Exams are finally over. Yay. Yet, I still don't feel relieved. My holidays are going to be filled with work and trainings. But no more idiotic studying. (= I think the mugging for exams the past two weeks has taken its toll on my health. I haven't been having proper meals and taking care of my stomach and now I haven't stopped having the runs and gastric problems. And my gastric can really hurt badly, to the extent I might even collapse. I am going to see the doc tomorrow though. It's burning inside now. )=

Well well. My dearest xuan yi is going fly off the week after next to thailand where it is so chaotic curently. I am so going to miss her so much, her nonsense and boogey eyes! HAHA. xuan yi xuan yi xuan yi!

Training today was alright. We played indoors. I wasn't in the right form to play anyway, my stomach was hurting. I umpired sitting down halfway, well not exactly umpiring since I haven't really learnt the ropes. Haha. I saw the pictures on facebook, the training in which we were having team-bonding games, they were so hilarious la! I really laughed my head off. Haha.

I want to go escape theme park soon. I miss the go-karts and pirate ship rides. Not to mention the haunted house too! hahaha. Alright, I need to go rest now. (=

I had fom paper last night. The questions in the paper were rather direct I feel. Anyway, I was really blessed to have xuan yi by my side for the whole afternoon yesterday, studying with me. And not to mention debbie and karen as well. Through last night, I realized what good friends were. And also it helped to broaden my horizons a little to learn about how different everybody's lives were. It made me cherish my life better somehow.

Xy, thanks for being there for me to help me at everything. You are a really great friend and a really strong one. I promise to be there for you anytime too ok! Continue staying strong ok! Cause my turban is dirty! HAHAHA.

My good friend is telling me that you're no good for me, that you are a bad friend. And that her instincts told her so. And her instincts SELDOM fail her? And somehow I want to agree with her, I am very close to agreeing with her soon. Can you like wise up and stop being with someone who keeps hurting you? I know it's hard, but what's the point when she treats you like dirt? Like literally dirt? Where is your self dignity? You keep telling me of the things she does to you, from yelling at you in public and everything else, but haven't you realise the solution to all these? It's not that I don't wish to listen to your woes but it's the same old thing thereafter and after. What advices do you want me to give you? I really want to help you but I find it hard to do so, I can't understand you.

I really wished I could bring myself to tell you all these but I am so afraid, so afraid of hurting you. And it's not like I am very, very close to you. I really feel like washing my hands of you already. I don't know what do you want.

I had a fruitful session with xuan yi last night at mos burgers! We shall go out for more eating sessions ok! Hopefully again before you fly away to thailand. )= and many, many after you come back!!! (=

I'm up and awake doing stupid et project. I'm so stressed out! I have a paper to sit for on friday and I have to hand up my reports on friday as well! All thanks to my bad time management!

I am getting afraid of being close to you. There are so many conspiracies, bitching and killing behind you and your friend's backs. I am very afraid that I would be your next victim. Your scapegoat. I don't want all these to happen and neither do I want to stop being your friend. I shall let things stay this way.

Oh god oh god. I thought some guy from ChE is real cute today! Only for today!

I saw how vulnerable she was today. It kind of hurt me to see her so hurt over her previous relationship and not yet getting over it. I wanted to hug her tightly and tell her that everything's alright but it just doesn't make sense. I couldn't find any reason to convince her that everything is alright. )= There's so much taking place in her life that I can't really help her much but to lend her a listening ear.

I have one more sickening project to finish off before the exams! I learnt a little how lucky I am today. I can't wait for the holidays!

Yay. I scored well for stupid uo1 quiz. That was like quite a long while after the last quiz I ever did well for. I feel smarter now. haha! That's dumb. Why do I only feel better with myself after I see results? So typical. Ugh. Oh my god. I wonder how much I am going to miss xuan yi when she goes overseas for her judo training for 2 whole months?! Oh god oh god. I'm so going to break down I think. )= sigh.

I wonder what's happening in your life. Just when I wanted to leave you alone, you came back for me. I wonder was it because she really left you already or was it because you could stand her no more. It would really hurt to know that you were back for me only as a back-up plan. I really don't know anymore. I hope that you are happy even though I disliked the way you treated me in the past. Let's stay this way.



dumb shit. you treated me like shit today and I would return you all your shit right at your shittie face one fine day. you shit boy. (=

Had a photo shoot this afternoon at school, somehow I found the whole concept of photographing us quite amusing. I thought that I would have a lot of fun but it was otherwise, alot of time was spent setting up the place and selecting models. Perhaps the whole idea of a photoshoot was no longer refreshing since I had done one with the screens and everything before. I would like to try walking down the runway at least once in my lifetime. haha. That would be so interesting. It was really slipshod today.

My exams are coming at the speed of light! Sigh. I really need someone to confide in, not the ordinary people who will not be able to accept me for who I am. Somehow, I feel really suffocated. Like I am not able to tell but I really really want to say it out loud and clear. And it's not like I can help it, those ugly childhood memories come back to haunt me occassionally. I wish, I wish I could help myself with all these. But it's not like it's alot but just merely one sickening, bloody problem.

This is madness. How come I find that I can't be getting enough rest? I just had training this morning, it was really hot and I got slightly sunburnt. Uh, whatever I never get really tanned anyway. haha. I really can't understand, whenever I play on court I'll be wondering whether I can intercept the balls or perform and I'll be really afraid if I can't do so. I'll panic or go into fright mode. Sigh.

It has been quite happening at school. Classmates have been getting into fights and smashing each other's faces and losing their dignity and every shit else. I can't really understand why guys get into fights over some 'face' issues or perhaps dissatisfaction with one another.

I am really heartbroken this time. But I have gotten through this. I don't even know why am I this heartbroken when everything was just a foolish act on my part. I thought that we were both at this game. Yet everything was just my own calling. Thank god I got through yesterday cause' I really, really thought that it was the worse day I ever had in these few months. Emotional crisis. haha.

I am so going to leave you to handle everything else yourself. You can stop telling me that she isn't very nice to you. Don't tell me that no guys will like you if you meant just to gain sympathy or get me off my guard. I seriously don't know what the shit you want out of me. You blow hot and cold towards me like there's no tomorrow and it makes me wonder whether it was wrong to be so nice towards you. All the laughter and fun we had in the past is so distant and no longer vivid in my memories anymore. Go have fun with your CC. I wish you true happiness, my dear hee-ha friend.