bloggie . . . it's so boring today . . . As I said, I have not been reading books so I have decided to head to the library later. Yesterday I played with the Cedar juniors and hurt myself. One of them rammed into me and I hurt my knee cap and now it's bruised. Everytime I attend one of this sessions, I tend to injure myself. Anyway, it's minor. Yesterday on my way home from Kallang in the bus, I sat by the window and thoughts kept flowing through my mind. I thought of how the day 12 August would be like. I can picture everyone of us weeping and how the scenario is going to be pathetic. As I said in my previous entry that I have been losing my appetite, it hasn't got any better . I am not in the mood to strengthen my relationship with my kor lately so if he messages me, I have got nothing much to reply him. I'm so pathetic . . . I used up the 18 dollars my dad topped up for me in my sim card in just 2 weeks. Now I will have to top it up by myself. Darn it . . . I think I will suggest to my dad that I should change to a line so that he can save more and myself. This is infuriating man . . . Everytime when I want to make a call, I have to think carefully before I attempt. That's because M1's pre-paid card rates are so high. I dislike it. No offence. Hahas. Alright, got to go.

hello bloggie . . . Today was a fast and furious day, reason speaking because time passed really fast today. I got up this morning feeling . . . you know . . . how everyone feels from the lack of sleep. I had to trim my hair in the late morning, erm . . . my mom's order. Hahas. I went back to sleep after waking up to find nothing on my breakfast table. At around 10 am, my parents came home from the market with my breakfast! After having my breakfast which include just a chocolate waffle. I realized that recently I have been losing my appetite like I'm going to fall sick or something. I'm so sleepy, I am going to take a rest now. Good bye . . .

hello bloggie . . . I had training today . . . We did benches and then some drills and began the court game. I kinda dislike doing benches because it causes my thigh muscles to ache really badly the next morning. Futhermore, I have not been training hard on my thigh muscles hence the benches were tough. I had a really fun time during the court game. When Ms Lim said that it was going to be that last goal, I felt that I really had to treasure that last goal because I enjoyed the game thoroughly. I got the rebound 3 times and the shooter tried score a goal but they failed all 3. I gave them so many chances yet . . . sigh . . . Hahas. Anyway, the last shot was put in by Ms Lim. I'm so beat-out and tired. I want to sleep soon . . . Good night

hello bloggie . . . I finally cease to heave a sigh. I had 2 test today, Geography and Chemistry. I had not talked to mario the past 2 days because I was mad at him. Today after school, I headed to compass point to get some important stuff that Siew hong and the team wanted. I went there with Amanda, Jasmine, Amelia and er . . . Wendy. Erm, I have to brush up on my english vocabulary, haven't been able to squeeze in time to read a book. My english standard have deproved. Sigh . . . My close friends keep tell me to keep my distance away from him yet my inner-self is trying to ignore the advice. Why am I so incapable when there's a time to be strong? Life is such a strenuous process. Imagine ourselves trying so hard to counter every obstacles that come in our way yet we die at the end of the road. I'm trying to be positive here and yet trying to act negative. It's tough. I'm so tired and beat. Perhaps because I'm so tired, that's why I'm so negative. Yep . . . Going off . . . Bye!

bloggie . . . I have finally cleared those stupid confusion between Mario and me. It has been bothering me for the past few days or even weeks. I don't want to describe what happened between him and me. I told him to leave me alone and I will leave him alone too . . . He's so indecisive. Anyway, I have a feeling he is using me as a substitute for Geraldine after he had broken up with her. I hate such guys. Furthermore, he has got a bad character and I find that I cannot really communicate with him. I am a totally opposite side of him. We won't get along. I won't bother you and you don't bother me okie! It's so hard to reject him because I have umpteem crushes on him. LEAVE ME ALONE ALRIGHT?! I will find a better guy than you. Definitely much better than you! Sorry if I was too raged up. I can't stand nonsensical problems.

hello bloggie . . . I spent a heck of a time just now trying to organize my files properly. I have learnt my lesson and I'm going to take all my files to school to pit it under my desk. It's much easier for me to upload any worksheet that is given to me. Instead of searching high and low for every single piece of worksheet. I was quite fed up with Mario just now when he replied to my message. I feel that he is one kind of a guy who does not put much pride for a girl. I am still confused about my feelings and I feel like ignoring it. Who cares? I'm not focusing on relationships but my studies. I enjoy being who I am in school not being liked or not for who I am. Heh heh. Quote: Do not care how others view you no matter how badly, you prove to them who you really are. Your muscles might be tired but not your mind. You control your mind and yourself! Don't take the easy way out everytime as you don't know what you can explore and learn when you take up a new challenge.
I do not have much tests next week except geog. I need to revise for my chemistry later, need to understand the topic metals. Mrs Gan has been rushing us to hand up our TYS and pushing us to revise so I had better do it. Alright, I have to go now. See Ya!

hello bloggie . . . i'm so confused . . . Mario just smsed me earlier on and told me that he was going to break up with his girlfriend. I hope I'm not the cause of their breakup. I have a geog test next week, I had better begin studying today, i don't want to have a tough week ahead. I'm having a bad headache now . . . I chatted with Mario till 11 pm, I woke up at 9 plus this morning feeling legarthic. Alright, there's nothing much to write about anyway. I will update you later in the night. ciao

hello bloggie . . . I just did my crunches and sit-ups again after 2 weeks. I'm so lazy nowadays. I need to get more disciplined. Things aren't going to get any better once Ms Lim has left us. I'm so going to miss her . . . and her yellings. I need more self-control and self-discipline! I went to compass point earlier on to get Chew Ling a birthday present. I was set on getting her that particular present. Anyway, I felt that it was a nice present and I also spent a bomb on it. If you want to know what I bought for her, go and ask her on monday. Alright, i've got to go now. see ya!

hello bloggie . . . I didn't had a pleasant night hence i'm still feeling lethargic now. Yesterday I chatted with Mario again. There was many quiet moments in between and I mean many. Hahas. Anyway, I just went with the flow of chatting. He played his guitar several times and it was nice. I am in shit man . . . My mom knows about me calling Mario though he does call me too. Anyway, I have a feeling this will not work out between me and him. Reason speaking, because he's so shy in school and it's almost like we have nothing much to chat about. Hahas. Yesterday night over the phone, I told Mario that I was pretty close to Bai lin in my class and I took a pic. with him and Mario sounded jealous or taken aback? hahas. By the way, it's Chew Ling's birthday today! Happy Birthday Chew Ling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay Cute always! hahas. Alright, See Ya!

bloggie . . . the past week has been very hectic for me. I finally get to relax and play to my heart's content today at the 'I love punggol' carnival. Let me briefly describe the happenings today.
Well . . . I had an A maths test after recess. After that, I was looking forward to a whole lot of fun in the afternoon. The bell went off. Mabel and I rushed down to the canteen. Large crowds were gathering there. Hahas. I met Chew Ling while window-looking at the stuff that they were selling. I met Bai lin and Ming feng near the girls' toilet. Ming feng asked me whether i wanted to take neo-print with anyone. I did not know how did they decided but in the end, Bai Lin wanted to take a picture with me. Hahas, he was shy so he asked Brendon to get in the picture too. The picture came out fine. Bai lin thought he looked ugly. Hahas. Mabel went round with her 'Cannon' digitla camera and took many pictures. I asked her to take one of Mario. Then Mario came to tell me that he dedicated one song that was currently on playing. He talked to me! -.- Hahas. Anyone, I went to the place outside the hall where the glass doors are, and I played volleyball with Amanda and co. So fun! heh heh . . . Overall, I had a super fun day at school today.

bloggie . . . many things have happened lately, and I'm really upset that these things would happen to me. Ms Lim will not be teaching in the school from 12 August onwards. She broke the news to us yesterday during training. At first, Amanda began crying and when everyone heard her woes, we cried too. I hadn't drop much tears during training. However, after intensive study the night before and I decided to turn in, I stared into the ceiling and began wondering and pondering how life would be like without Ms Lim watching over me. Tears began streaming down my face and I tried to stop it but my emotions were taking over. My heart seem like it was shedding because I was about to lose a loved one(in a sense). I began recalling what Ms Lim had done for me in the past 2 years. There was too much and too precious to recall. She taught me so many values in life that it has changed my life 180 degrees round. It helped me to want to excel in things I do. I feel like weeping right now at this moment as I'm writing out my thoughts and feelings. She was the first female teacher and coach whom has treated me with love and scoldings. It's so difficult to type out my feelings right now . . . I feel the hurt as every single of these words get typed out. I don't want to recall anymore . . . sorry. This is dedicated to Ms Lim :
Ms Lim, I just want to let you know that you're the one and only teacher and 'mother' whom I will ever respect foremost. I love you and the team so much.
Alright, I will change the subject . . . I am very confused about an issue in my life. I don't know what to do . . . I'm sandwiched in between 2 person right now. One whom have not decided what to do. I do not want to get involved in their relationship though I don't really know what's going on. I have enough problems trying to deal with the fact that Ms Lim is leaving and I'm trying to accept the fact so just leave me alone.

Felt so loved & doted by you

Many values taken away from you

Now that you're leaving

It seem like a place in my heart

is empty . . .

Thinking of it

Tears stream down endlessly

If I could change the fact

I would atmost do it

However it is impossible . . .

I feel so helpless

I'm trying hard to resist the hurt

and beautiful memories . . .

Take Care &

I hope you will succeed in pursuing your dreams[ Ms Lim ]

hello bloggie . . . I had a scary experience yesterday at the Speech Day. The VIPs came into the AVA room to look at our stuffs. They came to my booth and my team-mates were all scared. I had to force myself to calm down and speak. I began explaining when the principal requested for me to speak chinese instead. I couldn't speak chinese and everyone knows that I speak Chinese with an English-ascent. I didn't want to risk embarrassing myself however I guessed I already did that. Anyway, before that when I just arrived at school in my Dad's car, I saw Mario walking to school with Melvin coincidentally. I saw Siti Erna in front of him and so, I waved to her. Hahas, Mario thought I was waving to him and he was so happy. Heh heh . . . Anyway, if he likes to think that way, then so be it because it makes him happy.
I spoke to him on the phone yesterday night and it was pretty scary and nervous for me. There were many pauses in between because we did not know what to chat about. it's difficult to get a conversation going especially when you're on the phone. We chatted about everything in the world . . . hahas. I found his Mom rather strict with him because the moment I called in and asked for him, she asked me who I was. I had a feeling she was spying while we were chatting on the phone too. After about an hour of chatting with him, I realized that he was a pretty easy-going guy.
I'm trying to keep our relationship as 'kor' & 'mei' . . . I have a goal in mind and I have to achieve that. I have to remain focus. Alright, See Ya!

hello bloggie . . . I didn't update my blog yesterday due to because I had to practise and revise for my A maths test. Yeah! Tomorrow is going to be so exciting because it's Speech Day! I wished I could watch the concert tomorrow but I will be stucked in the AVA room. I'm going about to describe what had happened to me today . . .
Well . . . Basically, School was moderate today as usual. Except that the fact that I had to do an Advertisement Presentation without Mabel! Anyway, I felt that everything went smoothly, I spoke clearly and loudly. Yupp . . . After school, I went to compass with Amanda & co for lunch at KFC. Once again, I enjoyed my time with them. Hahas.
Something surprising happened today. Mario came online coincidentally and I chatted with him. It's quite difficult to chat with him because he is almost speechless all the time but i'm trying because he's my 'kor'. Alright, See Ya! I'm looking forward to an exciting day tomorrow.

bloggie . . . I was so drained today. I was slazing around at school. So tired . . . I have so many upcoming tests, quite used to the frequent tests though. I am trying to think up a poem as I realized that poems could be made into songs. It's so going to be exciting this Saturday because it's Speech Day and I will be stucked in the AVA room attending to the laptop and programs there. Furthermore, Amanda and grp would be there too. However, I am wondering how should I attend to the VIP when he/she approaches my stall. Hahas. I wished the next 2 days could pass by quickly because it has been a hectic week. And I know I would be facing a much tougher week ahead because of the upcoming tests. I keep telling myself to take this slowly step by step . . . because everything seems to be passing swiftly in a blink of the eye. I am like so helpless to time. I need better time management and I need to sort things out. Alright, there is nothing much to update today. See Ya!

hello bloggie . . . today I had training. It was sort-of a stamina training again. Well, I do not totally dread stamina training because it has its advantages. I am so tired once again . . . I feel drained of energy, maybe because I am not taking in enough carbohydates. I feel sad again . . . wondering why life is as such . . . I am so tired however I enjoyed training. I feel like breaking down once again . . . Think on the positive side. I am so tired, tired, tired . . . I want to sleep till I desire. Netball was rather fun today however I nearly sprained my ankle because one of my juniors tripped over my ankle. Thank god I didn't. The last game was super exciting however due to my lousy umpiring, I slowed down the game. Ms Lim and Ms Teoh played and worked together as GD and GK in the last game. Exciting game yeah? Hahas. Then, tooty Chew Ling kept disturbing me today . . . eg. she kept poking me. Hahas. I realized that everytime I see Chew Ling and Bernice and hear their laughter, it just brightened up my day . . . Hahas. Alright . . . See Ya!

bloggie . . . I am not feeling good today . . . feeling a little ill . . . I have a stomachache. Anyway, basically my whole day was spent doing A maths, maths . . . maths . . . However the feeling of completing my assignment which consisted of 10 long questions was fulfilling. My abs are aching now because I did 100 sit-ups and 50 crunches last night? I added another 1 min of crunches because I felt that I really needed to tone my abs well. I was afraid that they might turn into fats which was not desirable. I'm chewing on aloe vera bits now . . . so crunchy and juicy . . . nice . . . hahas. Hmm . . . Didn't get to talk to Chew Ling and company today . . . hahas. I was pretty fed up with Mabel today becauseI just found out that the gathering last saturday which I went was a Christian gathering. She obviously didn't spared a thought for me . . . I was not suppose to attend anything related to Christianity . . . I am a Buddhist. It's obvious that Mabel is trying to convert me into a Christian. And . . . I will not oblige to it! Stop bothering me to attend your church, Mabel. I will not convert my religion. Alright . . . I will be having netball training tomorrow, I had better get more rest tonight. Bye!

bloggie . . . this weekend had not let me down . . . I enjoyed myself entirely this full 2 days. Well, I had written down yesterday's event in the previous blog already so if you want to know what happened, read the previous entry.
Basically, I had to rush through my homework today because I have to hand them up tomorrow. Especially my Chemistry Ten Yr Series. Alright, I went to compass with debbie today to try to finish up the TYS. Coincidentally, Amanda and Chew Ling wanted to tag along so I obliged. Hahas. Actually, I wanted them along too. Yupp . . . We had burger king. After eating and laughing, I began doing my homework. What the heck . . . I couldn't fully focus on the TYS because Chew ling was there and I kept wanting to laugh and fool around. Hahas. We chatted and meanwhile I did my work. So fun and funny. Afterwards around 3 plus, I decided we should go and walk around because 'Psss . . .' I wanted to see what kind of stuff Chew Ling adores so that I could get her a birthday present. Hahas. However, it seemed to me she dosen't adore anything except stupid stuff . . . hahas.
Anyway, I found out that Ms Lim reads my blog occasionally and this scares me because I cannot write stuff that are too personal here. Er . . . Ms Lim, please don't read my blog anymore . . . And I want this blog to remain personal because I write my personal thoughts and feelings here so it's private. Though I had written my web address on my msn before. Alright . . . Have to leave now . . . See Ya!

bloggie . . . I went for a swim at Yio Chu Kang today. I did lots of stupid lame stuff in the water, so fun. Hahas. I felt that I behaved like a kid once again today. I enjoy the feeling of eating simple with my family at a hawker centre and then we head back to our home sweet home after a long day. I really miss those days when we lived simple. Though we still live simple today. My eyes are sore now due to the chlorine in the pool. It hurts.
This morning around 11 am, I left home for Mabel's house. I was the first to arrive and I waited there for about 20 minutes. Meanwhile, I smsed Chew Ling. Soon, time passed and Joseph and group arrived. I find chatting with Chew ling enjoyable and fun, hahas. Mabel also soon came. We headed to Mabel's 'landed property' house in her family car. Phew . . . The moment we entered the house through the main door, everyone in the house stared at us. It was quite frightening for us because I do not know quite a number of these people in the house whom were Mabel's relatives and church friends. Anyway, I got to know 'Ethel' who seem like a pretty nice girl. I had spagetti for lunch which was rather sumptuous. Next, the show began . . . It was a show about Christ and stuff . . . however, it was an interesting show though. Hahas, I nearly slept while watching it because I didn't had adequate sleep the night before. Ouch . . . my thigh muscles hurt alot today, walking was quite a problem for me. Heh heh . . . We headed to heartland mall at around 3.15 pm. Mabel decided to take some neo-prints. I went ahead with it, besides I had no choice, she was so chou lou. I realized that the shoot was a very quiet one because I guessed everyone was mature. So different from the one I took with Chew Ling and group, I kept laughing and screaming hystrically, like I was nuts or something. I headed home soon after that. We went swimming after that. That's all! See Ya!

hello bloggie . . . I had not a really nice night sleeping . . . I woke up at 7 plus this morning and I felt that my eyes seem swollen. I suddenly felt that I detested father because he is always siding with my little sister no matter what. This morning he saw my sister wrote on a board that 'Charlene sucked like hell' twice and he told me that I was a bad sister. He is an idiot man . . . He should be scolding her instead of me because my little sister is writing such stuff about me and he is siding with her. Though I tend to quarrel with my little sister frequently. Alright, later I will be heading to Mabel's house to watch some stupid show. I am so sleepy now . . .

hello bloggie . . . Today was a strenuous day for me . . . I had the very first training after my camp. Furthermore, the focus for today's training was stamina. We did lots of sprinting and launches . . .My thigh muscles ache quite badly right now. Well . . . today after training, I asked my friends how they thought of Mario . . . my kor . . . they thought he was not really good-looking. I had always thought Mario was good-looking . . . however I realized that I have never been close to him and take a good look of him, hence I don't really know how he looked. The thing that attacts me to him is his hair.
Anyway, I realized that I am one girl who goes for the looks of guys. That is a bad habit. I am beginning to ignore any guys character. So beat . . . haven't been improving my english by reading . . . going to do so later . . . and add more words to my vocabulary. Hahas.

bloggie . . . these few days have been exciting for me . . . However, I have nothing much to write now because I'm having a slight headache. Anyway, yesterday night Kor smsed me and told me he broke up with his girlfriend. Poor thing . . . I think his girlfriend must be heartbroken. And that is inevitable. I asked him what happened and he said he would tell me about it tomorrow which is today. He added that he felt shy to come and approach me, so funny. However, today during recess, he didn't dared to come and approach me because I guessed there are alot of people in class and there are rumours going about us.
I will focusing on my goal and not at guys. It's diffiuclt but I'll do it. Hahas. Anyway, there will be a conference later with Amanda and friends. I was pretty upset today because Mabel suspected that I was a lesbian . . . half-half . . . she said that I liked both guys and girls. It all began because I kept saying I wanted to go and see Chew Ling and Bernice frequently. I don't understand why that makes her think I am a lesbian. -.- Anyway, I proclaim and announce that I'm straight! Okie, got to go . . . see ya!

dear bloggie . . . I have an A maths test coming up next week, very pressurizing. It's my first test in this new term, and I ought to do well for a good start. Feelings for him just keep coming and going as fast as the wind. I am trying really hard to control them but I keep thinking of him. Why am I behaving like a kid who has lost her sense of consciousness? Wake up! This is the real world! hahas. I have to be mature in my thinking . . .

Feelings for him are fading away soon . . .

dear bloggie . . . I'm in deep shit man . . . I have yet to get wendy a suitable present. I think I will get her chocolates at the nearest mart. Or maybe I will give her a belated present. Today, Mario performed on stage . . . so cool . . . smittened by him. Hahas. Look! My kor is playing the guitar there . . . so stylo milo man . . . hahas. I realized something recently . . I treat Mario as my kor only. Though some things cannot be totally controlled by me, I am trying hard to control them. See Ya!

bloggie . . . I went to compass with chew liing and stupid bernice today to look for a sutable present for idiot wendy who didn't reply to my msg again. She's irritating me . . . what she thinks I am... I am an ordinary girl with ordinary desires, not what chew liing and bernice thinks . . . I am here trying to forget my ugly memories and wendy is reminding me of my past . . . To Wendy and fellow cockroaches: I am not what you think okie! Go on and think whatever you want, I don't give a damn . . . This is shit man . . . Don't think of me this way . . . I will prove you wrong!
Alright . . . change the topic . . . I have to rush up all the homework that are yet to be done. Well . . . Mario will be performing on stage tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I think I will get wendy a cockroach and put it in a box, this will scare her out of her wits . . . hahas. OKie, bye!

oh . . . bloggie . . . I didn't accomplished anything today. Well, maybe I cleaned my house. Bloggie, I am so afraid to like this one guy whom I have liked since I was Sec. 1. He is quite popular with girls because of his stylish hair. He is also very tall. He has hurt my feelings many times although he doesen't even knows. I spent a ton of a time forgetting him and now he is once again coming back to my life after about 3 months later? I wished I would forget him and he would disappear out of my life . . . though if I don't see him, my heart shreds into pieces. He is the guy whom I have ever liked so much and he would never had known. I would make it impossible between us because he is impossible. He has different attitude and values from me . . . it's impossible.

My heart is healing

why bother to come back and hurt me once again

though if you're gone

my heart would be in shreds

leave me alone please . . .

why . . . why . . . why . . . leave me alone . . . My heart is fading for you . . .

bloggie . . . I went to m'sia today to visit my aunt who is suffering from cancer and she will not be living on this world for long. I guess this will be the last time I will be seeing her. So saddening. I arrived at the hospital in Johore and the hospital was very low-standard. It seem like it was in ruins. Everywhere seem very unhygiene and gloomy. It did not seem like a place for my aunt to rest. Guess you can't expect much from a free-paid hospital. It was a pathetic place to recuperate. The moment we arrived at the ward my aunt was lying at, she saw us and everyone were like staring at each other. I can sense that my aunt was going to break out in tears. I felt really sad at that moment. I felt that life was really precious when you see someone whom you knew going off quite soon. It's a sorrow. It's a painful process to see someone slowly dying from cancer and you know that person. I cannot imagine if that person is much closer to me, I would have wished I can undertake the pain the person is suffering.
Anyway, I bought a new handphone casing for my Nokia 3220. It's stylo milo now. I love my phone now! hahas. Okie, See Ya!

hello bloggie... just woke up and freshen up... I spent last night writing my private diary. I was feeling so empty last night... I had even wrote a 'so-called' poem on how I was feeling... here goes...
Emptiness fills my heart
Empty so hollow with echoes
nothing lingers there except . . .
darkness & peace
I was feeling so empty last night that I had wrote out a poem... I still feel lethargic after a night's sleep. At camp, I miss my Sec. 2 friends too. Especially Chew Ling and Bernice... hahas. I thought I wasn't going to miss them because they were rather irritating . . . however, I miss their laughter . . . Okie.. See Ya!

bloggie... I just got back from Bahtera camp... 3 days 2 nights... I'm beat... I am going to describe the whole experience at camp. The first night at camp was very memorable... The instructors came and shouted us to turn in at 12.15 am. I tucked myself into the sleeping bag and hid my head under the cover. I suddenly felt so sad because I missed my family and mother badly... I laid under the covers and tears began streaming down my eyes. I felt terrible and I just kept crying... I couldn't really slept and woke up again at 1 am plus. I woke up at 5.30 am plus the next morning. I felt that i really wanted to talk to my Mom... I called her and we exchanged concern. After that, I went to prepare myself for the long day ahead. On the second day at camp, we had Nasi Lemak in the morning and we began our activities. We headed to CRC2 where we had to do high, scary activities. I did the log thingy where we had to walk across the log empty-handed trying to balance. I thought it was going to be very simple untill I got up there. It was terrifying, I was so scared that I was stunned to move. I walked very slowly to the next end and got down. In the afternoon, we had kayaking! We headed out to sea and it was quite fun... got alot of kelongs(houses in the sea). My kayak kept drifting away from the rest... We had campfire at night. My group had to perform, we did a sexy dance called "7 steps to take a shower" ... damn funny man... hahas. 3rd day at camp, we had our breakfast and prepared to head back to school. In fact, I don't know why... I miss my instructor now... she's damn hilarious. She is Wati.. hahas.. I describe her appearance... she has short spiky hair, she is short and have slightly large eyes... hahas.. Okie... got to go.. See Ya!