Hellos! I know who have been patiently waiting for my long-awaited entry! Wa ha ha ha! Ahh~! My Indian neighbour is so nice! They gave us some Indian food from celebrating their festivals. Nice neighbours! iLOVEthem . . . Ha ha ha. It just gives me a sense of warmth to see this heart-warming action. Heh hehs. Maybe next time I have sweets, I can go over and give the Indian kids there some sweets too. I'm sure they would feel hart-warming too. It gives me a sense of happiness too! Ha ha ha. Basically, there's nothing much that happened today thus I can only update this much. I slept the whole day la. Heh hehs. I will give you further details tomorrow .. . wa ha ha ha.
This is a little space for Erica. Basically, we did not message each other the whole day. Maybe because we're giving each other some time away from one another? Wa ha ha ha! I chatted with him for a little while in the afternoon and I headed to my bed . . . Heh hehs. Do you think things will work out between me and Erica? Stay tuned for the next episode(entry) of the story. Wa ha ha ha. Me signing offf .. .

Hellos people! My arms are aching all over from yesterday's physical training. Wells, maybe I may be exaggerating this whole thing once again. Ha ha. However that said, I could not wake up this morning till to the aches crawling through me. Ha ha ha. Sometimes, I feel that god is fooling around with us. Wells, I don't wish to elaborate on it. My mind is in a whirl. I'm so confused once again. Basically, I have nothing much to give details about in today's entry. However, I would like to make a comment on this particular issue. I feel that ever since 'someone' knew my secret, my friendship with that 'someone' is drifting apart . . . Aiya, I leaving this to live day by day again. I'm always running away from reality. I'm such a failure in solving friendship problems. Alrights, me signing off here.
Here's a little space for Erica. Hellos, ah gua! Wa ha ha ha! Joking only la. Because your name's Erica what so I titled you the ah gua. Heh hehs. I don't mean it okies. Ha ha. Actually nothing much happened today. Basically, all we do is chat online and merely message each other occasionally? Ya. So boring lor. -.-lll I meant my parents object to me having a boyfriend so you know . . . because of my O'levels next year. They don't want me to have regrets later. Ha ha ha. Alrights, me really signing off here. Heh hehs

Hellos! I'm here to update you after three days have passed. Wells, these three days had been enriching for me. I was scheduled to head back to school for extra remedials to improve my studies and in a way, it has been helping. Ya. I had my training on Monday and I tell you, I felt that I could faint anytime that time around 3 pm in the hot afternoon. You can say I was dehydrated till my lips were all dried up. A drop of water could even drench my dying thirst then. Heh hehs. Wells, I might have exaggerated this a little however I'm sure my team-mates who were all present then would have agreed with me yeah? Ha ha. No, this is not a personal attack from me to my coach. In fact, I love my coach alot. Wa ha ha ha! Furthermore, my coach is so pretty, any guys out there would be ogling at her if she was only taking a stroll along the park outside. Ha ha ha. I have no idea how I got to this topic. Wa ha ha ha. Anyways, today's training was no better. Wells, Ms Teoh told us that we have to come mentally prepared for every training and that was what I was prepared for. I have a 'strong' mentality. Ha ha. Training was kickstarted with four solid rounds around my school with timing taken. I was kinda of reluctant to run though. However, I thought about it thoroughly and I told myself that whatever it is, I still have to run so why not give it my best shot. Furthermore, my previous timing was disastrous. Thus, I pushed myself to get a better timing and I got a 9. 17 mins for four rounds around my school. Wells, this timing can be further improved though. I have to push myself to my limits! All I need is a strong mentality! After that, more was to come . . . We were to do skipping, and I mean intensive skipping! Then benches work. The funny part came when we were asked to leg lifting? Ya. Everyone in the group were made to follow me. And they were yelling in torture! I was gritting my teeth in torture! Ha ha. We had games after that. That was the fun part. Ha ha.
Now now . . . Erica, erica . . . You are awaiting to read my new updated entry right . . . Heh hehs. Alrights, I have a problem. This problem has to be solved between us okies. Ya, my parents knows about Erica already. They advised me to stay away from him because he's much more older than me. Wells, I'm in a dilemma. I mean you people should know I like 'you know who' already, it's real hard to just ignore him or keep away from him. And I mean real hard. I'm just leaving this matter to live day by day. I don't wish to hurt him. Ya, maybe we could remain as friends until I know him inside out and we will head over the next stage. Heh hehs. Ya. Don't be too sad after reading this okies? Me signing off . . .

Hellos, I'm back again! Just a short while ago, I was cutting my birthday cake. I prepared everything and soon I could cut the cake already! I love the cake alot, this year's cake is a little different from the cakes I got from the previous year. They got it from Jack's Place and had it in strawberry flavour this year. It was awesome. Then came the most important part. It was time for me to make a wish! Have you any idea why I say this is the most important part? Every year I make a wish, and the wish I made always go a long way to help me. They are either fulfilled with my hardwork or partly fulfilled. Thus, this year I made a very important wish. It will be my goal and it will always be my goal till I fulfilled. No, I have to fulfill it by next year. While I was making my wish earlier on, I had this very warmth feeling and the urgency to achieve my sense of contentment as mentioned in my previous entries. I yearn for this feeling. Or else I will never be happy in my life. I need a goal and a need to fulfill it in order for me to be content with myself though I know the process of achieving this is a very strenuous and tough one. I will persist on. I will keep trying till I achieve it. Determination and Perseverance within me will keep me going! Go Go, Char! Now, I need to do some planning for the long road ahead. Alrights, me signing off here . . . I know I will have to sacrifice some stuff in order to achieve successes. And you know what I will sacrifice . . .

Hellos people! What day is it today? Let me hear you screaming! It's Char's Birthday ! ! ! Wa ha ha ha! Hms, well maybe that was too hyper. Wells, I had an awesome day yesterday! Basically, it was out with Mabel, Irene and Mei Xuan in the morning. We agreed to meet at Hougang Mall at 11 am. Soon, everyone gathered. Mei Xuan and Irene ushered me with prezzies! iLOVEthem. Then what happened to Mabel? She said she had no prezzie for me! T_T ha ha, it's okie I will understand one. Ya, then we headed to the KBox at Hougang Plaza. We entered the dimly-lit room. The moment I entered the room, I kinda of felt uncomfortable because it was like how those mamasans were depicted in sitcoms or something. Ha ha. It reminded me of Shu Yi. Wa ha ha ha! They began singing their lungs out while I sat there for a while. I was kinda of shy at first. However, soon things got into place and I too began screaming my lungs out. It was super fun! I kinda of like kept taking the mike to sing. Wa ha ha ha! Or you can say scream. Heh hehs. By the way, if we hadn't scream you could have heard how the people in the other rooms were screaming. Mei Xuan and I kept laughing man . . . Wa ha ha ha! While we were enjoying ourselves plentifully, time passed like the wind. Shortly after, we had to leave the place, I was kinda glad though I enjoyed being in the room. It was super cold! I was freezing with the rest! Ha ha. After walking around for a while in Hougang Mall, all of us left the place. I went home with the comfort of my mp3. Soon, I reached home and guess what? That was when my Dad said he wanted to head to Hougang Mall to collect my specs and fetch my sister! Hmphs! Nevermind about that .. . Ya, I headed there once again to collect my long-awaited specs. And the moment I put the specs on in the optic shop, I fell in love with it! -.-lll That was dumb however that was how I felt. My dad sent us home and then we prepared to head out for my birthday dinner. I was pretty tired already thus we headed to Tampines Mall for dinner. I lusted for Fish & Co then, hence my Dad took us to have that. The service there was better than before, and most importantly there were suai guys to serve us! Wa ha ha ha! Erica didn't message me the whole day until it was evening. Hmghs! Bad erica. No la. Ha ha. Alrights, I really enjoyed my day yesterday! Thanks people! iLOVEyouall. Ha has

Aiyo bloggie, I'm so bored at the moment. Hms, I have decided to read a book later. The book seem interesting. Ha ha. -.-lll I thought about something last night while listening to some music. I pondered over and over again, I have decided to let things be natural- take things step by step slowly. I can't afford to fast forward it. Ya. I have been distracted lately. I have to stay on track. Alrights, I have to be signing off now. The weather now is so comfortable(not too warm or cold) and I'm loving it! And erica, don't you think I will be writing about you okie . .. Wa ha ha! Hms wells, I guess there's no harm writing a little about you right? I guess you know I like you already ya? However, you should know I don't want to get hurt again so I'm kinda confused over what to do. Sigh. I'm afraid the more I chat with you, the deeper I fall head over heels you. -.-lll I'm nuts, say until like that. I'm not some despo okie. Ha ha. Alrights, I don't want to bother about this matter anymore, I'll just let this matter be as it. Me signing off here.

Hellos people. I had a great time at school today. I was in charge of umpiring the new batch of Primary Sixs and I kinda of blame myself for not learning the ropes well enough thus I did not umpire to my fullest potential but I put in alot of effort. Yawns! After the busy schedule at school, we (mei xuan, irene & mabel) went to hougang mall to shop! Oh ya, before that erica came to my school to pass me something. He looked kinda cute la with his pair of large and funny eyes. Aiyo, I'm so confused. Stupid erica. Since you liked my sister first, why did you still come and bother me? I don't know how to describe it. It's like I don't have enough confidence that you can like me for as long as I want. -.-lll Ya, so I don't want to fall in too deep. I hope you can understand. Hms, I'm quite emotional now. Ha ha. Wa ha ha ha! Yay! This Sunday is my birthday! The best thing is my lovable friends will be spending their time with me. Wells, at least for a short while because I will be having my birthday dinner with my family. Ya, alrights me signing off here.

Hellos! I feel so much better today! Happy Deepavali to all Indians! Hms, my elbow still hurts though. Mabel ar, you play badminton play until so chou lou one. Heh hehs. Hopefully, my elbow will recover soon. Last night, I was like messaging irene then I thought it was kinda weird messaging her like that. However, I wanted to cheer her up so I did everything I could to achieve that. Wa ha ha ha! And I think I succeeded? Anyways, I got up this morning and I headed straight to the computer and into the virtual world of internet. Ha ha. Shortly after that, Erica messaged me! Ha ha. And then he said what dear char. I actually wanted to type back. Dear erica, do you have any idea why are you calling me dear? -.-lll Ha ha. Hms, it's nice chatting with him though. Alright, me signing off here.

Bloggie . . . This is my second entry for the day. Wells, the weekend has been awesome with my my parents ushering me with rewarding gifts. I can't say how much I love them though the previous week has been rather rash of me. Now I have got all that I ever wanted however that sense of contentment is not there. I mean it's not that I want more from my parents, they love me and give me enough. It's just that I do not get that sense of contentment from my work- my own work. My studies . . . I have not done well. I want to feel that sense of contentment I felt last year. That feeling still warm in my heart and clear in my mind. I think I will go and run a marathon and later gain that sense of satisfaction. I still recall how I ran my 2.4 km last year and clocked a timing of 10.30 mins. The satisfaction I got out of it can still be vividly remembered. Though I'm happy with my family and friends, I'm still unhappy with myself. With this, I have found the root to my unhappiness. I need to do something about this and find success in order to find contentment. I'm very happy with my achievements last year however I'm very discontented with this year's achievements. Contentment comes with a price, and this price is hardwork. I will make sure I will find greater contentment next year! My important O'level exams! Go Go! Char!

Hellos bloggie, my Dad took me to creative outlet near IMM to buy my mp3! You can say I was pretty tensed up there because my dad disliked Creative products(my sis's Zen Micro is under repair) and I on the other hand love Creative products because of its variety. Anyways, I got the orange colour Zen Nano Plus! iLOVEit so much! Wa ha ha! I'm nuts already. Yea! I'm getting my new specs this saturday. I'm so excited. Alright, me signing off here.

Hellos bloggie, today is gonna be a fruitful day for me! Yes! I will make sure it is! I had such a nice sleep into la la land. Things that I have bottled up over the years have finally been told to someone. I feel so free and happy now. I can't express how happy I am now. Wells, everything in the aspect of my family, friends and social life is great except my studies. Oh wells, I got to work hard. Studies comes first. I will only be happy if I can do very well at my O' levels.
Last night, I stayed up late to watch the last episode of FULL HOUSE! It was so sweet and touchy. My heart was filled with warmth to see Song Hye Gyo and Rain together. It was such a undescribable scene. iLOVEfullhouse! Hms, I have not been reading books to enrich myself though. Oh ya, I will be getting my mp3 player today though my parents aren't too sure of where to get it at. Woa! A week from now and I'm 15! I hate to say this but the older I get, the more problems I face. I wished I didn't have to grow up and face these challenges ahead. However, I don't mind facing these challenges in the future with the support of my family and friends. Wa ha ha ha. I have no idea why do I keep telling Irene that i love her. -.-lll ha ha. And Eric don't you anyhow think okie . . . if you're reading this. Actually I think I'm falling for this guy but I choose not to accept it though I have a feeling he likes me too. Wa ha ha. I have lost faith in love and I'm afraid to fall in love because I have been hurt several times already? So guys, if you like me, give me some time okie? Heh heh. Alright, me signing off here. Ppl message me okie? Ha ha.

hellos bloggie . . . It's been a long day and I really enjoyed it! I made a new specs today and you can really say I liked it. iLOVEit! Ya, I spent the entire evening chatting Eric, Irene and Randy. I really enjoy chatting with them man.Especially Eric and Irene! So lame, stupid eric. Ha ha. Eric's such a nice guy to talk about . . .He's so humourous and funny! He actually say he wants to woo me man. I don't believe it! Heh heh. I'm a little dipsy dovey tonight. Thanks, eric and irene for cheering me up when I needed one. You people are so nice! And randy, don't feel inferior about yourself okie? And eric, stay nice or I'll castrate you! Oh ya, I told irene my biggest secret!

I'm upset once again. This time's my family problem. Last night while I was washing my specs(cleaning it), the lenses unknowingly broke with just a gentle touch. Sigh . . . I walked out of the kitchen and told my Mom about it, guess what did she say? She said "so?" And that pure one word broke my heart. She never ever said that to me. She always cared for me. However, last night she said that to me and I broke down. I walked briskly to my room and sat down at my table. I ponder over and over again. I was very fed up. Since she dosen't even bother about me, why should I give a damn about this family. Sometimes, I come home late from outings with my friends only to find myself dog-tired and I still have to clean the house. Whereas, my sisters can go out till the late evening and come home for a nice dinner and clean house. What am I to this family? A pure maid? If that's so, I quit! And this includes my elder sister okie, she goes out late and comes home late. I'm not the eldest in the family and yet I receive such treatment. I don't get paid, you know. I'm doing all this because of the pure love for this house and you all. And yet my Mom treated me that way. I hate her. Frankly speaking, I seldom argue and quarrel with her because I'm the closest to her among the siblings. I'm always under her bidding. And I have decided not to do her bidding anymore from now on. Until you have done something to make me forgive you that is. Sigh . .. I can't bear to hate her though. Me signing off.

Bloggie, today after school, I intended to walk home with Mei Xuan one. On our way home, I could sense something was wrong with Mei Xuan. She began telling me about her problems and then asked me whether we sit down and talk then. I agreed to accompany her, we headed to Rivervale Mall where we bought bubble tea and sat down at a secluded spot in the food court. We began chatting . . . stories and gossips about her past came blabbling out. It was kinda shocking to me at first however it did not affect me. Ya, I feel sorry for her past and it was like everything fell upon her-it's not her fault. This chat with her strengthened our friendship. Some things that I did not knew about her came to light. Ha ha. Ya, and I really cherish my friendship with her. Mei Xuan's such a nice and sweet soul. It's just that she has to meditate her temper that's all. Anyways, it's nice being her friend all this years. Take care mei xuan .. . Don't want anything sad to happen to you again. Stay happy! Alright me signing off here. Super tired.

Yay, bloggie! It's 6.25 pm now and I have not bath yet! Ha ha. I just went to Kovan with Mabel and they all- you know. Wells, I can say I did not regret spending my time there with them. It was so fun! Hms, I'm so useless . . . I wrote in the previous entry that I'm going to make full use of my time this week yet the third day of the week has passed and I have done nothing constructive. Hmph! I need to be more determined! Ouch . . . My back hurts from the weight training yesterday. I'm kinda weak now, I want to take a nice bath and follow on read a nice book. I'm so sadistic. I cut off a bump on my finger caused by hard writing and I didn't know I cut into my skin! The moment the bump dropped off, blood began triggling out. Painful . . . Ouch. I have so far enjoyed my week compared to last week which comprised lots of disappointed and sadness. Alright, me signing off here. Readers, take care!

Bloggie, I'm even sad today. I'm so heartbroken. Don't ever pair me up with him .. . I will feel even worse. No words can describe my hurt maybe one word - HURT. I don't wish to see him but I see him daily in school. What else can i do? I hate this man. Get out of my life please. I'm trying to allow other guys into my heart here but you're blocking their entry to my heart. Wells, I'm just to young to talk about love. I don't know a thing about love so what's my status to talk about it. Alright. Me signing off here.

Bloggie, I feel sad once again. It's so tough to be going through this period of my life and I seem to be doing this alone. I saw him at school today and the feeling arised again. I am so sorry, I can't help it. I don't understand why I still have feelings for him when he treated me that way. Instead, I sense the feeling getting stronger. I hate myself man. I am trying hard to forget him but what can I do when I see him lurking around the school compound. I can't control my heart. If you asked me to control my mind or my body, I can do it faithfully. However, I . . . just can't control my heart. How can you expect me to forget someone whom I have liked since Sec. One so easily? I'm not impregnable. I tried to replace fond with hatred, however I failed miserably. I have never liked someone so much as to be thinking of him every single moment. Wells maybe presently only, I hope I can let the feeling ease away slowly and when that happens, I will never fall for you ever again- don't blame me. How can I be so dumb? I should not be liking a guy who has treated me this way . . . a guy who have been so selfish. This is such a contradiction. Whenever I see him in school, I would yell to Mei Xuan and Mabel, " Hey! Look! That bastard is there! " However, the feeling of cursing him is empty yet I feel more for him. Drats. Hey people! Ignore this entry k. Especially G. This entry is just to voice out my woes. Anyways, this is my blog so I think I can write out my feelings? Yupp, me signing off here.

hello bloggie! I feel so loved today. My dad took us out and we did plenty of shopping! We went to Sim Lim Tower to look for my mp3! There were so many varieties and I really love the Creative Nano Plus. Hms, then we headed to Bugis through the bustly Bugis Street. I bought masks there! I'm going to put on my masks together with my sisters now~ Ha ha. Bye.

Bloggie, I never want to get myself into a fix again. I have been feeling real down deep inside however with my family within grasp I don't feel so sad. I love my family. My mom took me out today in the morning to do some shopping and I really mean alot of shopping-it's better than heading out with my dad. First thing, my mom took us to Bishan to do some checkups and then she bought her clothes at some shops there. We headed to Junction 8 next. We did lots of shopping there. She bought my little sister an OP board shorts and two nice shirts for me! iLOVEmummy! Ha ha, copycat Mabel. Oh ya, hey the masks that we bought at Bugis were effective! My face feels cleaner. Ha ha. Hms, every time I'm at my computer updating my blog I tend to feel upset and write negative thoughts. Sigh. Oh ya, there will be FULL HOUSE later. I love the song so much! By the way, today's Ms Lim's Birthday! Happy Birthday, Ms Lim! Mummy, just to let you know I love you so much for guiding me through the dark years two years back. I just love you so much. I will stay STRONG! Nothing can blow me down.
I really feel so guilty. I'm so ashamed of myself. I did not do well at my exams and I dared ask my parents for an mp3 player. It's like something unlikely to happen. However, they agreed to get me one because it's my birthday soon? Yupp. I love them so much. Hms, my Dad just came in and yelled at me. I change my perspective of them already. No la, I'm not like that.
By the way, I like someone else already. I know I shouldn't be getting involved in this kind of situations but I'm trying to change. I know I shouldn't be liking this person because I'm not 'allowed' to. I really don't understand myself. I'm so confused. This person is someone whom I message frequently and ya blah blah. Don't make a guess because you will never ever guess it. Alright, me signing off here.

Bloggie, today I went to Mabel's house and did 'facial'. We had facial masks over our faces and were lazing around her house. It was such a precious moment of time to share with friends. Ha ha. Hms, I'm going to stay positive about my life! I spent half a day at Mabel's house and presently I feel like dropping dead on my bed. Next week I will be exercising regularly once again, getting back my exercise regiment. I feel so fat now. I guess that Mabel's wailing about she being fat has taken an effect on me. I need to feel super fit to think healthily! Heh heh. I just did some crunches and push-ups earlier on. I have been doing aesthetics quite consistently this week and yupp I'm feeling quite healthy about it.
I have been spending my time together with my friends lately that I'm afraid I would neglect my dearest family members. Ha ha. I really love my family so much that I would not let them down in any ways. Hms, tomorrow it's Ms Lim's birthday and I wish her a Happy Birthday! 'I hope that your dreams and wishes will be fulfilled' and just to let you know that I love you alot, my dearest mummy. I will always stay strong.
Wa ha ha! My birthday is like a few more weeks to go. I wonder what's it like to be on that day? I'm one more year older then. I will make a wish and that wish is that I will score distinctions at my O'levels. That's my long term goal. My short term goal is to study hard and do well for every single test. Phew, I'm so tired today. My eyes are about to close, they are blood-shot already. Alright, me signing off here.

Bloggie, I have never been so upset in my life before. This is the worse phase of my life and I hope it will blow over-I hope to learn something out of this. I feel like a failure. I have never failed this badly in my entire teenage life since Sec. one. I got an F9 for my A maths- 11/80. I really do not understand what have I been doing since the beginning of the year. I did my work and compared to yang tuo in my class, I studied and practised more than her yet I scored lower than her. I can't keep highlighting how dumb I can be. When Mdm Phua read through the names that she thought those who should consider dropping A maths, my name got read out. I was so disappointed right at the point of time. Though I knew right from the end of the A maths paper that I would not do well, I did not know that I would fare worse than ever. There is going to be a tough struggle between me and A maths. I swear that I will never give up on A maths till the the very last moment-the day before I take my A maths O's and will work even harder to a brighter future. I won't make empty promises to myself. I am not going to let myself down again. I have never felt this way since I was Primary Six, I was always afraid of Mathematics and I kept failing the subject. I was a letdown then. I buck up and became what I am today in 3A. However, history itself is taking place again. I had a hard time overcoming that obstacle which obstruct me when I was just Primary Six. But what kept me going is strong and solid determination. I need to overcome this larger and tougher obstacle in my life presently. I need a stronger and tougher determination this time. This determination have to come with perseverance to keep me going tough. The largest opponent in my life is Maths. I'm always at odds with it. I need to be more hardworking than this. My final-year results aren't pleasant and I'm upset about it. I don't want to just say I am upset with it. Because me saying, 'Hey I'm so upset that I fared so badly in these exams' is not going to help me score a distinction at A maths next year. Mdm Phua said this, ' I don't like to feel self-pity for myself' and I really agree with this solid sentence. Feeling self-pity for myself is not going to help me score a distinction and it only makes me feel inferior and down-graded. I have to stay strong. I remember at one point of time, I often seek Ms Lim's advice on my life and she would always tell me this 'Girl, stay strong k' and I will never ever forget this sentence that she repeatedly reminded me. I just want to thank her so much for telling me that because you know that it will always remain in my heart and soul. Her birthday takes place this Saturday and I hope to meet her to give her that big beary heart. Her words keep me going strong. How I wished she was still my one and only coach.
I have to begin planning my holidays to catch up on what I totally missed out. I'm not going to slack any longer. I guess I will begin next week, need to keep my brain going. I got to read some books too to enrich my language and get idealistic. I want to enrich myself as much as i can this December holidays. I won't be devoured by fooling around again. I have been such a foolish girl. Alright, no more self-pity for me anymore. If I choose to do something, I have to do it with my utmost effort-no slipshots. I want to build such an attitude- determination to achieve, perseverance to keep going, be hardworking to produce good work. If you tell yourself you can do it, you will do it thus you will achieve it. Belief in oneself is important.

hello bloggie . . . I have since cooled down since that incident just now. I have nothing to do with him from now on and I hope he won't come and bother me ever again. Arrggh, the very thought of what a person he is, I can't help thinking how foolish I have been to be even his mei. *lets out a long weary sigh . . .
I hope netball training resumes and I will be back to my old self, focusing only on netball and nothing else. Ah, I want to get back into my tip-top condition, need to train hard once again. I love my coaches so much man. I love trainings so much too though trainings are tough. Alright, me signing off here . . .

hello bloggie, back to update you again. Yesterday was the most 'upset' day anyone would have. I'm having a splitting headache at the moment. I can't believe he is like that. He's a total jerk and bastard, that's all I can say. I feel like bashing him up when I see him tomorrow in school. ' You have no idea how much humiliation I have took in k! ' I have never been so humiliated in my teenage life. You will be the first and the last. If this's going have an impact on my self-esteem, I will never forget you and I will hate you till the end of my life. You bastard! All your apologies are useless and meaningless. I don't want to hear them anymore and I won't hear them anymore. And don't you dare harm/hurt Geraldine anymore, now that I'm out of your life, you better learn to cherish her or else . . . I will make sure you won't get another girlfriend in your life!
I'm that angry and hateful. I'm so fed up that this has to happen and I cleared up the shit for him. Bloody crap. This is so sickening man, I wished he could get transferred out of the school and I won't see him again. Another look at him will only make me boil up and feel like ripping him apart. I'm that furious k. Damn guy. Hurt so many people in your life. . . . . . . . . . . Got nothing much to say anymore. Me signing off here. God bless Geraldine and not him.

bloggie . . . I don't know how dumb I can go . . . It's like I know this won't last and yet I still went ahead with it - BGR. Hms, I don't want to ponder over these things but it has been annoying for me lately. His girlfriend messaged me and I felt really sorry for their plight. I'm really so guilty for it. Sorry, I didn't meant for it to happen, I'm helpless - I can't control my heart. Wells, there's no point apologizing endlessly. All I have to say is that they broke up - I have no idea whether they would ever patch.

bloggie . . . I spent the whole of last night watching FULL HOUSE! It was so sad - that episode. There were several moments where I wanted to cry. Song Hye Gyo acted very well and Rain is so indecisive, he liked Song Hye Gyo but pretended he did not like her. In the end, he decided to return to Hui yuan. Such a fool, he should just stay by Song Hye Gyo's side. It's so sad . . . Song Hye Gyo was crying after that. Oh ya! Song Hye Gyo is really cute! Ha ha. Very bored. Hms, my Dad will be taking us out later to shop! Then tomorrow I will also be shopping with Mabel, Mei xuan and Irene! This is so fun! . . . . . . I don't know whether I should be calling my Kor along because I don't think I will be able get some guys along which is not what we girls want. We are going to do girly girl stuff and I doubt the guys will like doing that. So I guess we will just have head along without my kor. Ha ha, I actually told my kor that I will hold his hand if we went out together tomorrow and he said that he won't let go you know. I'm so happy. -.-lll so what? He's attached already . . . there's no point. I don't want to be the one wooing him instead. I'm not such a girl alright? Me signing off here . . .

bloggie . . . I'm feeling helpless. There's this particular guy who still likes me and is still holding a torch for me. I'm feeling so miserable. The person I like cannot be with me while the person I have no feelings for yearn to be with me. This is so ill-planned. Why is it like that? Why can't one be with the one he/she really like? That guy is feeling remorseful because of something that happened in the past that ended in the way things are now. I don't want him to feel remorseful. What the heck . .. why must things be this way. I'm so confused. Can somebody guide me. I was so heartbroken just now when he' said that he still likes me. I was further heartbroken when I chatted with my kor - He'so indecisive, can you be more decisive? Will we ever be together?
I think it's better to enjoy my singlehood than ponder over the matters of the heart. Wth . . . My close friends are all attached and they're pressurising me to get attached too. Seriously, if I want to get attached there are some guys who are ready to do that. The fact is I do not like them and they're just not my type. My standards are really high and when I have really met the right one, we won't manage to be together.
Why can't I just see that i'm so imperfect? I have bad communication skills and I can't communicate with guys except joke with them. I guess just remaining single is the best. Right? All singles out there . .. You're enjoying your life presently right? Bored . . . Bored . . . Bored

hello . . . I'm so bored at home now and hence I'm sitting at my computer the whole day to blog. I just got home from bball training. Training was learning the basics, I learnt how to dribble, shoot and block? Ya . . . And I'm still working on these basics. Basically, all I can say is that the training is not very organised and the training just ended without any goal achieved. Wells, isn't that what Ms Teoh always tell us, we train with a goal in mind each training. This isn't what I want for my bball trng. Wells, what can I expect . . . This isn't an official team. The reason I went is because Siew Hong is the coach and I trust her to be patient with me- I'm dumb at learning new skills, she's really a patient coach. Ha ha.I'm so dirty and stinky at the moment. I'm dog-tired too . . . Woke up early just to prepare for training and this is how it turned out. Hms, it's okie at least I learnt the basics of bball. Signing off here . . .

bloggie . . . I will be heading to Punggol Plaza to have my basketball training soon. I need to get away from some stuff-keep my mind off some stuff. By the way, my kor messaged me last night and we planned to head to the movies . . . wells, maybe I will take him along on Monday when we go out together with Irene, Mabel and Mei Xuan. Or else I will have to pay for another ticket another time, another day . . . Ha ha. My kor's real sweet after the exams. -.-lll alright need to head to the bball courts now .. . bye. I love my new FULL HOUSE blogskins!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dear bloggie . . . I think I'm going nuts already. Sometimes, I wonder why am I living on this earth at all. I can't seem to understand myself. Mabel seems to understand me at least. She knows how I feel about everything I do? This is scary man . . . I think I got my sexual orientation mixed up? I have been running away from the reality the past 3 years. Mabel guessed it all. I am still trying to change after all this years. Thank god, I have been changed much. I don't used to be who I am previously which is crazy. My friends have changed me. I love my friends! Hopefully I will get it fixed. -.-lll By the way, I will be heading to sentosa next week. Then I will be heading out with Nic to the movies? Yep . . . Alright, got the burden off my heart. Got to go, bye. Btw, people I'm still considered straight k, I don't get involved with girls. -.-lll gross.

bloggie . . . It has been quite a while since I updated you. The exams were tough and I tried to overcome them bit by bit. It was tough-going. By the way, there was an important birthday yesterday- Ms Teoh and in eight days time, it's Ms Lim's birthday! I have no idea of what to get for her.
Hms . . . Many things occurred lately and it's driving me nuts. I'm so confused. I feel like giving up 'M', I don't want him anymore. Ha ha. -.-lll Anyways, there's a community centre near Compass Point and that particular day, Mei Xuan took us there to study. The moment we entered cdac, we spot a group of uncivilised guys chatting away. We ignored them and went ahead to study. We were studying half-way when this guy came to ask me for my number. Ask for my hp no. you know! It's like the first time any guy would want my number. So hilarious! I took their number instead and I thought I would not be messaging them anyway. However, I doubtfully messaged the guy. From one guy, it became like 3 guys who knew my number now. They were pestering me the past few days with messages. Arrghh . . . serves me right. Anyway, there was this particular guy called Nicolas and since he's the outstanding one in the group, I decided to chat with him. He's quite nice. Ha ha.
Yesterday, Mabel took Mei Xuan;Irene and me to her house to prepare for our last paper. Hms, they each baked cookies for their dears. Ha ha. It was like so hilarious. They thought they burnt the cookies. Wa ha ha. Then there was this incident. I was making a call to my Dad when I unknowingly leaned on Irene's shoulders then she leaned back! Then before that she was like saying she's a little crooked- she's kidding. I felt uncomfortable and leaned away. Ha ha. No la, it's quite nice leaning on her. -.-lll And Mabel gave me a big beary hug! She was breathing down my neck and it was so ticklish. Ha ha. It was so fun yesterday! Thanks people! Especially Irene who allowed me to lean on her and Mabel for that big beary hug and Mei Xuan for teaching me A maths till you nearly vomited blood. Ha ha. Going to change my blogskin now.

hello bloggie . . . I'm back here to update you. Have been in the stresses of preparing for the exams lately. I did some planning and I'm afraid that I won't have adequate time to revise through everything by next week. Oh wells, a good time management is all I need and to follow it faithfully. My gosh . . . I have been faced with friendship problems lately. It's been bugging me. Wells, I don't understand why I tend to react this way during the exams period. I feel apologetic towards my friends. Mabel has been trying to get me to study with her yet I left her to study with others the fifth time. I feel guilty. Then this afternoon, Chew Ling and Bernice pleaded with me to have lunch with them, just an hours' time of lunch yet I strongly refused. I did this all because I was feeling uptight about the exams and I felt that since that it was the exam period, I ought to be at home doing plenty of revision instead of being out there to enjoy myself. I also feel that studying at malls isn't very conducive as it is noisy. Though I used to do that frequently in the past and I will still continue about doing it.
I feel that I have let down my friends. I ought to be despised upon by you all. I am a failure in friendships. You all have helped to build my character and self-confidence, especially you Mabel. I can't say how grateful I am to you and how much I have learnt from this great personality of you. Though we tend to quarrel over little little things, you should know that I won't take them to heart and that I love you as a good friend.
I guess I will be back to norm after the exams. So be rest assured that I will be my old self. I love you all people! All the best for your exams!

hello bloggie . . . I have learnt to take things in my stride and I will study really hard for this end of year exam. I just read Irene's blog and it kind of inspired me to do my best for these last papers for the year. I need to quickly revise the topics and clarify things that I do not understand with my teacher. So far, I am not facing much problem with Mathematics. However, I am going to study with Irene in the middle of next week or something. I need to put my focus on Chemistry and Physics. Alright, got to go . . . See Ya!

bloggie . . . I touched E maths Trigo today but I have not completed it. I have been negative lately, I need someone to inspire me. Ms Teoh, Ms Lim and Ms Kang!!! Help ah . . . Me drowning already! I love these three teachers man, they are the light of my life, my guiders in life. Final Yr exams are very very close*, stay positive! Focus on the books! Things are getting complicated in my life presently. Wells, maybe I'm just tightening up. I have to be more open. I'm so sleepy, don't wish to describe the happenings that took place today. I will talk about it the night after. Good night, people! Sweet dreams.

New TagBoard ! ! ! Please Tag Me! Hms . . . Like so Spastic . . . -.-lll

hello bloggie . . . This week's been a hard week. I had english oral the day before with Mr Tang being the invigilator. I thought it was going to be rather stressful to talk to a teacher but anyways I did it smoothly and I enjoyed it, frankly speaking. I have been revising consistently these nights and it was like yesterday night I skimmed through the Chemistry textbook and I took the short test today. I ended up failing it because of some major careless mistakes! It was so obvious and it didn't occur to me that I read the question wrongly. I'm so dumb . . .I feel stupid. Anyways, I will be attending the Chem. Remedial next tues and I will see whether it helps. I have got better confidence in chemistry than social studies, I don't know how I fared in the test one. So stupid. Sigh . . . Tomorrow, I will be studying with Irene and Mei Xuan at Compass point on Trigonometry. I hope everything goes well because if Irene suddenly backs out because she has something on, I doubt I will be heading with Mei Xuan to Compass. hahas. I belittle MeiXuan . . . hahas, joking!
Recently, I tell myself not to bother about the affairs of the heart. However, it has still been bothering me. You get what I meant? I still like him alot. Grrghhs . . . No, I don't like him. Forget about him ba. Sigh. Wells, I control my heart and I hope I have good management of it. I keep sighing. By the way, I will be heading to Bishan Park to celebrate Latern Festival on account of my dad's persuasion. Alright, I am going to do what I am supposed to do. See Ya!

hello bloggie, I promised myself that I will touch my books today because it's the last day of the holidays. Oh wells, I didn't managed to catch a glispe of my books last night. Life have been rather boring lately ever since I enjoyed myself entirely at Sentosa last wednesday. My skin have not peeled a bit but some have come off over my nose. Stressed, stressed and more stressed . . . Sigh. Can something exciting take place in me life? I really promise to work hard at my studies after this event happens. Though even if nothing happens, I still got to work great hard at my studies. I have a goal in mind, remember that. Hmm . . . I feel that I am falling ill soon. I have a slight sore throat. I don't understand why am I becoming more negative gradually. I have to stay positive! +ve! Alright, I got to go . . . See Ya!

hello bloggie . . . I'm currently using my dad's laptop to update an entry because my drat little sister is currently on the main computer. I'm outrageously bored right now, I don't have the feel to study right now when I have the time of the world to do so. I am such a weird person. I need to gain control of myself, how come I am slacking? However, I finished a considerately thick fiction book in 3 days which is rather amazing to me because I have never done so before. The book that kept me on my toes all this while was called 'Dance of the Assasssins'. It has a very exciting but confusing storyline however I grasp the story relatively well. I was glued to the book for an entire three days, this shows how interesting this book is. Oh, by the way, the author is Herve Jubert. He uses lots of Italian words in his story which makes the story kind of weird. hahas. It seem like I am advertising this book as such. I am so bo liao right now. This laptop is keeping me preoccupied. I spent my whole day reading. My family were all at home in the morning and I felt the warmth. Hmm . . . bored as can be right now . . . what shall I do later? Study?

dear bloggie . . . I am stressed up. I have not been studying frequently and how I wished I had the full concentration on my studies instead of enjoying myself all the time. I need more determination and focus. I have been a bad girl lately . . . I have not been exercising, studying and well, meditating my inner self. I feel like breaking down. In three weeks time, I would be studying intensively and it's hitting down on me badly. I feel like I'm clenched up in a fist. How I wished I don't have to face compeitition with that someone*, I am forced to face it. Focus . . . Remember your goal, Charlene. I know you may think by saying such things to myself, I am nuts. However, it really helps. I miss Ms Lim once again, how she used to listen to my woes. hahas. Alright, seem like typing out my frustration is not helping much. I still feel tightened up. Good Night, diary.

hello! I'm so bored right now. Right. I went to settle my project at Terence's house in Punggol this morning. I had to wake up twice. Sigh! I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that I was going to seat for my exams the next day and I was fully unprepared. I woke up rather stressed up because my exams are just three more weeks away which is not a long time for me to spend, frankly speaking. I am very tensed up today. By the way, I had a ball of a time at terence's place. We did our project there and I got to play his Xbox and it was so fun! That stupid Debbie, she kept beating me at the games. Basically, nothing much have happened to me today. Well . . . maybe later might be a little exciting for me because I will be heading out with my Mom to the hair salon! Maybe I will get a good massage and get some relaxation! wahahas. Good Bye.

hello blog . . . I went to sentosa today. At first when I woke up in the morning, the skies was not very desirable. Hence, it dampened my spirits, I did not really feel like going already. However due to Mei Xuan's persistent will to go Sentosa to get a good tan, we headed there. For your info, we went there in threes, Chew Ling; Mei Xuan and myself. I thought that it was rather lame and boring for three person to head to sentosa with nothing much in mind. Anyway, we went ahead with it. On our way to Sentosa, Mei Xuan thought that it was a good idea to call Irene along. Irene was rather hesitant to go but anyway she came. Soon, Cassandra got pulled in too, she agreed to meet us at sentosa because she had a volleyball with her. We arrived at Palawan Beach. The sun was not really bright and strong thus during that period of time we borrowed someone's volleyball to have some fun. Soon Mei Xuan and I went running into the waters and both of us decided to swim to the floats provided for us which was quite a distance from the shore. We began swimming and soon I couldn't feel my feet. I began to panic and we swum back to shore. Our first and second attempts were useless. Irene arrived and she took Mei Xuan with her and they swam with the help of the balls connected to the floats. Shortly after, I followed on with Chew Ling and Cassandra. For your info, the balls connectors were gross! There were algaes growing on it and I had no choice but to grab hold of it tightly for the sake of my dear life! It was because I nearly drown in my second attempt earlier on. Those two idiot Mei Xuan and Chew Ling told me that they wanted to swim to the floats. I began swimming towards the float and halfway, both of them began screaming that they were afraid and wanted to head back. I turned back and this time, I felt a sudden surge of fear and panicky in me. I wanted to head back hurrily. Then I swam to the ball connectors where Mei Xuan and Chew Ling were. I grabbed it but I thought that I was still sinking. This time, I became short of breath and I started gasping for air. I went under the water and came up again exhausted. The waters were damn deep! Hahas. I pushed Mei Xuan down for support. Then I slowly make my way back to shore. This was the nightmare of my life man . . . I'm super afraid of the waters now. Anyway, with the arrival of Irene and Cassandra, the atmosphere was enlightened. Unknowingly the sun came out and we began sun tanning like nuts. I took some pictures of Irene and MeiXuan together with myself in my mobile phone. We had a hell lot of a time man. I love being with Irene and Mei Xuan now. By the way, we also had a ball of a time spraying . . . ssshh . . . sun tanning oil. I am supposed to put sunscreen instead of sun tanning lotion, my dad's order. They kept pestering me to allow them some spray on their arms. My 'banana boat' sun tanning lotion ar . . . so expensive man. Nevermind, I had a ball of a time with them so I won't regret it. By the way, I got real tanned. My arms are super red now and I like it! hahas. I'm nuts. Alright, since I have enjoyed myself already, I have to focus on my studies right now. I am going to study Chemistry and Physics tomorrow. No disruptions please! Good Night sweetie bloggie, for allowing me a listening ear.

bloggie . . . Today i had my PESS carnival. There were quite a number of strong schools there. We won 2 out of 5 matches. We lost to Westwood, Katong Convent and Tanglin. I feel that our team could beat katong convent however due to minor mistakes and being not steady*, we lost to them. I also feel that the scores are rather close in these three games. Well, I did not get to play in this carnival as much times as in the previous one last year. Ms Teoh made Elly the Goal-Keeper in most games. I can understand that because Elly needs to gain more exposure in order to become stronger in the mind(in a sense). I used to be very, and I mean very nervous in the previous games I played last year. However, I feel a sense of steadiness in the games I played today. I am more determined and focused in the things I want to do in the court. Example, I wanted to intercept a lope from a tall shooter, though I did not do it successfully, I actually perform the drill that I was taught in the court on the shooter! I know what I want in the court now.
I am a little disappointed we did not make it to round 2. A feeling of giving up lingers in my mind. It's so difficult to win a match victoriously. I really want our team to win victoriously and bring glory to our coach. I hope that we can fight very hard for the tournament next year because it's my last year. So juniors, do your senior here a favour, work super hard for our tournament and senior here will work hard together with you all too. I don't want to leave my secondary school without any achievements that I can remember for life beautifully. I think I am going to become a sports teacher because I found out that I love netball and sports alot. It's going to become my passion . . .

bloggie . . . it will be my carnival tomorrow. I hope that I can gain strength and courage from this special someone so that I can put my best foot forward. It's been quite a few months before I took part in such a carnival. Last night you can say I had a hard time sleeping because I was suffering from a slight headache due to being soaked in the rain for long hours. My mind is half-awake right now. I better get enough rest today in preparation for tomorrow's match. I have Ms Teoh's 'wisdom' words in my mind from yesterday's training till now. Bring my brains into the court. I am thinking of how to counter a tall-shooter when she gets a lope. Though I learnt it yesterday, it still takes lots of courage; great timing and determination to get out there and actually perform it. I have to be confident of my abilities. I must tell myself that I am capable of doing whatever I want as long as I set my mind on it!!! Phew . . . Breathe in and out . . Alright . . . See Us stomp you on the court tomorrow!

hi bloggie, I spent my day yesterday practising A maths functions with Irene and Mei Xuan. I took the test today and I basically have no comments about it. Well, I had netball training in the afternoon. It was pouring and some pupils were taking their prelims thus we had the least choice to select where we could train. It was until Ms Teoh arrived and I was like(depicted) the flower finally seeing my sunlight. hahas. I don't know it's whether I'm too sensitive or whatever, I feel that Ms Teoh is picking on me. I hope that I don't feel this way for long.
I got my results today. I fared relatively alright to me. I aim and want to score better at my final examinations. I always expect higher expectations of myself no matter how good I am. I am a perfectionist. However as I have said, I am not perfect in any way. I am sleepy, going to take a nap. I will focus on Sunday's carnival!!!

hi bloggie, I spent my day yesterday practising A maths functions with Irene and Mei Xuan. I took the test today and I basically have no comments about it. Well, I had netball training in the afternoon. It was pouring and some pupils were taking their prelims thus we had the least choice to select where we could train. It was until Ms Teoh arrived and I was like(depicted) the flower finally seeing my sunlight. hahas. I don't know it's whether I'm too sensitive or whatever, I feel that Ms Teoh is picking on me. I hope that I don't feel this way for long.
I got my results today. I fared relatively alright to me. I aim and want to score better at my final examinations. I always expect higher expectations of myself no matter how good I am. I am a perfectionist. However as I have said, I am not perfect in any way. I am sleepy, going to take a nap. I will focus on Sunday's carnival!!!

hello bloggie . . . I am sorry people, I have not updated you. I have not been very at leisure lately. It has been rather stressful for me recently. I will be having a carnival this sunday and we will be competing with well-known schools. I don't want to say that they're good because no matter how good they are, we will still play against them, intercept their balls and score goals. I know we will do that because I'm sicked of losing out. You may think I am crapping but these are my heartfelt words. I will do my best at the carnival but it depends on whether I will be given the chance. However, this is a team game. If I'm the only one thinking like that, it's of no point. I need to get the team to think this way.
I am afraid that I will be affected by some obstacles in my way. Sometimes, I wonder why teenagers can be so dumb . . . It's like I just found out that one of my friend whom is a him, he lost his virginity. Well, life's just that, if you don't treasure it, you will only live to regret it. That said, maybe I should not make that comment because only the people who have gone through it and regretted it have that authority to say that it's a dumb thing to do.
Yesterday night, I sat in my room on the floor and listened to an mp3 player. As the music went through my head, thoughts began flowing. I wondered what I wanted in life once again. This time, I thought hard and I decided that I would join the next Punggol Superstar if there was one. I began singing my heart out because of what life was. After singing for half an hour, I thought that I was tired and maybe singing was not my passion? People looked and thought hard before they found the passion of their life. My dad found his. I have not. Though I do find some passion in netball.
Alright, i got to go .. . Take care people.

hello bloggie . . . I am very exhausted and dead-beat after training today. Basically, my day today was everything about training. Training began. Ms Teoh arrived and we expected the things as usual. However, today we had quite alot of stamina training compared to the previous trainings. Firstly, I don't know whether to count myself as unlucky or simply lucky. Ms Teoh volunteered to help me do ballwork because we had to do it in pairs. I had a 'ball of a time'. I had to keep up with her and it was very tiring for me. However, I think that keeping up with her standard will be beneficial for me because I am pushed to my limits to a greater level? hahas. Yupp . . . We had several ball games and something happened that left an impression on me. I don't think I should comment on it. I feel that Ms Lim is still very concerned about us and I love her. I mean that she is still our 'mother', of course she is still concerned about us. I am beginning to feel Ms Teoh's concern for me to excel in netball, she wants to push me to my limits and I nearly 'died'. My eyes feel like they are burning right now maybe because I have wore my contact lens for a long period of time. My leg muscles are also beginning to ache a little. Alright . . . got to go . .. See Ya!

I am having a difficult week ahead . . . I have not been in the best of the moods lately hence don't provoke me okie. Hahas, I'm the peace-loving kind . . . heh heh. I am listening to a song right now and as I'm listening to it, I am reminiscing how he used to sing to me over the phone. However, it's now over. I don't know whether I should be glad or upset, I really don't know. I am clueless. It's hurting me now. I thought it was just a simple friendship but it turned out this way. I keep asking myself how it turned out this way. I need someone to hug me right now . . . Mabel's the right choice, she's always giving me hugs. I love her man. -.- III I will get over that idiot. I am determined! I am so sad . . . I really wished that later I go to sleep and wake up tomorrow without a single distraction and thought about him. I wished I could forget this whole incident. However, I think it's going to remain forever in my conscience as long as the river. I am really upset this time. I will stay positive! Sometimes, it's so difficult to stay positive when things are really down the drain. Well . . . I'm only a teenager, there's much more challenges and obstacles out there waiting for me to overcome them. Alright, I have got to go. See Ya!

Today I made a discovery about someone. He wasn't what I had always thought he was, he was a hypocrite in disguise. At least that's how I feel he is right now. I hear gossips about him having 'attitude' problem and . . . Drats it, I never knew he was such a person. Though I know gossips aren't to be trusted, I am beginning to believe them. I have been faced with many problems that are what teenages go through in their growing years. Those are very common. Crap! My muddle-headed dad lost the receipt to redeem my phone at the repair shop tomorrow. Drats! I miss my mobile phone badly man . . .
I have been having problems with my best girl-friend(friend), Mabel. I don't understand why she gives me the cold shoulder on certain occasion when I feel I have done nothing that is much of a concern. Well, maybe that 'nothing much of a concern' is a real concern to her. I feel helpless and clueless when she does that to me. "Do you understand how I feel? Please don't do that to me. I will try to be nicer to you in future, okie?" When Mei Xuan and I gets into this situation, Mei xuan will question me on what is wrong and what I have done to you. I am clueless. Is anything affecting you? Let me know.
Yesterday was the first day I experienced life without Ms Lim around. Today had an impact on me because we had morning run in the morning and I used to watch Ms Lim encouraging the taf students to jog. However, she was no longer there . . . I felt that I have lost a guardian angel but I had to let her go. I can still picture her doing her duties. I lost a very good coach.
As I said, many things have happened and I'm trying to take things step by step. I find things go much easier on me this way. I'm trying breeze through this phase of my life and at the same time, trying to learn something out of it.
Got to go . . . See ya!

dear bloggie . . . I'm so sad today, I didn't know that even speaking can cause my friendship with someone. I known this friend because he was a joker in the class and we went out together once, I find that he was a nice guy. He called me frequently at night and we chatted for long hours. Seriously, I don't know what went wrong. I could say I was jealous because he paid more attention to her. I don't understand it . . . What I have to say is . . . he should not have told me what he had to say over the phone that day. He shouldn't have. I think I'm falling for him. I mean how can this be? He isn't my type of guy, how can this be? I don't understand why I could be falling for him. Why? He touched me with his words, well . . . what I can is that this is the end of our friendship. I find it such a waste, he's the first guy I have ever been close to. It's never going to be the same again. I hope this is not going to affect me though I know it will. Thank god I have just got to know him. It won't hurt so much to forget these little memories. I will forget them. I'm going to stay focused alright. It's so troublesome to be in a relationship and it's commitment. I got a taste of it. -.-III hahas. Bye!

dearrie blog . . . Yesterday was a very memorable day for me. Ms Lim was leaving yesterday. The team baked her cakes and cookies and we ordered pizzas for her farewell party. However, the farewell party was a short one because she left for a photo shoot shortly. After we cleared up the area, we went down and prepared for training. We had circuit training. I was made the leader and we began training as usual. My group was the slowest of all, maybe because I am not suited to become a good leader. I am trying to be a good leader to lead people, however I am always not confident enough.
Yesterday I specially wrote a letter to Ms Lim. Inside, I wrote about how she said I had developed from a eenie-minnie Sec. 1 to this person, me. I can really say that I am much confident in things I do compared to the person I am 2 and a half years back. Well, maybe you will say that people change, furthermore a growing teenager like me. However, without Ms Lim's guidance and the Team's support & encouragement, I might never change that stupid attitude of mine which is that I worry at almost every single little thing and me being very selfish. I also get jealous and impatient easily, I'm sure Ms Lim knows that. I am rather glad that I have changed a little and I'm still trying. I'm also glad that I had made used of this 2 and a half years to learn as many values as I can. I'm sure these things go a long way to help me in the future.
Alright, got to go! Bye!

hello bloggie . . . I did lots housework today. I washed the hamsters' cage and clean my toilet. I have instantly being turned into a maid. Hahas. Basically, I did nothing plentiful today. Nothing fruitful done. Well, the only thing I did that is considered at least the bit exciting was going out for dinner with Amanda and co. Tomorrow I will be heading to the movies with Bai lin and my kor to watch 'The maid'. Hahas. Alright, See Ya!

bloggie . . . I'm so exhausted and tired-out. I went to work today from 10 am till 5 pm. I was rather frustrated when Bernice and I arrived at the carnival at Marina South and we can't seem to find the stall we're supposed to report to. We went round in circles. Untill finally, I realized we missed an area and we went there and managed to found the stall. At first, the stall-keepers seem very strict and stern, I was quite pressurized. However things went smoothly. We began arranging the brochures and sheets together and we began giving them out. It was quite boring to stand around to give brochures out at first, slowly I interacted with the people around after finishing the first 2 hours of work from 10 till 12 noon. It was after my lunch that I felt energised and powered. We had nasi lemak for lunch provided by our boss. While giving out brochures, a black car came and I realized that the DJs, Flying Dutchman and Glenn Ong were in it. Hahas . . . We spent an amount of time slacking too . . . We were approached to have a talk with the insurance company AIA, they wanted my particulars and I gave a fake one. hahas. I had a ball of a time today while working. It was so fun. Hahas . . . Alright, I'm tired . . . going to rest now

hello bloggie . . . I had a social studies test today, it was rather stressful for me. I have not been having fun the past few days, I had lots of programs to atend to. I'm a busy person. Hahas. It seem like I am having tests every single week. I guess I have adapted to it. I have learnt to take things step by step slowly, by doing this, I won't experience so much pressure and stress on myself. Wahahas, I will be having 3 days of holidays because of the National Day celebrations. In fact, I think it amount to 5 days of holidays! It's so nice when it's National Day. I am currently learning to get confident in things I do. I am constantly learning values occasionally. Yesterday I had to attend a so-called briefing at Admiralty primary school. Debbie and I were selected to attend it. We did not have a clue of what we were going to do there untill we arrived there and the teacher-in-charge told us that we were going to be student leaders in charge of the primary school students. We were totally clueless. Thus when she told the both of us that we had to become student leaders instantly, I had to adapt. Anyway, the so-called course was to groom us into student leaders with leading abilities. Hahas. I made two friends who were from serangoon and monfort secondary. Cool. Alright, got to go . . . Switched to 'normal' mode already - char

bloggie . . . it's so boring today . . . As I said, I have not been reading books so I have decided to head to the library later. Yesterday I played with the Cedar juniors and hurt myself. One of them rammed into me and I hurt my knee cap and now it's bruised. Everytime I attend one of this sessions, I tend to injure myself. Anyway, it's minor. Yesterday on my way home from Kallang in the bus, I sat by the window and thoughts kept flowing through my mind. I thought of how the day 12 August would be like. I can picture everyone of us weeping and how the scenario is going to be pathetic. As I said in my previous entry that I have been losing my appetite, it hasn't got any better . I am not in the mood to strengthen my relationship with my kor lately so if he messages me, I have got nothing much to reply him. I'm so pathetic . . . I used up the 18 dollars my dad topped up for me in my sim card in just 2 weeks. Now I will have to top it up by myself. Darn it . . . I think I will suggest to my dad that I should change to a line so that he can save more and myself. This is infuriating man . . . Everytime when I want to make a call, I have to think carefully before I attempt. That's because M1's pre-paid card rates are so high. I dislike it. No offence. Hahas. Alright, got to go.

hello bloggie . . . Today was a fast and furious day, reason speaking because time passed really fast today. I got up this morning feeling . . . you know . . . how everyone feels from the lack of sleep. I had to trim my hair in the late morning, erm . . . my mom's order. Hahas. I went back to sleep after waking up to find nothing on my breakfast table. At around 10 am, my parents came home from the market with my breakfast! After having my breakfast which include just a chocolate waffle. I realized that recently I have been losing my appetite like I'm going to fall sick or something. I'm so sleepy, I am going to take a rest now. Good bye . . .

hello bloggie . . . I had training today . . . We did benches and then some drills and began the court game. I kinda dislike doing benches because it causes my thigh muscles to ache really badly the next morning. Futhermore, I have not been training hard on my thigh muscles hence the benches were tough. I had a really fun time during the court game. When Ms Lim said that it was going to be that last goal, I felt that I really had to treasure that last goal because I enjoyed the game thoroughly. I got the rebound 3 times and the shooter tried score a goal but they failed all 3. I gave them so many chances yet . . . sigh . . . Hahas. Anyway, the last shot was put in by Ms Lim. I'm so beat-out and tired. I want to sleep soon . . . Good night

hello bloggie . . . I finally cease to heave a sigh. I had 2 test today, Geography and Chemistry. I had not talked to mario the past 2 days because I was mad at him. Today after school, I headed to compass point to get some important stuff that Siew hong and the team wanted. I went there with Amanda, Jasmine, Amelia and er . . . Wendy. Erm, I have to brush up on my english vocabulary, haven't been able to squeeze in time to read a book. My english standard have deproved. Sigh . . . My close friends keep tell me to keep my distance away from him yet my inner-self is trying to ignore the advice. Why am I so incapable when there's a time to be strong? Life is such a strenuous process. Imagine ourselves trying so hard to counter every obstacles that come in our way yet we die at the end of the road. I'm trying to be positive here and yet trying to act negative. It's tough. I'm so tired and beat. Perhaps because I'm so tired, that's why I'm so negative. Yep . . . Going off . . . Bye!

bloggie . . . I have finally cleared those stupid confusion between Mario and me. It has been bothering me for the past few days or even weeks. I don't want to describe what happened between him and me. I told him to leave me alone and I will leave him alone too . . . He's so indecisive. Anyway, I have a feeling he is using me as a substitute for Geraldine after he had broken up with her. I hate such guys. Furthermore, he has got a bad character and I find that I cannot really communicate with him. I am a totally opposite side of him. We won't get along. I won't bother you and you don't bother me okie! It's so hard to reject him because I have umpteem crushes on him. LEAVE ME ALONE ALRIGHT?! I will find a better guy than you. Definitely much better than you! Sorry if I was too raged up. I can't stand nonsensical problems.

hello bloggie . . . I spent a heck of a time just now trying to organize my files properly. I have learnt my lesson and I'm going to take all my files to school to pit it under my desk. It's much easier for me to upload any worksheet that is given to me. Instead of searching high and low for every single piece of worksheet. I was quite fed up with Mario just now when he replied to my message. I feel that he is one kind of a guy who does not put much pride for a girl. I am still confused about my feelings and I feel like ignoring it. Who cares? I'm not focusing on relationships but my studies. I enjoy being who I am in school not being liked or not for who I am. Heh heh. Quote: Do not care how others view you no matter how badly, you prove to them who you really are. Your muscles might be tired but not your mind. You control your mind and yourself! Don't take the easy way out everytime as you don't know what you can explore and learn when you take up a new challenge.
I do not have much tests next week except geog. I need to revise for my chemistry later, need to understand the topic metals. Mrs Gan has been rushing us to hand up our TYS and pushing us to revise so I had better do it. Alright, I have to go now. See Ya!

hello bloggie . . . i'm so confused . . . Mario just smsed me earlier on and told me that he was going to break up with his girlfriend. I hope I'm not the cause of their breakup. I have a geog test next week, I had better begin studying today, i don't want to have a tough week ahead. I'm having a bad headache now . . . I chatted with Mario till 11 pm, I woke up at 9 plus this morning feeling legarthic. Alright, there's nothing much to write about anyway. I will update you later in the night. ciao

hello bloggie . . . I just did my crunches and sit-ups again after 2 weeks. I'm so lazy nowadays. I need to get more disciplined. Things aren't going to get any better once Ms Lim has left us. I'm so going to miss her . . . and her yellings. I need more self-control and self-discipline! I went to compass point earlier on to get Chew Ling a birthday present. I was set on getting her that particular present. Anyway, I felt that it was a nice present and I also spent a bomb on it. If you want to know what I bought for her, go and ask her on monday. Alright, i've got to go now. see ya!

hello bloggie . . . I didn't had a pleasant night hence i'm still feeling lethargic now. Yesterday I chatted with Mario again. There was many quiet moments in between and I mean many. Hahas. Anyway, I just went with the flow of chatting. He played his guitar several times and it was nice. I am in shit man . . . My mom knows about me calling Mario though he does call me too. Anyway, I have a feeling this will not work out between me and him. Reason speaking, because he's so shy in school and it's almost like we have nothing much to chat about. Hahas. Yesterday night over the phone, I told Mario that I was pretty close to Bai lin in my class and I took a pic. with him and Mario sounded jealous or taken aback? hahas. By the way, it's Chew Ling's birthday today! Happy Birthday Chew Ling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay Cute always! hahas. Alright, See Ya!

bloggie . . . the past week has been very hectic for me. I finally get to relax and play to my heart's content today at the 'I love punggol' carnival. Let me briefly describe the happenings today.
Well . . . I had an A maths test after recess. After that, I was looking forward to a whole lot of fun in the afternoon. The bell went off. Mabel and I rushed down to the canteen. Large crowds were gathering there. Hahas. I met Chew Ling while window-looking at the stuff that they were selling. I met Bai lin and Ming feng near the girls' toilet. Ming feng asked me whether i wanted to take neo-print with anyone. I did not know how did they decided but in the end, Bai Lin wanted to take a picture with me. Hahas, he was shy so he asked Brendon to get in the picture too. The picture came out fine. Bai lin thought he looked ugly. Hahas. Mabel went round with her 'Cannon' digitla camera and took many pictures. I asked her to take one of Mario. Then Mario came to tell me that he dedicated one song that was currently on playing. He talked to me! -.- Hahas. Anyone, I went to the place outside the hall where the glass doors are, and I played volleyball with Amanda and co. So fun! heh heh . . . Overall, I had a super fun day at school today.

bloggie . . . many things have happened lately, and I'm really upset that these things would happen to me. Ms Lim will not be teaching in the school from 12 August onwards. She broke the news to us yesterday during training. At first, Amanda began crying and when everyone heard her woes, we cried too. I hadn't drop much tears during training. However, after intensive study the night before and I decided to turn in, I stared into the ceiling and began wondering and pondering how life would be like without Ms Lim watching over me. Tears began streaming down my face and I tried to stop it but my emotions were taking over. My heart seem like it was shedding because I was about to lose a loved one(in a sense). I began recalling what Ms Lim had done for me in the past 2 years. There was too much and too precious to recall. She taught me so many values in life that it has changed my life 180 degrees round. It helped me to want to excel in things I do. I feel like weeping right now at this moment as I'm writing out my thoughts and feelings. She was the first female teacher and coach whom has treated me with love and scoldings. It's so difficult to type out my feelings right now . . . I feel the hurt as every single of these words get typed out. I don't want to recall anymore . . . sorry. This is dedicated to Ms Lim :
Ms Lim, I just want to let you know that you're the one and only teacher and 'mother' whom I will ever respect foremost. I love you and the team so much.
Alright, I will change the subject . . . I am very confused about an issue in my life. I don't know what to do . . . I'm sandwiched in between 2 person right now. One whom have not decided what to do. I do not want to get involved in their relationship though I don't really know what's going on. I have enough problems trying to deal with the fact that Ms Lim is leaving and I'm trying to accept the fact so just leave me alone.

Felt so loved & doted by you

Many values taken away from you

Now that you're leaving

It seem like a place in my heart

is empty . . .

Thinking of it

Tears stream down endlessly

If I could change the fact

I would atmost do it

However it is impossible . . .

I feel so helpless

I'm trying hard to resist the hurt

and beautiful memories . . .

Take Care &

I hope you will succeed in pursuing your dreams[ Ms Lim ]

hello bloggie . . . I had a scary experience yesterday at the Speech Day. The VIPs came into the AVA room to look at our stuffs. They came to my booth and my team-mates were all scared. I had to force myself to calm down and speak. I began explaining when the principal requested for me to speak chinese instead. I couldn't speak chinese and everyone knows that I speak Chinese with an English-ascent. I didn't want to risk embarrassing myself however I guessed I already did that. Anyway, before that when I just arrived at school in my Dad's car, I saw Mario walking to school with Melvin coincidentally. I saw Siti Erna in front of him and so, I waved to her. Hahas, Mario thought I was waving to him and he was so happy. Heh heh . . . Anyway, if he likes to think that way, then so be it because it makes him happy.
I spoke to him on the phone yesterday night and it was pretty scary and nervous for me. There were many pauses in between because we did not know what to chat about. it's difficult to get a conversation going especially when you're on the phone. We chatted about everything in the world . . . hahas. I found his Mom rather strict with him because the moment I called in and asked for him, she asked me who I was. I had a feeling she was spying while we were chatting on the phone too. After about an hour of chatting with him, I realized that he was a pretty easy-going guy.
I'm trying to keep our relationship as 'kor' & 'mei' . . . I have a goal in mind and I have to achieve that. I have to remain focus. Alright, See Ya!

hello bloggie . . . I didn't update my blog yesterday due to because I had to practise and revise for my A maths test. Yeah! Tomorrow is going to be so exciting because it's Speech Day! I wished I could watch the concert tomorrow but I will be stucked in the AVA room. I'm going about to describe what had happened to me today . . .
Well . . . Basically, School was moderate today as usual. Except that the fact that I had to do an Advertisement Presentation without Mabel! Anyway, I felt that everything went smoothly, I spoke clearly and loudly. Yupp . . . After school, I went to compass with Amanda & co for lunch at KFC. Once again, I enjoyed my time with them. Hahas.
Something surprising happened today. Mario came online coincidentally and I chatted with him. It's quite difficult to chat with him because he is almost speechless all the time but i'm trying because he's my 'kor'. Alright, See Ya! I'm looking forward to an exciting day tomorrow.

bloggie . . . I was so drained today. I was slazing around at school. So tired . . . I have so many upcoming tests, quite used to the frequent tests though. I am trying to think up a poem as I realized that poems could be made into songs. It's so going to be exciting this Saturday because it's Speech Day and I will be stucked in the AVA room attending to the laptop and programs there. Furthermore, Amanda and grp would be there too. However, I am wondering how should I attend to the VIP when he/she approaches my stall. Hahas. I wished the next 2 days could pass by quickly because it has been a hectic week. And I know I would be facing a much tougher week ahead because of the upcoming tests. I keep telling myself to take this slowly step by step . . . because everything seems to be passing swiftly in a blink of the eye. I am like so helpless to time. I need better time management and I need to sort things out. Alright, there is nothing much to update today. See Ya!

hello bloggie . . . today I had training. It was sort-of a stamina training again. Well, I do not totally dread stamina training because it has its advantages. I am so tired once again . . . I feel drained of energy, maybe because I am not taking in enough carbohydates. I feel sad again . . . wondering why life is as such . . . I am so tired however I enjoyed training. I feel like breaking down once again . . . Think on the positive side. I am so tired, tired, tired . . . I want to sleep till I desire. Netball was rather fun today however I nearly sprained my ankle because one of my juniors tripped over my ankle. Thank god I didn't. The last game was super exciting however due to my lousy umpiring, I slowed down the game. Ms Lim and Ms Teoh played and worked together as GD and GK in the last game. Exciting game yeah? Hahas. Then, tooty Chew Ling kept disturbing me today . . . eg. she kept poking me. Hahas. I realized that everytime I see Chew Ling and Bernice and hear their laughter, it just brightened up my day . . . Hahas. Alright . . . See Ya!

bloggie . . . I am not feeling good today . . . feeling a little ill . . . I have a stomachache. Anyway, basically my whole day was spent doing A maths, maths . . . maths . . . However the feeling of completing my assignment which consisted of 10 long questions was fulfilling. My abs are aching now because I did 100 sit-ups and 50 crunches last night? I added another 1 min of crunches because I felt that I really needed to tone my abs well. I was afraid that they might turn into fats which was not desirable. I'm chewing on aloe vera bits now . . . so crunchy and juicy . . . nice . . . hahas. Hmm . . . Didn't get to talk to Chew Ling and company today . . . hahas. I was pretty fed up with Mabel today becauseI just found out that the gathering last saturday which I went was a Christian gathering. She obviously didn't spared a thought for me . . . I was not suppose to attend anything related to Christianity . . . I am a Buddhist. It's obvious that Mabel is trying to convert me into a Christian. And . . . I will not oblige to it! Stop bothering me to attend your church, Mabel. I will not convert my religion. Alright . . . I will be having netball training tomorrow, I had better get more rest tonight. Bye!

bloggie . . . this weekend had not let me down . . . I enjoyed myself entirely this full 2 days. Well, I had written down yesterday's event in the previous blog already so if you want to know what happened, read the previous entry.
Basically, I had to rush through my homework today because I have to hand them up tomorrow. Especially my Chemistry Ten Yr Series. Alright, I went to compass with debbie today to try to finish up the TYS. Coincidentally, Amanda and Chew Ling wanted to tag along so I obliged. Hahas. Actually, I wanted them along too. Yupp . . . We had burger king. After eating and laughing, I began doing my homework. What the heck . . . I couldn't fully focus on the TYS because Chew ling was there and I kept wanting to laugh and fool around. Hahas. We chatted and meanwhile I did my work. So fun and funny. Afterwards around 3 plus, I decided we should go and walk around because 'Psss . . .' I wanted to see what kind of stuff Chew Ling adores so that I could get her a birthday present. Hahas. However, it seemed to me she dosen't adore anything except stupid stuff . . . hahas.
Anyway, I found out that Ms Lim reads my blog occasionally and this scares me because I cannot write stuff that are too personal here. Er . . . Ms Lim, please don't read my blog anymore . . . And I want this blog to remain personal because I write my personal thoughts and feelings here so it's private. Though I had written my web address on my msn before. Alright . . . Have to leave now . . . See Ya!

bloggie . . . I went for a swim at Yio Chu Kang today. I did lots of stupid lame stuff in the water, so fun. Hahas. I felt that I behaved like a kid once again today. I enjoy the feeling of eating simple with my family at a hawker centre and then we head back to our home sweet home after a long day. I really miss those days when we lived simple. Though we still live simple today. My eyes are sore now due to the chlorine in the pool. It hurts.
This morning around 11 am, I left home for Mabel's house. I was the first to arrive and I waited there for about 20 minutes. Meanwhile, I smsed Chew Ling. Soon, time passed and Joseph and group arrived. I find chatting with Chew ling enjoyable and fun, hahas. Mabel also soon came. We headed to Mabel's 'landed property' house in her family car. Phew . . . The moment we entered the house through the main door, everyone in the house stared at us. It was quite frightening for us because I do not know quite a number of these people in the house whom were Mabel's relatives and church friends. Anyway, I got to know 'Ethel' who seem like a pretty nice girl. I had spagetti for lunch which was rather sumptuous. Next, the show began . . . It was a show about Christ and stuff . . . however, it was an interesting show though. Hahas, I nearly slept while watching it because I didn't had adequate sleep the night before. Ouch . . . my thigh muscles hurt alot today, walking was quite a problem for me. Heh heh . . . We headed to heartland mall at around 3.15 pm. Mabel decided to take some neo-prints. I went ahead with it, besides I had no choice, she was so chou lou. I realized that the shoot was a very quiet one because I guessed everyone was mature. So different from the one I took with Chew Ling and group, I kept laughing and screaming hystrically, like I was nuts or something. I headed home soon after that. We went swimming after that. That's all! See Ya!

hello bloggie . . . I had not a really nice night sleeping . . . I woke up at 7 plus this morning and I felt that my eyes seem swollen. I suddenly felt that I detested father because he is always siding with my little sister no matter what. This morning he saw my sister wrote on a board that 'Charlene sucked like hell' twice and he told me that I was a bad sister. He is an idiot man . . . He should be scolding her instead of me because my little sister is writing such stuff about me and he is siding with her. Though I tend to quarrel with my little sister frequently. Alright, later I will be heading to Mabel's house to watch some stupid show. I am so sleepy now . . .

hello bloggie . . . Today was a strenuous day for me . . . I had the very first training after my camp. Furthermore, the focus for today's training was stamina. We did lots of sprinting and launches . . .My thigh muscles ache quite badly right now. Well . . . today after training, I asked my friends how they thought of Mario . . . my kor . . . they thought he was not really good-looking. I had always thought Mario was good-looking . . . however I realized that I have never been close to him and take a good look of him, hence I don't really know how he looked. The thing that attacts me to him is his hair.
Anyway, I realized that I am one girl who goes for the looks of guys. That is a bad habit. I am beginning to ignore any guys character. So beat . . . haven't been improving my english by reading . . . going to do so later . . . and add more words to my vocabulary. Hahas.

bloggie . . . these few days have been exciting for me . . . However, I have nothing much to write now because I'm having a slight headache. Anyway, yesterday night Kor smsed me and told me he broke up with his girlfriend. Poor thing . . . I think his girlfriend must be heartbroken. And that is inevitable. I asked him what happened and he said he would tell me about it tomorrow which is today. He added that he felt shy to come and approach me, so funny. However, today during recess, he didn't dared to come and approach me because I guessed there are alot of people in class and there are rumours going about us.
I will focusing on my goal and not at guys. It's diffiuclt but I'll do it. Hahas. Anyway, there will be a conference later with Amanda and friends. I was pretty upset today because Mabel suspected that I was a lesbian . . . half-half . . . she said that I liked both guys and girls. It all began because I kept saying I wanted to go and see Chew Ling and Bernice frequently. I don't understand why that makes her think I am a lesbian. -.- Anyway, I proclaim and announce that I'm straight! Okie, got to go . . . see ya!

dear bloggie . . . I have an A maths test coming up next week, very pressurizing. It's my first test in this new term, and I ought to do well for a good start. Feelings for him just keep coming and going as fast as the wind. I am trying really hard to control them but I keep thinking of him. Why am I behaving like a kid who has lost her sense of consciousness? Wake up! This is the real world! hahas. I have to be mature in my thinking . . .

Feelings for him are fading away soon . . .

dear bloggie . . . I'm in deep shit man . . . I have yet to get wendy a suitable present. I think I will get her chocolates at the nearest mart. Or maybe I will give her a belated present. Today, Mario performed on stage . . . so cool . . . smittened by him. Hahas. Look! My kor is playing the guitar there . . . so stylo milo man . . . hahas. I realized something recently . . I treat Mario as my kor only. Though some things cannot be totally controlled by me, I am trying hard to control them. See Ya!

bloggie . . . I went to compass with chew liing and stupid bernice today to look for a sutable present for idiot wendy who didn't reply to my msg again. She's irritating me . . . what she thinks I am... I am an ordinary girl with ordinary desires, not what chew liing and bernice thinks . . . I am here trying to forget my ugly memories and wendy is reminding me of my past . . . To Wendy and fellow cockroaches: I am not what you think okie! Go on and think whatever you want, I don't give a damn . . . This is shit man . . . Don't think of me this way . . . I will prove you wrong!
Alright . . . change the topic . . . I have to rush up all the homework that are yet to be done. Well . . . Mario will be performing on stage tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I think I will get wendy a cockroach and put it in a box, this will scare her out of her wits . . . hahas. OKie, bye!

oh . . . bloggie . . . I didn't accomplished anything today. Well, maybe I cleaned my house. Bloggie, I am so afraid to like this one guy whom I have liked since I was Sec. 1. He is quite popular with girls because of his stylish hair. He is also very tall. He has hurt my feelings many times although he doesen't even knows. I spent a ton of a time forgetting him and now he is once again coming back to my life after about 3 months later? I wished I would forget him and he would disappear out of my life . . . though if I don't see him, my heart shreds into pieces. He is the guy whom I have ever liked so much and he would never had known. I would make it impossible between us because he is impossible. He has different attitude and values from me . . . it's impossible.

My heart is healing

why bother to come back and hurt me once again

though if you're gone

my heart would be in shreds

leave me alone please . . .

why . . . why . . . why . . . leave me alone . . . My heart is fading for you . . .

bloggie . . . I went to m'sia today to visit my aunt who is suffering from cancer and she will not be living on this world for long. I guess this will be the last time I will be seeing her. So saddening. I arrived at the hospital in Johore and the hospital was very low-standard. It seem like it was in ruins. Everywhere seem very unhygiene and gloomy. It did not seem like a place for my aunt to rest. Guess you can't expect much from a free-paid hospital. It was a pathetic place to recuperate. The moment we arrived at the ward my aunt was lying at, she saw us and everyone were like staring at each other. I can sense that my aunt was going to break out in tears. I felt really sad at that moment. I felt that life was really precious when you see someone whom you knew going off quite soon. It's a sorrow. It's a painful process to see someone slowly dying from cancer and you know that person. I cannot imagine if that person is much closer to me, I would have wished I can undertake the pain the person is suffering.
Anyway, I bought a new handphone casing for my Nokia 3220. It's stylo milo now. I love my phone now! hahas. Okie, See Ya!

hello bloggie... just woke up and freshen up... I spent last night writing my private diary. I was feeling so empty last night... I had even wrote a 'so-called' poem on how I was feeling... here goes...
Emptiness fills my heart
Empty so hollow with echoes
nothing lingers there except . . .
darkness & peace
I was feeling so empty last night that I had wrote out a poem... I still feel lethargic after a night's sleep. At camp, I miss my Sec. 2 friends too. Especially Chew Ling and Bernice... hahas. I thought I wasn't going to miss them because they were rather irritating . . . however, I miss their laughter . . . Okie.. See Ya!

bloggie... I just got back from Bahtera camp... 3 days 2 nights... I'm beat... I am going to describe the whole experience at camp. The first night at camp was very memorable... The instructors came and shouted us to turn in at 12.15 am. I tucked myself into the sleeping bag and hid my head under the cover. I suddenly felt so sad because I missed my family and mother badly... I laid under the covers and tears began streaming down my eyes. I felt terrible and I just kept crying... I couldn't really slept and woke up again at 1 am plus. I woke up at 5.30 am plus the next morning. I felt that i really wanted to talk to my Mom... I called her and we exchanged concern. After that, I went to prepare myself for the long day ahead. On the second day at camp, we had Nasi Lemak in the morning and we began our activities. We headed to CRC2 where we had to do high, scary activities. I did the log thingy where we had to walk across the log empty-handed trying to balance. I thought it was going to be very simple untill I got up there. It was terrifying, I was so scared that I was stunned to move. I walked very slowly to the next end and got down. In the afternoon, we had kayaking! We headed out to sea and it was quite fun... got alot of kelongs(houses in the sea). My kayak kept drifting away from the rest... We had campfire at night. My group had to perform, we did a sexy dance called "7 steps to take a shower" ... damn funny man... hahas. 3rd day at camp, we had our breakfast and prepared to head back to school. In fact, I don't know why... I miss my instructor now... she's damn hilarious. She is Wati.. hahas.. I describe her appearance... she has short spiky hair, she is short and have slightly large eyes... hahas.. Okie... got to go.. See Ya!