I haven't been updating recently, been really busy with every-thing that I feel so worn out when the battle hasn't even began. Somehow, somebody's absence all the time has affected me and I'm kind of hit badly by his behaviour. But I'm trying to cope and forget. I'm trying to return to be myself all over again. That kind of chemistry we used to share and laugh over, I have never experienced it with anyone else yet. I can only return to be my old self again. But I just want you to know that I fell in love with you once and that was the last.

I want to go shopping! I want to get loads of tee shirts and shoes and .... more! hahah. I have got to go de-stress! Sigh. I want to change this damn blog skin.

oh god. It's my birthday tomorrow! I'm one more year older now, and so are my parents. Sometimes, I wished I was peter pan who never grew up. Sigh. Don't you realized that as we grow up, we carry more responsibilities and burden along the way? I don't know why but I feel this way.


I am feeling so sick today. I fell sick two days back. Caught a bad flu and my nose's all blocked that my ear's affected too. But I went to the doc already, she prescribed me some stupid medicine which always made me so drowsy. Sigh. (: but I'm looking forward to getting my pink psp slim! heh.




I have tried scolding you and sounding you out even though sometimes I know I went abit too far. But you never learnt that if you failed one more time, i might never get to see you again in the class. We have distanced so much that I don't really know who you are anymore. I don't know why, but I feel that I should not be treating myself this way by hurting everytime I think of you. Therefore I have decided not to bother anymore.

Dear Diary,
I am getting more upset as each day goes by. I don't know why. I think I am in love already but somehow ... how should I describe it? Wrong feelings at the wrong place and time. I can't understand certain things in life. It's like I have been fooled by fate. He's still as happy as he is but I am not. He has gotten over what happened between us but I have not. In fact, I feel that he is even happier now without my control and everything. I used to be so manipulative of him, screaming at him as and when, and he time and again didn't got mad at me. I really don't know who is at wrong for my predicament. Urgh. I will just get over everything and focus on my studies instead.

~ i didn't know some words could be so piercing to the heart when it came from the people you loved.

Happy Birthday Ms Coral Lim! Today's marks the birthday of someone whom I had really admire since young. I only wish for her to stay happy always. (;


School started today with the morning drizzle which kind of spoilt the entire day. But anyway, lessons ended early and I brightened up again. hahah.


I saw somebody today who brought up tremendous emotions in me. Over the months, I come to realize that he is really important to me. He has brought so many happy memories into my life. I'm so regretting now. But I have to prioritise and understand everything now. It's so not right. I really don't know. I wished I can't be bothered.

I miss the hotel alot. I miss the people there. I miss the people who thought highly of me even though I was not exactly. I miss the canteen where I sat for my buffet dinner regularly. I miss every single bit of the hotel. Even though I have worked there for barely a month, it seemed like I have worked there for ages. (: i love shangri la. and i will miss my friends who have shared the fun and laughter working there.

Some are looking forward to school reopening while I am not really looking forward to it anymore. At least for now.

Sometimes I pretend that things are alright but deep inside I am furious. If you think you deserve respect, please bear in mind that others deserve that same amount of respect too.

School's going to reopen, I wonder whether I should be happy or upset. Anyway, life's just going to go on so I shall just face each day with a smile. (:

This holiday has been quite a fruitful one. I managed to hold down a number of jobs and earn quite a bit. So I had been hardworking this holiday. hahah. And I am going back to school with this same attitude.

Yay. I have work tomorrow! Work's never been so fun with friends and everything else. hahah. And it's 8 dollars per hour on monday! I'm going to work on monday! (: ok, see ya!

Chalet was fun today. hahah. I had a ball of a time! But I am so tired and worn out right now and I have work tomorrow. I have a feeling that my health is deteriorating real fast because I keep having chest pains quite often these days. I haven't been to the doc though. And the pain is directly in the heart, like a short sharp and fast pain to the heart when I breathed in deeply. I think I might suffer from cardiac arrest very soon. Sigh, I am going to see the doc soon.


When I see others holding hands and being all lovey-dovey, I ask myself this question. "Am I not as deserving as that person right there to have someone whom I like and care for?" And I know the answer very clearly myself. I am of course more deserving than that person there! I just can't figure out what is wrong with me. I have tried very hard to be just like everyone else but this is like it's inborn in me. I can't help it. Perhaps I should just let someone else do the loving instead of me. Someone who is capable of just loving me plainly and not asking for anything in return. Because I am incapable of returning the love.


Yay. I am going to work tomorrow to forget everything else! I am going to see my eyecand-ies! hahaha! love them. haha.

Yay!!! Chalet is on friday! I can't wait! I miss my friends and fun so much. hahah. Somehow I feel that I am not resting enough from my breaks in between workdays. I still feel very lethargic after a day's rest since sunday. Oh man. I was at Shangri-la hotel working when I met Mr Stanley Tan from Punggol sec who was attending the wedding banquet. So embarrassing. hahah.

Life seems to get on rather fine for me. Been really busy at work until dawn sometimes of the week. I have not been getting enough sleep huh. Hms. Something is amiss. I have to settle something before the holidays end. Sigh. Yup. Me signing off.

Great. I am now a banquet assistant cum waitress at Shangri-la Hotel working my holidays away ... hahah.

How frustrating. I accompanied salleh to meet his prudential friend at tanjong pagar mrt station. We spent more than an hour at his friend's office studying and learning about the policies. However, I was quite impressed what the policies can do for me. haha. Yup. We initially wanted to catch a movie at ps but some bloody misunderstandings caught itself between us and I decided to head home instead. yada yada. I don't want to state what went on after that.

I don't know but I feel that I really need to change and plan for my future myself. This is human instinct when a problem crops up anyway.

Somehow I feel that I have hid myself far too well that nobody suspects or feel otherwise except those whom I have told. Sometimes I just get kind of tired hiding behind this dark curtain in my heart. Sometimes I feel absurd or even dumb cos I know all this leads to nothing eventually. My body is aching.

=) let's just hope tomorrow's a bright and wonderful day!

Life's so unpredictable. Last week was so bloody hard to pass and this week is breezing by. Hms, got my results yesterday and they weren't what I had expected, well perhaps not within my expectations. After what I have all gone through this entire past two weeks, it's like I have grown up a whole bit. I don't know. I just have been thinking alot about what's to life. I have also changed alot in terms of my character and perspective. I don't know what I want. Is grades everything?

It's like I am sitting in a very dark room with only a lighted candle in sight. I am waiting for someone or something to bring the candle to my side and pass me all its warmth and light. Because I am too weak to do anything anymore.

it's teacher's day today. i bet we have brought much joy and happiness to our teachers by just visiting them at school. hahah. anyway, why am i blabbering about this issue? it just doesn't sound like it's coming from me. hahah. went back to punggol sec today and i saw some people whom i didn't really wanted to see so i scurried off first. ha. (:

why is it always the same thing? my parents are urging me to get a vacation job again! i feel so pissed off. i understand that they worry about me stepping into society to work but i just don't see their worry now. urgh. and there's like people who are telling me how much they are earning from their vacation jobs and how easy they got the job, i feel so freaked out! so frustrating! i just realized that i am a all-say-and-no-action sort of person! i'm useless! people please don't console me, i just know it myself.

gosh, my exams are over finally. i am so exhausted and tired. i can literally drop dead on my bed right now. urgh. but i went shopping with debbie and salleh today! it was a very fruitful trip. ahahah. my feet hurts alot now though. i had my feet pasted with salonpas everywhere, ouch i'm such an old woman. hahah. (:

urgh. another setback for the day. i think i have to take a sub paper for my mass and energy balance paper, the paper today was so hard that i racked my brains until I wanted to weep on my desk. hms. life is so full of setbacks anyway. (: i have seen the lighter side of it. i'm so tired, i can't continue. update you soon! oh ya, i had seoul garden today!

oh great. this semester's like nearly over? time just passes so fast that it's scary. my semestral exams are next week and i've barely scrapped through revision. urgh. and i'm going shopping with ame and perhaps mabel tomorrow? i feel so guilty and i'm afraid that i won't have enough time for revision and preparation. i will do some planning later.

i keep thinking that there's something wrong with me yet somewhere within me just tells me that it's ok and i'm alright. that i should just keep things as simple as possible. however, the simpler i keep things, the more i go wayward. anyway, i haven't been normal since quite some time ago and some people should know. hahah.

this week was a 'dying-down' time for things between salleh the biatch and me. hahah. i was like getting serious at my studies since my exams are around the corner but he kept fooling around to distract or interrupt me. it just gets quite irritating sometimes. but he's always at my beck and call which makes me like him alot sometimes too. hahah. we're both like little girls giggling at a corner when we laugh at other people in class. that's like so cute la. hahah. so sweet. oh i think i'm mad. haaah..

i am so pissed off! urgh. my meb project is reaching its due. and i have yet to complete it with my group-mates. i feel so bloody useless as a group leader!!! like a complete loser in this aspect. URGH! okay, got to get down to work now!

yay! GIRLS' NIGHT OUT! 15 august!!! ahahah!

oh gosh. the week's been passing so quickly that i didn't realized it. hahah. this week was fun, had dumbo salleh with me the entire week. he was with me at school almost every single hour and second. hahah. and we spent almost two-thirds of our time laughing that i thought that it was affecting my studies. oh great, i hate having my studies affected. BUT, it's worth it. i'm a much happier person now. (:


urgh. my dearest xuan yi is now in tai pei. i miss her a little. hahah. that stupid girl, she tricked me during meb lab on wed. urgh. i think she'll be back on the 8th of aug? misses ......... (:


the stupid workload at school is stressing me up. i hate some of my teachers, they just aren't efficient at teaching. but it's better to like than to hate huh. ahahah. i want to watch ALONE!

what is the feeling of not having what you wanted? what is the feeling of loving someone but the feeling is not mutual? what is the feeling of being hurt, isolated and alone? what is the feeling of loving someone whom you do not love?

my answer to all the above questions can't be answered because i can't feel anymore. there are few attempts at failure but i already feel weak and tired. what is my reason for being neither here nor there with anyone? it's because i can't have the only one with me. i only want the ONE with me. i don't want anyone else. BUT it's only 4 now. i'm too sick and tired with feelings.


after i got home and took a hot shower, i felt really emotional. perhaps it's after I have seen somebody's profile. it hurt a little, then spasm of pain hit me. i'm so sad now.

this week passed briefly. i had a total of three quiz-es in the week. however, the week was extremely fun though. ahaha. i had ton-less fun and laughter with the idiot salleh. hahah. he's such a funny head. hahah. hms. uh oh, i have meb proj and quiz to prepare for. so irritating. i'm so tired.

my brain is switched off already. so sleepy ... my life could be much much simpler, now that i see. (:

i didn't felt really right today. in fact, i felt really upset and happy at one point of time. it really spoils my mood every time this happens. i think my emotional problems are overtaking my clear head and disillusioning me from everything else. urgh. stop letting me see you!

urgh. i have been so stressed up this week. because of meb project and stuff. i'm like the treasurer of my class, grp leader of the meb proj, official person for nball. this is like role-playing man. urgh. sometimes, i wished my life was much more than this. but it's better than being dead and still right.


i have misunderstood several peeps the past few weeks though. i feel so ugly, for being so bad and evil. urgh, whatever. i'm just talking randomly. this week passed pretty briefly. learnt much stuff. organic chemistry is getting harder and more nonsensical with each topic ... pipc too.


i was browsing through some people's blog when i suddenly felt a strong sense of guilt somewhere in my body(make a guess). hahah. dots. even though i had been looking forward to the weekends, somehow i don't really see much to it. it's like i have suddenly lost all my motivation in life at one moment. there's a reason, but i won't say though.


friends keep my life going when things start getting rocky.