Yay. The term tests are over! I'm so glad yet not very so glad! I think I screwed 2 papers out of the 4 of them. I feel so demoralised. But it's ok, I'll keep trying. Keep trying until I finally get them right. I just attended a OSH seminar this morning, it was quite redundant you know?! Most of the stuff the speakers said have been taught the past few weeks. I already learnt them. So crappy. I'm in school using the computers in the library now since I'm heading elsewhere in the noon. I'm growing very fat la! I just had japanese food yesterday and I'm going for some dinner celebration with my family tonight. FAT! is scary.

I think I know what's going on now. But do I exactly know what is going on actually? Why do you go telling people about me? Or is this all a conspiracy or ploy between you and the whole lot. Or is it? Or perhaps it's just me being plain sensitive about every single detail. I think so, and I hope so.

Yay. I can't wait to get my new phone in late jan! Hopefully there's no mistake about the upgrading of plans or else I'll go bang my head on the wall. hahaha. Ugh. I'm so tired. I slept really late last night. I barely had 5 hours of sleep, my eyes are so heavy. Alright, got to go!

Wow. It's been months since I last updated hur. Everything's changed, so many things which are so not within my control. I'm losing my friends one by one by all the crappy shit I keep doing. Have you ever felt like going back to do the same thing again when you have been hurt once? Putting aside all the hurt and pain that comes along with it. This is so shit. Remember I have mentioned before I would abandon this blog since time would eventually change me and it would defeat the purpose of this blog? I begun blogging here with all the good vibes that I brought along with me from high school. And now all that's left of me are shredded pieces. I'm so broken.

My friends are leaving me one by one. Tell me what should I do. And it's not like I'm in the wrong. What have done actually? Am I even in the wrong? Why are you treating me with all these coldness and everything? That I won't even dare to approach you to strike up a conversation. Why are we even having this cold war because of whatever. I don't even know what's that whatever! *all's that mentioned is not referring to anyone in tp.

I just feel like breaking down soon. Everything crashing down on me. I don't like studying, I don't like doing anything anymore. All I want to do is sleep. And eat. And do anything bad. I hate someone in ChE in particular. I hate him so much I feel like slapping him. But rather, it doesn't really matter now. Cause everything's past and over, I hope.

Yay. I had class bbq today! It was awesome! Though only 8 of us turned up! But. It was STILL awesome! Great. I haven't had such fun since I don't know when! I like social gatherings alot these days. It's super fun especially when I go crazy after drinking only ONE bottle of vodka. Actually, I think acting crazy is quite illusional for me. It helps to hide the pain that I keep inside. It helps to make me forget almost everything that makes me upset. And thus, I love doing and acting crazy. And afterall, seeing my friends laugh endlessly at the way I behave is great. hahaha.

Great, school starts next week. I seriously don't know what the hell I want out of every single shit I do. Please guide me, God. I thank you alot.

Weee... The hols are coming to a full stop. I can't wait to go back to school to see all my classmates, Xuanyi and Michelle! I miss them aaalot. I got plenty of things to do before heading back to school. Sigh. And it ain't helping when I can't recover from my flu and bad cough! I have been sleeping alot lately, guess I should be recovering soon. All thanks to my late night working. Anyway, it's all over. I'm going back to school. I need to get new clothes! Sigh. I only have one more week to go shopping. It's too tight. Oh well. I shall see how. But I definitely can't cope with the clothes I have now. Can't.

Oh my god. I'm seeing someone new now. And he's so sweet. Just because I told him I was sick, he made herbal soup for me. Oh my god. My heart's melting. hahaha. And oh my GOD. He's attached you know! Great. I know this isn't sounding any good. But I'm just playing for time you know. I'm sure he feels something for me but I don't want to become a third party. It's shameful. Sigh. Pathetic fate of mine.

Looking forward to shopping! (=

I am super duper tired right now. I just got home from work about an hour ago. Event today was a wedding as usual, was hoping for a lingerie or some celebrity event but there wasn't. Haha. The couple were both good-looking as well. Haha. I like looking at well-groomed people that's why. Oh god, my brain's not really functioning well at this hour. I need my sleep! I will continue next time. (=

They say as long as you have many friends, you do not need a boyfriend. They say as long as you're independent, you do not need to get married. But are these really true? The past few days has been terrible as I plug on my earphones and reminisce the past times we shared together.

The other day I was at E hub together with deb and pat. We had lunch together and I went to the bowling alley with them too. After which I had to leave for marina square to meet my jc friends. I left and walked from downtown east to white sands alone. The feeling was really terrible, like nobody cared but deep inside I know that there are many who cares about me and I appreciate them. And it couldn't be any better when I had to walk the same route my ex-bf and I usually went. It was bad. haha. (anyway, this entry wasn't made to make deb and pat feel bad ok, they had been very nice to me the entire day) Yup, so I just got upset. (=

I am looking forward!

Exams are finally over. Yay. Yet, I still don't feel relieved. My holidays are going to be filled with work and trainings. But no more idiotic studying. (= I think the mugging for exams the past two weeks has taken its toll on my health. I haven't been having proper meals and taking care of my stomach and now I haven't stopped having the runs and gastric problems. And my gastric can really hurt badly, to the extent I might even collapse. I am going to see the doc tomorrow though. It's burning inside now. )=

Well well. My dearest xuan yi is going fly off the week after next to thailand where it is so chaotic curently. I am so going to miss her so much, her nonsense and boogey eyes! HAHA. xuan yi xuan yi xuan yi!

Training today was alright. We played indoors. I wasn't in the right form to play anyway, my stomach was hurting. I umpired sitting down halfway, well not exactly umpiring since I haven't really learnt the ropes. Haha. I saw the pictures on facebook, the training in which we were having team-bonding games, they were so hilarious la! I really laughed my head off. Haha.

I want to go escape theme park soon. I miss the go-karts and pirate ship rides. Not to mention the haunted house too! hahaha. Alright, I need to go rest now. (=

I had fom paper last night. The questions in the paper were rather direct I feel. Anyway, I was really blessed to have xuan yi by my side for the whole afternoon yesterday, studying with me. And not to mention debbie and karen as well. Through last night, I realized what good friends were. And also it helped to broaden my horizons a little to learn about how different everybody's lives were. It made me cherish my life better somehow.

Xy, thanks for being there for me to help me at everything. You are a really great friend and a really strong one. I promise to be there for you anytime too ok! Continue staying strong ok! Cause my turban is dirty! HAHAHA.

My good friend is telling me that you're no good for me, that you are a bad friend. And that her instincts told her so. And her instincts SELDOM fail her? And somehow I want to agree with her, I am very close to agreeing with her soon. Can you like wise up and stop being with someone who keeps hurting you? I know it's hard, but what's the point when she treats you like dirt? Like literally dirt? Where is your self dignity? You keep telling me of the things she does to you, from yelling at you in public and everything else, but haven't you realise the solution to all these? It's not that I don't wish to listen to your woes but it's the same old thing thereafter and after. What advices do you want me to give you? I really want to help you but I find it hard to do so, I can't understand you.

I really wished I could bring myself to tell you all these but I am so afraid, so afraid of hurting you. And it's not like I am very, very close to you. I really feel like washing my hands of you already. I don't know what do you want.

I had a fruitful session with xuan yi last night at mos burgers! We shall go out for more eating sessions ok! Hopefully again before you fly away to thailand. )= and many, many after you come back!!! (=

I'm up and awake doing stupid et project. I'm so stressed out! I have a paper to sit for on friday and I have to hand up my reports on friday as well! All thanks to my bad time management!

I am getting afraid of being close to you. There are so many conspiracies, bitching and killing behind you and your friend's backs. I am very afraid that I would be your next victim. Your scapegoat. I don't want all these to happen and neither do I want to stop being your friend. I shall let things stay this way.

Oh god oh god. I thought some guy from ChE is real cute today! Only for today!

I saw how vulnerable she was today. It kind of hurt me to see her so hurt over her previous relationship and not yet getting over it. I wanted to hug her tightly and tell her that everything's alright but it just doesn't make sense. I couldn't find any reason to convince her that everything is alright. )= There's so much taking place in her life that I can't really help her much but to lend her a listening ear.

I have one more sickening project to finish off before the exams! I learnt a little how lucky I am today. I can't wait for the holidays!

Yay. I scored well for stupid uo1 quiz. That was like quite a long while after the last quiz I ever did well for. I feel smarter now. haha! That's dumb. Why do I only feel better with myself after I see results? So typical. Ugh. Oh my god. I wonder how much I am going to miss xuan yi when she goes overseas for her judo training for 2 whole months?! Oh god oh god. I'm so going to break down I think. )= sigh.

I wonder what's happening in your life. Just when I wanted to leave you alone, you came back for me. I wonder was it because she really left you already or was it because you could stand her no more. It would really hurt to know that you were back for me only as a back-up plan. I really don't know anymore. I hope that you are happy even though I disliked the way you treated me in the past. Let's stay this way.



dumb shit. you treated me like shit today and I would return you all your shit right at your shittie face one fine day. you shit boy. (=

Had a photo shoot this afternoon at school, somehow I found the whole concept of photographing us quite amusing. I thought that I would have a lot of fun but it was otherwise, alot of time was spent setting up the place and selecting models. Perhaps the whole idea of a photoshoot was no longer refreshing since I had done one with the screens and everything before. I would like to try walking down the runway at least once in my lifetime. haha. That would be so interesting. It was really slipshod today.

My exams are coming at the speed of light! Sigh. I really need someone to confide in, not the ordinary people who will not be able to accept me for who I am. Somehow, I feel really suffocated. Like I am not able to tell but I really really want to say it out loud and clear. And it's not like I can help it, those ugly childhood memories come back to haunt me occassionally. I wish, I wish I could help myself with all these. But it's not like it's alot but just merely one sickening, bloody problem.

This is madness. How come I find that I can't be getting enough rest? I just had training this morning, it was really hot and I got slightly sunburnt. Uh, whatever I never get really tanned anyway. haha. I really can't understand, whenever I play on court I'll be wondering whether I can intercept the balls or perform and I'll be really afraid if I can't do so. I'll panic or go into fright mode. Sigh.

It has been quite happening at school. Classmates have been getting into fights and smashing each other's faces and losing their dignity and every shit else. I can't really understand why guys get into fights over some 'face' issues or perhaps dissatisfaction with one another.

I am really heartbroken this time. But I have gotten through this. I don't even know why am I this heartbroken when everything was just a foolish act on my part. I thought that we were both at this game. Yet everything was just my own calling. Thank god I got through yesterday cause' I really, really thought that it was the worse day I ever had in these few months. Emotional crisis. haha.

I am so going to leave you to handle everything else yourself. You can stop telling me that she isn't very nice to you. Don't tell me that no guys will like you if you meant just to gain sympathy or get me off my guard. I seriously don't know what the shit you want out of me. You blow hot and cold towards me like there's no tomorrow and it makes me wonder whether it was wrong to be so nice towards you. All the laughter and fun we had in the past is so distant and no longer vivid in my memories anymore. Go have fun with your CC. I wish you true happiness, my dear hee-ha friend.

TIRED... this week's another crazy week! I screwed up several things, my quizzes and presentations. I wonder when do I do things right huh? I am so tired of the ongoing workload in school, everything is going so fast. I can't catch up! I feel like venting my anger out on the court or go play squash. Oh ya. I heard TP squash courts are haunted. HAHA.

CRAZY day at school today! I laughed like 3/4 of my lessons with xuan yi around me? That stupid girl sure has to stay 3 metres away from my surroundings or else I'll giggle the moment she appears. haha. It's like she's carrying some laughing virus which only I am not immuned to. What the shit. And I can't stand aik leng calling me 'chicken' everytime he sees me around! Stupid scum! HAHA.

What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to leave things like this? I am going to go crazy soon. I can't control!

Taking a break from this game.

My entire body is aching since I got up from bed this morning! Ugh. Have you ever experienced having to get out of bed when your whole body is sore and painful? It was the same exact feeling!

Yesterday's training was rather vigourous for me I would say. I started off warm-up with my coach as my partner and I was breathless after that. I could die to catch my breath. haha. Court games were good too except that I could have done better jumping higher to intercept balls. Yay, received my beautiful netburner shoes yesterday. It's white with a glint of bright green across the back of the shoe. I simply love it. (:

I have got so many tutorials to do and work to catch up on! I need something to get me fired on. I can't find the heart to do my work these days, I wonder why. Alright, may I find the fire after a quick nap!

Gosh. This week has almost passed by with a blink. This is incredulously scary. I can't imagine growing up so quickly. *screams! And exams in a few weeks time! I have no time for any games.

Just yesterday, I was having a tutorial session with zack siew and he mentioned how 25% of the population will die of cancer. There were around 16 people in the class and he pointed out that 4 of us would die of cancer. His facial expression was really solemn and he got everyone into the 'deathly' atmosphere. Then he further elaborated about how cancer kills us one by one. It got me thinking if I were the one who contracted cancer, how would life be for the people around me and myself?

He smiled at me today! I was ecstatic! ((((((:

You are game on!

Ohmygod, I am so sleepy now. Finally went to see the doc today for my annoying flu and sore throat. Doc was kind enough to give me one day MC for tomorrow, still wondering should I skip fom tutorial tomorrow. I went to the toilet this morning and to my surprise I found a number of red bumps on my thighs and leg, scared the shit out of me. Thank god I asked the doc just now and she said it was nothing, just some skin irritations. (:

Had lab the entire day. Labs are always so interesting and fun. I am not referring to the practicals but rather getting to fool around in class. I love tickling adorable ang wei chin, I so look upon him as a younger brother. haha. Then there was eugene, scaring me with the bloody stick from the murky bucket of water. Also, there was cute dixie who was always trying to do something funny. haha. Made a new friend today! She's christabella. She's really hyper occassionally and rather random when I first started talking to her, an easy-going girl. (: Kasturi, han yi and su ying were sweeties too. haha.

My head's so heavy now. I guess the medicine is taking effect now. I feel like dropping my heavy body onto the bed now. ZZZ. (:

Now I exactly understand the meaning of loneliness. When everybody gets so busy, there's very few whom I can approach to talk to. My best friend is attached and is packed with so many things to do(since she has to maintain her studies) that she hardly has time for me. Funny xuan yi is overseas doing judo. My parents are busy with work. My sisters are busy with their own stuff. At the end of the day, it's just ME and me. I want to talk to michelle but like I have said, things aren't the way they are no more. Anyway, she's always either talking to her darlings or busy with projects. I can't explain, but I am getting to see her more and more as an elder sister. haha.

Perhaps I should go and get attached again? Wow, I can't believe I am saying this so randomly (like it's some sort of plaything). I saw him today again. When I looked him in the eyes, all I saw was solemness and not any sign of adoration at all. Then it struck me that it was just plain foolishness on my part. All I wanted was a smile from you but it's like a big burden to you. Forget it then.

Training's tomorrow, but I feel so tired and sick right now. Ugh. I am going to drag myself to vjc tomorrow morning. It beats having to do the housework every saturday morning. Heh heh. (: alvin, alvin, alvin ...

I'm so sick now, well not exactly very sick but I'm down with a bad flu and sore throat. Lecture quizzes are around the corner, I have so much to catch up on. My weekends are going to be burnt up because of this. Well, I don't actually have much to blog about. Life has been rather mundane, going to school, attending boring o' lectures and then I'll be back home doing tutorials or wasting my time away. But life wasn't any better when I was in a relationship with someone I didn't love anyway. I am not trying to be arrogant here, please do not misunderstand me.

This might sound abit hilarious and maybe ludicrous. Some guy sent me a message last night telling me that he dreamt that he made out with me at a hotel. haha. I was laughing my ass off after I read the message. But it feels kind of good to think that people fantansize about me. I think I am mad. haha. (: anyway, this guy is attached for goodness sake. Bad boyfriend. He's a good friend of mine.

Ugh. Two more projects to handle before I am done! I wonder how many people visits my blog on the sly and never tags. It's a bit scary isn't it? Here I am writing about my personal stuff and people (some I don't even know), come reading about my life. But isn't the blog used for voicing out loud? haha. How very contradicting. Alright, I got to do research on some stupid project now. Shall update another time. (:

Look at the time now. I just got home from work about an hour ago, sitting in my living room staring into the laptop with blood shot eyes now. The darn silver eyeliner I put on is really irritating, the glitter are always entering my eyes. Today was a wedding event at work. I saw many gorgeous people and I even served some of them personally. There was this particular lady in her mid-twenties I think whom I was serving at my table, she looked like Andrea Forseka. Oh god. I tell you, I would die to les with her. haha!

I made a new friend. This stupid guy named Alvin was really funny la, he kept disturbing me (he said this guy I knew said I looked like a GUY?!) and asking me to smile BECAUSE I look really fierce when I don't. (I know I have a kiampa face) HAHA!
At first, I thought he look like any other regular guy from nowhere then he started his cutesy small talk and we were like bickering over every little thing. Oh my god. I hope he works again next week or soon. Though I don't know when I would be working again. Work was rather bad today BUT alvin brightened up my day! haha.

I just finished reading a rather long email from someone whom I had admire since I was 14? After reading her note, I feel as if I have gone back to being a little girl again. haha. (: It's the same feeling, like how she's always trying not to tamper with my fragile feelings? She gives me strength and confidence when I need them. She's part of the reason I have learnt to mature and grow up. (even though I still love fooling around, haha) And for everything that you have taught me and told me, I thank you for life. I'm sorry for being a constant worry for you during trainings. (:

Oh boring life I have. I just got back from netball training at vjc not long. The sun was really hot this morning, I perspired like mad and my cheeks are red now. Let me comment a little about today's training. Court games were good but I was a total fool during team drills. I can't imagine how stupid I looked when she had to come over to help me. I don't understand but I can sense that she's trying to give in to me, helping me discreetly or something. It's like I am weak in her eyes. I'm not saying that I am not, but. Sigh.

Yay. I can't wait to get my asics netburner shoes and my nike apparels. I can't wait for Pesta Sukan Carnival too. Then I can watch how all the other clubs play and learn from them. Not to mention that my *seniors from team TP netball might be playing as well.


Stupid how it seems. I bet you will never know that I have a crush on you.

d.

Do you know how great is a day today? I am still having the runs since I last ate YONG TAU FOO from ITAS last friday! I was arguing with leslie last friday over how xuan yi and the rest were alright after eating the yong tau foo at itas AND now I'm having the RUNS! crap. I shouldn't fight for anybody's rights from now on. haha. And to think I wore white pants today, thank god I didn't shit-ted on my precious white pants. hahaha.

I had another crazy day at lecture with xuan yi again! We were laughing at these two girls from another class who were sleeping during Jiang Li's lecture! One of them looked like she was zombified sleeping with her stiff head and arms together with her slouched back. And the other had her body all slammed over the table! hahaha. So funny I tell you! (*imitating xuan yi) hahaha.

I don't know why but now and then why I see you around, the feeling seems to linger lesser and lesser. It's like dissipating soon. I'm waiting and waiting, waiting for you to approach me and we can be great friends followed by lovers. But it seems so impossible for you to do that. You laugh as if nothing matters to you in your eyes when I'm right in front of you. TRAGEDY.

Oh great. Can you see the big difference in my emotions from the above post? I was feeling so hyper and lifted earlier on and when I thought of you, everything went down. Sigh sigh sigh. Keep smiling if it makes you happy! (:

I saw him today again! I really really want to get to know him better. But it's so hard sometimes when we seldom get to see each other. ): I misssssssss him! Or do I only want to own him? haha. I have no idea. I pray that he keeps a place for me in his heart. I would be so heartbroken if he really has someone he likes already but oh well, I can't control matters of the heart.

Hahaha. I'm going to include ang xuan yi in my post for today. hahaha. This little shit (haha) has brightened up my life over the past few months. She's always making me laugh like shit and crazily over the things she does. First, it started with the Kuan Yin Biscuits at the library then ... it continued until now. hahahah. Haiya. She has alot of crap to entertain you about, not to mention that she's rather intelligent as well! hahaha. Okay, please continue staying in my life to entertain me ah! hahaha. You would replace dearest Michelle who lied to me about cutting her hair which broke my fragile heart! hahaha!

Oh ya, to think that everytime I think of what I shared with Michelle, I would curl up in a little ball somewhere and cry you know! (Ya, like I'm a little cat!). hahaha. (You wish!) hahaha. Oh no. I think I have gone crazy blogging since I started mentioning about crazy xuan yi! hahahah!

Cheerios. I am going to love all those who love me. (: i am going to change.

Would you rather have a complicated but exciting life OR a mundane and carefree life? I am lost between the options. Anyway, I just live life as it is. Taking each day and step one by one. Some people plan ahead but never live to fulfill their wishes. However, there are some who never plan and live life aimlessly. It's weird how life works huh.

I miss talking to Michelle on the phone. I miss her clicking tongue. I miss her voice. I miss her stupid but funny English-accented mandarin. But things aren't the way they are anymore. I don't know why, but I guess she's changed. We were never at the same platform in the first place. I guess she would have never guessed how much I miss her huh. I shared alot of secrets with her. It's alright, people change and I just got to adapt to it. (: I have accepted it.

Why do people change when they get attached? Does falling in love make them lose their senses? I really can't understand. Oh well, got to wait till it's my turn to fall head over heels for the guy I like then. Then I'll know the difference and seek understanding. Oh wells. I am currently having a big-time crush on this guy who's really cute! I guess he's got a sweetheart though. ): but I hope he stays happy. (:

I am so stressed out with the on-going projects and due assignments! I can't stand it, I have a project presentation tomorrow and I have not done the powerpoint slides yet. Ugh. Projects sucks. Oh well, just got to keep staying strong.

I had netball training yesterday morning. Training was fun yet quite demanding? Court game was excellent, I felt satisfied since a very long time during the first few quarters of the game. However, last quarter was a bit awkward for me though. It's hard to describe and contemplate when my emotions do act up. I don't really even know myself. To sum it all, it was a rather good day yesterday. haha. Other than spraining my ankle, that is. I have two sprained ankles now, both of which are still giving me problems when I play on court.

Alright, got to finish up darn projects now. Life's giving me its ups and downs! I hate the downs just like the bloody roller coaster. (:

I don't know why I like to laugh. And I am going to start this post by laughing to myself. I think I am insane. I laugh when I'm happy; I laugh when I'm sad and I can laugh when I see the world collapsing slowly in front of me too. It's as if nobody cares, at least I can't feel that anybody is.

I needed some space by myself to organize my thoughts and feelings so I created another blog personally to pen down my upsetting story. I haven't been updating over here though.

Sometimes I think I am strong enough to manage by myself but very often I fail at it terribly. Externally, I don't want people to care but deep down I yearn for affection and attention. I guess I have been brought up this way and I can't really change now. I hate being sensitive.

Every night, I pray for God to lend me his listening ear and guidance because I fear crying when I go to bed. I need a pair of listening ears. Perhaps there was one and I really enjoyed talking to her too much and you could guess the ending. I felt that it was pathetic even though we are still friends currently.

Sigh. I helped Mabel with her filming today at a tanah merah flat. I don't know why but I felt that the flat was kind of eerie. But anyway, made a few acquaintances with Mabel's friend. (: they were quite nice.

It's prayer session now. (: haha.

I'm going to go insane soon! Why can friends do such things to another? I'm going to go mad! I am hurting like crazy. I need a tranquilizer to stop this pain. I don't want to go on like this.

I need a fresh start to everything. I don't want to hear anything! Perhaps I am too sensitive but I don't care. This is just me. This is not referring to you, Vincent. Ugh!

Please stop being childish. I will be only affected by it for a while and soon it will just be swept away like the wind. I'm sorry for hurting you. You can do whatever flirting and lovey-dovey with other girls anywhere, but please don't do it right in front of me and our friends. It just doesn't make sense anymore.

I miss talking on the phone with michelle like crazy. She's just like my listening ear. (: looking forward to seeing her in tutorial class tomorrow!

Alright, everything has come to an end. Although I do feel some ease from the relationship, I do get flashbacks of our memories. Haha. I'm speaking like I have just lost my memory or something. I'm feeling abit nostalgic now. Ugh.

This is so crappy. I feel that this blog is so redundant already.

School's started and a week has passed. I feel extremely irritable now, I end at 6 pm almost everyday. I'm going to go nuts! I love going to school though, my classmates and friends. haha. I'm tired, I'm so tired! Sigh, sometimes I laugh so crazily to cover my emotions. I am speaking so random now. haha.

I am going to explode soon. I am not saying that you're not right or being right. I just don't feel right. Tell me why am I feeling this way when I can't even explain it. There is un-foreseen pressure to make this work and you do not see it. Ugh.

Great. I find it so hard to sleep tonight. The night is chilly and it brings me much nightmares. As I get older, I find things getting more complicated as it goes. They don't seem as simple as they are anymore. And I hate it! I'm super pissed off tonight with everything. I am confused with myself and everyone else!

Some things aren't meant to be vented over here. Some things aren't meant to be said aloud. BUT I would very gladly like to say some things that aren't meant to be said! I am so mad with myself.

Oh god. I'm so going to miss working at Ritz Carlton banquet even though some unpleasant things took place over there. I miss my funny colleagues and supervisors. And most importantly, I'm going to miss not seeing Joanna! She's so hilarious la. We're always making fun of each other and there's some point of chemistry we share. haha. Ugh. I miss her!

Chapter 1.3 now. I went out with Vincent last thurs. We went to his cousin's place at clementi to look at his nephew and to have lunch as well. His cousin's rather humourous looking too. haha. She looked like ler siok ghee from ChE. AAHAH. Anyway, I had fun with bryan, his little nephew. He bonded with me very well! I even helped to bath him! haha..Aftr that his cousin sent the both of us to Orchard to do some shopping. I bought a top and a pair of shoes. He bought a box of royce chocolates for me! (: He sent me home after that. Overall, it was a fun day out with him, playing with his i phone too. haha. tata!

Sigh! Haven't been blogging lately. I have been busy with the netball team at punggol sec, the girls are so rebellious at times. But come to think of it, I do enjoy coaching them occassionally. I get a small sense of satisfaction everytime the little ones get what I want to bring across. But that's not all about coaching, I realized coaching is far harder than I thought and I am not up to mark yet. But that aside, I have many other things to deal with too.

I have not met up with him for close to a week now. I wonder what are the differences between us now. Sometimes I feel that he is giving in to me too much that it seems out of the ordinary. Anyway, the guys never had it easy with me in the first place. HAHA! Uh. I am so confused now. I am looking for the word 'CHEMISTRY' in our relationship!

HELLO! i'm here with a new blogskin. Got sicked of the previous one anyway. I'm so happy now. I made a rather good friend at work, her name's Joanna. She's always bickering with me most of the time. Haha. So hilarious.

Yesterday was awesome. I celebrated Vincent's birthday at Breeks @ Marina Square in the afternoon with a group of classmates. We had tons of fun and took aplenty photos outside. Then I had to work. It was midnight when I knocked off and he came to look for me to celebrate his birthday again, with a strawberry tart from Canele cafe I think. It was very sour. We took a cab home then and I had nearly wanted to puke in the taxi because of car sickness I guess. But I did not. haha. Then my surprise came! He gave me a cute teddy! I love it to bits man. So cute. haha. But I was dead tired so I talked with him a little and got home. Overall, it was an exciting day I guess.

And so that was the end of chapter 1.2 of my life with ahem. haha. Chapter 1.1 is currently not available. haha. tata!

Two weeks have passed since my examinations. Well, to be exact, I think it's three weeks already. I don't really know what to blog about actually. So irritating. I had to work today initially. I made a booking last week and the stupid ahem hotel denied my access to work today! Due to their over-staff! The ahem supervisors there are darn tiko okay. I feel disgusted sometimes.


I miss having a dinner gathering with my family and close friends. It has been quite a while since we did that. Sigh. Everybody is so busy here and there in Singapore. I need to go get an outfit soon, got to attend a birthday party on 7th April. It's quite stressful though. hahah.


Alright. I'm feeling so sick and tired of this blogskin. Going to change it very soon. Cheerios!

Oh. I got it wrong. Release of examination results will be on 13 march instead. One more extra day to my doomsday. Haha. Today was mundane and boring, I did nothing extraordinary but just plain sleeping and watching television. I got up late anyway. I'm getting more lazy ... Ugh. I'm going to gain pounds like this. I think I have gained some anyway but I still feel a nonchalant about it. (wonder what's wrong with me)

When I'm left at home to rot and think about my life, I never fail to think about the past. There are some things which I still regret doing until now. But who doesn't have any regrets? We cannot be satisfied.

Perhaps I shouldn't ponder so much on things which are beyond my control. I cannot control the people I will meet. Sigh. Should I cherish the one before me currently? I cannot find the chemistry I shared with * when I'm with him. I still don't feel entirely comfortable when we are together. And I think I have committed a sin in the game of love. Ugh. This is not a game. wake up!!

Ugh. The semester's examination results are going to be released this wednesday! I freak out thinking about it. Haha.

Yay. I started working at ritz carlton banquet already. With the help of chew ling, it was much easier for me to fit in. Haha. She had this really pretty friend whose name was called Shiling I think. She looked like the korean actress Song Hye Gyo. I was quite stumped when I met her. Haha. Anyway, the people working there were quite friendly and nice. I am looking forward to my next booking. (: heh.

My stupid Dad bought my sister a laptop at the IT fair! It's no fair! But come to think of it, I have no need for a laptop yet. Ha. (: cheerios!

Hi everybody!

My exams are officially over! Yay! Yipee! I feel so lethargic! I had like barely 5 hours of sleep each night since the beginning of the exams. I'M TIRED, TIRED, TIRED!

I'm starting to feel blessed lately. It's not like the past anymore. I don't want to go back to the past anymore. At least now I know that someone will be there for me when I'm upset or in a dilemma. At least now I know someone cares for me more than anyone else(except my close ones). I'm happy as it is.

I'm going to work again. It's the hols! I'm contemplating on going back to shangri-la to work as a waitress again. Damn. They haven't sent me my modelling photo too. I want to go retrieve it from my supervisor then. hahah.

Alright, I'm going to sleep now. So beaten out la. (: cheers!

Finally! The week is over again. But I know that there will be many weeks that will be over in this lifetime so you know, this is quite redundant. haha. Unless I die tomorrow. Oh great. I had my presentation yesterday. It was damn nerve-wrecking. I was so bloody scared shitless inside but I had to control my emotions and remain calm. I thought I spoke some rubbish or shuttered during the presentation, however my friends thought I did quite well. Anyway, I was quite happy with everything that happened the day before until last night. My stupid father had to quarrel with me over his damn stupid new phone. I had been wanting a break since I don't know when. Yet, the moment he got home, he expected me to settle some of the admin problems in his damn PHONE! I hate it when people keep pestering me over something which is minute in nature. And most importantly, he can settle the stupid problem himself! Damn it. I'm not going to talk to him properly until he realizes that he's dumb for everything that he's done. I don't care.

Cheerios. (:

Oh great. The tiresome week has passed, I just had a very short break from the weekends and now another exhausting week is up ahead. I'm just praying for enough rest so that I will not fall ill. I have two lecture quizzes this thursday, a presentation and a project due this friday. I want a break soon! Thankfully, the chinese new year hols are around the corner. But soon after that comes my semestral examinations! Ugh. Staying positive with * with me. (:

I had to do community involvement program (CIP) yesterday. It was tiring and time-consuming but worth it. I made new friends and had tons of fun plus laughter. haha. I like my classmates. (: heh. They make me feel happy around them.

I can't wait for CHINESE NEW YEAR! I haven't had a decent meal gathering with my family for months. It's so fun to sit down at the dining table eating steamboat or whatever (as long as we are happy) chatting and laughing and enjoying one another's company. haha.

Oh. I want to get a new toy for my little hamster, Bo bo. haha. It's so adorable and fat la. Besides, it's the year of the Rat! It deserves something. hahaha. Okay, see ya! Bon sejour!

Wow. I have not been blogging for centuries to come! haha. I have been slogging my guts out the past few weeks. I'm like a worn out sponge now. Sigh. Alright, so many things has taken place. I feel a little sick in there. I don't know what Guy B is thinking and what Guy A is doing. I feel a tied knot in there and it is not comfortable at all. I hate this sort of feelings. It's neither there nor here. I still can't really get over the past. I feel jealous and upset over what my old flame* is doing. Ah, haha. Sigh, forget it. All guys are asses in my eyes. I'm so sicked. I feel like becoming what I used to be, the abnormal one. Then only do I not feel this much pissed off and frustrated. SICK, SICK & SICK!

'not born to love at all

all I can say is busy, busy, busy! Semestral exams on 22 Feb! Yikes!