i'm so pissed off now. i can't access my friggin mail to finish up my report. ugh. i don't know why have i become so quick-tempered these days. anyway, i had nights out two days back on friday. my colleagues took me to this expensive japanese restaurant at mohammad sultan rd for dinner. little did i know i had to touch alcohol when my colleagues and myself bumped into our boss on the way to another place. he was with this super-rich client and we were asked to sit down and there goes. cheers cheers cheers. i was rather light-headed after that. i had several shots of sakae, it was pure nice sakae. there was this fragrance in its after-taste. but it was a price for your money when it cost over 100 for a bottle.

i didn't really liked entertaining anyway. the next morning was rather groggy and sick for me. but my day was great! hahahah. :)

i'm just here to write off my anger and frustrations. it doesn't really seem to help at all though. :( god bless.

Gosh. I finally have some spare time to blog now. Work's been crazy the past week, I was trying to rush out the project with all the results. I am so, so tired now. I'm worn out. I need to get some proper sleep and rest or else I'm going to collapse. Anyway, i'm pretty soon done with project, just that this one bloody experiment had to fail and I have to redo and reprepare all the beakers. I am so going to miss some of my nonsensical colleagues at work, especially the cleaner and the china chemist, always talking dirty jokes at work. But I like. hahahaha. They are the people who really keep me going through these past 3 months. :)

Last night was awesome. hahahaha. I had alot of fun I thought. hahaha. Anyway, things are so different right now. I need to clear some misunderstandings and stuff. Sometimes, I feel like a rubber band being dragged right and left with no exact directions that I feel suffocated. I need to breathe.

Anyway, I am listening to some music now by david archuleta. I just feel like singing it so much now so here goes. It doesn't imply anything ok, it's just such a nice song. :D

Saw you from the distance,
Saw you from the stage,
Something 'bout the look in your eyes,
Something 'bout your beautiful face,
In a sea of people,
There was only you,
I never knew what this song was about,
But suddenly now I do,

Trying to reach out to you,
Touch my hand,
Reach out as far as you can,
Only me, only you, and the band,
Trying to reach out to you,
Touch my hand,

Can't let the music stop,
Can't let this feeling end,
Cause if I do it'll all be over,
I'll never see you again,

Can't let the music stop,
Until I touch your hand,
Cause if I do it'll all be over,
I'll never get the chance again,
I'll never get the chance again,
I'll never get the chance again,

I see the sparkle of a million flashlights,
I wonder why all the the stars,
But the one that's shining out so bright,
Is the one right where you are,

Trying to reach out to you,
Touch my hand,
Reach out as far as you can,
Only me, only you, and the band,
Trying to reach out to you,
Touch my hand,

Can't let the music stop,
Can't let this feeling end,
Cause if I do it'll all be over,
I'll never see you again,

Can't let the music stop,
Until I touch your hand,
Cause if I do it'll all be over,
I'll never get the chance again,
I'll never get the chance again,

Saw you from the distance,
Saw you from the stage,
Something 'bout the look in your eyes,
Something 'bout your beautiful face,

Can't let the music stop,
Can't let this feeling end,
Cause if I do it'll all be over,
I'll never see you again,

Can't let the music stop,
Until I touch your hand,
Cause if I do it'll all be over,
I'll never get the chance again,
I'll never get the chance again,

Trying to reach out to you,
Touch my hand, (I'll never get the chance again)
Reach out as far as you can, (I'll never get the chance again)
Only me, only you, and the band,
Trying to reach out to you,
Touch my hand,
Yeah, yeah

I feel so confused.. why why why? My head's hurting like crazy now, my nose's dripping and my eyes are droopy. I feel so sick. Do you not say what you mean? I want to believe but it's so so hard when almost everybody is against this. Well, not everybody but. Actually things are simple, really simple if I could only stop my crazy mind from wandering everywhere else thinking of every possibility. It's really hard now, I feel so sick with my headache now. Why do I feel like the both of us are hiding things from each other? I don't know, it's not even a beginning yet. Nevertheless, I feel this thing so much stronger than before ever since we had last weekend together. I swear I never felt this close and happy being with another guy when I spent last weekend together with you. It felt like I was on cloud nine, being so close to you everywhere we went. Yet, I think I'm crashing now. Perhaps it's because I'm really down with headache now. Or? I want to be with you, but they say you will not change.

I thought it was clearer if I had really experienced it myself, experienced the whole thing. I must say first-hand experiences require much more than who I am. Perhaps I have been thinking too much, just like what you always say. I really miss how we spent last weekend together, it was so happy and heartwarming. I really thought I was in love then. :(

Netballuxion on sunday. I can't wait to see you guys, chewling elly pw sh! Ugh. I need to hurry get better, i'm thinking too much now my brain's going to explode.. Cheerios.

I seriously don't know what happened to my blogger, I can't upload images and change fonts and many things! I need to go find a solution to this soon! But I haven't got much time! I need to start on my report tomorrow, second MP discussions on 15 august! RUSH RUSH RUSH!

I was on the phone with michelle just now for close to 2 hours I think. We talked about alot, it made me think alot even though I kept switching topics to avoid or escape the situation. I know I just have got to face things sooner or later. I don't know what I have been doing, just been screwing up my life telling her things I don't even know whether I really am. Anyway, she understands. I just had a warm shower and I seem to snap back to the person whom I really am deep deep inside me. My core. It's hard, but I only get back to myself when everything quietens down and my soul seem to calm down. And it's these times when I can really decide what I want for myself, instead of those pride-wrecking stupid things which I had wanted to do.

Anyway, today was a fairly good and bright day I would say. :) I went out with mr mysterious today. We watched the Hangover, it was awesomely hilarious. I never laughed so much in the 18 years of wasted life I had. hahahaha. We had dinner at .... I forgot the name of the restaurant already. Oh! At Changing Appetites! hahaha. I didn't try their famous frankentein mudpie though! I definitely have to try the next time, it looks damn hell good. :D But I am having a bad throat now, it's itchy and so sore. :( Anyway, the most memorable or heartwarming thing that happened today took place in the train. Recalling back now, it was really quite heartwarming. I feel something different now, can't explain why I couldn't feel that way earlier. Perhaps I am alone to think now. Yet, I'm so scared. It's so uncertain and full of complications. Why did I choose this route in the first place? Anyway, I guess things have to be taken one step at a time now. I cannot charge into this at full speed like before. I don't want to regret and please spare me any heartbreaks for both sides.

Netballuxion coming soon at Novena Square! :D