes. They were so sweet and cute! haha. How I wished I were them. haha.

Even though it was a fairly tiring day of walking, I had a joyous time with ame and debbie. Stupid debbie and ame. We were all so childish. haha. Firstly, we sat at ya kun coffeeshop to eat a little and we began snapping pictures of each other non-stop! haha. Then debbie told us that some game in her phone could compete with terence's so ame played it with me. She kept screaming whenever she hit the kerbs and when she lost to me. haha. She lost to me 3 times at least! haha! Then there we were on the escalator poking each other and I pushed ame's head down that she nearly hit the steps. haha. But my voodoo charm broke. Thank god I've fixed it. hees. I think I was the siao-est girl in the group today. haha. I guessed it was to cover up for something unhappy within me. haa.

aw ... This is utterly dumb of me. My friends in SRJC asked me to head back to school tomorrow when I have withdrew. It would be so dangerous for me. It's like a pig entering the slaughtering ground. Urgh. Darn it. Crap. And I have given my word to magdalene. URGH!!!

Oh. I went back to punggol sec today to help ame with her testimonial or something. We seeked mrs lau's expertise. Yup. Hms. I came to a conclusion. Ame has totally forgotten her vocabulary bank! Such a chicken. haha. A few hours later, jonas dropped by the school too. All of us chatted about our social lives. haha. Somebody is interested in somebody!!! haha. And I'm the matchmaker. Heh heh. Haha. We played a prank on some people today. Hees. Shi jing was one of the victims. haha. She sounded so lost over the phone. haha. haha.

My eyes are failing me! I'm going blind very soon. Very soon. Sigh. I have got four bottles of eye drops. Oh. While I was in the public bus this afternoon, I caught my eyes on some scribblings at the back of the seats. It was a poem or something. Here's it:

A rose I'll surrender;

to you who's a wonder;

in my life;

there's no one greater

You I'll remember;

every second, every hour;

this poem I deliver;

i await your answer ...

Hms. It dosen't quite connect but I still think it's a nice one. I want to go sentosa!!!

tee hee. I'm so happy now. I have officially withdrew from SRJC. Although it's kind of upsetting too. I am gonna miss my cat. high guy, my friends and the teachers and the babes and the dudes. Urgh. Uh oh. Life still has to go on ... Nothing unusual happened today. Haha. But my friends gave me hugs before I hopped away from school. So nice of them huh. Hms. ): but i like hugs. hees.

crap. I initially changed a blogskin which was much cuter than this one but it screwed up on me. Well, this one is more intricate and mysterious. haha. I liked it too. The next two weeks will be enjoyment for me. Heh heh. Perhaps I'll catch up on reading books and literature. I miss composing new stuff. wa ha ha ha. I want to go beach-ing! sun-tanning! v-balling! urgh. Everyone's just so busy lately. ):

happy = sad i don't know the difference now

somebody make me happy?

if only i knew the difference for once;

let me make the change forever;

never will you know how i feel now;

cos' you never will know how it's like to be

just like me.

`phelan, my next beau.

Today was fun. I went visiting for the first time in my life at my friend's place. Haha. I collected a hong bao from terence's mum. haha. She was a really nice woman la. She gave ten bucks. (: haha. $$$. haha. nice woman. haha. Soon after visiting at terence's house, we went over to shi jing's house. I had tons of fun with them. Laughed like mad, until my guts were aching badly.

Thinking of something right now, it brings me to a topic. It's such a contradiction. At the very beginning, I saw you as an obstacle to my friendship between me and her. In the process, I slowly saw your existence. In the end, I saw the true side of you- the beautiful side of you. And it's hard to resist it now. Yet, all of us are going our own separate ways. Our individual routes. This is life. There are regrets and experiences one can learn from. For me, I regret not opening up my true self for you all to see and understand. Now that we have graduated from school, it's a real pity. Not knowing the real you and whatnot. We're drifting further apart now. It feels distant and hollow whenever I see you. Okay. I can't express my thoughts really well. I shall stop here.

`feel the wrath of my real identity

Uh oh. I woke up quite late this morning. I didn't felt like doing any much so I decided to blog a little. I have to clean the hamster's home later. So chicken. I have been washing them once every week now. They are so naughty especially the fat one, messing up the cosy home. Crap. This is so lame. Urgh. I think I had better hurry clean them and head out for a spin or some fun. I feel so bad now.

I am home alone now. Usually when I'm alone, I start thinking of things which used to occupy my mind most of the time. However this time, I am doing otherwise. I think I have grown up but people think otherwise. Or perhaps I never did grew up. I'd always lived in my own little world where nobody could enter and feel the real me. I am odd somehow. Laughing eases the soul. Hms. Urgh. This is an irony.

urgh. how am I going to blog when there's like so many msn users talking to me? stupid orange blinkies. hate them. urgh! crap.

Hms. I haven't been blogging for ages, come to think of it. Chinese new year in Malaysia was alright and pretty awesome. My uncle let off several fireworks and stuff. It was beautiful yet perennial as I get to see it every year, the same old lights and sparks. We played lots of poker as well, stakes were only as high as 50 cents sing dollar. haha. I'm a stingy girl. I also played with doggies. I played catching with them and I scared the hell out of me. Darn it. The black Doberman dog was so tall and huge when it stood up and it chased after me in the back yard. I was running like some mad girl. I also carried and smooched my baby nephew. He was so adorable. Hees. Okay. So this is what has been happening recently.

In addition, I got really close to my JC friends too. Especially one guy in my class. haha. Uh oh. ya. He's a nice guy anyway. Out of the point anyway. Life has been mundane and boring lately. I've got to draft some letter real quickly to send in to the junior college for my withdrawal from school. I'm feeling quite upset lately. I can not wear contact lenses for the time being as I have some allergy towards them. Crap. My eyes are so dreary nowadays, they hurt big time. Urgh. I'm tired. Got to stop blogging now.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

oh gosh, this is going to be the toughest night I am ever going to conquer in my entire life. Cold sweat keeps breaking out behind my neck that it's making sick. I have never felt so serious and worried about something. And I saw something which indicated bad omen for me! Urgh. Haha. (:

I am officially out of SRJC next week. I am going to get my dad to fax the withdrawal letter to the school next week. I am going to miss my dear teachers, friends and the food over there. I feel really bad for not informing my teachers about my leave from school. They were really nice to me since day one. And my friends, we are all going separate paths. I really hate such scenarios, it just seems so upsetting. Like gloomy clouds overlooking the sky above us. I AM GOING TO MISS YOU ALL AND SRJC! oh gosh, I feel a sudden hot burning sensation over my cheeks. )):

This year's valentine day is a lonely one, however it brought me new perspectives of certain issues I failed to see in the past as I'll be spending it with my loved ones for the first time. Haha. It sounds wrong but it's a fact. haha. I am so bored now pondering over my results tomorrow. Crap. My limbs are cold again. Let me warm them with my lovely blanket later. haha.

Alright. EVERYBODY RECEIVING YOUR O LVL RESULTS TMR, I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST OF LUCK IRREGARDLESS OF WHO YOU ARE.

Darn it. I'm down with a bad stomach ache now. It's so hurting that I think I want to skip school tomorrow. Crap. Well, anyway I'll be leaving SRJC very soon right after the o level results are out next week. I am so gonna miss this beautiful school man. Sigh. I am going to miss shu yi, shi yuan, mag, agnes, joanne and many more people. I am just going to miss these cute lil things. haha. Sounds wrong. haha. And finally, I am going to miss my eyecandy! This is crap. Sigh.

uh oh. I have got the road race held at MacRitChie Reservoir this coming saturday. And obviously I'm in no condition to run this competitive race with 149 fit others! Crap. I am going to skip the run anyway. I kind of dislike running competitively lately. ((: hees. Or I would rather say my stamina has dropped? haha. Well, I have been training though.

It's mei xuan's birthday celebration at a chalet tomorrow. I am so busy, so bloody busy. Darn it. And coming the next day, I have got to decide what I want to do. I'm in a fix man. However, I have come to a decision somewhat. (:

` i misss you, eyecandy!

Alright. Since jamy has been bugging me to update my blog and I have some spare time on hand, I decided to pick up on this laid back blog. Sigh. I have been training and running from last week until now that I had severe muscle ache on monday. I had problems walking. Darn it. And I also had my 2.4 km run on monday as well. And coming to terms with it, my timing sucked big-time even though I came in one of the first two. Haha.

Netball training was fun. The coach came down on monday and I was rather pissed off with her. She made a crude remark that given our skills in netball, we did not stood a chance to get into another JC's netball school team except for the common ones. She sucked man. And she even went on to say that she train them to play netball for fun, their goal is not to win but to gain experience. I felt like delivering a punch into her face man. Yes, I'm violent when my principles are challenged. I was brought up by two coaches who were so committed to winning and bringing the best out of the team yet this coach tried to bring me down. So what if my skills are incomparable to those in AJC? No one especially a coach is to bring me down. Especially when I had always looked upon a coach. Yes, often I do feel inferior but your comments really pissed me off.

Great. I made several friends who were so lovable and kissable. Haha. Joking. They were lovable la. They are shu yi, magdalene and shi yuan. One from tks, cedar and anderson respectively. Cool right? haha. I think shu yi is especially talented in running and she has the looks as well. An all-rounder. haha. Shi yuan is ... haha, she looks like a cat seriously. Her eyes are captivating for one thing I know. She has very huge and round eyes. Ya. Magdalene looks pretty unique from a glance but she has a unique laughter. haha.

And oh ya. Jamy, Mabel and Ame. I miss you all so much. How I wished we could hang out like we used to do. And jamy, I miss your signature hug, it always makes me melt. haha. And mabel, I miss your hug and your laughter, it never fails to tickle my sides. And ame, I miss our chemistry when we talk about things in life, you're a one in a kind companion. (: And finally debbie. You know, how I recalled how you fell like a frog on the ground and i went to our rescue? Remember how we laughed after school like it's nobody's business? haha. We laughed about almost everything in the world. I wished time could bring us back to that time and life would be so much brighter. And I miss punggol sec and 4A! Bring me back to the past! *Poof* whoops. I'm still here. haha.