oh gosh. Today was the full dress rehearsal for the teachers' day performance. I was actually suffering from a nervous breakdown just before the performance. But I thank god for putting in place some 'people' who gave me the courage and confidence to push on. Hees. Ya. I think my outfit looked really 'ah ma'. Gosh! Pale purple is not a very friendly colour to go with. Keep that in mind, people.
I have been rather pissed off lately. I told my girl-friends in class a very nasty story this afternoon. And you can say they were equally as pissed off as me. Now let me tell you this story. There was this girl called A who tried her best to love a guy called B. Girl A liked Guy B for nearly or rather infatuated him for two years. Girl A did several things for Guy B in these two years. Her efforts always went futile. All Girl A wanted was for Guy B to say he liked her. Guy B never did until two years later when Girl A kind of gave up on Guy B. In these two years, Girl A has always tried to be there with Guy B even though she knew he already had a girlfriend. Girl A waited faithfully until Guy B broke up with his girlfriend. And even though the seemingly long wait, Guy B made no initiation. Instead Guy B hurt Girl A dime and again. Girl A gave Guy B several chances. It was until it was the very last chance. Guy B finally confessed his likes for Girl A however, his pride came into play and ruined it all. Girl A will never ever trust and give Guy B another chance again. This is the end of their story.
`you do not deserve my grace anymore. take a look at yourself. i once liked you so much. you let your pride get in the way. and i declare this the end.

` Fools rush in where angels fear to thread(spelt wrongly, i guess)
I personally feel that this phrase really makes sense and it revolves its way around the surroundings around this person named charlene. Hms. I must say I really think alot in life. Whenever I get to seat on a bus alone and listening to my mp3 player, this machine in my head starts working. It grinds and whines like the sound of the wheels of a traditional train making its way uphill. Then when I have finally arrived at my destination in life, the train comes to a screeching pause. I guess this is the reason why I have plenty of greys all over my head, because I think too much. I wonder why do people have to watch others fail and not have any ability to change the situation. Why can't everyone succeed at the same time? Why do some of us have to watch others fail and even though we have succeeded at our own things, we do not feel the happiness entirely. I guess life is not always perfect. It is an extremely terrible feeling to see one's loved one crying because he/she has not fulfilled his/her task in life. I do not know why am I bringing this topic across now but I guess there's a purpose to everything I have thought of. I guess this should perhaps tell everyone who is reading this that it's time to wake up and help the ones around you and most importantly yourself. I guess I won't be doing well at this preliminary exams but I will give my best. Do not let down yourselves, ppl.

Hello, my dear bloggie. I am back to blog again after some terrible dreary days. I had been staying back to practise and improve on my dance moves lately and then returning home to study until almost everyone in my house has turn in. It is tiring and exhausting. In fact, sometimes I even practise on my own at home. Yet, I still can not get things right when I am at school performing. Sarcastism just keep aiming itself at me at the point of suffocating me. Prelims are in less than three weeks. I can't understand why is everyone in class still so complacent? Why you people just can't spare a thought for those who are interested in getting good grades and those who are simply outrageously tired and only want to dream away?
In fact, I must say this year is by far the most strenuous one I have ever experienced in my life. I observe certain things and sometimes, I just can not understand why some things go this way or another.There are plenty of painful lessons and experiences I gained this year. So now it is the 24th of August, it is nearing the end of the year. Two more months and I will be sixteen and it shall mark the beginning of my o level examinations. And some how or another, it should also mark the beginning of something new, I guessed.

Hello people. I am hereby back to update my blog again. Heh heh. Life is just as usual. It is just that I have been staying back till it is late lately to practise my dance moves in preparation for the teachers' day performance. Well. I must really say that all these require tedious commitment. The dance troupe and myself went to look for clothings to wear for the performance the day before, right after our dance practice. And the past four days we have been practising really hard for this upcoming performance. You can say I am quite exhausted by all this. Ha. But anyway. There are always good things in between of bad things. I think through this performance, I have got to know and bonded with some really nice people? Ha. It is fun though. Heh heh. My super nice partner especially. Ha. Oh. And I will be wearing a flair skirt for the performance on teachers' day! Teachers! I am really making a huge sacrifice to make this concert for you all perfect. Hees. I think I looked elegant with the black flair skirt I bought yesterday. I am ecstatic! ha. =)
Last night ... was a rather special night for me and someone else. I made a confession to someone. It had been a long while since the both of us messaged each other over the phone with so much to tell one another. It must have been a really tedious time for him to get over what I have said? I guess so. But. I really have to say something. I am not the old char whom I used to be anymore. I have changed alot. Loads and loads. I guess sometimes setbacks and faith in certain things change people. It is hard to decipher how people in the future will be like because in this 'wonderful' world of ours, there lives the term 'temptations' . Some people are tempted by certain things in life and they head for the wrong road to everlasting misery. While some people are tempted to do certain things but hold on to their faith and belief which will take them to some place wonderful and pleasant. I just hope God will look upon this world of ours and see those who are heading for the crossroads to the right path. Life can be beautiful sometimes. I want to live to see the beautiful mountains and springs with my loved ones. That will be my dream.
` have faith in yourself, my boy. you used to tell me that.

my dearest blog. I feel so tired and dreary. Just what is life? Why are we mugging all the time for? Is this what we are really searching in life for? I mean I used to love studying tons and tons. I have lost all motivation and inspiration in this lonesome night which seems endless. What am I supposed to do?
There used to be this really significant person who entered my life and left it inconsistently, I can not endure this bloody lifestyle of mine anymore. Just who the heck am I? I have lost my identity. Why have been so dumb as to trust any one person? I am living in darkness every moment right now. I do not know how am I going to get out of this hell. I really feel like breaking down and cry on somebody's shoulders. I want to tell that person all the problems and troubles I face. But what the hell. My problems are so unmanageable. I can never wonder how am I going to break this problem of mine to someone else. I want a hug and I never want to grow up. I want to go back to the past where I was a young kid without a single problem. Where warmth, innocence and peace lived within my boundaries.
Oh god. Take my spirit to someone where serenity fills and give me strength to carry on. I am this young yet so vulnerable in this realistic world of mine. ` i am going back to my shell to weep.

hellos! ` Today is a very important day because it is the release of the o level chinese results and the sitting of my english o level orals. Well. You can say today is a very stressful day right from the beginning in the morning. Basically, the very first few announcements were made to remind us that we were getting our chinese o level results this morning. And that terrorrizing announcement kept playing itself throughout my brain this morning. It gave me more strains of greys on my head now. But now everything's over with my results out! I got a B! And I do not have to re-take. I was so ecstatic when Mrs Kong told me my results earlier. Hees. Now I got to focus in depth on other subjects. I want to feel that fulfilment once again!
okie. i got to go. =))

woa. It's been about two whole months since I last updated. I must say plenty of things had taken place in my life in this seemingly short yet long two months of mine. I have changed and grown alot as a person. I think I have grown more mature? Hms. I have not much to say of myself. I have really thought of doing several outgoing things that might somehow ruin my life. I guess this is the effect of me being stucked in the midst of a NERD's life and finally getting out of this vicious cycle. Therefore making me all the more eager to do some things which I have missed out on during my entire 15 years on Earth. Haha.
In one way or another, I feel that I am losing my identity. I feel so controlled by a somebody in my life whom seem so inexistent yet I can feel the presence. Sigh. My prelims are in another 35 days or so. I have 4 subjects to buck up at. My sciences and mathematics. I am determined to score a satisfactory A for each and everyone of them because I really love these subjects. However, my laziness always take its control over me. And I hate it.
Last night, after the fireworks display at Esplanade which was gorgeous(my very first fireworks admiration with my friends), I got home and took a very nice warm bath. Before I got home, I was surprised by an abrupt message from my mobile phone. It was from somebody significant. He asked me something which he had never asked me before. But anyway. I thought my reply to him was quite negative. Hms. I just do not wish to think about a commitment in the future right now. His birthday is in about six days' time. Hms. Brainstorming now. Then after that, I chatted with him over msn for about an hour, it was a rather awe experience as the whole process which I had foreseen replayed itself. I left msn at about 1 am after ending the chat with him and raymond.
When I was about to fall asleep on my cosy little bed, stupid raymond called me on my mobile phone to interrupt my rest! I guessed I made a wrong choice to ask him a personal question last night on msn before I went to rest. He refused to allow me to sleep ok! Then what, give me threats here and there. I had no choice but to chat with him about 20 mins? Then my Mom thankfully came into my room late in the night to ask me to go to sleep. Haha. I left the conversation going while my mom nagged. Raymond heard everything and he seemed rather jittery when I got back to him to end the conversation. Wa ha ha ha. But worse was imminent. He wanted to call back again after my mom left my room. Stoopid. I told him my mom would do regular spot checks on me because I got home late. Heh heh. Sigh. He then wanted me to message him until his mama got home. I was so bloody tired k. But he kind of let me off after some stupid things I said to him. -.- Haha. Alrights. I should be signing off here. Cheerios. =)