what is the feeling of not having what you wanted? what is the feeling of loving someone but the feeling is not mutual? what is the feeling of being hurt, isolated and alone? what is the feeling of loving someone whom you do not love?

my answer to all the above questions can't be answered because i can't feel anymore. there are few attempts at failure but i already feel weak and tired. what is my reason for being neither here nor there with anyone? it's because i can't have the only one with me. i only want the ONE with me. i don't want anyone else. BUT it's only 4 now. i'm too sick and tired with feelings.


after i got home and took a hot shower, i felt really emotional. perhaps it's after I have seen somebody's profile. it hurt a little, then spasm of pain hit me. i'm so sad now.

this week passed briefly. i had a total of three quiz-es in the week. however, the week was extremely fun though. ahaha. i had ton-less fun and laughter with the idiot salleh. hahah. he's such a funny head. hahah. hms. uh oh, i have meb proj and quiz to prepare for. so irritating. i'm so tired.

my brain is switched off already. so sleepy ... my life could be much much simpler, now that i see. (:

i didn't felt really right today. in fact, i felt really upset and happy at one point of time. it really spoils my mood every time this happens. i think my emotional problems are overtaking my clear head and disillusioning me from everything else. urgh. stop letting me see you!

urgh. i have been so stressed up this week. because of meb project and stuff. i'm like the treasurer of my class, grp leader of the meb proj, official person for nball. this is like role-playing man. urgh. sometimes, i wished my life was much more than this. but it's better than being dead and still right.


i have misunderstood several peeps the past few weeks though. i feel so ugly, for being so bad and evil. urgh, whatever. i'm just talking randomly. this week passed pretty briefly. learnt much stuff. organic chemistry is getting harder and more nonsensical with each topic ... pipc too.


i was browsing through some people's blog when i suddenly felt a strong sense of guilt somewhere in my body(make a guess). hahah. dots. even though i had been looking forward to the weekends, somehow i don't really see much to it. it's like i have suddenly lost all my motivation in life at one moment. there's a reason, but i won't say though.


friends keep my life going when things start getting rocky.

YES! i finally cut my hair! I feel a new rush of adrenaline and a NEW start. ahahah. Hms. The next weekend is going to be exciting! I am going for a hotel stay for free! ahaha. And besides, it's close to ecp so perhaps we can go and catch the sun-rise or sunset in the morning or something. Oh. Then I'll be catching the harry potter movie with my family. ooh. I can't wait for the weekends! ((:

dear blog,

i am so very upset today. I don't know what's wrong with me, it's been like 2 or 3 whole days since I began getting very moody. I just feel like venting my anger and frustration at a wall but I know I'll just hurt in the end. I feel like uttering some vulgarities here but does or will it change anything? I am going to lose control someday and also lose my senses as well. Everything is like so unfair to me. I am not blaming God or grumbling about my misgivings but ... in fact, I appreciate everything that I have now. It's just that some imperfections in life are really taking their toll on me. And it freaking sucks because I can't help it!

i am breaking down. i want to break down and just feel weak and numb to the bone. numb. release me now.

Ahahah. It was a nice day today. My lessons ended at 12 noon and I had lunch with aloy at tm afterward. We had ajisen, I think the food there is only so-so, perhaps because noodles don't really appeal to me. ahaha. (: After that, we headed to super bowl at kovan and I watched him bowl (I kept yawning, hahah). He's a super nice guy la, he opened the car door for me once or twice already. Hms. But we are only close friends as such. (: I headed home to get changed afterward.


met up with ame, sh and deb at compass after that. We had to discuss the details of the trainings so we went to kfc to get a few seats. Debbie was a ding-tei though. AHAHAH. Stupid deb, she kicked me in my shin that it hurts so much now. URGH. @#$%^&*! cheese pie. hahah. hahah. Alright, so much for the crap.


I made a stunning discovery today! Somebody has cried over ME before! Oh gosh. I felt so honoured la. hahah. Aw. I'm so bad.. hees. BUT, I have cried over someone before too therefore it's like a chain effect. ahahah. It was so fun today la! Heh heh.


it's no point for us to proceed if the feeling is not mutual. there is nothing wrong with you, it's just me. cos i'm not even sure myself.