I have wasted an entire day today. I spent the whole day pondering over what I wanted in my life. Yet. I have not found any answer. I reminisced those fond memories I had and gritted my teeth when I thought of my awful and hurtful experiences.
I just got home from a stroll at the nearby sculpture park which is located right below my flat. I was thinking real hard earlier. The night seemed so wonderful yet lonesome for a petite girl who was sitting on a metal bench which felt so cold to the touch. ` She was thinking ... thinking so hard. She has never thought so deeply in her life. She sought for an inspiration. Or even a little spark somewhere which could have brightened her dimly-lit heart or even warmed it. Her mind was a total blank. She was lost. Suddenly, it felt as though the night fell on her. She was terrified. And even from the dark, something in her could not stop hurting as she glipsmed at gleeful couples bickering at each other. It hurt so much until her body felt numb and the meaning of 'tears' lost its meaning. Finally, she took a quiet and cold stroll back into her warm, cosy home.
Sometimes. I take a look at what I have done or said in the past, I would break down and cry. It might even get to the extremes of hating myself. I can not accept what I have done in the past. And many of these things happened in this particular year. As I slowly try to piece myself back again, an obstacle would come my way only to hit me back down once more. God, or whoever who guides me, give me the power to forgive myself and accept myself once more.