Trapped in a vicious cycle
Unwinding the matters of the heart

When will you wake up?
Stop deceiving yourself

Hurt to the unearthed depths
Feelings of disappointment and pain

Prorities not placed
My heart is misplaced

Unappreciated and undervalued
Thou shall seek

Felt like you were not there but you were there
So many differences there were
One by one we conquered
We felt like we would belong together forever
Truth could be otherwise

Our bond seems impregnable
Yet the tiniest things could make us crumble
Wonder the reason of this
Is all but a gap for you to ponder


My brain's exploding. I'm tired and exhausted mentally, I need to get some sleep. I looked through some mags earlier at baby's place and suddenly thought that some streetwear brands and stuff really do look cool and great. hahahhaa. I need to get some sleep..

Happy CNY! :D

I need a break, from all the schoolwork. Everything is coming at me and I feel like escaping. I think I'll experience burnout sooner or later. The thing is, everyone else is getting about the same workload. Why do I not have the right attitude and mentality to get past all these?

Yesterday was horrible. The night before, I studied for my lecture quiz yesterday and I really practised alot. But guess what, when I got the paper and actually tried doing it, I could attempt nothing. Nothing. The questions which I had practised so many hours before and seen before, and I couldn't attempt. Right after the paper, I couldn't stand. I couldn't face anything. I left right straight for the toilet to seek comfort after the paper. I had an awful day yesterday and today ain't any better. I really want to just get away from everything.

The going is getting harder and harder each week. I need to be mature and tenacious enough to get through this. I need better time management.

I had napfa last week. 2.4km run was like the run of my life. Anyway, I think I got a Gold for napfa. And I haven't recovered from the sleepless eventful night, napfa, the carnival and the painting of my room. I'm so tired. I need a break. Sigh, me and all my excuses. I have so much work to do man.

3 BBQs this month! I'm going to get throat cancer this month <----- debbie. Craziness, craziness! All my project's due dates are SOON! Ugh, i'm just here to do some random ranting. :D

Yesterday was crazy. I was running about in a pair of 3-inch high heels and today, I can officially say my feet and legs are totally wasted. My feet hurts so much whenever they touch the flat ground. And it's worse when i'm flat-footed. :( But I had quite an amount of fun. :D

I attended a wedding dinner at pan pacific yesterday with my baby. It was fine dining for me in a while. Haha. The clock struck 12 while I was in the cab back to patrick's house for more 2010 celebrations, with him. It was quite a special moment for me, I felt. As this was the first time I have ever spent or lasted any relationships through the new year. I have quite a good feeling about this. :)

I just found out from FB that a friend whom I used to be quite close to, just broke up with his gf. It's upsetting because the both of them really looked lovely together. Well.. it's funny and contradicting how relationships go.

Yay. Today's the 1st of Jan 2010. 20 more days to GO!!! Woohooooo. I'm going to prepare a new cradle. :D Hahahahahaha. No baby, I only have you in my heart~ *winks. :*

Have you come up with your new year resolutions for 2010? If you have, and it's quite awesome, do let me hear about it! Cause I have yet to come up with mine! :D

Anyway, HAPPY 2010! May this year be one where all your goals and dreams are achieved, and wisdom attained. lalala~ :D

I need a change. I got empowered by this song - agnes, release me.

Sometimes, I tell myself to be contented with my lot. Then somewhere around my superficial self comes telling me that 'you need more'. It just gets so frustrating.

`get a hole and burrow yourself in, charlene.

I'm all crumbled up, been curling up in bed the entire afternoon. I found a new identity a while ago. This raw feeling is quite queer but empowering.

They say,

If you truly love someone, you will be strong for them when you're really falling apart.

That you shouldn't have to prove you love someone.

That it's more of a trust and communication thing.

That love isn't about doing great deeds.

It's about being open, reliable, honest, talking and sharing.

I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry for all the insecurities and unreasonable antics and everything. You are everything to me baby. I don't know how am I going to redeem myself this time.

I don't wanna be like this. I needa grow up.

I feel an urge to do so much this term break. I have got so much inner energy to expend out, so much to let loose. I want to do some travelling around exotic places, do some action to get my adrenaline pumping. Life's too short to spend it hesitating. What if I died tomorrow?

Dinner at the glass house fish & co was quite awesome. I had some cheese stuffed fish and chips which was really tasty at first but it got a little too much for me when I had more than three quarters of it. I got sicked of it. haha. I spend 2/5 of my allowance for the week today. I have four more effing days to survive. Aw.

Term test's over. Oh boy, I'm so glad but I'm so going to scream when I have the papers back two weeks from now. Ugh. I can actually start screaming now you know~

Debbie's away from me. :( she's away in korea, seoul now. I have no idea why do I think of her when I couldn't be bothered when she was in sg. I scraped through the term test papers thanks to her. I was so bloody lost after I crashed the first two papers, thank god she was there to tell me some really positive stuff. I love you debbie! :D

I have been having a rather hard time with my own life. This is my last sem and I'm about to graduate soon. My dad's been drilling some facts about what I really want to do after I graduate. He forbades me to do what I want to do. But then again, I would ask myself if that's what I really want for myself. I feel like running away sometimes. It's so awfully scarrrrryy.

I think I'm really crazy, been thinking and fantasizing about so many things. Have you ever entered a mall and walk past really mysterious and sexy people? I mean really mysterious people, like they possess this aura which you don't get with other people. And this is what we chinese people call as 'seh'. Haha.

I'm going to go read a book now, been coughing like nuts since I don't know when. I might just die from an asthma attack or something. Grrr..

There's so much pain where relationships are concerned.
The pain is overbearing,
I thought physical pain were better.

What is happening to me.
Why am I imposing my principles and likings on him?
Everybody is different, I know.
Everyone feels a different kind of thing for something

I just realized that we are so different
I was taught that the little things make up & build up to bigger things
Yet the little-est things
You do not notice.

I don't know how to teach you sometimes
It's my fault
What am I supposed to do now?
Oh God, tell me what to do?

I love him alot
Our bond,
Supposed to be getting stronger
Am I stranded?

Norwegian Recycling - 8 become 1

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on the corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

My life is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw an angel
Of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway
She was with another man
But I won't lose sleep on that
'Cause I've got a plan

I say it's ok
I can promise you it's alright
You ain't keeping me up all night, no more
You're not here but it's ok
I assure you babe it's alright
You ain't keeping me up all night, no more
You're not here but it's OK

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you, a-ha
I can't live
With or without you

Tonight tonight tonight tonight
I wanna be with you tonight
Tonight tonight tonight tonight
I wanna be with you tonight
Tonight tonight tonight tonight
I wanna be with you tonight
Tonight tonight tonight tonight
I wanna be with you tonight

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of your work
Is rated again

It's alright and it's ok and
It's alright and it's ok and
It's alright and it's ok and
(You're not here with me)
It's alright and it's ok and (it's alright)
It's alright and it's ok and (it's ok)
It's alright and it's ok and
You're not here but ...
It's ok

SO BUSY SO BUSY!!! School work is killing me!!! :/

Disney channel stars
Send It On lyrics

A word's just a word
'Til you mean what you say
And love isn't love
'Til you give it away
We've all gotta gift
Yeah something to give to make a change

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong
Shine a light and send it on

Just smile and the world will smile along with you
That small act of love
Is spent for one to become two
If we take the chances
To change circumstances
Imagine all we can do
If we ...

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong
Shine a light and send it on
Send it on

There's power in all the choices we make
So i'm starting now there's not a moment to wait
A word's just a word
'Til you mean what you say
And love isn't love
'Til you give it away

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong
Shine a light and send it on

On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will help things start
Make it strong
Shine a light and send it on
Shine a light and send it on
Shine a light and send it on

-the end-

the new is fresh but can it sustain the devil's voracious appetite?

charlene is screaming out needy!

MEGAN FOX is so hot, I would forgo so many things just to see her in the flesh.

anyway, this is so random! i have been wasting so much time! work work work!!!

The past three days has been poignant. It's a new sort of thing. I'm learning to handle everything, from being in the same class with him to seeing people whom I haven't seen for ages. It's quite tedious sometimes, but I hope I am tenacious enough to see through it all.

Once again, today I found the importance of having friends again. Good friends. Friends whom I always turn to when I don't see light in my problem. Friends who would lend their listening ear when convenient. But of course I don't take any of my other good friends for granted, it's just that I prefer to be alone listening to music than thrashing all my feelings out to people in the open. And so I prefer to tolerate all the 'thrashing' inside me.

My eyes hurt so much now. The bloody contact lenses are sucking my bloodshot eyes dry. I need some eye rest now. Immediately.

Sometimes, it's hard to find chemistry or a certain type of chemistry in people. Thus if I happen to come across one, even if it's the same sex, she tends to catch of my attention. I don't know what's with this random subject anyway, I just happened to be thinking of someone which fits this description. hahahaha.

Baby, give me more faith and hope. I really hope we'll be able to last. Ours is a relationship of a thousand possibilities or more, I won't give up on you. I love you sweet pie.

You're Not Sorry

by Taylor Swift

All this time I was wasting

Hoping you would come around

I've been giving out chances every time

And all you do is let me down

-

And it's taking me this long

Baby but I figured you out

And you're thinking we'll be fine again

But not this time around

-

You don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

Don't wanna hurt anymore

-

And you can say that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did before

You're not sorry, no, no, no, no

-

Looking so innocent

I might believe you if I didn't know

Could've loved you all my life

If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

-

And you got your share of secrets

And I'm tired of being last to know

And now you're asking me to listen

Cause it's worked each time before

-

But you don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

Don't wanna hurt anymore

-

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did before

You're not sorry, no, no, oh

You're not sorry, no, no, oh

-

You had me falling for you honey

And it never would've gone away, no

You used to shine so bright

But I watched all of it fade

-

So you don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

There's nothing left to beg for

-

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did before

You're not sorry, no, no, oh

You're not sorry, no, no, oh

No, oh, no, oh, no oh

Whoa, no, no

-the end-

Gosh. Major project's over and done with! :D I'm quite worried though, my LO couldn't quite understand my poster presentation yesterday. :/ well, I hope he does see light through reading my report. Anyway, the lyrics I posted above is non-suggestive of any whatsoever thing.

I'm feeling really melancholic now though. I wonder why do I get this feeling every now and then, it's like an attack or something. It's been like this ever since I was a teenager, I always needed this space to myself. I always needed time to be alone. Well, I guess some people do experience this every now and then.

Anyway, it was Coral's birthday about two days back. I had wanted to address her as Ms Coral Lim here but I figured that it's weird because I feel so grown up and all already. Haha. I really hope you had a wonderful birthday, coral. You'll always be someone I respect and look up to, since young until now.

Hahaha. And ya! I watched coraline on thursday too! In 3D! It's a nice movie, I would rate it 4/5? It's a whole new movie experience for cartoon animations from the usual nemo and mouse movies. hahahaha. Anyway, I want to go watch some teevee. Shall end today. :)

Fly birdie fly...

Fly birdie fly...

Fly birdie fly. Up up to the sky!

Sha la la la la la la Sha la la la la~

Toot .. toot .. toot (flute blowing~) toot .. toot.. toot.. toot.. toot.. toot..

(I'm consumed by boredom, you see.) :D

i don't want to be selfish this time round.

Met up with a friend today. And then he was telling me alot of things which made sense, and I pondered upon them.

If you have claimed today that you love someone,

Would you leave that person when he/she were facing obstacles?

Would you wanna help solve the problem with him/her?

And if you really thought you have loved him/her, think again.

Cause love is timeless.

Love does not fade with time.

But feelings, crushes and appeal all fade with time.

So do you really think you love him/her?

Cause when you finally leave him/her, the answer is quite obvious.

I don't know why but I have been pondering the entire day, while I was crossing the road, eating my meals and relieving myself in the restrooms. My friend told me so much. He told me that he learnt so much from his recent breakup, he told me not to make promises cause promises are meant to be broken. And everything is unpredictable.

If you're someone selfish today and you love only yourself, I suggest you should not get attached and lead your life of loneliness. When will you learn? Cause if you don't learn, the same shit happens. And I shall stop preaching for today. :)

Time is passing so quickly. I can't handle all that, I don't wanna grow up. I wanna be like peter pan. Oh yeah. I participated in a street netball competition on sunday at west coast park and we won third place! I feel my team and I growing better with each different exposure at every comp. It's always heartwarming to be playing with familiar team-mates when you've grown up with them, suffered with them during trainings in the past, and they know you inside out. It's so comfortable. And you don't get this sort of feeling with everyone.

Major project report and poster due date SOON! chiong chiong chiong~!

i love you so much, thy.

i don't know what would i do without you.

i am so lost right now.

i wished you were right here beside me smelling me & telling me what to do

i wished you didn't had to go away

every single day that you're away makes my heart ache like crazy

i was never clingy but i learnt how to with you around

only you can take that sickening pain away

i love you baby

RANDOM PICTURES! :)

this was taken at cptc abt 4 mths ago?!

check me out! i'm so cuteeeeeeee!

this candy reminds me so much of someone... hms...

it's almost flat now~ hahaha.

ah brown says: "check out my fluffy backside!"

Yay~! Internhip's ended! More rest and fun for me now! Oh yay, my presentation at the company went pretty well. I'm so contented right now. But there's so many ups and downs in life, might as well just enjoy myself while I can right now. :)

I attended some social event yesterday night. The place around was rather scenic with the water and everything, I felt rather at peace with myself over there. I finally had a chance to see michelle after more than a month. Nevertheless, I don't want to admit that things have changed, changed by alot. For one, I'm changed too. I am no longer how I actually used to be around her. I don't know about her, but there was this really awkward silence for a while during the dinner after I yelled at the table over some photos I saw. I didn't mean to embarrass her at all. Sometimes, I wished we could be how we used to be but it's so hard now. It's like, some things cannot be changed after they have been implemented or something. There were some hurting for me at the dinner but I tried to mask it all. It's different, so different. We used to be so close, I always felt so comfortable sitting beside you but now I just don't know what you're thinking. You're at this and later at that. You're whispering here and there. I'm really sorry for anything and everything. I really don't like the way things are now, it's like hanging somewhere in the midair. Ugh.

People's been asking me what I want to do when I graduate. I really want to tell them but I guess it's better to do so after I have really done it.

I have got a really tiny cut on my toe, but you know what? It damn bloody hell hurts alot. Anyway, I have blogged enough for today. Gonna go do something else now! :)

i'm so pissed off now. i can't access my friggin mail to finish up my report. ugh. i don't know why have i become so quick-tempered these days. anyway, i had nights out two days back on friday. my colleagues took me to this expensive japanese restaurant at mohammad sultan rd for dinner. little did i know i had to touch alcohol when my colleagues and myself bumped into our boss on the way to another place. he was with this super-rich client and we were asked to sit down and there goes. cheers cheers cheers. i was rather light-headed after that. i had several shots of sakae, it was pure nice sakae. there was this fragrance in its after-taste. but it was a price for your money when it cost over 100 for a bottle.

i didn't really liked entertaining anyway. the next morning was rather groggy and sick for me. but my day was great! hahahah. :)

i'm just here to write off my anger and frustrations. it doesn't really seem to help at all though. :( god bless.