Bloggie . . . This is my second entry for the day. Wells, the weekend has been awesome with my my parents ushering me with rewarding gifts. I can't say how much I love them though the previous week has been rather rash of me. Now I have got all that I ever wanted however that sense of contentment is not there. I mean it's not that I want more from my parents, they love me and give me enough. It's just that I do not get that sense of contentment from my work- my own work. My studies . . . I have not done well. I want to feel that sense of contentment I felt last year. That feeling still warm in my heart and clear in my mind. I think I will go and run a marathon and later gain that sense of satisfaction. I still recall how I ran my 2.4 km last year and clocked a timing of 10.30 mins. The satisfaction I got out of it can still be vividly remembered. Though I'm happy with my family and friends, I'm still unhappy with myself. With this, I have found the root to my unhappiness. I need to do something about this and find success in order to find contentment. I'm very happy with my achievements last year however I'm very discontented with this year's achievements. Contentment comes with a price, and this price is hardwork. I will make sure I will find greater contentment next year! My important O'level exams! Go Go! Char!

Hellos bloggie, my Dad took me to creative outlet near IMM to buy my mp3! You can say I was pretty tensed up there because my dad disliked Creative products(my sis's Zen Micro is under repair) and I on the other hand love Creative products because of its variety. Anyways, I got the orange colour Zen Nano Plus! iLOVEit so much! Wa ha ha! I'm nuts already. Yea! I'm getting my new specs this saturday. I'm so excited. Alright, me signing off here.

Hellos bloggie, today is gonna be a fruitful day for me! Yes! I will make sure it is! I had such a nice sleep into la la land. Things that I have bottled up over the years have finally been told to someone. I feel so free and happy now. I can't express how happy I am now. Wells, everything in the aspect of my family, friends and social life is great except my studies. Oh wells, I got to work hard. Studies comes first. I will only be happy if I can do very well at my O' levels.
Last night, I stayed up late to watch the last episode of FULL HOUSE! It was so sweet and touchy. My heart was filled with warmth to see Song Hye Gyo and Rain together. It was such a undescribable scene. iLOVEfullhouse! Hms, I have not been reading books to enrich myself though. Oh ya, I will be getting my mp3 player today though my parents aren't too sure of where to get it at. Woa! A week from now and I'm 15! I hate to say this but the older I get, the more problems I face. I wished I didn't have to grow up and face these challenges ahead. However, I don't mind facing these challenges in the future with the support of my family and friends. Wa ha ha ha. I have no idea why do I keep telling Irene that i love her. -.-lll ha ha. And Eric don't you anyhow think okie . . . if you're reading this. Actually I think I'm falling for this guy but I choose not to accept it though I have a feeling he likes me too. Wa ha ha. I have lost faith in love and I'm afraid to fall in love because I have been hurt several times already? So guys, if you like me, give me some time okie? Heh heh. Alright, me signing off here. Ppl message me okie? Ha ha.

hellos bloggie . . . It's been a long day and I really enjoyed it! I made a new specs today and you can really say I liked it. iLOVEit! Ya, I spent the entire evening chatting Eric, Irene and Randy. I really enjoy chatting with them man.Especially Eric and Irene! So lame, stupid eric. Ha ha. Eric's such a nice guy to talk about . . .He's so humourous and funny! He actually say he wants to woo me man. I don't believe it! Heh heh. I'm a little dipsy dovey tonight. Thanks, eric and irene for cheering me up when I needed one. You people are so nice! And randy, don't feel inferior about yourself okie? And eric, stay nice or I'll castrate you! Oh ya, I told irene my biggest secret!

I'm upset once again. This time's my family problem. Last night while I was washing my specs(cleaning it), the lenses unknowingly broke with just a gentle touch. Sigh . . . I walked out of the kitchen and told my Mom about it, guess what did she say? She said "so?" And that pure one word broke my heart. She never ever said that to me. She always cared for me. However, last night she said that to me and I broke down. I walked briskly to my room and sat down at my table. I ponder over and over again. I was very fed up. Since she dosen't even bother about me, why should I give a damn about this family. Sometimes, I come home late from outings with my friends only to find myself dog-tired and I still have to clean the house. Whereas, my sisters can go out till the late evening and come home for a nice dinner and clean house. What am I to this family? A pure maid? If that's so, I quit! And this includes my elder sister okie, she goes out late and comes home late. I'm not the eldest in the family and yet I receive such treatment. I don't get paid, you know. I'm doing all this because of the pure love for this house and you all. And yet my Mom treated me that way. I hate her. Frankly speaking, I seldom argue and quarrel with her because I'm the closest to her among the siblings. I'm always under her bidding. And I have decided not to do her bidding anymore from now on. Until you have done something to make me forgive you that is. Sigh . .. I can't bear to hate her though. Me signing off.

Bloggie, today after school, I intended to walk home with Mei Xuan one. On our way home, I could sense something was wrong with Mei Xuan. She began telling me about her problems and then asked me whether we sit down and talk then. I agreed to accompany her, we headed to Rivervale Mall where we bought bubble tea and sat down at a secluded spot in the food court. We began chatting . . . stories and gossips about her past came blabbling out. It was kinda shocking to me at first however it did not affect me. Ya, I feel sorry for her past and it was like everything fell upon her-it's not her fault. This chat with her strengthened our friendship. Some things that I did not knew about her came to light. Ha ha. Ya, and I really cherish my friendship with her. Mei Xuan's such a nice and sweet soul. It's just that she has to meditate her temper that's all. Anyways, it's nice being her friend all this years. Take care mei xuan .. . Don't want anything sad to happen to you again. Stay happy! Alright me signing off here. Super tired.

Yay, bloggie! It's 6.25 pm now and I have not bath yet! Ha ha. I just went to Kovan with Mabel and they all- you know. Wells, I can say I did not regret spending my time there with them. It was so fun! Hms, I'm so useless . . . I wrote in the previous entry that I'm going to make full use of my time this week yet the third day of the week has passed and I have done nothing constructive. Hmph! I need to be more determined! Ouch . . . My back hurts from the weight training yesterday. I'm kinda weak now, I want to take a nice bath and follow on read a nice book. I'm so sadistic. I cut off a bump on my finger caused by hard writing and I didn't know I cut into my skin! The moment the bump dropped off, blood began triggling out. Painful . . . Ouch. I have so far enjoyed my week compared to last week which comprised lots of disappointed and sadness. Alright, me signing off here. Readers, take care!

Bloggie, I'm even sad today. I'm so heartbroken. Don't ever pair me up with him .. . I will feel even worse. No words can describe my hurt maybe one word - HURT. I don't wish to see him but I see him daily in school. What else can i do? I hate this man. Get out of my life please. I'm trying to allow other guys into my heart here but you're blocking their entry to my heart. Wells, I'm just to young to talk about love. I don't know a thing about love so what's my status to talk about it. Alright. Me signing off here.

Bloggie, I feel sad once again. It's so tough to be going through this period of my life and I seem to be doing this alone. I saw him at school today and the feeling arised again. I am so sorry, I can't help it. I don't understand why I still have feelings for him when he treated me that way. Instead, I sense the feeling getting stronger. I hate myself man. I am trying hard to forget him but what can I do when I see him lurking around the school compound. I can't control my heart. If you asked me to control my mind or my body, I can do it faithfully. However, I . . . just can't control my heart. How can you expect me to forget someone whom I have liked since Sec. One so easily? I'm not impregnable. I tried to replace fond with hatred, however I failed miserably. I have never liked someone so much as to be thinking of him every single moment. Wells maybe presently only, I hope I can let the feeling ease away slowly and when that happens, I will never fall for you ever again- don't blame me. How can I be so dumb? I should not be liking a guy who has treated me this way . . . a guy who have been so selfish. This is such a contradiction. Whenever I see him in school, I would yell to Mei Xuan and Mabel, " Hey! Look! That bastard is there! " However, the feeling of cursing him is empty yet I feel more for him. Drats. Hey people! Ignore this entry k. Especially G. This entry is just to voice out my woes. Anyways, this is my blog so I think I can write out my feelings? Yupp, me signing off here.

hello bloggie! I feel so loved today. My dad took us out and we did plenty of shopping! We went to Sim Lim Tower to look for my mp3! There were so many varieties and I really love the Creative Nano Plus. Hms, then we headed to Bugis through the bustly Bugis Street. I bought masks there! I'm going to put on my masks together with my sisters now~ Ha ha. Bye.

Bloggie, I never want to get myself into a fix again. I have been feeling real down deep inside however with my family within grasp I don't feel so sad. I love my family. My mom took me out today in the morning to do some shopping and I really mean alot of shopping-it's better than heading out with my dad. First thing, my mom took us to Bishan to do some checkups and then she bought her clothes at some shops there. We headed to Junction 8 next. We did lots of shopping there. She bought my little sister an OP board shorts and two nice shirts for me! iLOVEmummy! Ha ha, copycat Mabel. Oh ya, hey the masks that we bought at Bugis were effective! My face feels cleaner. Ha ha. Hms, every time I'm at my computer updating my blog I tend to feel upset and write negative thoughts. Sigh. Oh ya, there will be FULL HOUSE later. I love the song so much! By the way, today's Ms Lim's Birthday! Happy Birthday, Ms Lim! Mummy, just to let you know I love you so much for guiding me through the dark years two years back. I just love you so much. I will stay STRONG! Nothing can blow me down.
I really feel so guilty. I'm so ashamed of myself. I did not do well at my exams and I dared ask my parents for an mp3 player. It's like something unlikely to happen. However, they agreed to get me one because it's my birthday soon? Yupp. I love them so much. Hms, my Dad just came in and yelled at me. I change my perspective of them already. No la, I'm not like that.
By the way, I like someone else already. I know I shouldn't be getting involved in this kind of situations but I'm trying to change. I know I shouldn't be liking this person because I'm not 'allowed' to. I really don't understand myself. I'm so confused. This person is someone whom I message frequently and ya blah blah. Don't make a guess because you will never ever guess it. Alright, me signing off here.

Bloggie, today I went to Mabel's house and did 'facial'. We had facial masks over our faces and were lazing around her house. It was such a precious moment of time to share with friends. Ha ha. Hms, I'm going to stay positive about my life! I spent half a day at Mabel's house and presently I feel like dropping dead on my bed. Next week I will be exercising regularly once again, getting back my exercise regiment. I feel so fat now. I guess that Mabel's wailing about she being fat has taken an effect on me. I need to feel super fit to think healthily! Heh heh. I just did some crunches and push-ups earlier on. I have been doing aesthetics quite consistently this week and yupp I'm feeling quite healthy about it.
I have been spending my time together with my friends lately that I'm afraid I would neglect my dearest family members. Ha ha. I really love my family so much that I would not let them down in any ways. Hms, tomorrow it's Ms Lim's birthday and I wish her a Happy Birthday! 'I hope that your dreams and wishes will be fulfilled' and just to let you know that I love you alot, my dearest mummy. I will always stay strong.
Wa ha ha! My birthday is like a few more weeks to go. I wonder what's it like to be on that day? I'm one more year older then. I will make a wish and that wish is that I will score distinctions at my O'levels. That's my long term goal. My short term goal is to study hard and do well for every single test. Phew, I'm so tired today. My eyes are about to close, they are blood-shot already. Alright, me signing off here.

Bloggie, I have never been so upset in my life before. This is the worse phase of my life and I hope it will blow over-I hope to learn something out of this. I feel like a failure. I have never failed this badly in my entire teenage life since Sec. one. I got an F9 for my A maths- 11/80. I really do not understand what have I been doing since the beginning of the year. I did my work and compared to yang tuo in my class, I studied and practised more than her yet I scored lower than her. I can't keep highlighting how dumb I can be. When Mdm Phua read through the names that she thought those who should consider dropping A maths, my name got read out. I was so disappointed right at the point of time. Though I knew right from the end of the A maths paper that I would not do well, I did not know that I would fare worse than ever. There is going to be a tough struggle between me and A maths. I swear that I will never give up on A maths till the the very last moment-the day before I take my A maths O's and will work even harder to a brighter future. I won't make empty promises to myself. I am not going to let myself down again. I have never felt this way since I was Primary Six, I was always afraid of Mathematics and I kept failing the subject. I was a letdown then. I buck up and became what I am today in 3A. However, history itself is taking place again. I had a hard time overcoming that obstacle which obstruct me when I was just Primary Six. But what kept me going is strong and solid determination. I need to overcome this larger and tougher obstacle in my life presently. I need a stronger and tougher determination this time. This determination have to come with perseverance to keep me going tough. The largest opponent in my life is Maths. I'm always at odds with it. I need to be more hardworking than this. My final-year results aren't pleasant and I'm upset about it. I don't want to just say I am upset with it. Because me saying, 'Hey I'm so upset that I fared so badly in these exams' is not going to help me score a distinction at A maths next year. Mdm Phua said this, ' I don't like to feel self-pity for myself' and I really agree with this solid sentence. Feeling self-pity for myself is not going to help me score a distinction and it only makes me feel inferior and down-graded. I have to stay strong. I remember at one point of time, I often seek Ms Lim's advice on my life and she would always tell me this 'Girl, stay strong k' and I will never ever forget this sentence that she repeatedly reminded me. I just want to thank her so much for telling me that because you know that it will always remain in my heart and soul. Her birthday takes place this Saturday and I hope to meet her to give her that big beary heart. Her words keep me going strong. How I wished she was still my one and only coach.
I have to begin planning my holidays to catch up on what I totally missed out. I'm not going to slack any longer. I guess I will begin next week, need to keep my brain going. I got to read some books too to enrich my language and get idealistic. I want to enrich myself as much as i can this December holidays. I won't be devoured by fooling around again. I have been such a foolish girl. Alright, no more self-pity for me anymore. If I choose to do something, I have to do it with my utmost effort-no slipshots. I want to build such an attitude- determination to achieve, perseverance to keep going, be hardworking to produce good work. If you tell yourself you can do it, you will do it thus you will achieve it. Belief in oneself is important.

hello bloggie . . . I have since cooled down since that incident just now. I have nothing to do with him from now on and I hope he won't come and bother me ever again. Arrggh, the very thought of what a person he is, I can't help thinking how foolish I have been to be even his mei. *lets out a long weary sigh . . .
I hope netball training resumes and I will be back to my old self, focusing only on netball and nothing else. Ah, I want to get back into my tip-top condition, need to train hard once again. I love my coaches so much man. I love trainings so much too though trainings are tough. Alright, me signing off here . . .

hello bloggie, back to update you again. Yesterday was the most 'upset' day anyone would have. I'm having a splitting headache at the moment. I can't believe he is like that. He's a total jerk and bastard, that's all I can say. I feel like bashing him up when I see him tomorrow in school. ' You have no idea how much humiliation I have took in k! ' I have never been so humiliated in my teenage life. You will be the first and the last. If this's going have an impact on my self-esteem, I will never forget you and I will hate you till the end of my life. You bastard! All your apologies are useless and meaningless. I don't want to hear them anymore and I won't hear them anymore. And don't you dare harm/hurt Geraldine anymore, now that I'm out of your life, you better learn to cherish her or else . . . I will make sure you won't get another girlfriend in your life!
I'm that angry and hateful. I'm so fed up that this has to happen and I cleared up the shit for him. Bloody crap. This is so sickening man, I wished he could get transferred out of the school and I won't see him again. Another look at him will only make me boil up and feel like ripping him apart. I'm that furious k. Damn guy. Hurt so many people in your life. . . . . . . . . . . Got nothing much to say anymore. Me signing off here. God bless Geraldine and not him.

bloggie . . . I don't know how dumb I can go . . . It's like I know this won't last and yet I still went ahead with it - BGR. Hms, I don't want to ponder over these things but it has been annoying for me lately. His girlfriend messaged me and I felt really sorry for their plight. I'm really so guilty for it. Sorry, I didn't meant for it to happen, I'm helpless - I can't control my heart. Wells, there's no point apologizing endlessly. All I have to say is that they broke up - I have no idea whether they would ever patch.

bloggie . . . I spent the whole of last night watching FULL HOUSE! It was so sad - that episode. There were several moments where I wanted to cry. Song Hye Gyo acted very well and Rain is so indecisive, he liked Song Hye Gyo but pretended he did not like her. In the end, he decided to return to Hui yuan. Such a fool, he should just stay by Song Hye Gyo's side. It's so sad . . . Song Hye Gyo was crying after that. Oh ya! Song Hye Gyo is really cute! Ha ha. Very bored. Hms, my Dad will be taking us out later to shop! Then tomorrow I will also be shopping with Mabel, Mei xuan and Irene! This is so fun! . . . . . . I don't know whether I should be calling my Kor along because I don't think I will be able get some guys along which is not what we girls want. We are going to do girly girl stuff and I doubt the guys will like doing that. So I guess we will just have head along without my kor. Ha ha, I actually told my kor that I will hold his hand if we went out together tomorrow and he said that he won't let go you know. I'm so happy. -.-lll so what? He's attached already . . . there's no point. I don't want to be the one wooing him instead. I'm not such a girl alright? Me signing off here . . .

bloggie . . . I'm feeling helpless. There's this particular guy who still likes me and is still holding a torch for me. I'm feeling so miserable. The person I like cannot be with me while the person I have no feelings for yearn to be with me. This is so ill-planned. Why is it like that? Why can't one be with the one he/she really like? That guy is feeling remorseful because of something that happened in the past that ended in the way things are now. I don't want him to feel remorseful. What the heck . .. why must things be this way. I'm so confused. Can somebody guide me. I was so heartbroken just now when he' said that he still likes me. I was further heartbroken when I chatted with my kor - He'so indecisive, can you be more decisive? Will we ever be together?
I think it's better to enjoy my singlehood than ponder over the matters of the heart. Wth . . . My close friends are all attached and they're pressurising me to get attached too. Seriously, if I want to get attached there are some guys who are ready to do that. The fact is I do not like them and they're just not my type. My standards are really high and when I have really met the right one, we won't manage to be together.
Why can't I just see that i'm so imperfect? I have bad communication skills and I can't communicate with guys except joke with them. I guess just remaining single is the best. Right? All singles out there . .. You're enjoying your life presently right? Bored . . . Bored . . . Bored

hello . . . I'm so bored at home now and hence I'm sitting at my computer the whole day to blog. I just got home from bball training. Training was learning the basics, I learnt how to dribble, shoot and block? Ya . . . And I'm still working on these basics. Basically, all I can say is that the training is not very organised and the training just ended without any goal achieved. Wells, isn't that what Ms Teoh always tell us, we train with a goal in mind each training. This isn't what I want for my bball trng. Wells, what can I expect . . . This isn't an official team. The reason I went is because Siew Hong is the coach and I trust her to be patient with me- I'm dumb at learning new skills, she's really a patient coach. Ha ha.I'm so dirty and stinky at the moment. I'm dog-tired too . . . Woke up early just to prepare for training and this is how it turned out. Hms, it's okie at least I learnt the basics of bball. Signing off here . . .

bloggie . . . I will be heading to Punggol Plaza to have my basketball training soon. I need to get away from some stuff-keep my mind off some stuff. By the way, my kor messaged me last night and we planned to head to the movies . . . wells, maybe I will take him along on Monday when we go out together with Irene, Mabel and Mei Xuan. Or else I will have to pay for another ticket another time, another day . . . Ha ha. My kor's real sweet after the exams. -.-lll alright need to head to the bball courts now .. . bye. I love my new FULL HOUSE blogskins!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dear bloggie . . . I think I'm going nuts already. Sometimes, I wonder why am I living on this earth at all. I can't seem to understand myself. Mabel seems to understand me at least. She knows how I feel about everything I do? This is scary man . . . I think I got my sexual orientation mixed up? I have been running away from the reality the past 3 years. Mabel guessed it all. I am still trying to change after all this years. Thank god, I have been changed much. I don't used to be who I am previously which is crazy. My friends have changed me. I love my friends! Hopefully I will get it fixed. -.-lll By the way, I will be heading to sentosa next week. Then I will be heading out with Nic to the movies? Yep . . . Alright, got the burden off my heart. Got to go, bye. Btw, people I'm still considered straight k, I don't get involved with girls. -.-lll gross.

bloggie . . . It has been quite a while since I updated you. The exams were tough and I tried to overcome them bit by bit. It was tough-going. By the way, there was an important birthday yesterday- Ms Teoh and in eight days time, it's Ms Lim's birthday! I have no idea of what to get for her.
Hms . . . Many things occurred lately and it's driving me nuts. I'm so confused. I feel like giving up 'M', I don't want him anymore. Ha ha. -.-lll Anyways, there's a community centre near Compass Point and that particular day, Mei Xuan took us there to study. The moment we entered cdac, we spot a group of uncivilised guys chatting away. We ignored them and went ahead to study. We were studying half-way when this guy came to ask me for my number. Ask for my hp no. you know! It's like the first time any guy would want my number. So hilarious! I took their number instead and I thought I would not be messaging them anyway. However, I doubtfully messaged the guy. From one guy, it became like 3 guys who knew my number now. They were pestering me the past few days with messages. Arrghh . . . serves me right. Anyway, there was this particular guy called Nicolas and since he's the outstanding one in the group, I decided to chat with him. He's quite nice. Ha ha.
Yesterday, Mabel took Mei Xuan;Irene and me to her house to prepare for our last paper. Hms, they each baked cookies for their dears. Ha ha. It was like so hilarious. They thought they burnt the cookies. Wa ha ha. Then there was this incident. I was making a call to my Dad when I unknowingly leaned on Irene's shoulders then she leaned back! Then before that she was like saying she's a little crooked- she's kidding. I felt uncomfortable and leaned away. Ha ha. No la, it's quite nice leaning on her. -.-lll And Mabel gave me a big beary hug! She was breathing down my neck and it was so ticklish. Ha ha. It was so fun yesterday! Thanks people! Especially Irene who allowed me to lean on her and Mabel for that big beary hug and Mei Xuan for teaching me A maths till you nearly vomited blood. Ha ha. Going to change my blogskin now.