hmm... bloggie.. I have netball trainings today. Woa... I am unable to sleep at night because my heartbeat is irregular and I feel very uncomfortable, like I can't breathe properly. Today at training, the feeling of me being inferior awakens... My body coordination sucks man... that is also a very difficult part to overcome in my netball life. The game wasn't so bad after all, I had some fun and I managed to intercept some balls. Then I headed to compass point for lunch with Mabel and my team-mates. I kept meeting Qiu Ling there too... that pig-head. Bernice and her always keep saying I'm a lesbian... little shit... just because I just want to know Wendy's number. Anyway, because of this incident, it has brought Qiu Ling and me in closer terms, wahahas... It's good to get to know my junior better... Okie, I have to go right now...

er... holidays are so boring but I can take time off to take a break. I have lots of holiday homework... I am going to use my 1-month holiday to brush up my subjects. No, I'm not going out to work although some extra cash do some good for me...hahas. My Dad bought so much stored food from NTUC yesterday, he's afraid me and my sister would starve to death. I want to play! I didn't enjoyed myself much since my exams ended. Yeah! This friday, Mabel called me along to Sentosa and I'm going for some sun-tanning and FUN! I want to call along some more fun-loving people along. Grrrghh... what if Mabel have to call off the event? I would slaughter her up. What should I write? I'm feeling so empty right now. After thinking a while, I don't want a relationship right now. I don't want to be tied down to one person. Besides, I tend to be closer to girls than guys, can't really communicate with guys if I would to go with them except guys such as Keane and Wei Sheng laa... these guys, you can bully them and scold them without a heck... hahas.. er... not really, I don't do that to them. I see Mabel bully Wei Sheng all the time... hahas. Ahhhhh..... I'm so bored! I don't want to do my homework right now. Alright, I'll surf the net... See Ya...

hello bloggie... I woke up at 6.45 am this morning because I couldn't sleep any longer. Although I feel very energetic, my eyes felt droopy and tired. As I have asked Ben to update his blog, I went to look at his blog the very first thing I did when I came online. In his blog, he states that he dislikes Aidan, and I wonder why. Nevermind about that. Everything in his blog proves very obvious to me. I am quite lost for words. He seem to taking it so fast and I don't really like it. Frankly speaking, I want us to be friends first and slowly proceed to other stuff. Besides I don't know whether I would continue to like him if, while I get to know him, I realised that he was not suited for me. My sister wants to go jogging right now. Okie, I've got to go now...

sigh... so fast, it's evening already. I practically slept the whole day to regain my energy and spirits. I was really very tired. I plan to draw up a plan of what am I supposed to do during the holidays, so that I would have a direction at least for a month. I'm planning to go down to Kallang to watch people play netball, because I love playing netball. Then earlier on, I felt very fortunate because after I woke up from my sleep at 6 pm, my dinner was already bought home by my parents. I love my home and family. I've been thinking about my coaches these few days, my netball coach would be back from Australia and she will be training us next monday I guess. As I said that I have been missing someone, and that someone is someone very special. Nevermind about that. I seem to hate playing online games right now. It's so a waste of time. Alright, i'll be going...

hmm... this morning, I woke up early as usual... I feel a sense of satisfaction, I slept really well last night, no need any craddling. I went to Jalan Kayu with my parents to have their famous roti prata. I was shivering on my way home in the car because I drank iced milo in the morning. I arrived home feeling drowsy. Then, I switched on the computer and decided that i wanted to update my blog. I've been missing someone lately. Sigh... I don't know laa... I'm a weirdo. Anyway, it's my secret. I'm so sleepy... Okie, try to stay focused. Yesterday, while I was preparing for prize presentation, I saw Mario around the corner. His face looked as if it had been burned up... Hahas... I guess I won't be enjoying my June Holidays even though it has begun. Firstly, because there will be a Sec. 3 camp, which I hate because I have always hated camps. I am too pampered. Secondly, Ms Lim suggested that we(mainly those who failed a maths) to stay back after trainings so that she can help us with our maths. Well, that's not a really bad suggestion because I want to make the most out of my June Holidays. I said I had wanted to find a temporary job during my holidays, yet I'm with no plans about it right now. It's always like that. Sigh, I should have planned earlier. I'm so sick in the stomach now, I ate 2 pratas and drank the dinosaur(iced milo), hot and cold, sicked to the core right now. Oh ya... yesterday, after finishing the race, the area at the back of my hips felt really numb and suan... I guess the muscles ache or something, but I'm so skinny, I have no flesh there laa... Anyway, I took the medicine for my tail bone already... I'm waiting for it to heal. the doctor says there's a slight displacement of the tail bone or something like that. Anyway, it will slowly heal however it will take months. If it still hurts after the few months, then the doctor will recommend a specialist to me... Alright, I'll be alright... hahas.. See Ya! By the way, people who encouraged me yesterday during the race, thanks alot! (regardless of anyone)

today, I had my 5th annual cross-country... I'll describe the whole experience and my thoughts/feelings. Yesterday night, I lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling pondering over whether I should run tomorrow... I was very confused and tempted to take the easy way out by just handing Ms Lim the medical certificate the next day and skip running. I had always feared the feeling of running during x-country because of the torture I have to endure while pushing myself forward. I hated x-country. I flipped on the bed over and over again, unable to sleep. I was wondering and I felt very nervous about the event which was going to take place the next day. I cradled myself to sleep. I kept picturing myself breathing heavily during the race and pushing myself. I woke up the next day feeling uncertain, still indecisive whether to run anot. I decided that I wanted to run because i didn't want to betray my character traits... I make my way hastily to MacRitChie Reservoir with Mei Xuan together with me in my dad's car. I guess as I was too nervous and confused, i messed up my digestive system and I needed the toilet several times. I tried to calm myself there when the upper sec girls were called to prepare ourselves. We headed to the starting line and phew* I was pretty nervous... while on way there, I confided in Pei Wen and I told her I was very scared. She gave me advice and encouragement, thereby, i regained my confidence of myself. Thanks, Goh Pei Wen! The race began... I was thinking consistently the whole race...I thought that this race was going to be like a life battle or race, facing ups and downs. The whole journey of running was very memorable. A guy called Aidan told me to enjoy the race and I heeded his advice. I came out first and I felt very happy... however, i was not the overall champ... Too bad... Then, these days i keep on chatting with ben online... I can't understand him... really... sometimes, his nick is so weird I wonder whether he is implying to me anot... Er... I'm tired.. going off now.. see ya..

hmm.. I'm back to update you after a long long time... I've been very pressured and stressed this week, worst than the exam period. Everyone is telling me that I am going to top the level this year in the cross-country this friday. I hate it man.. Every year, it's the same old thing... Everyone tells me that they want to run with me and then blah blah blah... I'm not even certain I would be able to run this friday because I've hurt my tail bone because of ... (u want to know, ask me) I'm taking things too hard, i guessed. This is the last year I will be able to run cross-country, so i guessed I'd be running and I want to get the huge shiny bowl trophy. I'm so sad this mid-year... I didn't do as well as I expected this mid-year. Then, there they are gossips around me of not doing well. Oh people! Do you think that human dosen't face ups and downs?! Today, during the netball meeting, I realized how much I have changed from the eenie miney girl the month I entered secondary school to this crappy girl and hopefully chio... hahas... bhb.. I feel that I'm stupid, however, as the saying goes, if you never think that you are stupid, you will never be... I don't even know where am I heading.. poor me... I'm searching for an aspiration to spark my goal. I don't want to be one who lives for the moment, it's pointless. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Sigh... then today, Ms Lim said that she might not be in school next year. I am almost devastated... As you know, I'm not one who will express my feelings and expression in front of you if something is going wrong... I am a hypocrite... I am... I am learning to be my real self. Oh guys, please help me to change. I am also learning to admit my mistakes and learn from it. I want to feel as if I've been reborn... hahas... lame. Oh... what am i suppose to do? Somebody help me... I am too weak to do anything now... even sitting and standing up is a problem to me. Sigh... This is the saddest blog that i've ever written since my teenage life...

hmm... yesterday my dad took my sister to IMM to buy mp3 player, creative one somemore... so biased... very nice, the mp3 player... now listening to it. I don't know whether I should go out later, I have not bought my mei's(amanda) birthday present. I'm again going broke... sigh... need some good money management for myself. Tomorrow, I am going receive my exam papers... very tense up now reminscing about it. I think I'm going to fail my a maths paper, although the front few qns i can attempt, the back few pages I fail to do them. Aw... I want to go exercising... I can't wear my jeans already, I'm fat fat already... sigh... hope netball trainings shall begin soon... tonight I'm going to do some aesthetics... tone my body alittle...

hmm... bloggie.. so drowsy now, I just took some painkiller to relieve my pain, not so bad now... I went to the doctors' earlier this morning, doctor said I hurt my tail bone and she made me do an x-ray, just as I thought laa... idiotic lah... erm... tomorrow maybe I'm going to go and play bball with eric, haas... so bored! Ahhh!!!

dearrie... bloggie... I haven't been updating u for a longgg timeee... Hmm.. many things have taken place. I'm a little awe of them. I don't know why Mabel hasn't been talking to me since Tues. I wondered why, she always sit behind in class to do her self-study and she don't come in-front to study with us, then I think is she feels that I am joining another group to study instead of her and that's why she's mad at me. These few days, she walks past me without a greeting of "hi". This is what that saddens me... I don't understand her enough, I guess... What can I do, I smsed her she don't reply. I'm afraid if I call her house and ask for her, I'm dumbfounded of words. My teenage life is so empty without her laughter... Btw, cross-country is approaching and I'm putting much pressure on myself to top the level this year... I'm going to start jogging next week. However, It's dependent on my back... remember mabel hurt my back, the tail bone.. I'm going for checkup tomorrow to check what's wrong with the tail bone. It hurts when i sit down or stand up, and it's getting serious... so I'm going to the doctors'...

hmm... i'm pretty sad today... tomorrow's my english paper... and i'm here updating you bloggie. Erm... Don't really know what to write inside you... I was actually quite sad when I came to write u, but somehow... i felt there wasn't a need to. I shoudn't be torturing myself with thoughts like that... Hmm, after the exams I'm intending to train full intensity... I love sports so much.... I want to play and sweat myself out... even though it's endurance training... harhar.. endurance maybe once in a while? Hmm... I feel like going downstairs my flat and take a deep breath of the moonlight's wisp of air... the stressed part has not yet been arrived at... next week I'd have to study full intensity for my other important subjects especially a maths and e maths...