hmm... bloggie.. I have netball trainings today. Woa... I am unable to sleep at night because my heartbeat is irregular and I feel very uncomfortable, like I can't breathe properly. Today at training, the feeling of me being inferior awakens... My body coordination sucks man... that is also a very difficult part to overcome in my netball life. The game wasn't so bad after all, I had some fun and I managed to intercept some balls. Then I headed to compass point for lunch with Mabel and my team-mates. I kept meeting Qiu Ling there too... that pig-head. Bernice and her always keep saying I'm a lesbian... little shit... just because I just want to know Wendy's number. Anyway, because of this incident, it has brought Qiu Ling and me in closer terms, wahahas... It's good to get to know my junior better... Okie, I have to go right now...

er... holidays are so boring but I can take time off to take a break. I have lots of holiday homework... I am going to use my 1-month holiday to brush up my subjects. No, I'm not going out to work although some extra cash do some good for me...hahas. My Dad bought so much stored food from NTUC yesterday, he's afraid me and my sister would starve to death. I want to play! I didn't enjoyed myself much since my exams ended. Yeah! This friday, Mabel called me along to Sentosa and I'm going for some sun-tanning and FUN! I want to call along some more fun-loving people along. Grrrghh... what if Mabel have to call off the event? I would slaughter her up. What should I write? I'm feeling so empty right now. After thinking a while, I don't want a relationship right now. I don't want to be tied down to one person. Besides, I tend to be closer to girls than guys, can't really communicate with guys if I would to go with them except guys such as Keane and Wei Sheng laa... these guys, you can bully them and scold them without a heck... hahas.. er... not really, I don't do that to them. I see Mabel bully Wei Sheng all the time... hahas. Ahhhhh..... I'm so bored! I don't want to do my homework right now. Alright, I'll surf the net... See Ya...

hello bloggie... I woke up at 6.45 am this morning because I couldn't sleep any longer. Although I feel very energetic, my eyes felt droopy and tired. As I have asked Ben to update his blog, I went to look at his blog the very first thing I did when I came online. In his blog, he states that he dislikes Aidan, and I wonder why. Nevermind about that. Everything in his blog proves very obvious to me. I am quite lost for words. He seem to taking it so fast and I don't really like it. Frankly speaking, I want us to be friends first and slowly proceed to other stuff. Besides I don't know whether I would continue to like him if, while I get to know him, I realised that he was not suited for me. My sister wants to go jogging right now. Okie, I've got to go now...

sigh... so fast, it's evening already. I practically slept the whole day to regain my energy and spirits. I was really very tired. I plan to draw up a plan of what am I supposed to do during the holidays, so that I would have a direction at least for a month. I'm planning to go down to Kallang to watch people play netball, because I love playing netball. Then earlier on, I felt very fortunate because after I woke up from my sleep at 6 pm, my dinner was already bought home by my parents. I love my home and family. I've been thinking about my coaches these few days, my netball coach would be back from Australia and she will be training us next monday I guess. As I said that I have been missing someone, and that someone is someone very special. Nevermind about that. I seem to hate playing online games right now. It's so a waste of time. Alright, i'll be going...

hmm... this morning, I woke up early as usual... I feel a sense of satisfaction, I slept really well last night, no need any craddling. I went to Jalan Kayu with my parents to have their famous roti prata. I was shivering on my way home in the car because I drank iced milo in the morning. I arrived home feeling drowsy. Then, I switched on the computer and decided that i wanted to update my blog. I've been missing someone lately. Sigh... I don't know laa... I'm a weirdo. Anyway, it's my secret. I'm so sleepy... Okie, try to stay focused. Yesterday, while I was preparing for prize presentation, I saw Mario around the corner. His face looked as if it had been burned up... Hahas... I guess I won't be enjoying my June Holidays even though it has begun. Firstly, because there will be a Sec. 3 camp, which I hate because I have always hated camps. I am too pampered. Secondly, Ms Lim suggested that we(mainly those who failed a maths) to stay back after trainings so that she can help us with our maths. Well, that's not a really bad suggestion because I want to make the most out of my June Holidays. I said I had wanted to find a temporary job during my holidays, yet I'm with no plans about it right now. It's always like that. Sigh, I should have planned earlier. I'm so sick in the stomach now, I ate 2 pratas and drank the dinosaur(iced milo), hot and cold, sicked to the core right now. Oh ya... yesterday, after finishing the race, the area at the back of my hips felt really numb and suan... I guess the muscles ache or something, but I'm so skinny, I have no flesh there laa... Anyway, I took the medicine for my tail bone already... I'm waiting for it to heal. the doctor says there's a slight displacement of the tail bone or something like that. Anyway, it will slowly heal however it will take months. If it still hurts after the few months, then the doctor will recommend a specialist to me... Alright, I'll be alright... hahas.. See Ya! By the way, people who encouraged me yesterday during the race, thanks alot! (regardless of anyone)

today, I had my 5th annual cross-country... I'll describe the whole experience and my thoughts/feelings. Yesterday night, I lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling pondering over whether I should run tomorrow... I was very confused and tempted to take the easy way out by just handing Ms Lim the medical certificate the next day and skip running. I had always feared the feeling of running during x-country because of the torture I have to endure while pushing myself forward. I hated x-country. I flipped on the bed over and over again, unable to sleep. I was wondering and I felt very nervous about the event which was going to take place the next day. I cradled myself to sleep. I kept picturing myself breathing heavily during the race and pushing myself. I woke up the next day feeling uncertain, still indecisive whether to run anot. I decided that I wanted to run because i didn't want to betray my character traits... I make my way hastily to MacRitChie Reservoir with Mei Xuan together with me in my dad's car. I guess as I was too nervous and confused, i messed up my digestive system and I needed the toilet several times. I tried to calm myself there when the upper sec girls were called to prepare ourselves. We headed to the starting line and phew* I was pretty nervous... while on way there, I confided in Pei Wen and I told her I was very scared. She gave me advice and encouragement, thereby, i regained my confidence of myself. Thanks, Goh Pei Wen! The race began... I was thinking consistently the whole race...I thought that this race was going to be like a life battle or race, facing ups and downs. The whole journey of running was very memorable. A guy called Aidan told me to enjoy the race and I heeded his advice. I came out first and I felt very happy... however, i was not the overall champ... Too bad... Then, these days i keep on chatting with ben online... I can't understand him... really... sometimes, his nick is so weird I wonder whether he is implying to me anot... Er... I'm tired.. going off now.. see ya..

hmm.. I'm back to update you after a long long time... I've been very pressured and stressed this week, worst than the exam period. Everyone is telling me that I am going to top the level this year in the cross-country this friday. I hate it man.. Every year, it's the same old thing... Everyone tells me that they want to run with me and then blah blah blah... I'm not even certain I would be able to run this friday because I've hurt my tail bone because of ... (u want to know, ask me) I'm taking things too hard, i guessed. This is the last year I will be able to run cross-country, so i guessed I'd be running and I want to get the huge shiny bowl trophy. I'm so sad this mid-year... I didn't do as well as I expected this mid-year. Then, there they are gossips around me of not doing well. Oh people! Do you think that human dosen't face ups and downs?! Today, during the netball meeting, I realized how much I have changed from the eenie miney girl the month I entered secondary school to this crappy girl and hopefully chio... hahas... bhb.. I feel that I'm stupid, however, as the saying goes, if you never think that you are stupid, you will never be... I don't even know where am I heading.. poor me... I'm searching for an aspiration to spark my goal. I don't want to be one who lives for the moment, it's pointless. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Sigh... then today, Ms Lim said that she might not be in school next year. I am almost devastated... As you know, I'm not one who will express my feelings and expression in front of you if something is going wrong... I am a hypocrite... I am... I am learning to be my real self. Oh guys, please help me to change. I am also learning to admit my mistakes and learn from it. I want to feel as if I've been reborn... hahas... lame. Oh... what am i suppose to do? Somebody help me... I am too weak to do anything now... even sitting and standing up is a problem to me. Sigh... This is the saddest blog that i've ever written since my teenage life...

hmm... yesterday my dad took my sister to IMM to buy mp3 player, creative one somemore... so biased... very nice, the mp3 player... now listening to it. I don't know whether I should go out later, I have not bought my mei's(amanda) birthday present. I'm again going broke... sigh... need some good money management for myself. Tomorrow, I am going receive my exam papers... very tense up now reminscing about it. I think I'm going to fail my a maths paper, although the front few qns i can attempt, the back few pages I fail to do them. Aw... I want to go exercising... I can't wear my jeans already, I'm fat fat already... sigh... hope netball trainings shall begin soon... tonight I'm going to do some aesthetics... tone my body alittle...

hmm... bloggie.. so drowsy now, I just took some painkiller to relieve my pain, not so bad now... I went to the doctors' earlier this morning, doctor said I hurt my tail bone and she made me do an x-ray, just as I thought laa... idiotic lah... erm... tomorrow maybe I'm going to go and play bball with eric, haas... so bored! Ahhh!!!

dearrie... bloggie... I haven't been updating u for a longgg timeee... Hmm.. many things have taken place. I'm a little awe of them. I don't know why Mabel hasn't been talking to me since Tues. I wondered why, she always sit behind in class to do her self-study and she don't come in-front to study with us, then I think is she feels that I am joining another group to study instead of her and that's why she's mad at me. These few days, she walks past me without a greeting of "hi". This is what that saddens me... I don't understand her enough, I guess... What can I do, I smsed her she don't reply. I'm afraid if I call her house and ask for her, I'm dumbfounded of words. My teenage life is so empty without her laughter... Btw, cross-country is approaching and I'm putting much pressure on myself to top the level this year... I'm going to start jogging next week. However, It's dependent on my back... remember mabel hurt my back, the tail bone.. I'm going for checkup tomorrow to check what's wrong with the tail bone. It hurts when i sit down or stand up, and it's getting serious... so I'm going to the doctors'...

hmm... i'm pretty sad today... tomorrow's my english paper... and i'm here updating you bloggie. Erm... Don't really know what to write inside you... I was actually quite sad when I came to write u, but somehow... i felt there wasn't a need to. I shoudn't be torturing myself with thoughts like that... Hmm, after the exams I'm intending to train full intensity... I love sports so much.... I want to play and sweat myself out... even though it's endurance training... harhar.. endurance maybe once in a while? Hmm... I feel like going downstairs my flat and take a deep breath of the moonlight's wisp of air... the stressed part has not yet been arrived at... next week I'd have to study full intensity for my other important subjects especially a maths and e maths...

hmm... today has been a very sad day for me... I tried to call my ex-schoolmate out but she's not free... then because of another matter that i refuse to comment on, hit on me quite hard. Tomorrow... I'll be going to study with Mabel and Eugenia. My mid-years is just a few days from now... I don't know why I don't feel really very pressured... because that Mabel keeps on fooling around with me in class during lessons. She likes to slap me on my face and leave me embarrassed in front of my class-mates. I can't stand her... She is sometimes an irritant to me... But, in my heart, she's still the friend whom I am close with. I find that I'm very useless in-front of Mabel... she makes me feel very inferior by spitting criticisms at me all the time in class... example, when I'm doing a chemistry question, she'll put critisims through me... I'm unable to relent... she's so violent, even if I had relent, I'll be at the losing end.... I don't know what to do... I'm feeling self-pity for myself... I guess I'm going back to my old ways, being the not confidence, noobie me....

hmm... today, when I woke up in the morning, I felt like I was an old woman who was aching all over... then my eyes couldn't really open. I forced myself out of the bed and headed for the toilet where I refreshed myself. I felt like it was a bad day for me... I headed for school, and then the first few lessons, I received my A maths test paper back. Haa... I passed my logarithms test which was thought that I would fail very badly without the help of my tutors(eugenia & irene). Do u know I've been failing every A maths paper since the start of the year, fortunately with the help of the retests, I managed to pass. Arrgghh... I had better focus on the mid-yr paper instead of this... I went to Shi Jing's house to do my project today, didn't know that she stayed so deep inside punggol quite close to punggol end. I had an almost fun time there, as that stupid Mabel keep on sending me messages to her Jay Lloyd on my phone... then we were fighting here and there for my phone to see the messages... harhar.. so funny... Shortly after that, shi jing's mother offered to drive us out of her place(too far ma). We arrived at compass point, where we met lots of punggol sec students... overall, it was not a stressful day today.... haha....

hmm... no mood to update my blog... aiyo... this weekend very the not fruitful because I didn't spend my time studying but going out with my family. Don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing... because next week cannot go out with my parents le, got mid-yr exams... I'm going to study full intensity and concentration.. better ask if I don't know any maths or chem qns... later spend my time at home scratching my head and trying to understand the concept. Oh ya, next week need to hand up my ten year series to Mrs Gan. Her teaching ar, I find it really hard to grasp laa... she teaches very fast somemore, i want a change of chemistry teacher! Maybe I shall try taking down some notes by myself... try to help myself if she can't help me. Going to sleep soon... Gd Night!

ooo.... today I had an overall quite fruitful day. I went to kovan to study with Irene and that talkative chap, Dion. Haha... I was so happy to know that Mabel was there too, I called her to come and meet us at McDonalds after her japanese lessons at heartland mall... the moment she came, i was always filled with joy. Every morning, when I arrived in school, she sees me and I see her we would behave like long-lost friends... then smile untill like mad and walk towards her... Wahaha... so damn funny.. every morning like that... hmm... just felt like updating my blog because of that... like to talk bout mabel... Yupp... then just now she came to meet me... when she was about to leave, Irene whispered into my ear and say, " she looked like a Japanese housewife...". I was like laughing like mad till my abs hurt... oh ya.. haven't been training them... will try to tone them soon. I haven't been exercising too lately, go jogging... Action speaks louder than WORDS... ahhhh........

hieez.. bloggie... didn't update u yesterday because I was damn tired at night after coming home from bishan, yea... I met Eugenia there too... I am damn compressed up right now, my exams are just like begginning in a weeks' time. The worst thing is everytime around this period of time, I would feel really lazy, no lah... I shall be determined in things I do. I don't know whether this is called revision anot... I have began tutorial a week ago, well maybe I've began studying already without me knowing... wahaha... so this bout this guy 'danny', about him liking me is not true one la... is Jay Lloyd played a prank on me.. wat the heck... hehe... okie la... seems like I'm not in the mood to continue typing bout my life.... haha... shall update u soon...

what the hell... just now updated but the post was missing, so decided to update another. Yupz.. this few days got lots of rumours roaming about, bout this guy called 'Melvin' who likes me and all that... they asked me to stead with him and all that... got somemore 'so-called' rumours la... not bad ones la... Feeling so weak this few days because that stupid Mabel keep on fighting with me and she injured me... Ouch! I hate her la... no la... I love her more than I hate her loh... diao -.- then got this online guy Lenzy who keeps asking me out and I rejected because of.... haha... Exams round the corner... being stressed... today went to the library and then met Jay Lloyd and the gang there, then began passing paper planes and all that... the msg they sent back made me laugh my head off... haha.. okie.. shall end here.. bye

hieez... bloggie... didn't have time to update u yesterday... Well, today was a rather tiring day once again because the mid-yr is up-close, and I've to buck up. I want netball trainings! It is the only time when I can relax and train my stamina too... I miss trainings, although they're rather strenuous... Nonetheless, I have to balance up my life... between play and study. Wahaha... as I say, in my previous bloggie, that Mabel has an impt impact on me... She came up to me in school and said that to me too... so funny... can't stand it huh... she's always making me laugh endlessly, even if she just stand there and act stupid/blur, I can giggle to myself... Other people might think, " EEk... why this siao gurl giggling to herself one... insane... ". But, I'm not giggling to myself but at Mabel. Then yesterday, I met my primary sch friend at a bus-stop... She's Kam Hui Li.... yet another person whom I'll never forget in my entire life... She played a role in my primary school life when I was young which caused me to grow up to be such a girl with such a mindset. I don't wish to recall what had happened... don't bother asking me even because this will remain as a secret in my life... deep down... so... I went to call her and chatted with her... wanted to ask her out to meet and talk.. but then I realized that it was not like the past anymore, I can't really communicate with her. I miss playing with her when we were young in the primary school. It's like how Mabel and i are fooling around now after recess... really kiddy... but i still enjoyed it, because... it's fun! Haha... I also got to know this new girl whose name is Irene... she's really smart and i find her mystique too... don't know how to describe la... so tired... alright.. going to bed now... see ya!

hieya... today, I'd to do CIP hours which is to go actually centrepoint but due to error, we were asked to go to plaza singapura... I find that actually some singaporeans do have a heart, especially there was this indian man who donated once and later he saw me there at the same place, he donated a second time which was really sweet lah... he said I was doing a good deed and later said that he was willing to donate. I am trying to focus on my studies lately, however, who's willing to help me in my a maths and chemistry? I really need someone's help! Then, that Jay Lloyd keep asking me who do I like... so I lied to him I'm attached already. Somehow... I feel like getting attached, however, my studies are like a large signboard by the side of my brain shining brightly and signalling to me what is important first... next, I have this medium size board which is very colourful and bright filled with primary colours. All this make up my brain, then I have this very important part in the centre of my brain which states family centre... I have to divide my life into these 3 parts, and if one is not doing well, the rest will be adversely affected too... if I'm doing well in all 3, I feel blessed... haa.. Where to I get another space or time to squeeze in another attachment? *Sigh... Stay focused... My netball coach made this statement to us during the last training, " when u're stressed, go and jog..." And, I really believe in that.. well, maybe tomorrow morning I'll go and jog... haha...