Bloggie, I have never been so upset in my life before. This is the worse phase of my life and I hope it will blow over-I hope to learn something out of this. I feel like a failure. I have never failed this badly in my entire teenage life since Sec. one. I got an F9 for my A maths- 11/80. I really do not understand what have I been doing since the beginning of the year. I did my work and compared to yang tuo in my class, I studied and practised more than her yet I scored lower than her. I can't keep highlighting how dumb I can be. When Mdm Phua read through the names that she thought those who should consider dropping A maths, my name got read out. I was so disappointed right at the point of time. Though I knew right from the end of the A maths paper that I would not do well, I did not know that I would fare worse than ever. There is going to be a tough struggle between me and A maths. I swear that I will never give up on A maths till the the very last moment-the day before I take my A maths O's and will work even harder to a brighter future. I won't make empty promises to myself. I am not going to let myself down again. I have never felt this way since I was Primary Six, I was always afraid of Mathematics and I kept failing the subject. I was a letdown then. I buck up and became what I am today in 3A. However, history itself is taking place again. I had a hard time overcoming that obstacle which obstruct me when I was just Primary Six. But what kept me going is strong and solid determination. I need to overcome this larger and tougher obstacle in my life presently. I need a stronger and tougher determination this time. This determination have to come with perseverance to keep me going tough. The largest opponent in my life is Maths. I'm always at odds with it. I need to be more hardworking than this. My final-year results aren't pleasant and I'm upset about it. I don't want to just say I am upset with it. Because me saying, 'Hey I'm so upset that I fared so badly in these exams' is not going to help me score a distinction at A maths next year. Mdm Phua said this, ' I don't like to feel self-pity for myself' and I really agree with this solid sentence. Feeling self-pity for myself is not going to help me score a distinction and it only makes me feel inferior and down-graded. I have to stay strong. I remember at one point of time, I often seek Ms Lim's advice on my life and she would always tell me this 'Girl, stay strong k' and I will never ever forget this sentence that she repeatedly reminded me. I just want to thank her so much for telling me that because you know that it will always remain in my heart and soul. Her birthday takes place this Saturday and I hope to meet her to give her that big beary heart. Her words keep me going strong. How I wished she was still my one and only coach.
I have to begin planning my holidays to catch up on what I totally missed out. I'm not going to slack any longer. I guess I will begin next week, need to keep my brain going. I got to read some books too to enrich my language and get idealistic. I want to enrich myself as much as i can this December holidays. I won't be devoured by fooling around again. I have been such a foolish girl. Alright, no more self-pity for me anymore. If I choose to do something, I have to do it with my utmost effort-no slipshots. I want to build such an attitude- determination to achieve, perseverance to keep going, be hardworking to produce good work. If you tell yourself you can do it, you will do it thus you will achieve it. Belief in oneself is important.