Hello. I feel so dreary and lazy today! Sigh. Sometimes I feel so useless and dumb and I hate myself when I feel that way. It's like I have got no brains or something. I wonder why when somebody tells me to do something, nothing goes through my brain to ever wonder why I have to do that way and I just go ahead with doing that. Because why? Everybody's doing it. Why, why, why?

I feel like I have accomplished nothing all these years. I feel unsatisfied with my life. It's not material wants that I seek for but goals that are attained with my hardwork. Why, why, why? Sometimes I stare at a question so hard, I feel like I can knock my head straight into the paper onto the hard concrete table and black out immediately. I want to do just that, do just that the next time and I will wake up to be lying in the cold hospital ward the next morning.

I find myself eccentric most of the times. I don't even know what I want. Sometimes when people ask me, "Charlene what do you want to do when you go out to work?" I can only blankly answer them what comes to my mind on the spot. I wanted to be a doctor, a pharmacist, a policewoman, a chemist, a coroner or whatever which can explore the dark side of life. I am mystified by things which are very dark and mysterious. Haiya. Okay. Cheerios.