I don't know why I like to laugh. And I am going to start this post by laughing to myself. I think I am insane. I laugh when I'm happy; I laugh when I'm sad and I can laugh when I see the world collapsing slowly in front of me too. It's as if nobody cares, at least I can't feel that anybody is.

I needed some space by myself to organize my thoughts and feelings so I created another blog personally to pen down my upsetting story. I haven't been updating over here though.

Sometimes I think I am strong enough to manage by myself but very often I fail at it terribly. Externally, I don't want people to care but deep down I yearn for affection and attention. I guess I have been brought up this way and I can't really change now. I hate being sensitive.

Every night, I pray for God to lend me his listening ear and guidance because I fear crying when I go to bed. I need a pair of listening ears. Perhaps there was one and I really enjoyed talking to her too much and you could guess the ending. I felt that it was pathetic even though we are still friends currently.

Sigh. I helped Mabel with her filming today at a tanah merah flat. I don't know why but I felt that the flat was kind of eerie. But anyway, made a few acquaintances with Mabel's friend. (: they were quite nice.

It's prayer session now. (: haha.

I'm going to go insane soon! Why can friends do such things to another? I'm going to go mad! I am hurting like crazy. I need a tranquilizer to stop this pain. I don't want to go on like this.

I need a fresh start to everything. I don't want to hear anything! Perhaps I am too sensitive but I don't care. This is just me. This is not referring to you, Vincent. Ugh!

Please stop being childish. I will be only affected by it for a while and soon it will just be swept away like the wind. I'm sorry for hurting you. You can do whatever flirting and lovey-dovey with other girls anywhere, but please don't do it right in front of me and our friends. It just doesn't make sense anymore.

I miss talking on the phone with michelle like crazy. She's just like my listening ear. (: looking forward to seeing her in tutorial class tomorrow!

Alright, everything has come to an end. Although I do feel some ease from the relationship, I do get flashbacks of our memories. Haha. I'm speaking like I have just lost my memory or something. I'm feeling abit nostalgic now. Ugh.

This is so crappy. I feel that this blog is so redundant already.

School's started and a week has passed. I feel extremely irritable now, I end at 6 pm almost everyday. I'm going to go nuts! I love going to school though, my classmates and friends. haha. I'm tired, I'm so tired! Sigh, sometimes I laugh so crazily to cover my emotions. I am speaking so random now. haha.

I am going to explode soon. I am not saying that you're not right or being right. I just don't feel right. Tell me why am I feeling this way when I can't even explain it. There is un-foreseen pressure to make this work and you do not see it. Ugh.

Great. I find it so hard to sleep tonight. The night is chilly and it brings me much nightmares. As I get older, I find things getting more complicated as it goes. They don't seem as simple as they are anymore. And I hate it! I'm super pissed off tonight with everything. I am confused with myself and everyone else!

Some things aren't meant to be vented over here. Some things aren't meant to be said aloud. BUT I would very gladly like to say some things that aren't meant to be said! I am so mad with myself.

Oh god. I'm so going to miss working at Ritz Carlton banquet even though some unpleasant things took place over there. I miss my funny colleagues and supervisors. And most importantly, I'm going to miss not seeing Joanna! She's so hilarious la. We're always making fun of each other and there's some point of chemistry we share. haha. Ugh. I miss her!

Chapter 1.3 now. I went out with Vincent last thurs. We went to his cousin's place at clementi to look at his nephew and to have lunch as well. His cousin's rather humourous looking too. haha. She looked like ler siok ghee from ChE. AAHAH. Anyway, I had fun with bryan, his little nephew. He bonded with me very well! I even helped to bath him! haha..Aftr that his cousin sent the both of us to Orchard to do some shopping. I bought a top and a pair of shoes. He bought a box of royce chocolates for me! (: He sent me home after that. Overall, it was a fun day out with him, playing with his i phone too. haha. tata!

Sigh! Haven't been blogging lately. I have been busy with the netball team at punggol sec, the girls are so rebellious at times. But come to think of it, I do enjoy coaching them occassionally. I get a small sense of satisfaction everytime the little ones get what I want to bring across. But that's not all about coaching, I realized coaching is far harder than I thought and I am not up to mark yet. But that aside, I have many other things to deal with too.

I have not met up with him for close to a week now. I wonder what are the differences between us now. Sometimes I feel that he is giving in to me too much that it seems out of the ordinary. Anyway, the guys never had it easy with me in the first place. HAHA! Uh. I am so confused now. I am looking for the word 'CHEMISTRY' in our relationship!

HELLO! i'm here with a new blogskin. Got sicked of the previous one anyway. I'm so happy now. I made a rather good friend at work, her name's Joanna. She's always bickering with me most of the time. Haha. So hilarious.

Yesterday was awesome. I celebrated Vincent's birthday at Breeks @ Marina Square in the afternoon with a group of classmates. We had tons of fun and took aplenty photos outside. Then I had to work. It was midnight when I knocked off and he came to look for me to celebrate his birthday again, with a strawberry tart from Canele cafe I think. It was very sour. We took a cab home then and I had nearly wanted to puke in the taxi because of car sickness I guess. But I did not. haha. Then my surprise came! He gave me a cute teddy! I love it to bits man. So cute. haha. But I was dead tired so I talked with him a little and got home. Overall, it was an exciting day I guess.

And so that was the end of chapter 1.2 of my life with ahem. haha. Chapter 1.1 is currently not available. haha. tata!

Two weeks have passed since my examinations. Well, to be exact, I think it's three weeks already. I don't really know what to blog about actually. So irritating. I had to work today initially. I made a booking last week and the stupid ahem hotel denied my access to work today! Due to their over-staff! The ahem supervisors there are darn tiko okay. I feel disgusted sometimes.


I miss having a dinner gathering with my family and close friends. It has been quite a while since we did that. Sigh. Everybody is so busy here and there in Singapore. I need to go get an outfit soon, got to attend a birthday party on 7th April. It's quite stressful though. hahah.


Alright. I'm feeling so sick and tired of this blogskin. Going to change it very soon. Cheerios!

Oh. I got it wrong. Release of examination results will be on 13 march instead. One more extra day to my doomsday. Haha. Today was mundane and boring, I did nothing extraordinary but just plain sleeping and watching television. I got up late anyway. I'm getting more lazy ... Ugh. I'm going to gain pounds like this. I think I have gained some anyway but I still feel a nonchalant about it. (wonder what's wrong with me)

When I'm left at home to rot and think about my life, I never fail to think about the past. There are some things which I still regret doing until now. But who doesn't have any regrets? We cannot be satisfied.

Perhaps I shouldn't ponder so much on things which are beyond my control. I cannot control the people I will meet. Sigh. Should I cherish the one before me currently? I cannot find the chemistry I shared with * when I'm with him. I still don't feel entirely comfortable when we are together. And I think I have committed a sin in the game of love. Ugh. This is not a game. wake up!!

Ugh. The semester's examination results are going to be released this wednesday! I freak out thinking about it. Haha.

Yay. I started working at ritz carlton banquet already. With the help of chew ling, it was much easier for me to fit in. Haha. She had this really pretty friend whose name was called Shiling I think. She looked like the korean actress Song Hye Gyo. I was quite stumped when I met her. Haha. Anyway, the people working there were quite friendly and nice. I am looking forward to my next booking. (: heh.

My stupid Dad bought my sister a laptop at the IT fair! It's no fair! But come to think of it, I have no need for a laptop yet. Ha. (: cheerios!

Hi everybody!

My exams are officially over! Yay! Yipee! I feel so lethargic! I had like barely 5 hours of sleep each night since the beginning of the exams. I'M TIRED, TIRED, TIRED!

I'm starting to feel blessed lately. It's not like the past anymore. I don't want to go back to the past anymore. At least now I know that someone will be there for me when I'm upset or in a dilemma. At least now I know someone cares for me more than anyone else(except my close ones). I'm happy as it is.

I'm going to work again. It's the hols! I'm contemplating on going back to shangri-la to work as a waitress again. Damn. They haven't sent me my modelling photo too. I want to go retrieve it from my supervisor then. hahah.

Alright, I'm going to sleep now. So beaten out la. (: cheers!

Finally! The week is over again. But I know that there will be many weeks that will be over in this lifetime so you know, this is quite redundant. haha. Unless I die tomorrow. Oh great. I had my presentation yesterday. It was damn nerve-wrecking. I was so bloody scared shitless inside but I had to control my emotions and remain calm. I thought I spoke some rubbish or shuttered during the presentation, however my friends thought I did quite well. Anyway, I was quite happy with everything that happened the day before until last night. My stupid father had to quarrel with me over his damn stupid new phone. I had been wanting a break since I don't know when. Yet, the moment he got home, he expected me to settle some of the admin problems in his damn PHONE! I hate it when people keep pestering me over something which is minute in nature. And most importantly, he can settle the stupid problem himself! Damn it. I'm not going to talk to him properly until he realizes that he's dumb for everything that he's done. I don't care.

Cheerios. (:

Oh great. The tiresome week has passed, I just had a very short break from the weekends and now another exhausting week is up ahead. I'm just praying for enough rest so that I will not fall ill. I have two lecture quizzes this thursday, a presentation and a project due this friday. I want a break soon! Thankfully, the chinese new year hols are around the corner. But soon after that comes my semestral examinations! Ugh. Staying positive with * with me. (:

I had to do community involvement program (CIP) yesterday. It was tiring and time-consuming but worth it. I made new friends and had tons of fun plus laughter. haha. I like my classmates. (: heh. They make me feel happy around them.

I can't wait for CHINESE NEW YEAR! I haven't had a decent meal gathering with my family for months. It's so fun to sit down at the dining table eating steamboat or whatever (as long as we are happy) chatting and laughing and enjoying one another's company. haha.

Oh. I want to get a new toy for my little hamster, Bo bo. haha. It's so adorable and fat la. Besides, it's the year of the Rat! It deserves something. hahaha. Okay, see ya! Bon sejour!

Wow. I have not been blogging for centuries to come! haha. I have been slogging my guts out the past few weeks. I'm like a worn out sponge now. Sigh. Alright, so many things has taken place. I feel a little sick in there. I don't know what Guy B is thinking and what Guy A is doing. I feel a tied knot in there and it is not comfortable at all. I hate this sort of feelings. It's neither there nor here. I still can't really get over the past. I feel jealous and upset over what my old flame* is doing. Ah, haha. Sigh, forget it. All guys are asses in my eyes. I'm so sicked. I feel like becoming what I used to be, the abnormal one. Then only do I not feel this much pissed off and frustrated. SICK, SICK & SICK!

'not born to love at all

all I can say is busy, busy, busy! Semestral exams on 22 Feb! Yikes!

Hello. I feel so dreary and lazy today! Sigh. Sometimes I feel so useless and dumb and I hate myself when I feel that way. It's like I have got no brains or something. I wonder why when somebody tells me to do something, nothing goes through my brain to ever wonder why I have to do that way and I just go ahead with doing that. Because why? Everybody's doing it. Why, why, why?

I feel like I have accomplished nothing all these years. I feel unsatisfied with my life. It's not material wants that I seek for but goals that are attained with my hardwork. Why, why, why? Sometimes I stare at a question so hard, I feel like I can knock my head straight into the paper onto the hard concrete table and black out immediately. I want to do just that, do just that the next time and I will wake up to be lying in the cold hospital ward the next morning.

I find myself eccentric most of the times. I don't even know what I want. Sometimes when people ask me, "Charlene what do you want to do when you go out to work?" I can only blankly answer them what comes to my mind on the spot. I wanted to be a doctor, a pharmacist, a policewoman, a chemist, a coroner or whatever which can explore the dark side of life. I am mystified by things which are very dark and mysterious. Haiya. Okay. Cheerios.

Yay, the term tests are over. But it's a matter of time before I will have to go back to school to face the music. I have been so bad, bad, bad. Sigh. Anyway, my holidays have been packed with trainings and projects. I'm trying to get used to it.

Sigh. Another bad thing. I went to the hairdresser's and she cut my long fringe so short! I look totally horrendous now. Urgh! Piggie. I have to wait patiently for it to grow back nicely again.

Oh yay. I played the psp the entire day! I love rpg games. You can spend 2 hours playing them without noticing that time has passed. And so that was how my time was passed. ha. okay. cheerios.

Hi. I haven't been updating since I don't know when. I have been so busy that I can't even stop at my pace to do some soul-searching. I guessed it's all because of my poor time management and attitude towards my studying since the beginning of my poly life. I just can't start or stop sighing now. hahah, nevermind i shall reorganise my life once more.


I am feeling nostalgic now. I keep reminiscing the past. Somehow I feel really mad at 'someone' sometimes and occassionally I just keep thinking of 'someone'. It has been so selfish of 'someone' to leave me behind alone to fend for myself and to build new relationships when we were so close in the past. I feel weird without 'someone' to give me confidence and strength to carry on like how I did in the past. I feel so hurt that 'someone' is treating me this way. Urgh. I can't carry on anymore. It's not fair to me even though I didn't cherish 'someone' in the past and I took him for granted. I pray to get over this soon.